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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I fucking hate where we live and don't know what to do

269 replies

PorkAPoe · 28/05/2021 14:03

I'm so upset, I fucking hate where we live.

We only bought the house in November and I just don't think moving now would be a possibility. There are jobs half done that we'd need to finish before selling which will take time to save up for.

I feel like crying every day.

It's because of our neighbours in the main. They are horrible and if I'd have seen them / heard them when we viewed I'd have not thought for a second about buying this house.

I'm terrified that we'll never get rid of the thing because of them.

OP posts:
Toomuchtrouble4me · 29/05/2021 19:40

Don’t report anything officially because then you will be legally bound to tell your potential buyers that there’s a neighbour dispute issue.

Libraryghost · 29/05/2021 19:44

If it’s housing association you can complain. You can also record the noise and video the behaviour and report it to the council. You have options, don’t be defeated. I have been in the same situation and we managed to get a tenant evicted. You have my sympathy because it is horrid but get your fighting head on and get googling. You have rights and you should exercise them op

Vinomummyinlockdown · 29/05/2021 20:04

I hate my neighbours too. Selfish bunch of shits.

Tzimi · 29/05/2021 20:13

@PorkAPoe

It doesn't help because I'm an anxious person anyway, I really don't like confrontation. I wish I could just be someone who thinks 'fuck it, it's my garden I'll go out there anyway' but I can't. I'd be nervous the whole time. And I don't really want DS playing around in a cloud of weed smoke either. It stinks. It gets into our kitchen too so I have to keep the door closed so it doesn't get into the rest of the house.
Wow, this is almost exactly what happened to me! I moved six months ago chiefly to get away from some new neighbours who had moved into the Council flat next door. The flats all had gardens side by side, and one of my neighbours was continuously smoking weed which wafted over the fence, stank, and made me feel ill. The police were constantly coming round & arresting people etc. They would have big, noisy gatherings which went on most of the night sometimes. Another neighbour told me they were drug dealers! I was also terrified that I wouldn't be able to sell the place, but fortunately, we went into a quiet phase, and it was beautifully tranquil whenever I was showing potential buyers around. I managed to sell it quite quickly in the end! I don't know if the new owner is having problems with the neighbours, but I havn't heard anything from her, so I assume all is now ok...
Tzimi · 29/05/2021 20:23

@PorkAPoe

Tbh I'm reluctant to report anything. I'm here alone most days and I just don't want to cause any potential tensions between us (further than there already are anyway).
Oh no, please don't be intimidated into not doing anything! Reporting is anonymous, so please do report them to their housing association. You should not live in fear of your neighbours!
Boysgrownbutstillathome · 29/05/2021 20:30

Complain to the Housing Association.

SpnBaby1967 · 29/05/2021 20:49

@PorkAPoe I work for the antisocial behaviour team of a Housing association so if you want any advice on this let me know.

Either way be prepared because 1) it's not a quick process 2) it can prevent them from being allowed to move away 3) you have to declare ASB neighbours when you sell.

Happy to help/advise if you want. Smile

Chillychangchoo · 29/05/2021 20:55

Sounds grim but you do have choices, irrespective of jobs or not you could sell your house and move on. It will sell.

The housing association will likely do nothing.

honeybee88 · 29/05/2021 21:01

Oh you poor thing. You have my utmost empathy. I too have horrible neighbours. My only consolation is that the childrens schools are good here and that I will move as soon as the children are finished with schooling and that will leave me with a good amount of money. What can you do.....can you get a loan and pay off work fast?

Tzimi · 29/05/2021 21:04

@JustPootlingAlong

You have my sympathy OP. I had similar problems with HA tenants in my last property and there was no way the previous people hadn't had issue with them. In fact, several neighbours confirmed that the old owner and the tenants butted heads regularly. They literally drove me and my husband to madness with screaming, slamming doors, using their front garden as a skip and loud music for 8 hours a day. My advice would be, don't report anything to the council. Once you do, you will have to declare it on forms when selling. Just do the house up and sell it as quickly as possible. If people ask why you are moving so quickly, just say family circumstances have changed that require you to move. I know it is a shitty thing to do but your sanity has to come first!
Just wondering, WHY do you have to declare it? I wouldn't, I would just leave it.
Numnumcookie · 29/05/2021 21:04

OP I sympathise so much. Your situation is identical to ours, but I'm glad to say we've sold and we're now only a couple of weeks from moving out! Getting viewings at the right time of day is key. Them being about in the garden when you have viewings can put people off, so you're right to be worried about it. We viewed a house and it was lovely and big, massive garden BUT when we viewed next door were in the garden en masse and smoking weed. Exactly what we were moving to avoid! So we discounted that house pretty quickly.

I was on maternity and the main breadwinner but we still got a mortgage ok. I was only 2 months away from returning to work though so that may have been a factor.

Tzimi · 29/05/2021 21:09

@BruteForce

No help for the OP but why aren't problem neighbours taken more seriously. This kind of stuff destroys lives.

I have to agree it makes life hell. I feel for you, OP. If it's any help your DH is probably as miserable as you but coping as most men do.

I'm disturbed by people saying you should sell with stealth (as you no doubt were sold - it's easier to move when renting and I suspect the old landlord sold after losing good tenants and maybe more than one set). However, I couldn't blame anyone for doing that as people who complain unfortunately get a poor outcome. IMO this is completely wrong and just hands a problem to someone else but there you go.

