I fucking hate where we live and don't know what to do

[PorkAPoe]

I'm so upset, I fucking hate where we live.

We only bought the house in November and I just don't think moving now would be a possibility. There are jobs half done that we'd need to finish before selling which will take time to save up for.

I feel like crying every day.

It's because of our neighbours in the main. They are horrible and if I'd have seen them / heard them when we viewed I'd have not thought for a second about buying this house.

I'm terrified that we'll never get rid of the thing because of them.

@Summerfun54321

We had neighbours like that when we moved into our place. They’d given the entire street hell over the 5 years they were there. Luckily for us, they moved out a couple of months later 😀. If they’ve told your DH they’re moving out, believe them. It might just be taking a while for them to be housed somewhere else.

Not necessarily, they might be talking crap. When I first moved into my flat the guy upstairs told me he'd be moving in a year. He didn't and I soon learned to take everything he said with a large grain of salt, including the promises to fix various things aka accidentally damaging my property. That along with constant stomping around, loud swearing, door slamming and music blaring was enough to drive us round the bend. Eventually enough was enough so we sold up and made our escape. He also owned his place, so couldn't get him evicted.

I used to work in a field loosely related to this. Complaining is more often than not a lost cause, because what are the authorities going to actually do? If councils/HAs were to evict everyone who was anti social (and there are many, many people like that) then where would these people go? They'd be homeless, and councils have a legal duty to house homeless people, so they would just have to rehouse them (which is time consuming and costs them money), only for the cycle to start all over again in the new house.
Councils/HAs know this, so eviction is a last resort. The tenants also know they'll be housed somewhere no matter what, so they have no incentive to change.

Going down the police route isn't particularly effective either because these types of people aren't scared of the police and don't care how often they're up in court (if it even gets to that stage, and it's a slow process). Then the worst they'll get is community service/fine/curfew and tag.

Sorry OP, I know that doesn't help you but sadly the reality is you'll either have to learn to live with it or move, and make sure you pick your area carefully for your next move.

If selling isn't a possibility you could move into rented and rent your house out. It's a shame for your tenants but if they also get annoyed by the neighbours, they can move on.

They maybe will have to move sooner than they think as the eviction ban ends on May 31st

Can u ring housing association and enquire?

Or just sell it as a fixer upper, lots of people don't want to buy a pristine house as they want to make it their own

@Foxglovesandlilacs

Time and time again threads like this pop up.

Why is your DH letting this go on? Or is he scared of his neighbours too?

No, DH would have been over there multiple times by now. He's not scared of them at all and has said a few things to them already. I have asked him not to though now because I'm here alone in the day and don't want to cause further tension.

OK. You have a medium to long term plan:get the jobs doenx sell the house.

The question is how long medium to long term can be for you, given how awful it all sounds.

You wither have to make proper complaints or find a way to enjoy your home. Smoked glass (a 10 quid peel off sheet?) for the kitchen?

Spend £400 on screening plants?

Have you got a bdiget you can throw at this?

Don't sell, why should you be driven out, unless there are other unrelated reasons you don't like the house. Complain to the HA, it is their issue to resolve. And if you complain to the council, they won't tell the neighbour your identity, this is only revealed if it goes to court. I gave evidence against my anti social neighbours in court and they were evicted. I did involve the police who were really helpful and sympathetic.
You could go to all the expense and stress of moving and still end up with nightmare neighbours anyway, if you get them evicted you'll feel empowered to tackle the problem if you get it in any future properties, rather than just keep moving

You have my sympathy. I dread summer, dogs that bark and bark and bark. Neighbours playing awful music and chimineas that the smoke seems to permeate every corner of the house. Im fortunate that in the main mine are quiet, but there are more than a few gossips. I avoid neighbours, we have a landlord who bought next door, he has rented it out to a family. The family are nice,but I dread if they move as to who we will get next. I dread every time a neighbour moves house as there just seem to be so many selfish people now, who have no consideration for others. I think problem neighbours have got worse during the Pandemic. I know complaints about neighbours in my area have skyrocketed.

