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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants me to earn £1k per week

352 replies

MariaMackee · 27/05/2021 13:40

DH and I both work for ourselves but have very different jobs. He owns a business and works long hours as you’d expect being a business owner.

I work part time providing a specialist service to clients (nothing untoward) and am paid by the hour. I currently bring home about £750 per week.

Because he works long hours I do the majority of the household chores which includes all laundry, food shopping and cooking. He does all the recycling, bins and maintains the garden. We also have two teenagers who are pretty good and self sufficient.

We are reasonably comfortable financially, but DH says we need to make as much money as possible so we can retire earlier and not have worry about money. I see his point but I am happy as I am and would have to do at least 5 more hours a week to make £1k.

It’s causing a bit of friction and I feel pressured, he says another 5 hours is not much, but I already feel exhausted with running the home and quite like having some time to myself.

AIBU or should I increase my hours to keep the peace?

OP posts:
Original poster
MariaMackee · 27/05/2021 15:41

@vivainsomnia

Questions: How much is your pension pot, how much is his? Are all bills shared 50/50? When do you envision retiring? Will you be ok with your retirement pot alone?
We both have ISA’s with £20k and inheritances totalling £350k he has a pension worth £200k I have no pension We share all bills and any money earned however he ploughs his profits straight back into the business. We have no mortgage so bills are low He wants to retire in about 5 years when he’s 66ish, he wants me to continue working part time for ‘pocket money’ then whenever I want to stop completely he says is obviously my decision I will be ok alone financially as although I don’t have a pension I have an ISA and inheritance (estate is in my name so no issues with that)
OP posts:
Original poster
MariaMackee · 27/05/2021 15:43

I don’t really know how I feel about retirement, I’m happy just to go into old age working a few hours here and there. It’s not stressful what I do a d currently I enjoy my job

OP posts:
sillysmiles · 27/05/2021 15:43

He (DS) was a school refuser, complete handful despite our best efforts and has deemed himself unemployable hence why DH is working so hard to ensure he has a career and bright future. I blame DH he was a really naughty child and defiant teen

So your DH sees himself in your DS and is trying to sort out a career and future for him, but without recognising that DH is who he is because he worked for it, whereas DS is already shown no interest in working (school etc) - there are no guarantees that he'll apply himself to the business either as he is not as personally invested in it.

Starlightstarbright1 · 27/05/2021 15:45

You earn £39 k and are paying nothing into a pension 😲.

sillysmiles · 27/05/2021 15:45

I have no pension

You really need to sort out a pension for yourself.

BarbaraofSeville · 27/05/2021 15:45

So with your state pensions, a mortgage free house and all that cash, you're pretty comfortable. It doesn't look like you need to work more than you're already doing.

He can retire in 5 years time, you can continue working as you are now, and when he's retired and you're still working, he can then do everything at home while you're at work?

Toffeesausage · 27/05/2021 15:46

@bigbaggyeyes

He also refuses to cook anything saying it’s not part of his skill set

Fucking hell this really gave me the rage!

Tell him it's not in YOUR skill set to work another 5 hours

Or you could tell him that you'll do an hour extra a day, but he has to cook and clean an hour a day

Why should he do that when she works less than half the amount he does?🤨
Devlesko · 27/05/2021 15:46

Get a cleaner or go on strike, stop doing for him, he's a grown up.
So glad you earn decent money, it will be much better for you when you drop the neanderthol.
You need to up your bar, he's a wanker.
Well, he will be when you stop having sex with him.

Original poster
MariaMackee · 27/05/2021 15:46

@Cocomarine

Well, if you’re answering questions...

This isn’t the most important one but I’m nosy 🤣

How on earth is taking the bins out a chore even worth mentioning?!

Ha ha yes, I agree. I actually empty all the bins and put all rubbish in big black bag by back door. He then puts bag in black wheelie bin and takes to the bottom of our drive then says he’s done the bins. He’s like a child who needs constant praise and acknowledgement for doing the tiniest things! 🤣
OP posts:
Original poster
MariaMackee · 27/05/2021 15:47

@Devlesko

Get a cleaner or go on strike, stop doing for him, he's a grown up. So glad you earn decent money, it will be much better for you when you drop the neanderthol. You need to up your bar, he's a wanker. Well, he will be when you stop having sex with him.
We don’t have sex
OP posts:
Original poster
MariaMackee · 27/05/2021 15:47

@sillysmiles

I have no pension

You really need to sort out a pension for yourself.

