Husband wants me to earn £1k per week

[MariaMackee]

DH and I both work for ourselves but have very different jobs. He owns a business and works long hours as you’d expect being a business owner.

I work part time providing a specialist service to clients (nothing untoward) and am paid by the hour. I currently bring home about £750 per week.

Because he works long hours I do the majority of the household chores which includes all laundry, food shopping and cooking. He does all the recycling, bins and maintains the garden. We also have two teenagers who are pretty good and self sufficient.

We are reasonably comfortable financially, but DH says we need to make as much money as possible so we can retire earlier and not have worry about money. I see his point but I am happy as I am and would have to do at least 5 more hours a week to make £1k.

It’s causing a bit of friction and I feel pressured, he says another 5 hours is not much, but I already feel exhausted with running the home and quite like having some time to myself.

AIBU or should I increase my hours to keep the peace?

Not having a pension would terrify me and your DH's pension is small.
What will you live on when you retire?

That aside, if you don't have a cleaner you're doing 2 jobs - career & domestic work + cooking.

I would not agree to work more hours without a cleaner to do most of the cleaning and laundry. If he doesn't like someone in his house he can of course to it himself.

That would be my bottom line.

Your earnings are very good OP. I’m not sure why anyone is suggesting you can work an extra 5 hours.

Life is for living now also. I wouldn’t do it. You both sound comfortable and tbh your DH sounds greedy.

I would book the cleaner or tell him he can clean the house once a week too!

This pensions thing is a red herring. So you save £250 a week into a pension for how many years? 10 or 15? That is going to buy you a pathetically small annunity - seriously you would be better off putting the money into ISAs, which you can cash in without paying tax on the capital gain.

In any case you already own your house, have ISAs and an inhreritance. You will be better off than most.

By all means get some pensions advice.

But I think this is about something else - like he doesn't want to work so hard while (in his view) you contribute so little.

I don’t think you’re being very fair really. You only work around 15 hours a week 9 months of the year and have kids who can pretty mix take care of themselves. Your partner would like you to pick up an extra 5 hours so you can enjoy early retirement together but you don’t want to as you want to persue your hobbies while he works full time?? You still still have plenty of free time even after picking up 5 extra hours.

It is impossible to get to the truth on threads like this... who is in the right, who in the wrong, bit of both etc etc.

But I have to say that I bet that there are a hell of a lot of people out there who would love a partner who is working extremely hard at their business, partly to bring in the money, and partly to try to help a troubled son into a constructive adulthood. The idea that he is a blatant piss-taker is not obvious from OPs posts, yet so many people are talking like he's Rab C Nesbitt.

When you no longer have sex you can become just a housekeeper, bread winner to your partner, they can be as rich as Elon Musk, they still expect more. The fact that you bring home a good income support them and family no longer cuts any ice,.

As for handing over to a difficult son, just watch the business go down the toilet and your partner be disappointed, frustrated and bad tempered about it. That'll be your fault too @MariaMackee

Well to be fair @JediGnot other people are also accusing the OP of being a dosser when she earns a great salary and does all of the housework.

So he has a disability, he's trying to guide one child into a decent future and working as much as possible to secure his own? He's more than pulling his weight and you're taking the mickey.

Even doing the household stuff on top your life is hardly tasking, especially as your dc are older and out of the house each day. 5 hours isn't a massive ask at all.

What is this bloody chasing of retirement so early at the detriment to health and mental wellness. What's the point in retiring if you have to run yourself ragged and retire with shit health. Never understood it. But then I have a shortened life expectancy so my view is probably skewed anyway.

I agree that your situation is not great at all. You have a property that you can rent and probably get £1k in rental. By the time this is taxed, you put money aside for repairs, refurbishment, gap with no tenants, you’ll get what £600 a month. Your £20 will go quickly. You’ll need to work until you are 67 to be self sufficient yourself.

£200k is not too large either at all.

It sounds like you have it so much better than him right now. He’s got fibromyalgia which causes him sleep deprivation, he has to work long Hours and he has the sole responsibility to ensure your son has a future.

Whilst you work 15 hours and do a few hours chores. I certainly know which life I’d pick between the two.

Really sorry didn't read whole thread by the way, missed bit about your partner's health sorry, wasn't being flippant.

@HugeBowlofChips

This pensions thing is a red herring. So you save £250 a week into a pension for how many years? 10 or 15? That is going to buy you a pathetically small annunity - seriously you would be better off putting the money into ISAs, which you can cash in without paying tax on the capital gain.