I'd not report to the council, you will have to report it when you sell, then you will be stuck.
Phone anonymously to Crime Stoppers re the bikes, the police can investigate and you will not be involved.
Don't put thousands into the garden and property you won't get back - do the minimum freshen up and sell. You can say new job forces move etc
Put up a larger fence/trellis for the garden to reclaim your space.
Put some privacy glass or similar in to enable you to live properly inside.
Think of your move as temporary, that will enable you to cope better, and get on with the sale.

@PorkAPoe

We have fencing up, the highest we could get but the way the gardens are they can still see in (raised).

I appreciate it's my right to enjoy my garden but when I'm talking gangs of men hanging around smoking weed, shouting and who have already given me abuse before, it's not really very enjoyable being out there.

Have you looked at potting in bamboo plants or buying bamboo screening which can go up in front of the fencing and be taller than the 6ft fences. You could also put up a washing line, as high as you need, running the distance of the fence and attach either sheets or tarpaulins. That will give you absolute coverage. I've done this when the children wanted to play "in secret" for a game and worked really well.

What window coverings do you have in the kitchen? I have voile types and honestly unless I have the lights on, noone can see in. Worst case the film that means you see out and they can't see in could be an option.

It sounds as though there's been one main incident and not with the actual neighbours, along with the continued smoking etc that has set of a nervous response in yourself. You need to find ways to over come that as unless you live in a detached house, you'll probably always have a some degree of neighbours irritation. As hard as that one issue was, running off to your Dad's is not handling the situation and I understand your partner's frustration. It certainly doesn't sound as though you have the finances to afford more than a terraced type property, so really you could be paying out, gaining little, and end up in the same situation elsewhere. So maybe you need to address your anxieties first and how to manage the situation, be that head on or by creating avoidances of them via screening...

Report them to the Housing Association for unneighbourly behaviour. Get your local ward Councillor to support you. No one should have to live next door to such filthy abusive people. Go to the doc. As it is affecting your health and stress levels and feed that back to your ward Councillor and the housing association. Don't let this rest until you've done everything you can. Don't let these disgusting pigs next door get away with this.

Definitely sort out your windows so no one can see in.

Definitely write to the Housing Association but be factual, not emotional . Begin with the abuse from the friend, move on to the weed. For any complaint, they will want date and time and any witnesses.

You will want to use your garden in fine weather. Begin by asking your Dad over. Consider a higher fence. Trellis nailed on your current fence might do it.

Stand up for yourself. This is your house. Don't be rude or abusive.

www.housing-ombudsman.org.uk/useful-tools/fact-sheets/tenants-behaviour/
As you said they do like to do mediation. If you've already tried to talk to them but got abuse then maybe you could bring that up. It's not right that several people feel they need to move instead of moving those tenants out.

Report them to the housing association!
(Apologies if this has been suggested, not read the thread!) Also, when we moved recently, we were told NOT to redo the kitchen and bathroom etc... as people are likely to do that even if there’s new installed. I guess it’s personal taste. Houses are flying off the market at the moment. We’re in the same situation, ((hugs)) it’s really hard. X

If their house is owned by a housing association the tenancy agreement usually states something about antisocial behaviour. Contact the HA to find out the rules & then report them

Get in touch with the HA. Not acceptable.

I really feel for you OP. We were renting next door to a family from hell just before lockdown. I had to work from home due to Covid and the atmosphere was just unbearable. Landlord hadn't disclosed their right of access across our back garden amongst other things to us which caused a massive issue, abusive threats, spitting at us etc constantly complaining to our letting agents, the council, taking photos and videos of us and any visitors to our house.

Eventually police got involved after they rounded up loads of kids to throw stones etc at our house and bang on the door after my DH squared up to them. They told the police a pack of lies playing the victims. My mental health was so bad we ended up packing up a van in the middle of the night and fleeing to a relative's empty house who had passed away. We were there about 6 months, luckily we were just renting. This thread brings it all back.