Make your plans to leave as soon as you can, take steps in the meantime to increase your privacy (might help with the sale, too), and try to think of a future free of scum neighbours. Maybe keep a notebook with your plans written in and leave it lying around for DH to read.

I do feel for the next people living there but if Karma's around she may bite your shit neighbours in the arse and give them neighbours who don't care about complaining and will make life miserable for them instead.

I've also often wondered why problem neighbours aren't taken seriously as well. They get away with murder sometimes with their appalling behaviour, and people like the Environmental Health, housing associations & the anti-social behaviour people don't do anything.
honeybee88 · 29/05/2021 21:10

You need to keep a diary. Contact Housing Association and the police( ask for advice) contact child services!! Dont declare you are on maternity leave. Speak on here whenever you feel frustrated and depressed.

Duemarch2021 · 29/05/2021 21:14

Houses are selling fast at the moment and being snapped up!!!! Why dont u put it on market .. you dont have to do the jobs first someone will buy with a view to dping jovs themselves... lifes short.. just do what will make u happy.. even if it means buying a cheaper house xx

Tzimi · 29/05/2021 21:26

@megletthesecond

Bless, it's miserable having horrible neighbours Flowers. Mine aren't criminal but they are grotty, smoke weed that wafts into my house and have moaned about my kids. I hope you sort out a plan.
Smoking weed IS criminal, isn't it?
RachyAnn34 · 29/05/2021 21:27

I would not report the neighbours to the housing association it won't get you anywhere.
I say this with experience as my parents have had issues with their neighbours next door who are whg tenants. they have sent proof of anti social behaviour, noise nuisance breaches through noise apps, all they do is give them warnings after warnings.
This has caused friction and animosity and parents are now going to sell up.
if I were you, I would ignore as much as you can and focus on selling your house.
As long as the housing association are getting their rent they don't give a shit about people like yourselves. That's from my families experience.

nottoday3000 · 29/05/2021 21:35

And oddly enough my drug taking filthy cunt neighbour (woman)has started on my DH about an hour ago I fucking hate living here but can't move she's racially abused her downstairs neighbour whose since moved sorry to derail your thread why oh why can't the shit bags all live together and let the normal people live in peace x

Duemarch2021 · 29/05/2021 22:15

Did you say you're on maternity leave somewhere? Not sure if u did but this doesnt affect mortgage applications as long as you 'are going back' wink wink nudge nudge .. i have just applied for a mortgage along with my partner and we were accepted and im on maternity, it doesn't have anything to do with how long before you go back x

Rachand23 · 29/05/2021 22:23

Don’t report them to anyone, you have to declare if you have had neighbour problems. Sell it in the winter if you can, they are less likely to be visible then. Put up thick nets at the kitchen window so they are unable to see in. Put decent locks on your doors.

When you sell if anyone asks, you have to move for family reasons, say no more than that.

Good luck

Tzimi · 29/05/2021 22:35

@MrsWombat

How old is the child, and do you know what school/nursery they go to, as you can report the cannabis smoking and chaotic homelife as a safeguarding concern?
Yes, I was wondering about the child as well. Clearly it's not a nice environment for any child to be growing up in, with drug talking, thuggish people around etc.
Brennanlady1888 · 29/05/2021 23:06

It's a really difficult situation...I agree there are practical things you can do like put up a blind in kitchen or put an opaque film on the window so light comes in but view opaque. Raising the rear fence and also put some standard bushes by it that may help close off the view . If the neighbours are renting they may move one always lives in hope. When next choosing a house go to the property several times at different times and even introduce yourself to the neighbours you can suss out a lot However do the practical things and stick it out .

ICanSmellSummerComing · 29/05/2021 23:19

Op in this situation I don't think think complain is the way to go and also you must tell new buyers if you have madeline complaints you should really sell

If your in an ok area your house has probably increased in value even though you've not done much.

People like their own kitchens that's not a problem just price it sensibly that's all.
Move op unless you feel they may move soon, you could try and chat about that one day!
You never know he may say yes.

Until they themselves want to sleep and rest in their garden they won't understand.

ICanSmellSummerComing · 29/05/2021 23:21
  • but you could make a very very carefully worded anonymous contact with the childs nursery about something, that doesn't identify you bit enough to trigger investigations like ss and the childs nursery.

Definitely do that for the child's sake and in the long term it may also benefit you.

ICanSmellSummerComing · 29/05/2021 23:24

Op I've had horrendous long term neighbours issues and I don't have feel a diary etc will help in those situations and they may turn vindictive on you, it sounds volatile, be really careful, I mean if they behave like this around their own child... Nothing will compel to behave around you..

Gabor · 30/05/2021 01:20

OP so sorry to hear this. That's awful when you just want to enjoy your new home and live your life. I do not blame you for wanting to leave.
How long have you been there?
Your home should feel like your haven. If you really want to got I would take the approach of an earlier post and get an estate agent in to get a value as it is. Then ask if they could give an idea on the price if the bathroom and kitchen were completed to a basic standard.
Get 3 estate agents in then take an average on the figures then take a view with DH.
If they ask why you want to move just say DH got a promotion but it means working from another office that isn't practical to commute to or something.

I hope you sort it, I really feel for you.