In any case you already own your house, have ISAs and an inhreritance. You will be better off than most.

By all means get some pensions advice.

But I think this is about something else - like he doesn't want to work so hard while (in his view) you contribute so little.

Thank god you added a mention of getting advice because your idea is bonkers.

The reason pension withdrawals are taxable is because of tax relief on the way in.

£250/week means £312.50 goes in automatically, even for a standard rate tax payer. And then on withdrawal, the first 25% it tax free.

Most decent pension providers offer a range of funds equally as good as ISA providers - many top SIPPs offer the same funds for both.

You have absolutely no need to take an annuity. In fact for most people it would be a terrible decision to do so.

I think the main issue here is that you have different perspectives, and different goals.
I don't think any of you is wrong, as such, (although he should do more at home), but it creates an imbalance, in that he is providing more for the future (at the moment) and more towards your family lifestyle. He also seems to be contributing more towards the children's future (or he seems to think so - I think it's arguable).

It looks like you need to find a balance that makes both of you happy, now and in your planned future together.

Digs, playful or not, are not the way to address this. Make it a real discussion.

Sorry, forgot to add:

You are choosing to enjoy life more now, whereas it looks like he is choosing to enjoy his life more later (in early retirement), but he may well benefit from you being younger and working longer to top up your (including his) retirement. None is wrong, but you may need to find a balance.

Tell him you will if you swap chores, you do the bins and cut the grass and he does everything else.

Write up a job description of all of the work you do in the house, call an agency and get them to send over CV and sit down with DH and ask him which he would like to employ. House work is still work, even if it doesn’t generate an income. Be realistic and work out how much work you do , both paid and unpaid - see if you can squeeze in a bit more, but do the analysis and have a concrete argument either way. Also if you added £250 a month to the coffers - what does that offer you?

@Lweji

He should definitely not do more at home. OP works 15 hours and says he works long hours. Long hours is more than the regular 8 hours in most people's opinion so I think it's safe to say he does 45 hours a week at least. She certainly doesn't do anywhere near 30 hours of cleaning/cooking/whatever else. He's pulling his weight and more.

Why does it not surprise me that his “doing the bins” don’t involve the actual (very slightly hard work) of actually emptying bins and replacing bin liners. He picks up the bin bag that you sorted, and puts it in the wheelie bin.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Go him!

To be fair, actually emptying bins is women’s work.
Sorry - “not in his skill set” 🤣

He’s fine to lift a bag into a wheelie bin and trundle it over to the road... that’s proper man’s work 🙄

@Planty13

I don’t think you’re being very fair really. You only work around 15 hours a week 9 months of the year and have kids who can pretty mix take care of themselves. Your partner would like you to pick up an extra 5 hours so you can enjoy early retirement together but you don’t want to as you want to persue your hobbies while he works full time?? You still still have plenty of free time even after picking up 5 extra hours.

I don't think the hours worked matters. The OP earns a decent amount and contributes a decent amount financially and that's fine.

I work 3 days a week, DH works full-time. But I earn more than he does working 3 days a week than he does full-time. So I am not doing more days.

The OP's DH could work less and earn less if he wanted to. But he wants to retire early. The OP wants to work less now (after all, none of us know if we will actually make it to retirement even you retire early). It's a bit of a conflict, but I don't see why the OP should give in. If she wasn't working, or was only earning the minimum wage and doing 15 hours, that might be different.

He might resent seeing you “have time to yourself” (as you put it) and maybe would like to see you step up, or acknowledge that he works long, and longer, hours.

You guys need to talk. And really communicate. It might not be about the money afterall.

I'm sorry I don't have advise but feel I might end up in a similar situation? Would you prepared to DM me what your profession is, OP? I am looking for freelance work in a school setting (am currently looking at Speech and Language Therapy and Forest Schools) but I'm concerned about financials. I'm just curious about whether it's that you do! No worries if not!

I don't think OP said she wanted to stop her DH retiring?

And why should OP retire early if she enjoys her part time and very lucrative work? Especially when as a long term option they will be better off doing this than OP picking up an extra 5 hours now and retiring at the same time as the DH.

Given his skill set why do you think he'll do more at home when he's retired and you're still working?

He needs to do more around the house if he expects you to take on more hours

@TheUndoingProject

In your shoes I’d have a think about my pension provision.

Do RTFT, she doesn’t need to.