Do you think the pandemic has had a negative impact on babies and their parents ?

[babiesandmummies2020]

Do you think that babies born in 2020 and especially first time parents have had a harder time of it ?

How do you think what's happened will affect babies born in 2020, if at all ?

@misspattylacosta

We were supposed to shop alone so couldn’t even pop to the supermarket with them.

No one has ever said that you had to leave your baby home whilst going to the supermarket . No one ever said you were not allowed to see anyone at all either, that's the whole point of the bloody bubbles.
When people start to make their own rule, well, yes, it makes life harder!

I don't know any park that was shut either, but that might be regional.
Even the garden centres reopened pretty quickly.

You're just being pedantic though. It was the entire "feel " of the last year that's been completely off. Yes you could go to the park and yes maybe you could take your baby with you to the supermarket ( I still don't, as she can't wear a mask and it doesn't feel safe ). But it's not been a normal situation to be a first time mum in, especially. Even bubbling, may not be an option for some parents.

I'm STM to a baby born at the very end of February last year. It's been awful for me. Post Natal anxiety and depression. Baby had weight gain issues but I was completely fobbed off by the GP surgery who said she was "probably fine" after a telephone call appt. She had her 8 week baby check at 16 weeks where they told me her lack of weight gain was "very concerning"

I have struggled immensely, DD has been fine.

babiesandmummies2020

Ok, I am in England so the lockdown here was over from July to December (even if some restrictions still applied), and over again from Easter this year.

So while it wasn't fun, it was thankfully far from being a year and there was no being stuck at home for so long.

I had DS2 in Nov 2020. DS1 was born in 2017 and they could not be more different. DS2 is such a difficult baby it has been, and continues to be a massive shock to my system. I almost feel like a ftm.

Lockdowns and having a new born in isolation has been horrendous for my mh and I have started seeing my counsellor again. One of the first things he asked me was how much of the difficulties was down to DS2 personality and how much down to the environment he was born in.

For example, he is a massive sleep refuser and getting him down for a nap usually takes longer than he is actually asleep. DS1 slept like a dream. Now it could be personality or it could be that DS2 is bored, lacking stimulation and not doing enough to get tired. I did all the classes going with DS1, yet until recently had done nothing with DS2. Going for a walk is not stimulation. Or at least not enough in my book, and that was all he could do for months.

So yes, I cannot definitively say either way, but I personally am leaning towards his difficultness being due to him being born in the middle of a pandemic.

Ugh, I hate this narrative from some posters, 'we didn't have all these baby groups in the past and our kids were fine'. Yes but you were allowed to see family, go to the playground, have other children round to play, take your child to the shops - all of which was not allowed in 2020!! Are you seriously saying parenting in the 70s and in a pandemic was exactly the same?

My youngest was 1 when lockdown started and now has a speech delay, I really don't think the pandemic has helped.

The 2020 lockdown must have been horrible for young children. I remember going for a walk and a little girl crying and begging to go on the (padlocked) park

I thought it would be over when I gave birth (December 2020.) Of course,, it wasn’t. I think I’m a reasonably strong person but spending an extremely cold, dark, snowy January with nothing to do with a newborn other than trudge around muddy parks nearly broke me.

And not everyone has a lovely mummy who they can bubble with.

@misspattylacosta you're also not accounting for the fact that even if certain activities were open to new mothers ( they weren't really ), the entire situation of being pregnant or having just given birth to this tiny baby - puts you in an entirely different mental state.

I completely locked myself away. I thought I was going to die if I catch covid and that my baby was going to die. She was very sick and I was torn apart because I didn't want to take her to hospital, in case she caught covid there.

Read that post by the pervious poster, who was afraid of catching covid at the hospital while giving birth. That's really, really terrible. It's a terrible frame of mind to be in. Now imagine her coming home with her tiny baby, still in this pandemic- of course she might even feel afraid to go out too much and feel it's safer at home. I also totally understand the sentiment of not waning to go out in the day, but walking at night. I did that too.

The entire frame of mind wasn't such ( for a lot of women ) that they could even take advantage of stuff that may have been available for them to do ( it wasn't though ).

My dc2 is a lockdown baby and I've found it harder than dc1 due to not being able to see people. Family are not local and a phone call is not the same as face to face. My baby has been poorly and for quite a while he only went to appointments (other than pram walks), and due to only seeing patients when absolutely necessary he was then prodded, scanned or blood taken etc when he interacted with anyone that wasn't mum or dad.

@PicardsVictorianChild

Ugh, I hate this narrative from some posters, 'we didn't have all these baby groups in the past and our kids were fine'. Yes but you were allowed to see family, go to the playground, have other children round to play, take your child to the shops - all of which was not allowed in 2020!! Are you seriously saying parenting in the 70s and in a pandemic was exactly the same?