Poor you , sounds a nightmare. As others have said though - neighbours didn’t stop you buying so probably won’t stop others. I think you should get a valuation without doing the jobs ( esp as the garden could just be messed up by next door anyway) - or any chance you could rent it out? Good luck 🤞

I feel your pain. I was a single mum many years ago and had terrible neighbours who saw me as an easy target. It was a shared ownership house and it turned out the sister of the neighbour had lived there and got evicted. That meant I was a bitch from day one! I had a job, a nice car and kept a nice home. To them this meant I was a stuck up bitch. I would come home from work and find their children in my garden and they were just horrible. Mainly though it was harassment using noise as their weapon. I had a breakdown in the end and couldn't face going home.
Anyway, tip for your kitchen door is that stick on frosted glass stuff. I had to use that as they would sit in their garden and just stare at my house. Also, venetian blinds or net curtains to obscure their view into your home. I feel so sorry for you, I hope you get out of this situation soon.

@girl71 Very well said.

It's nothing short of a nightmare and makes you on edge. It isn't fair and these people are very inconsiderate, sound like the type who won't be reasoned with like adults. I'm with you on not wanting to provoke them by saying anything if you're there alone a lot. You don't want to be miserable but you also don't want anxiety becoming worse when the people seem like they don't have a lot to lose?

We have very noisy neighbours who treat their garden like a beer garden every day of summer. I can hear them just now. We've only been in a year, I dread the nice weather. They haven't ever been rude or intimidating but we've had to go to them a couple of times to get some sleep. We've made the decision to move in a couple of years and try to save as much as possible in the meantime. Other neighbours are bothered by them but never do anything, we've decided to keep the head down now as we've got a plan. I can tolerate it, the winter isn't as bad.

I would do the jobs that you consider essential to make the house comfortable for you to live and make it appealing for a new buyer. You're legally obliged to disclose any disputes to your lawyer when you sell as I'm sure you'll know. If you go down the route of HA/Police then there will be a proper record.

Hi
I'm a much older mum these days (50+) but when I was in my early 20's was in a practically identical situation with 2 very young children.
We couldn't go outside at all and our neighbours had serious drug issues with a very scary dog and were abusive at every opportunity.
I think for your mental well-being you should plan to extract your family but see it as an opportunity instead of an issue. Maybe approach the HA to see if they might be interested in purchasing your property? If not, you may have to be prepared to cut your losses and providing you can cover your mortgage sell up at slightly under market value. Today's market is very strong and a well dressed house will sell well. You could always move into rented while you look for something.

Just remember that this situation is "temporary " that the neighbours are not your life (although it may feel like it right now) and this is just a stage in your life that will end. I have bought (and sold) lots of properties in the last 35 years and usually buy the "problem house" and put it right. You will sell your home if you dress it well, and move on.....
if it's any consolation I started off in a similar situation to you and now live in a very affluent area by buying and selling.

Remember when you shut your door no one should impact on how your family live. Good luck and stay positive

Twice I’ve had awful neighbours (2 different homes) the first lot had two out of control children who were allowed to do what they wanted and drove pretty much everyone in the street mad, the parents weren’t much better. The second in the place I have now was very quiet but a weed smoker and it stank, I couldn’t have any doors or windows open and as he liked to smoke weed in his bedroom (but didn’t like the smell) I couldn’t use my garden either as he would leave the window wide open.

Both sets of neighbours moved on fairly quickly as the first set were pretty unpopular (complained about it but didn’t get why no one liked them) and second was renting moved on and i got to enjoy my home(s) again.

Can you approach the neighbours on the other side of them, see how they get on with it? Maybe if you can both complain to the HA they'll get moved on?

Feel for you OP. For the kitchen, try the one way film (you can see out they can't see in apart from if you have the light on). You can buy online or DIY stores. Get the static one that you can reuse/remove easily not the adhesive type. I'd probably just move ASAP and give the reason as change of circumstances/need to move nearer a relative/school catchment.