Why?
OP posts:
HollowTalk · 27/05/2021 15:48

Do you love him? Is your life better for having him in it?

sst1234 · 27/05/2021 15:50

Why do you need to sort out a pension for yourself? Is that a real question? Why do you think OP? To live off something when you can no longer work.
To be honest, this thread is getting weirder by each response OP gives.

fruityorange · 27/05/2021 15:50

A private pension is only worth doing if you will have more monthly income from it than you get in top up benefits. People with a very small pension can end up worse off than people with none.

Original poster
MariaMackee · 27/05/2021 15:51

@sst1234

Why do you need to sort out a pension for yourself? Is that a real question? Why do you think OP? To live off something when you can no longer work. To be honest, this thread is getting weirder by each response OP gives.
I don’t think you read my post.
OP posts:
Original poster
MariaMackee · 27/05/2021 15:51

@fruityorange

A private pension is only worth doing if you will have more monthly income from it than you get in top up benefits. People with a very small pension can end up worse off than people with none.
Exactly
OP posts:
Original poster
MariaMackee · 27/05/2021 15:52

@HollowTalk

Do you love him? Is your life better for having him in it?
Yes definitely
OP posts:
SometimesALime · 27/05/2021 15:53

What does he want to actually do in his retirement? My Dad retired when he was about 65, just suddenly quit his self employed work with no discussion with my Mum. Was a shock. He doesn't actually do anything, he is very happy pottering around, walking to the shop for the morning paper, reads that then toddles off for a walk and is incredibly happy. The man cannot sit still, so is always off out on the bus wherever they take him.

My FIL retired at 50 as my MIL came into an inheritance. He had big grand plans that he never actually did in the end and that was over 20 years ago. My MIL was a secretary then a SAHM. Retrained and worked until she was 62, loved her job and did not want to retire too early. Sadly she died within the year of her retirement from leukaemia leaving FIL to fend for himself. He only ever made 2 meals a week even when he was retired, MIL still did the supermarket shop and all the cleaning despite working full time.

You need to talk about how he sees his retirement. And I have a Dh who works a lot of hours, he absolutely loves what he does and it is entirely his choice. The difference is I am a SAHM due to disability so I take on all the cooking, cleaning etc. It does take me between 40 minutes to 1 hour to prepare a meal from scratch.

Coronawireless · 27/05/2021 15:53

Well your DH works much longer hours than you and presumably contributes more financially. So I don’t agree with all the angry posters that he should cook his own dinner etc.
If he’s genuinely worried about finances during retirement despite working such long hours now, can you talk to him about how you can both plan for that?

Original poster
MariaMackee · 27/05/2021 15:53

@BarbaraofSeville

So with your state pensions, a mortgage free house and all that cash, you're pretty comfortable. It doesn't look like you need to work more than you're already doing.

He can retire in 5 years time, you can continue working as you are now, and when he's retired and you're still working, he can then do everything at home while you're at work?

Yes I think that’s a sensible suggestion
OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 27/05/2021 15:53

@sst1234

Why do you need to sort out a pension for yourself? Is that a real question? Why do you think OP? To live off something when you can no longer work. To be honest, this thread is getting weirder by each response OP gives.
The OP has said she wants to continue working. Also that the inheritence is hers. They own their house outright. She will get the state pension.

How much money do people need?

Summerfun54321 · 27/05/2021 15:55

It sounds like you need a bigger conversation about money and finances generally and what your plans and backup plans are later in life. I’d hate early retirement personally. Actually I hate the thought of retiring at all. I’d rather work less and work until I drop.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/05/2021 15:59

I do the majority of the household chores which includes all laundry, food shopping and cooking

And repeat...

Tell the wanker to get himself a maid.

WhatsGoingOnHereThen · 27/05/2021 16:00

You sound a bit like us OP.

DH works long, long hours earning most of the money we live in. He wants to retire in his 50s.

I have a FTE salary of £75k but I only work 2 days per week. I do pretty much all of the heavy lifting with the kids and house (although we have a cleaner and some wrap around childcare as mine are very little). I have no intention of retiring early to be honest and would happily work my 2 days until I'm 70.

The difference is that my DH and I are happy with this arrangement and both appreciates the hard work the other puts into the household. I don't want to work more hours, he doesn't want to do piles of laundry, food shopping and phonics.

Is this less about the finances and more about (under)appreciation on either side?

TheUndoingProject · 27/05/2021 16:01

In your shoes I’d have a think about my pension provision.