Husband wants me to earn £1k per week

[MariaMackee]

DH and I both work for ourselves but have very different jobs. He owns a business and works long hours as you’d expect being a business owner.

I work part time providing a specialist service to clients (nothing untoward) and am paid by the hour. I currently bring home about £750 per week.

Because he works long hours I do the majority of the household chores which includes all laundry, food shopping and cooking. He does all the recycling, bins and maintains the garden. We also have two teenagers who are pretty good and self sufficient.

We are reasonably comfortable financially, but DH says we need to make as much money as possible so we can retire earlier and not have worry about money. I see his point but I am happy as I am and would have to do at least 5 more hours a week to make £1k.

It’s causing a bit of friction and I feel pressured, he says another 5 hours is not much, but I already feel exhausted with running the home and quite like having some time to myself.

AIBU or should I increase my hours to keep the peace?

What a ridiculous privileged situation this is. OP you earn far more part time then I do full time and I am the sole earner. He sounds like he has no work / life balance at all. Maybe you both need to look at ways to achieve this.

I'd rather be the fisherman than the business man.

@vivainsomnia

but you are (like me, to be fair) filling the gaps on what might be the case We all are. I’m just playing devils advocate to those making blatant statements that he is controlling and unreasonable. I started to post asking questions about their retirement plans. I would have thought OP would have mentioned this from the start to give a better picture of the situation.

Yes, I think we’re both playing Devil’s advocate from different angles! Yours is no less likely to be true than mine

And we’re both agreed that it would have helped to have had OP’s view on retirement herself!

You do realise his regular house jobs take about 30 seconds, and the other only needs a couple of hours every few weeks? Tell him to work out the cost of a housekeeper for the jobs you will no longer be able to do while you are increasing your employments hours to earn an extra £250.

I'd start charging him for time spent doing chores and housework - I'm sure that'll easily bring in the extra £250!!

@arethereanyleftatall

Stop everyone! Op, please can you answer all the questions asked; because at the moment we're all just pointlessly speculating.

Sure, sorry I thought I had. Let me know what you’d like answered

Can I just sound a note of caution about retiring early. Unless you have a clear plan of what you will do, and it needs to be more than just holidays, then it is not always a good idea. I have seen various people retire early. They are always fine physically as they use the time to play sport, go walks, etc. But unless they have something else that is challenging like voluntary work or studying, they all go downhill mentally and become old before their time.
It happens gradually and you don't see it for the first few years. But they end up getting old by doing things like fixating on petty neighbour disputes, becoming self-centred, losing track of what can be done in a day e.g. getting stressed because they have two things to do in a day, etc. I have seen it happen in people I thought it would never happen to. As a result, I think working part-time is a far better aim than retiring early.

@AfternoonToffee you don’t know what work/life balance means to him

There is nothing to suggest that he has to work those hours.

OP says they’re comfortable. She’s certainly earning a good wage (in and of it itself, let alone for the hours!). He hasn’t said he wants her to work so that he can reduce his hours (which I’d support him on!). He doesn’t want to reduce his hours - he wants to retire early.

His work/life balance is lots of hours now, retire early. That’s his choice. But why should he force it on her? Especially when his planned retirement age might be when she feels far too young to retire?

This isn’t about money, it’s about goal alignment.

@Definately

You're working half a working week and only during term time, I'm sure you could stretch yourself to an extra 5 hours a week. You never know what's round the corner - might be worth making hay while the sun shines.

Yes, this is exactly what he says

Well, if you’re answering questions...

This isn’t the most important one but I’m nosy 🤣

How on earth is taking the bins out a chore even worth mentioning?!

We are reasonably comfortable financially, but DH says we need to make as much money as possible so we can retire earlier and not have worry about money.

So you should have a miserable time working harder right now, and possibly die anyway before you reach retirement. Yeah, great idea. Not.

Incidentally, gardening is a hobby. Putting the bins out takes about 30 seconds. You, OP, are doing all the real chores.

Because he works long hours I do the majority of the household chores which includes all laundry, food shopping and cooking.

➡️ Daily or more-than daily tasks, all through the year.

He does all the recycling, bins and maintains the garden.

➡️ Weekly tasks, and gardening is only six months of the year.

It’s always the way with these men!!!

[quote Cocomarine]@Naunet how do you know he’s contributed more to the retirement pot?
Sure, the kids are teens now... what if this is a not unusual example of her career taking a back seat for his and (genuinely) allowing his to take off? In which case, she also contributed to that retirement pot.
What if her earnings were more than his when the kids were young and he was building the business?