My youngest was 1 when lockdown started and now has a speech delay, I really don't think the pandemic has helped.

My mum and MIL say they took us to baby groups 3-4 times a week ! Baby groups or just mum catch ups.

They don't know how they would have survived without that.

They had their babies in the 80s, so a while ago now.

I think it depends when in 2020 the baby was born. My second DD was born late October and I actually think lockdown has benefited her/us in that we had lots of time to get to know each other without lots of visitors or pressure to go out etc etc. As a result she is very secure emotionally and totally at ease in her own environment. Since she turned 6 months and we have been able to go out she appears totally confident and excited to see new people so no long term effects appear to exist.

If she has been born during early 2020 I think the lockdowns during months 6-12 might have had more affect on her confidence to interact with new people. Obviously I have no way of knowing for sure though.

My 6 year old was lonely and fed up during the post Christmas lockdown but has gone back to school happily and again no long term issues appear to exist.

For me, homeschooling whilst sleep deprived with a newborn was torture, but we all got through relatively unscathed in the end. If this baby had been my first though I think it would have been quite different, the lack of access to support from family, friends, in person visits from hv, baby groups as well as being unable to leave the house would for me, I’m sure, have absolutely led to full blown pnd.

Ds lost weight and ended up back in hospital and had to have a covid test and it was horrific. I wish I’d refused consent retrospectively.

I don't know why you didn't have any interaction with other humans

Because there was a lockdown. Remember?

and parents are quick to confuse groups that are designed for them with activities for the baby

I'm not talking about baby groups, I'm talking about the lack of any human interaction with anybody. Oh they got to see grandparents on FaceTime, I guess that was something?

Nurseries and pre-schools have been opened to everyone for months too.

They were closed for 5 months here in Scotland, and then another 2 months over the winter.

Mine wasn't even a little baby - I was already back at work by the first lockdown. So I had that whole different kind of miserable experience, working from home with young children. But I can still have some understanding for the particular kind of misery it must have been to go through this with a new baby. I would have gone out of my mind.

@PicardsVictorianChild

Ugh, I hate this narrative from some posters, 'we didn't have all these baby groups in the past and our kids were fine'. Yes but you were allowed to see family, go to the playground, have other children round to play, take your child to the shops - all of which was not allowed in 2020!! Are you seriously saying parenting in the 70s and in a pandemic was exactly the same?

My youngest was 1 when lockdown started and now has a speech delay, I really don't think the pandemic has helped.

I agree. This sort of dismissive attitude is appalling. A global pandemic is a completely abnormal situation. Modern life is built around all the things that we were not allowed to do. People have survived many adversities through the years, yes, but that’s not a reason to dismiss someone’s experience.

I didn’t have a baby during lockdown. I had a late miscarriage at 16 weeks. Had to attend scans on my own, and be hospitalized alone afterwards with DH forbidden from visiting. It was utterly shit and likely preventable too - the team at the hospital that should have been looking after me had been redeployed so I got no support in early pregnancy. Just another example of women/ mothers in particular bearing the brunt of the pandemic.

@PicardsVictorianChild

Ugh, I hate this narrative from some posters, 'we didn't have all these baby groups in the past and our kids were fine'. Yes but you were allowed to see family, go to the playground, have other children round to play, take your child to the shops - all of which was not allowed in 2020!! Are you seriously saying parenting in the 70s and in a pandemic was exactly the same?

My youngest was 1 when lockdown started and now has a speech delay, I really don't think the pandemic has helped.

I don't know, I wasn't even born.

But it's nonsense to pretend all parents have to go to baby groups for the sake of their babies and it has a negative impact not to attend!

The lockdown was shit for everyone, but again, (In England at least) it wasn't an entire year either! Easter to July was long enough, but let's not exaggerate.

Kids were playing together in the summer outside, and you have never been banned from taking your kids to the shops - what were you supposed to do with them? Leave them home? It's just not true.

Nurseries didn't shut this year, even when Primary school did.

