To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

Oh my word, that is awful. I can't believe anyone could be so shallow and crass as to choose a dress worn for one day over a long-standing friendship.

The wedding is a year away, eh? Can't help wondering whether at least one of the chosen bridesmaids will have become seriously upduffed by then. Nothing like a pregnant bump for ruining the look of a bridesmaid's dress, is there?

Jesus Christ. This way worse then I was expecting from the title. She's not even subtle and notice how at the end she tries to make it sound like she actually cares with a fucking heart emoji. She didn't even give you the chance to say yes or no. I wouldn't go to the wedding at all. And also, "Team Bride" urgh. It's the worst when average people think they are celebs on a reality sho. Cringe.

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

BTW OP, this thread will end up on national news. I'd bet my bottom dollar on it. Have a think about if you want it taking down before it does

For sure.

Anyone else visualising the “friends” in Muriels Wedding?

Wow what a twat (her not you OP)

I agree with the general responses, but just wanted to say how sorry I am that you have been made to feel so hurt.

It really does say more about her than you, and I really hope one day you will look back and see that.

In the meantime

Er, you did! 😂

You started by saying 'I think I'd respond along the lines of' and then gave a convoluted explanation.

I quoted that & said definitely not

So I don't get what you are saying?

She isnt willing to compromise on the dresses, but she is willing to shit all over a longstanding friendship because the dresses come first and you might not suit the dress?

What an absolute fucking twunt.

Whatever happened to bridesmaids being your closest friends who the bride wants to help her plan and join in the celebrations?

I get what you're saying about it being a while away and you would still have had time to lose weight but in my opinion even if the wedding was next month that's still unacceptable. Excluding someone because they don't match a dress, when clothes are one of the easiest things to change.

I wouldn't be able to get over this. Hurt feelings aside I'm just not sure I'd want to hang out with someone this shallow

@EarringsandLipstick

Er, you did! 😂

You started by saying 'I think I'd respond along the lines of' and then gave a convoluted explanation.

I quoted that & said definitely not

So I don't get what you are saying?

This was to @KidneyBeans post no one has said she should send this

Her message made me cringe as well. All about how she is really trying to save you from your own feelings. If you're going to be that much of a bitch at least own it and admit you want matching bridesmaids for the pictures.

What a truly shocking thing to say to someone - I’m gobsmacked. I’d like to hope her Team Bride find out what she’s done and walk away.

Seriously though, what would her future DH or her own family think of her treating a friend like that? My own parents would go mad at me, even as an adult, for treating another person this way. I’d be wondering where I went wrong if my adult child did this.

@EarringsandLipstick

Er, you did! 😂

You started by saying 'I think I'd respond along the lines of' and then gave a convoluted explanation.

I quoted that & said definitely not

So I don't get what you are saying?

You don't understand the difference between me sharing what I would send (which is what I did) and me instructing the OP to send my message (which is what you think I did)?

Can't help you then I'm afraid, except to point out the obvious which is that a post sharing an opinion is not the same as an instruction to the OP

Sometimes people show you who they really are, you need to pay attention to that and act accordingly, don’t give her the chance to hurt you again.

I couldn’t be friends with her any more, especially as she is trying to portray herself as being caring and sensitive.

I can only imagine how hurtful it was to find out on Facebook about team bride.

That would be the worst bit for me. So insensitive and not what a friend should do.
Who fucking does that.😡

She’s a bitch

Well OP she sounds like she will be a full-on bridezilla, so at least you're avoiding that. All the best to you.

She is a stone cold bitch.

What sort of person chooses her bridesmaids to go with the dress, rather than the other way around?

@Winkywonkydonkey

I would send a frenemy message like "your team bride look great, I'm surprised you're not worried about all those model-types stealing the show!"

Excellent response.

You don't understand the difference between me sharing what I would send (which is what I did) and me instructing the OP to send my message (which is what you think I did)?

Can't help you then I'm afraid, except to point out the obvious which is that a post sharing an opinion is not the same as an instruction to the OP

Oh what a stupid post, honestly 🙄

If someone (you) writes: 'I think I'd respond along the lines of...' on a thread discussing a situation an OP has posted about, it's pretty much implied that that's your suggestion for the OP's response.

I mean you didn't get the text, you're not responding, so of course if you write that, it's for the OP. Nobody cares what you'd do in your hypothetical situation.

I simply said 'don't send that, wagon doesn't deserve a reasoned explanation'

And you've gone all around the houses to object to that 🤦🏻‍♀️

Don't reply. Lose the weight and turn up looking drop dead gorgeous!

She is not a friend. What a bitch.

Lose the weight and turn up at her wedding wearing a stunning dress to show off your fabulous figure.

She's a bitch.

Don't respond !!

Sorry but that is utter madness

She is a cow

You are lucky not to have to pander to this idiot as part of team fcking bride
Duck off

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

She sounds like she’s genuinely trying to put your feelings first.

I’d also feel uncomfortable in certain clothes and it would make me self concious.

I think she’s trying to be a good friend.

Hmm. The dress is more important than the friend though? Also OP could be bridesmaid and wear something else or she could be witness and wear a suit of whatever. It's not really OP's feelings she's concerned about is it?

Christ, what a superficial, awful, awful person. The style of her wedding is more important than the people she will be celebrating with! You’re well out of being part of ‘team bride’.