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Original poster

Do you think the pandemic has had a negative impact on babies and their parents ?

195 replies

babiesandmummies2020 · 28/05/2021 19:02

Do you think that babies born in 2020 and especially first time parents have had a harder time of it ?

How do you think what's happened will affect babies born in 2020, if at all ?

OP posts:
Original poster
babiesandmummies2020 · 29/05/2021 06:47

@BarbarianMum

I think parents of babies have had a hard time. The babies themselves, not so much.

A harder time? Harder than whom?

Harder than if there hadn't been a pandemic.
OP posts:
Original poster
babiesandmummies2020 · 29/05/2021 06:52

@BooblePlate

The point is that those things were exacerbated by the pandemic so that more women are likely to have experienced those things than usual and more women and families are likely to experience the lasting damage. I don’t know why it is so hard to admit that lockdowns might have had an effect on women who have had babies in the lash year. Everyone seems perfectly capable of talking about the impact on others, and I have spent a lot of time thinking and talking about others’ experiences. Why with women who had babies in the last year is it “well it’s always been tough, so crack on and stop complaining”?
This is so true.

We are always talking about the negative impact the pandemic has had on literally every other group- but when it's raised that it's affected mothers / parents / babies negatively- we get shot down.

It's disgusting quite frankly.

No one should be shut down who talks about the struggle they have had. We need to stop diminishing people's trauma. That's what Leads people to feel even lonelier.

For some mums/ parents / babies, lockdown was great. They didn't need to deal with visitors, had dad potentially on furlough etc. Others really struggled. It would help to just acknowledge that. Why is that so difficult ?

OP posts:
lavenderandwisteria · 29/05/2021 06:57

Beseiged I’m honestly lost as to why you think my baby enjoying having adults chat to him is ‘taking the piss.’

I think what annoys me is when people post about an unwell baby, or say ‘this lockdown is so hard because of homeschooling my primary children / my teens mental health’ they have had support and I’ve given it, too. Yet not small babies.

To be honest my maternity leave is like a lovely holiday now. We have different classes going on, have made friends through this. Of course it’s hard sometimes and ds went through a few nights of sleeping worse than a newborn but when you’re out and about in the day that’s easier to cope with, especially when you hear the lovely words ‘my baby does that too.’

NatalieH2220 · 29/05/2021 07:11

My son was born Nov 2020 and now we're going out more I've already noticed him getting upset easily when it is noisier. He isn't particularly clingy but the noise does seem to overwhelm and upset him quickly.

MathsyUsernameGoesHere · 29/05/2021 07:22

@BooblePlate

The point is that those things were exacerbated by the pandemic so that more women are likely to have experienced those things than usual and more women and families are likely to experience the lasting damage. I don’t know why it is so hard to admit that lockdowns might have had an effect on women who have had babies in the lash year. Everyone seems perfectly capable of talking about the impact on others, and I have spent a lot of time thinking and talking about others’ experiences. Why with women who had babies in the last year is it “well it’s always been tough, so crack on and stop complaining”?
Exactly! Surely anyone who's had a baby can see why others might find having a baby difficult, for whatever reason, even if they didn't. And surely it's not a big leap to think that the pandemic will have made lots of that harder again, especially for first time parents.
blackcat86 · 29/05/2021 07:31

@Angelica789

There was the study that showed that language delays in toddlers had increased. This was believed to be because if you’re doing less there is less incidental language being used, from things like ‘put your coat on’ to ‘look at that cow’. There are fewer reasons to communicate in lockdown.

I expect this will have impacted on babies too as language learning starts before the child can actually speak.

My toddler's language is very advanced and the HV felt that the sudden word explosion could be put down to hearing me and DH talk to other adults on the phone, joining in with meetings and spending more 1-1 time with her as we had to sheild. I appreciate that not all parents are the same but I thought this was an interesting impact for my toddler
katienana · 29/05/2021 07:51

If I could pick any age child to be locked down with I'd go for under 1. They don't need or want much apart from basic needs taken care of and interaction from their primary carer. It's harder on their parents especially first timers some of whom seem to have over estimated the amount of support they would have had from health visitors and the value of baby groups. In my experience baby groups are more for toddlers. Remember that petition to extend maternity leave it would be lasting for 2.5 years the way we're going!!

FilthyforFirth · 29/05/2021 08:02

Jesus the fucking comments on this thread. It isn't a race to the bottom. If women, myself included plus countless others, have said the pandemic has affected us and our babies negatively, than that is what has bloody happened.

I dont understand this desperate need to minimalise other peoples experiences.

Says much more about you than us.

Original poster
babiesandmummies2020 · 29/05/2021 08:06

@FilthyforFirth

Jesus the fucking comments on this thread. It isn't a race to the bottom. If women, myself included plus countless others, have said the pandemic has affected us and our babies negatively, than that is what has bloody happened.

I dont understand this desperate need to minimalise other peoples experiences.

Says much more about you than us.

I think it's also because this was posted in AIBU. I think it's a really horrible part of MN and no matter what people write on it, someone always comes along trashing it all up / with trolling type comments. I think a lot of posters on AIBU are literally out to hurt others unfortunately. With their ' truths '. It's always the same. Boring !
OP posts:
lavenderandwisteria · 29/05/2021 08:06

I’ve wondered about this as well filthy

I don’t know whether it’s because sometimes (especially with a PFB) women do get a little precious with babies - I do, you worry and fuss a bit. And maybe people find that annoying and there is a kind of reaction against it.

I was really struggling with depression in January / February and I had some awful comments. It really upset me at the time.

