Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you regret not having had sex with more people?

337 replies

BrilliantBetty · 27/05/2021 17:28

I feel that I should have experimented a bit more in my youth.

I married my first long term boyfriend.

I find myself daydreaming about situations that happened when I was at Uni or similar, when I could (should!) have slept with someone else but didn't and feeling a sense of missed opportunity. I guess it's curiosity to some extent. At the time I had the idea that not having slept with multiple people was desirable? Not sure why now.

So not really an AIBU, I guess I'm just interested to know if other people sometimes feel this way?

OP posts:
VestaTilley · 27/05/2021 19:54

No. I slept with a few, not many, all largely not that thrilling, and judging by what we know about male behaviour I was probably safer that way (sad that is has to come to that for women to consider of course).

BoomBoomsCousin · 27/05/2021 19:56

Sort of. I did sleep around a fair bit until I got with my now DH. I really enjoyed it, but I like being faithful too. Wish I could do both at the same time!

I think there are benefits to both lots of partners and longer term with one partner.

Personally I disagree with the idea sex is best with someone you love. I've loved men who aren't great in bed. Loving them made the sex better, but good sex without love was better still!

mam0918 · 27/05/2021 19:58

Nope, its not 'fun' to just sleep around.

I nearly had a one night stand once (called it off right at the pivitol moment), I was young naive and hurt from having broke up with my boyfriend a month before, the next day I just felt awful and used... certainly was no 'thrill' involved.

I got peer pressured and bullied by the other girls for not sleeping with guys, I have seen some of them since and most have explained they hated themselves and where redirecting it onto me and some have had serious issue dealing with the mental strain of things they did back then.

I have regretted people I dated (I think most people have at least one ex where you think 'what was I thinking'), I regret heavy petting when I have been horney and then afterward thought that wasnt worth it but I have never regretted NOT having sex.

mam0918 · 27/05/2021 20:01

Ill also add of all the guys I did sleep with (which was more than I wish I had but all guy I was dating) NON of the where 'good'.

Sex is way better with someone you can relax and explore with not just someone young or someone looking for a quick fumble.

Kettledodger · 27/05/2021 20:01

Slept with one guy at 15 got pregnant had child adopted. Fell in love/lust aged 17 and ended up marrying him at 24. Met DP at 28 divorced DH at 29 and still with DP now. That's it 3 men.

I am totally happy with DP been with him over 20 years now but I do wish I had not wasted my 20s on a man that didn't really love me. I could have had so much more fun!

katienana · 27/05/2021 20:04

No. Dh was number 10 and that was enough!
I was only 20 when we met but I was ready for something more serious. It helped that he was by far the best I'd ever had.
I'm glad I had those other experiences though it was fun, and awful, liberating, and painful. I definitely learned a lot from it.

username2332 · 27/05/2021 20:05

I've slept with enough men but I wish I'd slept with women too. It's reassuring that I'm not the only one on here!

MimiDaisy11 · 27/05/2021 20:10

I didn't find causal relationships that great and largely mediocre. I don't regret any as my number is under 10 so not a massive amount but while I don't regret it or think about it, if I never had slept with some of them my life would be no different as the memories aren't special or great.

Hufflepuffsunite · 27/05/2021 20:11

No. I have never had any inclination to have sex with lots of people and especially not strangers or people I don't know well. I'm happy to have sex in a relationship and enjoy it, but when single I'm happy to go without. Maybe I'm weird though (I always felt weird at uni because of this!).

UmamiMammy · 27/05/2021 20:14

Only had two partners and have no regrets at all, my first was exdh (married 16 years) my seconds was dh (17 years so far).

PrawnofthePatriarchy · 27/05/2021 20:14

I'm really glad I had lots of sex with lots of partners. I'm a widow now and too old, fat and disabled for the dating scene. But at least I have my many memories. I get all misty eyed remembering DH.

DS2 was talking about his dating life last night - he's getting out there after a LTR ended - and I told him I wished I'd taken Oscar Wilde's advice - "keep a diary. It's good to have something scandalous to read on the train."

He laughed and said it was good advice.

Blondiney · 27/05/2021 20:15

Men, no. I slept plenty, too many some might say. Been celibate for 10 years and I'm happy I had my time but don't miss the 'act' in the slightest, it did very little for me.

I do wish I'd have explored my bisexuality more though. I seemed to attract a lot of women, some of whom I was attracted to but rarely allowed it to go further. The encounters I did have were lovely.

thelegohooverer · 27/05/2021 20:15

I’m not really sure. From the moment I met dh I stopped fancying other men. I can’t properly remember what it felt like to be attracted to other men.

It would have been nice to have grown up in a time and place where there wasn’t so much judgement attached to sex. The double standard was thriving. It felt like you could have a ons or a relationship, but if your hormones got the better of you then you weren’t girlfriend material.

TeddingtonTrashbag · 27/05/2021 20:17

No because sex is aerobics with an orgasm without the emotional attachment.

kiksta · 27/05/2021 20:18

Hell yes. And this is coming from someone who did her fair share of sexing and rebelling at uni! Should've done more Grin

Maddison12 · 27/05/2021 20:19

Can't say I've ever had that problem, more the opposite really.

MurryFuff · 27/05/2021 20:23

@YouShouldLeave

No. Never had sex with anyone. No regrets.

Good for you.

Italiangreyhound · 27/05/2021 20:31

Don't regret not having more sexual partners, not a bit.

YouShouldLeave · 27/05/2021 20:31

@mam0918
””I got peer pressured and bullied by the other girls for not sleeping with guys, I have seen some of them since and most have explained they hated themselves and where redirecting it onto me and some have had serious issue dealing with the mental strain of things they did back then.””

THANK YOU for writing this!!

I have been also pressured, also prude and virgin shamed so many times, all by other women.
And i’ve always wondered what that has been about.

YouShouldLeave · 27/05/2021 20:37

@MurryFuff

YouShouldLeave
No.
Never had sex with anyone.
No regrets.

Good for you.

////

Damn it, now this is bugging me.
I can’t tell if you were being sarcastic or not....

whataboutbob · 27/05/2021 20:38

Hell yes, especially some people whom I talked myself out of sleeping with when I should have.

the80sweregreat · 27/05/2021 20:39

I was laughed at once for telling someone I hadn't slept around , only one partner ever etc.
It was a bit humiliating to be honest!
I'm not keen on sex, I don't think it's that unusual really.

Summerfun54321 · 27/05/2021 20:40

Anyone who’s had a lot of one night stands knows the sex isn’t great. Quick, (usually drunk) and fumbling. Good sex is about quality not quantity!

NameChange74567 · 27/05/2021 20:42

I regret having sex with so many people.

Nataliafalka · 27/05/2021 20:44

That’s a really good question. I had some fairly good sex in my 20’s then met DH and had a poor sex life for many years. I didn’t think I had missed out on much and pretty much accepted I wasn’t that bothered about sex. I have had 2 partners since then and discovered how amazing sex can be, totally different to in my 20’s. Whilst I don’t wish I had more partners I’m glad I’ve had the chance to really “get” what sex is. It’s such a key part of my relationship with my partner and I never thought it was imprtant before