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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you think the pandemic has had a negative impact on babies and their parents ?

195 replies

babiesandmummies2020 · 28/05/2021 19:02

Do you think that babies born in 2020 and especially first time parents have had a harder time of it ?

How do you think what's happened will affect babies born in 2020, if at all ?

OP posts:
Waitwhat23 · 28/05/2021 21:25

@Coachee I'm so sorry about the loss of your baby. It seems so inhumane that women had to go to scans and face traumatic experiences by themselves and weren't allowed to have their partners there to support them.

AliasGrape · 28/05/2021 21:26

@GoldenOmber

I didn't feel the need to join multiple classes just to talk more about my baby to other women.

Which is great, good for you, I wasn't that into baby groups either, but women who had babies during lockdown missed out on a lot more than baby groups.

Exactly.

My DD only saw her grandparents through the window for months. There are no photos of her with anyone apart from us till she was 5 months old and we were allowed a bubble. She still hasn’t met many of her wider family. I had a traumatic birth with little follow up support, sat in an overcrowded understaffed postnatal ward for a week crying that my milk wouldn’t come to be told sorry but no feeding team due to Covid and midwives all too busy to help, developed crushing pnd but couldn’t let my sister come round just for a hug, had no postnatal check so an issue with my scar got missed and I’m only now getting a bladder problem stemming from the catheter used looked into ten months later.

It’s all stuff we will get over sure, and other people are worse off etc etc - but it’s more than being a bit miffed I can’t go to fucking baby yoga.

lavenderandwisteria · 28/05/2021 21:27

I’m not sure I will get over being unable to feed ds myself and I honestly don’t care how many people will say that’s ridiculous.

It mattered hugely to me and I am really sad about it.

Sh05 · 28/05/2021 21:30

My lo is 20 months now, she was 5 months old when lockdown started. She's very sociable, waves and calls out to everyone she sees so in that sense she's not been negatively effected
. She loves kissing and hugging virtually but if someone outside of the immediate family asks her for a hug irl she alot more reluctant and actually looks for the phone.

PASStheCAKEandCHOC · 28/05/2021 21:31

Yes my 2020 baby is a cling on. The others have all stayed over at GPS from very young. They've done soft okay once a week. Farm once a week and local theme park Ince a week plus parks.
Youngest only really done parks
He's not as 'forward' as the others at that age. And I know all dcs are different but it's the interaction aspect of it.
Yes we were ' rule breakers' we saw GPS inside the home And close friends. But it wasn't the same.

I took youngest to indoor soft play this week and he was in awe he was so excited

AliasGrape · 28/05/2021 21:32

@lavenderandwisteria

I’m not sure I will get over being unable to feed ds myself and I honestly don’t care how many people will say that’s ridiculous.

It mattered hugely to me and I am really sad about it.

It did me too. I still can’t really talk about it without crying though it doesn’t consume me like it did in the early months. I’m really sorry for your experience.

At least we can go to baby ballet now though hey? Confused

Sh05 · 28/05/2021 21:33

And in regards to baby groups I've found that only a very certain demographic of mum's focus on baby groups and even then mainly with first borns. Once you have multiple children it's very difficult to maintain daily/ weekly attendance to groups depending on older children's timetables/nap times/ school and nursery drop offs and pick ups.

babiesandmummies2020 · 28/05/2021 21:33

@lavenderandwisteria

I’m not sure I will get over being unable to feed ds myself and I honestly don’t care how many people will say that’s ridiculous.

It mattered hugely to me and I am really sad about it.

I'm really sad you feel like that. But I can definitely understand. I wasn't able to do it either. But it wasn't because I didn't have support. It was just because I couldn't make it work. Which I also still find sad.

There are books on this kind of trauma that may help you move past it. I'm not saying that you need to move past it, but if the sadness gets too much, it might be worth looking into books that talk about the trauma of not being able to breast feed. You could of course talk to your HV too, they may recommend help.