FilthyforFirth · 29/05/2021 08:12

This is my 2nd baby but the difference between the 2 is so stark. I really feel for ftms. I at least have had 1 normal pregnancy/birth/mat leave.

Like I said up thread, I definitely think the lack of stimulation is part to blame for DS2 terrible sleep. Sorry you've both struggled too. I hope things are starting to improve for you both.

Waitwhat23 · 29/05/2021 08:18

I can say 'people who had to homeschool and work at the same time have had it hard - it must have been really difficult and very stressful'.

I can say 'it must have been really shite for people who lived by themselves and/or were shielding - it must have been lonely and isolating and in the case of those who were shielding because of certain conditions, very scary'.

I can say 'it must have been difficult and unsettling to lose your job during all this or be under the threat of it. I'm aware of how fortunate I've been to not have to go through that'.

What seems to really get up some people's noses is new mums saying 'it's been quite shit with no support and being completely isolated as well as the normal stresses of having a newborn. Having a baby, particularly as a first time mum, during a global pandemic has been difficult'.

There seems to almost be a compulsion to minimise that, for a lot of new mums, it has been a difficult time. I can't understand the lack of empathy to this group. I can empathise that it's been shit for a lot of groups without feeling that takes away from me in some way.

cocoloco987 · 29/05/2021 08:32

No more than anyone relatively. Not everyone goes to baby groups and spends loads of time i each other's homes anyway. I'd say teens who have been isolated and missed crucial schooling have probably had it worse

FilthyforFirth · 29/05/2021 08:38

Why does anyone had to have 'had it the worst' to complain? I just dont understand this mindset. We didnt say we had it worst the original question is 'has it had a negative impact'.

lavenderandwisteria · 29/05/2021 08:45

It’s certainly putting us in our place Hmm

MindyStClaire · 29/05/2021 08:45

@cocoloco987

No more than anyone relatively. Not everyone goes to baby groups and spends loads of time i each other's homes anyway. I'd say teens who have been isolated and missed crucial schooling have probably had it worse
But some people do like the social aspect of baby groups. It's a source of support and something to do. Therefore, those people have missed them.

No one is saying babies and new parents have suffered the most. No one is saying other groups haven't had tough times. OP started a thread to discuss the impact of the pandemic on babies and new parents.

cocoloco987 · 29/05/2021 09:02

No one is saying babies and new parents have suffered the most. No one is saying other groups haven't had tough times. OP started a thread to discuss the impact of the pandemic on babies and new parents.

But OP specifically asked if parents of babies, and babies have had a harder time of it, so that's what I was answering. I assume she doesn't mean a harder time than parents of the same age pre covid, as that goes without saying for everyone at every stage. If asking if parents of/and babies have had a harder time than other ages groups then no I don't think so.

lavenderandwisteria · 29/05/2021 09:11

The op said:

“ you think that babies born in 2020 and especially first time parents have had a harder time of it ?

How do you think what's happened will affect babies born in 2020, if at all ?”

Personally I would include babies born in the latter part of 2019 and the early months of 2021 in that but it seems fairly clear to me. Babies born in 2020 have had a harder time of it compared to babies born in 2015, or 16, or 17 and so on.

Of course, those babies born then will have been three/four/five year olds who will have had their own hard times. We recognise that. But we shouldn’t have to keep saying it and apologising for it.

My friend had her babies in 2016 and 2017 (born towards the beginning and the end of the year so two years ago) and I know our experiences were very different.

I also know she had a hard time with a four / five year old and two/three year old in lockdown. I know her DD1’s first year in reception was horribly disrupted.

My pregnancy, birth and subsequent maternity leave being disrupted doesn’t take that from her.

MindyStClaire · 29/05/2021 09:20

OP has clarified several times that she means harder compared to pre pandemic times.

lavenderandwisteria · 29/05/2021 09:23

To be honest, it was pretty apparent. Any misreading was fairly deliberate.

cocoloco987 · 29/05/2021 09:27

OP has clarified several times that she means harder compared to pre pandemic times.

Well of course that's the case. It's the case for everyone at every age and seems therefore a pointless question with a very obvious answer. I didn't deliberately misread I answered the question asked in the OP. Fwiw I'm not competing, as a parent of primary age dc who have been allowed to mix with their peers pretty much throughout and can catch up easily what's they've missed in school we've had far from the hardest time either.

Waitwhat23 · 29/05/2021 09:36

There's a real lack of any empathy from some posters and what seems like a real race to the bottom. 'We've had far from the hardest time either' is a real case in point. We're not saying we have had the hardest time. We're are saying we've had a hard time. Why is that so unacceptable?

cocoloco987 · 29/05/2021 09:46

My goodness I'm not trying to race anyone or be unsympathetic. If OP was asking if it's harder having a baby in a pandemic than before one then of course it is so I agree with her. I just genuinely didn't think anyone would need to ask that!

Waitwhat23 · 29/05/2021 09:48

And anyone should be able to empathise that having a newborn or small baby is a time when you need additional support, in the same way as you'd need extra support if you had an illness or were going through a traumatic event. During this pandemic, that support hasn't been available as it is normally during non-COVID times. It's obviously been a different experience with additional challenges to those who had babies during non pandemic times. Is it that what seems to be getting up people's noses? That there have been additional challenges and we are acknowledging that? It's almost like people want to say 'don't think you're so special!'.

lavenderandwisteria · 29/05/2021 10:00

That’s exactly what it is wait and it’s exhausting and upsetting having to acknowledge absolutely everybody before you dare mention trudging around a muddy cold park alone in January with a newborn was miserable Hmm