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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you regret not having had sex with more people?

337 replies

BrilliantBetty · 27/05/2021 17:28

I feel that I should have experimented a bit more in my youth.

I married my first long term boyfriend.

I find myself daydreaming about situations that happened when I was at Uni or similar, when I could (should!) have slept with someone else but didn't and feeling a sense of missed opportunity. I guess it's curiosity to some extent. At the time I had the idea that not having slept with multiple people was desirable? Not sure why now.

So not really an AIBU, I guess I'm just interested to know if other people sometimes feel this way?

OP posts:
Custardo · 28/05/2021 18:36

no.married at 17 (true story)

i did have a time of wishing - in hindsight though - not arsed about the sex (if you like the sex you're having)

i did always wish i did more drugs...

mellie1806 · 28/05/2021 18:49

In a word. Yes.
I love my husband dearly but wish I’d been a bit more promiscuous as a teenager. I now have a massive thing about sleeping with a woman too, but it’s just going to have to stay a thing as it’s not something my husband would put up with. I would do things differently if I had my time again!!

ChristmasFluff · 28/05/2021 18:50

I couldn't have slept with more people without severely affecting my work/life balance!

I began late (19), but then when that relationship ended, I set out on a voyage of discovery. When I was younger, I really confused sex with love, and tried to get love through sex. But then I saw the error of my ways (at about 23), and somehow after that I was quite happy to have recreational sex - much to the horror of every woman around me.

Oh, I was still as love-addicted/codependent as ever, but sex was nothing to do with it. I am still that way - sex for fun is totally on the table.

So yes, lots of one-night stands, lots of one-night stands that turned into relationships or flings, and believe me, if the sex had been bad, that would not have happened! The sex with a one-nighter can be amazing! Or crap. Just like sex with someone you have relationship hopes for.

I regret nothing. I don't do one-night stands any more because I can't be bothered. But never say never.

Bangolads · 28/05/2021 18:59

No I had sex with lots of people. I stopped counting. I learned a lot. Some good some bad. I know exactly what I like and don’t like and I know that your primary sexual relationship is with yourself and I feel very confident- also being good or bad in bed is a myth it’s how funny lol you click with someone overall that seals the deal.

Annie202 · 28/05/2021 19:00

Yes!

Bebethany · 28/05/2021 19:05

Me to, Claramonica. But I had my fair share of STD’s so the variety had its downside too, I was extremely lucky not to have ended up with much worse. Many times I thought it was love but really it was desire and lust.

Sienna7657 · 28/05/2021 19:10

No. Caught genital herpes with the first person I shagged and genital warts with the last person I shagged. Body count is 4. Maybe I have been really fucking unlucky

ShinyMe · 28/05/2021 19:12

There are plenty of people from my uni days that I didn't sleep with because of whatever reason, that I now wish I'd just slept with. I don't waste any time thinking about it and regretting it, but if I had the time again I'd have the sex, because it would have been fun and wouldn't have done anyone any harm.

THEDEACON · 28/05/2021 19:14

No I had sex with as many folk as I wanted to I've done everything I wanted to and won't die wondering

Localocal · 28/05/2021 19:22

I had lots of partners, some good, some less so. No regrets - I loved being free and experimental. But you shouldn't have regrets either. Sex in a loving long-term relationship is WAY better than one night stands or short relationships or sex with friends. Have been with DH for 25 years now and wouldn't trade our sex life for anything with anyone.

FazeleysRoyale · 28/05/2021 19:31

No.

I've slept with 4. Three of those I was in love with and the other was just a bit of fun but I didn't love him. They all happened at University.

No.4 is my husband, met him after Uni. I always thought I'd meet my husband at Uni but didn't happen like that !

wanadu2022 · 28/05/2021 19:34

I don't think you can really know what you've missed out on, because you've never had it! It's like people who've never left their hometowns can't really understand the buzz of starting afresh elsewhere. So best not to dwell on it too much as you can't really change it.