OP posts:
babiesandmummies2020 · 28/05/2021 21:36

@Sh05

And in regards to baby groups I've found that only a very certain demographic of mum's focus on baby groups and even then mainly with first borns. Once you have multiple children it's very difficult to maintain daily/ weekly attendance to groups depending on older children's timetables/nap times/ school and nursery drop offs and pick ups.
I don't think I would have bothered with many baby groups. I would have just liked to spend more time with other mum friends and get to know them properly whilst 'being in it together' with our babies.
OP posts:
Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 28/05/2021 21:37

[quote Waitwhat23]@Beseigedbykillersquirrels Lack of face to face HV visits, lack of weighing clinics and lack of any face to face breastfeeding support meant that my newborn had to be hospitalised due to weight loss. Should have I have 'worked it out for myself?

You've no idea.[/quote]
I've 'no idea'?
My baby was born on the 2nd centile and was hospitalised three times as they dropped to the 0.4th centile and has multiple other health issues. I'm just not sure how making new mummy friends over a coffee or taking them out on a bus to a park would have made this any better, personally. I just wanted my baby to be well.

lavenderandwisteria · 28/05/2021 21:41

I love baby groups and I don’t understand the dislike towards them on MN. I do think they benefit both mum (or dad) and baby.

lavenderandwisteria · 28/05/2021 21:43

Beseiged it wouldn’t. Because he was poorly. That must have been horrible for you.

But good health is not the only thing we should aim to provide our babies. And even that’s been impacted by the pandemic. Mine has had awful reflux and no one can help.

Marimaur · 28/05/2021 21:47

My 2.4yo toddler is very unsure and clingy to me around strangers (especially men).

BooblePlate · 28/05/2021 21:48

@misspattylacosta

We were supposed to shop alone so couldn’t even pop to the supermarket with them.

No one has ever said that you had to leave your baby home whilst going to the supermarket Confused. No one ever said you were not allowed to see anyone at all either, that's the whole point of the bloody bubbles.
When people start to make their own rule, well, yes, it makes life harder!

I don't know any park that was shut either, but that might be regional.
Even the garden centres reopened pretty quickly.

This is not what things were like when I gave birth during the first lockdown. Have you already forgotten? Did you have a baby then too? Why are you so keen to dismiss women’s experiences?
Sh05 · 28/05/2021 21:49

I think more than my baby my 4 year old was effected more. She'd just turned 4 when lockdown hit so didn't really understand what was happening. I didn't want to frighten or confuse her so couldn't really explain what was happening. She's still very clingy, super sensitive and just all around very anxious about everything so I've definitely gone wrong somewhere.
Only this last week it was lovely to see her holding hands with a classmate and walking home from school ahead of me instead of gripping on tightly to my hand.
I kind of got a bit teary with relief really when at hometime today she went running back to the teacher to loudly exclaim that she'd forgotten something inside. Even they were surprised at her confidence.

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 28/05/2021 21:49

@lavenderandwisteria - mine also has reflux. It's horrendous witnessing it and not being able to help them. My priority is having a healthy, happy baby. Honestly, babies don't need much more than that. You don't need to take them here, there and everywhere when they're tiny to achieve that.

Waitwhat23 · 28/05/2021 21:50

@Beseigedbykillersquirrels While I'm sorry to hear your baby was unwell, I didn't mention baby groups in my post at all. I mentioned the 'lack of face to face HV visits, lack of weighing clinics and lack of any face to face breastfeeding support'. Going off your last post, your baby was not born during a global pandemic so you would have had access to this support. We didn't.

lavenderandwisteria · 28/05/2021 21:53

Babies need so much more than that. Yes, absolutely, they don’t need to experience absolutely everything but they do need to take the world in.

I took mine into JoJo Maman the other day to buy some summer clothes and he LOVED the staff chatting to him and making a fuss. It’s little things like this they need.

MindyStClaire · 28/05/2021 21:53

I had DD2 last summer and had a charmed time. She's sociable, DH was home, DD1 at nursery. It was a world away from my first maternity leave which was a complete slog.

