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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you regret not having had sex with more people?

337 replies

BrilliantBetty · 27/05/2021 17:28

I feel that I should have experimented a bit more in my youth.

I married my first long term boyfriend.

I find myself daydreaming about situations that happened when I was at Uni or similar, when I could (should!) have slept with someone else but didn't and feeling a sense of missed opportunity. I guess it's curiosity to some extent. At the time I had the idea that not having slept with multiple people was desirable? Not sure why now.

So not really an AIBU, I guess I'm just interested to know if other people sometimes feel this way?

OP posts:
Chicchicchicchiclana · 27/05/2021 18:26

No.

Whywonttheyhelpme · 27/05/2021 18:27

@joysexrenovated thank you for the flowers.

I’m sad that you feel the same but thankful that someone understands. Flowers

SunshineCake · 27/05/2021 18:27

No. I think my life would be less upsetting if I had only slept with dh.

Iknowtheanswer · 27/05/2021 18:28

Yes, particularly now that I'm older and ironically have more time for sex, just as DH is wanting less.

Monkeymilkshake · 27/05/2021 18:28

I think the whatifs are better in your imagination than they might have been in real life!
Maybe you could try something new with your DH!? You can still make sex interesting and fun in the present!

Trinacham · 27/05/2021 18:28

Nope. Married my first boyfriend (11 years together now) too and never had those thoughts. I'm very happy with our sex life, so no reason to.

NiceTwin · 27/05/2021 18:31

No regrets.
Had a fair few, some of those were amazing. Sadly my dh has problems and our sex life has been pretty non existent for the 20 years of marriage.
Now, after 2 children, I would be very wary to take my clothes off in front of another man, not that I would do that to dh though.

Holothane · 27/05/2021 18:31

No only three married the last one I wasn’t interested in playing the field and as a teenager the thought of a teen pawing at me was revolting.

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 27/05/2021 18:33

Yes. I really, really do. I have (for example) a friend who occasionally shagged her local mechanic when they were in their early 20s, and still gives her a discount on her MOT, fifteen years on. And their kids are a couple of years apart at the local primary, and they have a really nice, easy relationship with a substratum of 'I've bent you over my kitchen table!' I wish I had that sort of thing with someone. Or a fling with a backpacker. Or something. My sexual experience is very, very limited and while I'm told I give peerless blowjobs, it'd be nice to have had a few more reviews under my belt.

Passionfruitpizza · 27/05/2021 18:35

No. My number is 5 and I'd probably take back 2/3 of them.

PriestessofPing · 27/05/2021 18:38

But are you satisfied and happy with your sex life? Is your marriage good generally? Because it doesn’t matter really if you’ve slept with 100 people and swing naked from the chandeliers of those sexual experiences come attached to shitty relationships.

AnyFucker · 27/05/2021 18:39

No

Don’t hanker after something that isn’t real, op. Most of the casual sex I had in my youth was shit. The grass is decidedly not greener. Mark my words.

Alleycat1 · 27/05/2021 18:40

Ha, ha, no. My user name kind of gives the game away.

TentTalk · 27/05/2021 18:43

Very much so!

I've had lots of sex with lots of partners before meeting DH but I do wish I'd fitted more in and been a bit more adventurous.

Toasty280 · 27/05/2021 18:46

Had sex with lots more before dh (we met when I was 24 him 22). Have slept with males and females, some better than him, some worse, some a lot more adventurous than he would ever be comfortable with. Some with bigger ducks some amazing at oral.

But I love him cause he is the most amazing guy ever.

TentTalk · 27/05/2021 18:46

Having said that, I wouldn't want to now. Not just because of DH but even if we separated, I'm not all that fussed. I wish I'd done it then. I had opportunity and didn't take it due to societal issues with "sluts", but I should have further embraced my sluttiness, I did very much enjoy it!

Hendalle · 27/05/2021 18:47

No regrets & I have a low number.
I do have regrets from my younger years but more along the lines of I shouldn’t have had a long term boyfriend at uni (both too immature & a 4yr relationship was too much pressure).
My main regret is that I didn’t get help for my mental health problems earlier. I’ve wasted at least 20yrs now. I could’ve done anything with my life if I’d got help sooner.

LemonMuffins · 27/05/2021 18:47

Nooo, I did a lot of shagging and I'm glad I did otherwise I'd definitely regret it now. I wouldn't change the number (I don't actually know what it is Blush) but I would swap out some of the people Grin

44PumpLane · 27/05/2021 18:48

Like @BinocularVision I too have found that the quality of shag has typically not been linked to any deep and meaningful connection I've had with someone.

For me the lust and raw sexual desire/fervour of a new partner had typically resulted in great sex and me being mega turned on. My number isn't small, it's not large but I look back and would have liked it to be a little larger.

Any long term relationship has led to a reduction in the passion, and its the passion I have very fond memories of.

I love my husband dearly and he is excellent in bed, but after 10 years I must say I do miss that raw "this is all new I have to have you now" passion.

someonesomewhere1 · 27/05/2021 18:52

I shagged around loads. 50+ men. Zero regrets, even though I'd been called a slag in my youth. I have very fond memories.

LunaNorth · 27/05/2021 18:52

@Toasty280

Had sex with lots more before dh (we met when I was 24 him 22). Have slept with males and females, some better than him, some worse, some a lot more adventurous than he would ever be comfortable with. Some with bigger ducks some amazing at oral.

But I love him cause he is the most amazing guy ever.

You can’t beat a man with a nice big duck 🦆
DNTSleepingDragons · 27/05/2021 18:54

Great sex doesn’t mean being in love for me. Sex was pretty shit the first few guys...got better as the men I met had more experience. Don’t sleep with complete strangers, tended to be people I worked with in my younger days or friends of friends now. Then COVID hit, I realised I’ve run out of friends of friends and the single spinster with lots of cats is now my reality!

LemonMuffins · 27/05/2021 18:56

@44PumpLane

Like *@BinocularVision* I too have found that the quality of shag has typically not been linked to any deep and meaningful connection I've had with someone.

For me the lust and raw sexual desire/fervour of a new partner had typically resulted in great sex and me being mega turned on. My number isn't small, it's not large but I look back and would have liked it to be a little larger.

Any long term relationship has led to a reduction in the passion, and its the passion I have very fond memories of.

I love my husband dearly and he is excellent in bed, but after 10 years I must say I do miss that raw "this is all new I have to have you now" passion.

Agree with this. Nothing can replicate that "we've never shagged, I wonder what it will be like with you" rip your clothes off sexual tension, where just being touched on the arm gives you fanny gallops Blush
Branleuse · 27/05/2021 18:58

I regret not having sex with more women

Bagelsandbrie · 27/05/2021 18:59

Nope. I’ve had sex with 8 people and I think sex is overrated unless it’s with someone you love - like my dh. Doing it with more people doesn’t make it more interesting...

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