To be really disappointed in my colleagues?

[OrangePowder]

I work in a small school.

Very sadly, we lost a colleague to cancer a few weeks ago. At the time there was a huge outpouring of grief, everyone wanted to do "something" to remember her. The head was put under a lot of pressure to contribute to a memorial of some sort and staff wanted to close for the day of the funeral so everyone could attend.

Head said, yes we will do something, but let's wait and see what the family wants, they've got other things to deal with atm. Similarly, she didn't commit to anything re the funeral until we knew what family wanted and what restrictions there would be on numbers. Staff were outraged because they felt not enough was being done.

So, completely out of our control, the funeral is in half term, so everyone who wants to prioritise this could go. Family need to know contact details of attendees for contact tracing, but everyone from work who wants to go is welcome. Only 3 people are going

It's not that I'm personally heartbroken or even think they should go. I wouldn't be going except that my role makes it appropriate that I do. It's that they were all desperate to go until they found out it would be in their own time

* It's that they were all desperate to go until they found out it would be in their own time*

They just wanted a free day off work. Disgusting.

@drpet49

* It's that they were all desperate to go until they found out it would be in their own time*

They just wanted a free day off work. Disgusting.

Yes, it's so much worse than if they were ambivelant about going in the first place.

They just wanted a free day off work. Disgusting.

I agree. Awful behaviour.

I'm sorry for your loss op. I do agree with you that your colleagues are being hypocritical. Unreasonable to want to close a whole a school for a day but then find themselves unable to find the time to attend in their busy half term schedules.

I agree with a pp that this looks like a sort of 'look at me' grief which I have seen before.

I went to a funeral of a friends partner last year (just before Covid). There were 200 people there including the head (the man had kids at the school) which was good of her. Also there was the school Secretary who had had nothing really to do with my friend and in fact had been downright unpleasant while the man was ill in hospital. We all thought she was only there to get a morning off work.

In the gentlest way possible (and pp have mentioned this) it wasn’t the colleague they cares about. They just wanted a free holiday

Also it is disgusting. They should be ashamed of themselves.
If I had made such a fuss I would have gone anyway no matte what day it wasZ

@pinkcups haven’t read the whole thread but where are you originally from?

I totally agree with OP. They wanted to use it as an excuse to get a day off which meant parents would be (for lack of a better word) inconvenienced but not one of them thought it important enough to be inconvenienced over themselves. The only thing I can say is, people suck, they are selfish and transparent but YOU and the head teachers will be able to hold your heads high knowing that you cared enough to attend and the others will never be able to take that from you. They will never again have a leg to stand on after this.

So yes, you have every reason and right to be disappointed with them but you are already better than them so forget it and it will always be them talked about and seen as failures by the family, friends and parents alike 😇

Sounds like they’re all up for it when the chance of a day off is there but since they’re all off anyway .. why bother? It feels like that is what’s happened, sadly.

@Orf1abc

Grief is not a competition. Do what is best for you, let others make their own decisions and respect them. I doubt the family care one bit if many of you turn up.

While you're correct in that it's not a competition, you're wrong that she should respect them for deciding not to go after all the hassle they gave OP about not making it so they COULD go during school time. As for the family, I would absolutely think they will care as this was the deceaseds colleagues and people she may have considered friends yet none of them could be bothered after the family had made sure they knew they were welcome.

This wasn't a woman lost to old age, she was taken at a working age in a job that she would have been making a difference to lives in. Where's their respect for this woman, never mind OP? 😔

A similar situation in our primary school a few years ago. Much hand wringing and public displays of grief at school, but come the funeral, only 2 staff turned up, both lunch assistants! Not even the head bothered going, yet 2 retired heads that used to job share the role both did! Shameful!

Odd they would all attend if they got the day off but only 3 will attend during half term. It seems like they just wanted the day off and not to pay respect to a colleague.

Families have booked holidays, people have childcare commitments, some.peole cant face funerals. As long as a representative contingent go from work I dont see the issue. When we have had colleagues pass away. Usually 3/4 people from work attend and they bring card/collection.

I’m sorry for your Loss. That is truly dreadful from your colleagues. I’d be thinking about moving jobs to be honest if that’s the kind of callous colleagues you have. Not being able to get childcare got school age kids is not an excuse for something so important (co parents take the morning off, holiday clubs, family, friends, organise a childcare collective so 5 colleagues can go and one stays with their kids etc). Truly awful.

To be fair, every teacher I know who has non-local family, is away visiting them this week. I can't blame anyone for heading off for their planned first hug with their parents/grown up kids/grandkids and hoping that others will go to the funeral.

At our local junior school, the school closed for a child's funeral. It was not very edifying seeing the staff all parting after. A wake I suppose.