Husband wants me to earn £1k per week

[MariaMackee]

DH and I both work for ourselves but have very different jobs. He owns a business and works long hours as you’d expect being a business owner.

I work part time providing a specialist service to clients (nothing untoward) and am paid by the hour. I currently bring home about £750 per week.

Because he works long hours I do the majority of the household chores which includes all laundry, food shopping and cooking. He does all the recycling, bins and maintains the garden. We also have two teenagers who are pretty good and self sufficient.

We are reasonably comfortable financially, but DH says we need to make as much money as possible so we can retire earlier and not have worry about money. I see his point but I am happy as I am and would have to do at least 5 more hours a week to make £1k.

It’s causing a bit of friction and I feel pressured, he says another 5 hours is not much, but I already feel exhausted with running the home and quite like having some time to myself.

AIBU or should I increase my hours to keep the peace?

@3cats2kids

Explain why that is when she does 15 hours of work and he most likely does a minimum of 45?

Has he also decided how & where your retirement will be spent?

Tbh if DH worked part time and term time only as they wanted time for hobbies he wouldn’t be a DH for much longer. I’d expect him to equally share the working hours and the household tasks.

@justasking111

When you no longer have sex you can become just a housekeeper, bread winner to your partner, they can be as rich as Elon Musk, they still expect more. The fact that you bring home a good income support them and family no longer cuts any ice,.

As for handing over to a difficult son, just watch the business go down the toilet and your partner be disappointed, frustrated and bad tempered about it. That'll be your fault too @MariaMackee

You do make some rather strange assumptions 😂

@rookiemere

Well to be fair *@JediGnot* other people are also accusing the OP of being a dosser when she earns a great salary and does all of the housework.

true!

Based on the numbers you've given it sounds like you currently work 15 hours a week and he wants you to work 20 hours a week. I'm guessing that, on 20 hours a week, you would still be doing significantly less hours that you DH. As your hourly rate is £50 per hour, which is a lot more than a cleaner, why don't you consider doing 25 hours a week (earning you £1250 a week) and engaging a cleaner to do 5 hours of cleaning, ironing etc each week on c.£10-15 an hour. You'll be better off, still have plenty of free time, won't have to do domestic chores and be quids in. Winner. Winner.

@Kitfish if you read the thread - or at least the OPs comments- you would know that the OPs DH does not want strangers in the house and is therefore resistant to getting a cleaner.

I would tell him he'll need to start updating his skill set so he can take over the housework when he retires. He can start cooking on a Saturday surely? Fry a couple of steaks? He might not be so keen on retiring early then. My DH used to look for praise for every fucking bin moved. Then I looked to him for praise for all the things I did and I think I didn't stop talking for about 3 hours. He was much better after that.

I think rereading this, the core issue is the assumption that the only job the DS can get is in the family business. Maybe that's what needs to be discussed as it would seem sensible to have some back up options to that - even if it's the DS getting a minimum wage job in the meantime to get some work skills.
It's a red herring to point a finger at the adult earning a decent living and doing all the housework when there's somebody else not earning anything or doing anything in the home.

Finances need to reflect both of your priorities IMO. I like holidays, DH likes giving to charity, we both like saving and both hope to retire early. One of your priorities is your hobbies/downtime. He could also work less but is choosing to work more now and less later. Seems like a good balance already.

Unless there is dire reason for you to work an extra 5hrs a week then I'd carry on as you are. You bring a decent wage in each week and run the house which is more than enough. Your dh is being unreasonable

@3cats2kids

He needs to do more around the house if he expects you to take on more hours

Surely that is largely down to how fair the balance is now. If this sick older man is already doing extremely long hours (did OP imply 364 days a year?) then maybe OP could double her hours and it still be fair. Not least as it appears OP has time for hobbies and we have no evidence hubby has the same.

We can all make comments but no-one can make blanket statements like yours.

@MariaMackee said they don't have sex. What she did not say was that this was her choice. It could be his choice/he's may be in too much pain with his condition/he may be impotent/he may have just stopped fancying it/hemay be too tired through lack of sleep.

