To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

Reply by saying "You're right about the bridesmaids dress, I wouldn't feel happy wearing it but not for the reason you think, I actually think it's hideous"😂

Indeed frangipani

Although it would be awfully tempting to show brides up for what she is.

Still, it isn’t me and OP will know what she can cope with.

Possibly one of the worst things I have read on here. You must be so hurt. I would cut contact and not go to the wedding. This is not friendship, I would die for my friends!

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

BTW OP, this thread will end up on national news. I'd bet my bottom dollar on it. Have a think about if you want it taking down before it does

Yes this has Daily Mail all over it OP.

Ah Wowzer! I’d be thinking revenge body and seriously up staging the bride at her wedding “being my happy self”

@mowwiththebow

That is Bridezilla brutality! Picking the dresses then choosing the bridesmaids to suit them?!

I agree that I wouldn't dignify it with a reply.

Actually that might be a good one liner reply

"You picked the dress and then picked bridesmaids who would suit the dress?"

She is being very self absorbed and not thinking of your feelings. My bridesmaids picked a style of dress they were comfortable and happy in. I would have initially preferred a different dress but was happy to go with the dresses they liked. I couldn't remember what sizes we ordered.
She doesn't seem willing to compromise on the style of dress she wants.
If you would be happy to wear this style, then tell her you that this type of dress is fine for you and you would still like to he a bridesmaid as previously planned.
Dont let her try to make like she is doing you a favour by not having your as a bridesmaid. If she really is thinking of you, she should be happy to hear you would have no problem in that style of dress.
Once you are comfortable in the dress and it fits you well, it will look lovely on you, whatever size it is. The size you are now is because you have had a child and you are living a normal life.

@EarringsandLipstick
No one has said that she should send that

I'm sorry but anyone who chooses a bridesmaid because they look good in a dress over friendship needs to take a long hard look at themselves

She is a TERRIBLE person

Wherearemymarbles

Ok, here’s the plan. Loose 4 stone,
Arrive at her wedding in the most figure hugging sexy dress you can lay your hands on….
Sort of Sandy style…

You forgot that it needs to be white

No, OP. Be neither pleased nor grateful. Be absolutely raging.

You should accept the invitation, on the RSVP tell her you've gone gluten free vegan paleo.

And that you can't possibly sit next to X or Y.

Then come down with a mystery illness on the day.

Do you really want this person as a 'friend'? I'd reply 'I may be (in your eyes) too fat for your wedding photos, but at least I not a morally vacuous shitbag'. Then put her message on FB and say 'Who needs friends eh?'

Awful behaviour on her part.

Holy fuck! Get rid. Shize life's too short to take that crap. Bridezilla.

What a despicable thing to say to an old friend (or any friend of course). She has shown you who she is and what she values - walk away from this friendship with your head held high. And keep a screenshot of that text should you ever feel the need to explain yourself to others.

What a total bitch - I’d like to hope Karma finds her at some point but I’m not sure I believe in it anymore.

I wouldn’t turn up in a white dress, I’d turn up in the bridesmaid dress but in a different colour...

we are the alpha's and you're just a beta so keep out of the photos

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

She sounds like she’s genuinely trying to put your feelings first.

I’d also feel uncomfortable in certain clothes and it would make me self concious.

I think she’s trying to be a good friend.

Are you joking?

She's not even given her the option! Also, what kind of friend priorities a STYLE OF DRESS over having their good friend as a bridesmaid?

She sounds awful.

What a nasty , superficial person she sounds. If she was a true friend, knowing that you are conscious of your weight at the moment, she would have made it clear to you that she wanted YOU as a bridesmaid, not a cardboard cutout clothes horse. I cannot imagine being so cold that I would place a higher value on a dress than I would on the person who is wearing it. My reply would be something like:
I didn't t think I could feel worse than I already do about how I look at the moment. You have proved me wrong, so thanks for that.
I would not attend the wedding.

OP it is really easy for us to give advice as it is not our friendship and we are all at different levels of being assertive. I am now quite old (and fat) and I have got to a stage of not caring about certain things. I would just message 'sorry I am too fat for your wedding photo's' and leave her to squirm. However you need to remain assertive in this message, leave it hanging and not end up apologising in that weird british way

Fucking hell?!

If she's that worried about your feelings she'd choose a different dress obviously- how bizarre that she thinks she'll get away with that.

Drop her and run.

You don’t choose the bridesmaids to fit the dress, you choose the dresses that are right for the bridesmaids!

I’m sorry but this is already bridezilla behaviour in the extreme. You may have had a lucky escape!

She is so shallow and awful. The upside is you don't have to run yourself ragged for a woman who is a Bridezilla-to-be. She'll be a fucking nightmare!