This is going to no doubt be an extremely unpopular opinion but over the past few years women appear to have built up this fairytale image of what having a baby, or more specifically, what maternity leave, will be like. Images of going to lots of classes with tiny babies (who either sleep through the whole thing or just want to be cuddled by their mothers), meeting other 'mummy friends' who will all want to meet up for lattes and picnics in the park, playdates with newborns who will not benefit in the slightest from them...
Motherhood is hard, undoubtedly, but I do feel that it's something we have to work at and work out for ourselves. I had my baby when we were living quite a distance from both our families. My husband had two weeks off work and that was that. I got on with it and filled the days going for walks/doing tummy time/cuddling up, etc. I went to a class at a local library once but the other mums there made it very clear they were all in an established NCT mummy group and newcomers weren't particularly welcome, so that was that. Their loss, obviously 🤣 I didn't feel the need to join multiple classes just to talk more about my baby to other women.
Of course we all need support sometimes but I do fear that it has been drummed into new mothers that it is a necessity and that they can't possibly do it without said support, whatever it may be. Women are amazing creatures and have been doing this for millennia. Of course things have been very far from ideal during covid times but we can do it and our babies will be fine. More than fine.

No one has ever said that you had to leave your baby home whilst going to the supermarket confused. No one ever said you were not allowed to see anyone at all either, that's the whole point of the bloody bubbles

I’m talking about the first lockdown.

I’m literally releasing the guidance from then now - parents were allowed to take their children food shopping if there was no alternative. Hardly the same as just being able to pop in though? Remember the huge queues? The stories of people being turned away for not shopping alone? The fear that we were all going to catch it from our shopping? The mumsnet threads berating anyone for buying non essential items? So no, maybe not stopped from taking your baby to the supermarket but not exactly something a lot of people would feel comfortable doing.

And yes - we were literally told we couldn’t see other people - that was what lockdown was at first? You were allowed to go out for one form of exercise a day alone or with someone from your household. It was a while before being able to meet one other person for a walk came in - and even then it took some clarifying that you could walk with one other person AND your baby/ toddler.

The bubbles didn’t come in till December.

Some people/ areas had it easier in summer but where I am we never came out of restrictions.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby coachee

I didn't feel the need to join multiple classes just to talk more about my baby to other women.

Which is great, good for you, I wasn't that into baby groups either, but women who had babies during lockdown missed out on a lot more than baby groups.

@Beseigedbykillersquirrels Lack of face to face HV visits, lack of weighing clinics and lack of any face to face breastfeeding support meant that my newborn had to be hospitalised due to weight loss. Should have I have 'worked it out for myself?

You've no idea.

YANBU to say that it's had a negative impact on babies and their parents.

You would be unreasonable if you thought it had a greater negative impact than most other groups in society, but it's not a race to the bottom of a competition.

I feel most sorry for toddlers and their parents - old enough to notice and really be affected by the lack of socialisation, not old enough to understand, and a lot with parents they are simultaneously trying to work. I was trying to do this and it's been so hard. And I guess yeah, I'd have wished my baby was younger so I might be on maternity leave instead of trying to work and care for them, but the grass is always greener...

I can imagine having a baby during the pandemic would have been quite lonely and worrying though, and it's sad that babies didn't get to make those extended family bonds when tiny.

@Babyboomtastic

YANBU to say that it's had a negative impact on babies and their parents.

You would be unreasonable if you thought it had a greater negative impact than most other groups in society, but it's not a race to the bottom of a competition.

I feel most sorry for toddlers and their parents - old enough to notice and really be affected by the lack of socialisation, not old enough to understand, and a lot with parents they are simultaneously trying to work. I was trying to do this and it's been so hard. And I guess yeah, I'd have wished my baby was younger so I might be on maternity leave instead of trying to work and care for them, but the grass is always greener...

I can imagine having a baby during the pandemic would have been quite lonely and worrying though, and it's sad that babies didn't get to make those extended family bonds when tiny.

Not really comparing it.

But I really feel for people who had to work and homeschool at the same time, or who had toddlers at home and not at nursery ( whilst trying to work ). It must have been horrendous.

Patty you do realise that baby groups and classes do include pre and post-natal support, baby massage (which is run by health visitors and can help with trapped wind and bonding), baby weigh clinics, introduction to solid foods courses (previously called weaning), breastfeeding support groups... The list goes on.

It's not all about baby ballet and yoga!

Ah but baby ballet and yoga puts these stupid middle class mummies in their place

It’s not about baby groups, it’s about social interaction and isolation. If you’re happy being on your own with your baby then great, good for you, but that doesn’t mean that we all feel like that.

My LO was born October 2019 and does not seem to have been adversely affected. He is extremely sociable despite only seeing me and my DH from 6 months old to 14 months old when he started at the childminder. He is a lot less clingy than my older son was at his age. I think 80% of development is meant to be down to genetics and only 20% down to the environment so I don't think a lack of baby socialisation will have too detrimental an effect.

Having said that it has affected me more particularly as my LO has only met his grandparents once since he was born and they are still refusing to meet him due to their fear of covid. I am very worried about the impact it is having on his relationship with his extended family.