I dumped a bf at 23 because the thought of sealing the deal that young without really see what else was out there, or whether life got any better, was stifling. Never regretted it! Sex with him was good and I never had any complaints because I enjoyed it. But dear god, I didn't know just how good it could be till I met some other men, including my exH and my current bf.

I can't imagine spending 80 years on this planet only having been with 1-2 men tbh. I think settling down young worked when we were all dying in our 50s and you never met people outside your town - so it's not like there were loads of options. But in a globalised world where you have access to so many different men, different cultures, different types of lovemaking, I'm very pleased I experimented because when I'm old and grey, I'll be able to enjoy memories of all those romps.

LakieLady · 28/05/2021 19:46

Not really, I've a fair few notches on my bedposts.

There are some people I wish I'd had more sex with though. Grin

Supergirl1958 · 28/05/2021 19:47

💯no!! In fact I’ve only ever had 3 sexual partners and I regret the other 2 as they were both regrettable one night stands! And both used me so wish I hadn’t and just saved myself as I am now in a happy long term relationship!!

Montysauras · 28/05/2021 20:23

No regrets here, I slept with about 20 people in a couple of years and settled down very young. I kick myself for not practising safe sex (I was extremely lucky) and pray that my kids have more sense than me!

I wish I had more confidence in previous ‘relationships’. Since being with DH we try new things so sex is good. But I can only imagine how good sex would have been with previous partners if I had let myself go a bit!

You just can’t beat that passion and desire for someone new that you fancy Wink

Also very interesting to read how many women wish they had slept with other women... I sometimes wish I had but I’m sure, for me, the fantasy would be better than reality. I absolutely love men and their 🍆 just saying!

Youdoyoutoday · 28/05/2021 20:42

I really should have slept with less.... way less! Some of them still make me cringe Blush

89redballoons · 28/05/2021 20:55

Nope.

My "number" is 9 men and 3 women, but met DH aged 22 and he has been my only long term relationship.

I had some one night stands with some people I really fancied at the time, and have some great storied to tell Wink but the actual sex is incomparably better with DH now than it ever was with them. We've been together for 12 years now and know each other inside out and love each other, and that seems to make sex much better for me. I didn't actually have an orgasm with anyone else before DH, and faked it more than a few times Blush

mrstnov13 · 28/05/2021 21:02

Yes!
I've been with my husband since we were 18 and he was my first everything. I love him and our sex life is very satisfying but now and again, I day dream about being with a random stranger.

BBCdramaaddict · 28/05/2021 21:06

No, I had sex with a LOT of people before I met my DH. No regrets Smile

grapefruitish · 28/05/2021 21:11

No, I had all the sex. I don't regret any of it!

FreddieMercurysCat · 28/05/2021 21:14

If I remember rightly, my now husband is no 23. I think that’s ok-ish. But for me, if I’d met my husband and he’d been my first, I’d never wonder about it.

Nyala · 28/05/2021 21:30

I absolutely wish I had slept with a woman before I married a man! He is aware of this, and it isn't causing a problem, it's just one of those "Ah, I wish I did that" things as I am not heterosexual.

waveajay · 28/05/2021 21:34

No . I am who I am.

FabulouslyFab · 28/05/2021 21:40

I’m at a point in my life where I am happy single and cannot imagine ever bothering with a man again.
But I do wish the last guy I had sex with hadn’t been the last guy I had sex with .....

Mumkins42 · 28/05/2021 22:06

I was a complete trollope and had a great time for many parts of my youth. 😀
But - there were points where it felt emotionally painful and I see now I am older and much wiser that it didn't help feelings of low self esteem. I think it depends on the person you are. Some people can go along with it and enjoy it, others get hurt on some level. It's harder for females to have more casual liaisons than men in general.
I think there are many positives to having not had multiple experiences. I do understand the curiosity regards what may have been that you feel. I imagine the reality wouldn't live up to it. How about getting into self pleasure a bit more when you get time on your own; live out all those fantasies in your mind at the same time with whatever tools or not that you need. It may help satisfy your feelings of missing something. 😀