With regard to the lack of pension that appears to be causing consternation amongst some respondents.
She has half a paid off house. She has a stable job that pays £750 per week in term time which she could up to over a £1,000 if she felt like it because she is self employed and in control of it. She may even have part ownership of her DH's business for all we know. She is twelve years younger than him.

And on top of all that she has an inheritance of £350,000 in her name.

She can single handedly run a big house with four people in it.

I think @MariaMackee is going to be okay

Im not sure what you do (I wish I did) but have you thought about hiring someone else to your work. You would be paying them so you’d get less money but you’d be earning more than usual and still have free find to do the chores.

Any chance up upping your hourly rate or is it fixed?

There is a lot of ‘he wants’ in your posts.
He wants you to earn as much as possible now.
He wants to retire in about 5 years and for you to reduce your hours etc...

What do YOU want from the next 5~10 years?
Where is the discussion on how you see the future, one that you would talk about and create together vs his version that you are allowed to modified a bit?

@justasking111 has a point about your ds

Handing over the business you have built is HARD. Your ds isn’t going to manage the same way. It might work or it might not.
Having seeing it at play twice in my family, I would caution about assuming everything will be rosy.

@toocold54

Im not sure what you do (I wish I did) but have you thought about hiring someone else to your work. You would be paying them so you’d get less money but you’d be earning more than usual and still have free find to do the chores.

Yes I have thought about that, it’s a good suggestion but one of the main reasons I am successful is how I am and how I deal with the people I work with. Sorry I know that sounds really big headed but people in my field tend to ask specifically for me rather than someone else as I have a good reputation and many, many years of experience and work in a particular way that outshines the competition, and I would worry if I outsourced work I would tarnish what I have by possibly hiring people that didn’t meet my expectations.

As you said He works long hour you work less than 20 37 weeks of the year .
You have a cleaner I don't think the division of labour is unfair . Even with another 5 hour your just over 20

[quote DreamingNow]@justasking111 has a point about your ds

Handing over the business you have built is HARD. Your ds isn’t going to manage the same way. It might work or it might not.
Having seeing it at play twice in my family, I would caution about assuming everything will be rosy.[/quote]
Yes of course, but DH and I are quite intelligent human beings and know what will work and what won’t. We don’t make assumptions.

@DreamingNow

There is a lot of ‘he wants’ in your posts. He wants you to earn as much as possible now. He wants to retire in about 5 years and for you to reduce your hours etc...

What do YOU want from the next 5~10 years?
Where is the discussion on how you see the future, one that you would talk about and create together vs his version that you are allowed to modified a bit?

I don’t really know. I don’t like thinking too far ahead

We both have ISA’s with £20k and inheritances totalling £350k he has a pension worth £200k I have no pension
We share all bills and any money earned however he ploughs his profits straight back into the business. We have no mortgage so bills are low
He wants to retire in about 5 years when he’s 66ish, he wants me to continue working part time for ‘pocket money’ then whenever I want to stop completely he says is obviously my decision
I will be ok alone financially as although I don’t have a pension I have an ISA and inheritance (estate is in my name so no issues with that)

You've got £390k cash and no mortgage, and he wants you to earn more?

Just retire already. You're set for life.

@MariaMackee 'Show me Heaven' by Maria McKee is one of my all time favourite songs of my childhood/early teens BTW. I still sing it round the house sometimes more than 30 years later.

I'm a bit worried about the 'ensuring DS has a career' bit. This is all very well but there might've been other issues contributing to his school refusal etc which need to be addressed, such as mental health or not being neurotypical etc. This could all be looked into, to try and help him. CAMHS can be a bit shit, so if he had bad experiences with them, they aren't really representative of consultants etc in general.

How far did he get with his education? Maybe there's a course he could do at college in case he ever had to apply to work for another company.

The problem here is that your DH is somehow imposing his view of the future onto you.
And you are trying to fit around that, despite the fact you actually don’t really want to.

That’s why you need a discussion. Nit him telling you what to do and what will happen. And not you just waiting and see what will happen iyswim

blimey 3k a month is good money. If you can save then put it in your pension. if he wants to retire early he'll need to increase his pension 4 fold or more to have a comfortable life. Personally I wold put as much into paying off your mortgage and your pension as possible