I would be more worried about DD1's cohort (she's 3). She'll be ok as she's been back in nursery since last summer and so is pretty much oblivious to the whole thing as we don't live near family so she was used to not seeing them all the time anyway. I do think her cohort will struggle though, those early years are so important for communication and social skills.

But yeah, this thread is awful. If covid had happened when I'd had my first and DH had been out of the house at work, it would have been horrendous. First baby with all that entails, reflux, horrific sleep. I've never had the slightest problem with my MH, but I would be astounded if that hadn't resulted in PND for me.

The sneering at baby groups is awful. It's not about the bloody yoga, it's about something to do in the day, a bit of chat, a chance to ask "does yours do this, is it normal" etc.

And I think some are misremembering how strict the lockdowns were. Bubbles didn't come in for a long time, there was definitely an instruction that you should only be bringing DC to supermarkets if you were a single parent unable to get a delivery slot etc. There was a few weeks of miserable weather in Jan/Feb here and there was literally nothing to do. We weren't allowed visit friends or family, nothing was open, too rotten to go for a walk, it was the supermarket or nothing. I nearly lost my mind.

BooblePlate · 28/05/2021 21:54

Can I just point out that the op asked about the impact on parents too. It’s in the title.

girlmama32 · 28/05/2021 21:55

Our DD was born at the end of 2019 and the pandemic has meant that DH was able to be there for all the big milestones (crawling, first word, first steps etc) because he was furloughed. Before then he was away Monday to Friday so would have missed it all, honestly it's brought us so much closer as a family and it's gave us so much more time together that we otherwise wouldn't have had.
It did get me down during the first lockdown that DD wasn't getting to experience normal life and getting to socialise with children her age and I was worried she would be very clingy and attached to me but she's definitely making up for it now and it hasn't really affected her at all, luckily. I know that isn't the same for all pandemic babies though, a lot of my friends DC are very clingy and emotional.

Bananarice · 28/05/2021 21:55

Ds3 was born April 2020. Health visitor appointment was done via phone. My 8 week check up was done via phone (that was very weird and a waste of time). Luckily, I was allowed to bring ds3 in for his check up.

Postnatal ward was very sad (they should have put the woman next to me in here own room (her father was dying from covid)) and they got a fertility nurse to help midwifes make their staff quota.

Gp didn't want to see ds3 and suggested I take him a&e because I wanted someone to check him when he started to cry none stop. It took couple of months to diagnosis cmpa, he also had a rash and very bad stomach cramps. When I stopped consuming milk products ds3 turned into a new baby.

Ds3 also hates masks. Yes, I'm guilty of keeping him home for the first few months, unless when we went to the park. We social distanded so I really didn't wear a mask. When mask wearing started, the crying started. He still struggles with masks.

Otherwise, he is a very happy boy. He loves his grandmother, expect when she is wearing a mask.

Dh works in a hospital so he used to disrobe and have a bath after a shift and before he hugged dc. He stopped doing that when he finally bought covid in January. Luckily, we had mild covid and he gave it to only me and ds3. Ds1 and ds2 didn't display any symptoms so we didn't test them.

Ds2 was 3 and half, last year and his speech improved in the first lockdown. I can't explain that, but his teacher had put a referral in speech therapy as he wasn't speaking more than 3 word sentence at September 2019. Come the first local he found his voice. He has a stutter but he is trying and has been trying for more than a year now.

MindyStClaire · 28/05/2021 22:02

DD2 has recently started nursery . They've had a good few pandemic babies start now, and they've said they all fall into one of two categories: desperate for the socialisation and absolutely loving it (DD, thankfully), or very clingy and unsettled. They don't usually find so many at the extremes. Anecdotal, but interesting I thought.

lavenderandwisteria · 28/05/2021 22:03

I think ds will fall into that first category mindy. The first time we went to a baby class his face lit up at the other babies. It was lovely.

MindyStClaire · 28/05/2021 22:08

Yes DD is the same lavender, she's been desperate for any glimpse of another baby all along, even on Zoom baby classes.