My husband is 12 years older than me, but I bring more to our retirement money. A 2010 snapshot of him and his ex wife would have shown him as the high earner. Reality, she was full time for years whilst his business broke even.

As I said upthread - not enough details![/quote]
I don’t - that wasn’t my suggestion, just my reply to it.

I don't think I'd want to retire with him at all.

everyone is entitled to contribute to how they want to live their lives some people would rather live in small house and have less and work lso their actual financial needs are relatively low others would rather work more hours at higher paid more stressful job to enable a more expensive lifestyle
in a family there needs to be communication about this is OP is more the former I like working lesss and will consume less and OP's DH is more work more earn more spend more save more then there has to be a compromise but neither side can really dictate to the other provided they are not expecting the other to provide financially for that ( that includes taking into account the unpaid wife work)
it is not fair to expect OP to contribute 50/50 to living expenses and savings but 90/10 in housework, household maintenace and chores
some people might say I would rather sacrifice holidays abroad and drive a small second hand car for ever to work 15 hours a week, others might say I would rather work 5 hours extra a week so we can have newer cars travel abroad etc, neither is wrong it is just a different way of looking at it

How much does he earn? And who made him the boss of you? And do you really think that he'll "let" you work fewer hours when he retires? He'll have you working like a dog!

Now many hours a week do you work?
How many does he work?

@MariaMackee

I would employ a cleaner but he doesn’t like people in our house touching our stuff!

I currently work less than twenty hours but also my job is seasonal and I work in specialist education area in a school environment so even though my hourly rate is well paid I can only work during school terms. I do bits and pieces in the school holidays but don’t earn anywhere near what I do during term time.

He’s also always taking the piss (in a friendly way but it annoys me) because I only actually work 9 months of the year (taking out all the school holidays and sometimes I am not required in the last week of term).

He also refuses to cook anything saying it’s not part of his skill set. But I keep seeing that he does actually work far more hours all year around only completely relaxing on Christmas Day so then I feel a bit bad.

You would only have to work another 5 hours to take home an extra £250?? Would that really be a hardship? Most people can only dream about having a job paying over £80 (taking into account tax, NI and super an/pension) an hour.

I agree with your DH, that extra money would really help retirement plans. Working 20-25 hours a week, when you have no young children isn’t really that much. If I was being paid that sort of wage, I would be working as much as I could and looking forward to early retirement, with no financial worries.

@Juno231

All these people saying OP doesn't force her OH to work long hours - if he didn't they wouldn't have the lifestyle she enjoys?? If he didn't then she couldn't doss about only working 20h a week 9 months of the year. The only reason she is able to only work 20h a week is BECAUSE he works a lot to support the family.

He's not exactly asking you to up it to full time or to pick up a second job is he? Why should you be able to enjoy your hobbies and casual life at the expense of his hard work? It just smells of entitlement to me.

The OP has said nothing about how much he earns and if its him, her or both of them supporting the family.

There's a Mumnsetter who keeps posting about her DH who works about 60 hours a week self employed and brings home around £15k a year because he spends a good chunk of the money he earns on a big truck and a load of tools because it's quite clear his 'business' is him playing with chain saws and cutting down a few trees.

Who's to say it's not a similar situation here?

Not wanting to detail re chores. But yes... many dishes are an hours prep plus cooking (some of which takes place while you continue prepping). Laundry needs hanging up. Ironing takes some of those hours. Yes we're all different but it sounds like OP said she spends 20 hours a week on chores and that doesn't seem at all unreasonable to me.

However, I believe @Cocomarine's points are even more pertinent. OP is spreading the work life balance until her own retirement which is some years away and, given her very decent contribution to the family finances, I really don't see why she has to change it.

What do you want op?

Do you want to retire early?

Can he cut hours increase your hours so he helps in the house.

You say the teens are self sufficient could they help more.

Is there a compromise an extra couple of hours increases income by £100?

Neither of you been on the same page.

Questions:
How much is your pension pot, how much is his?
Are all bills shared 50/50?
When do you envision retiring?
Will you be ok with your retirement pot alone?

He does work very hard, and he does really enjoy it. He is working very hard to grow the business so we can pay our 16 year old a decent wage.

He (DS) was a school refuser, complete handful despite our best efforts and has deemed himself unemployable hence why DH is working so hard to ensure he has a career and bright future. I blame DH he was a really naughty child and defiant teen!

I really do appreciate this but I just feel that everything he chooses not to do falls on my shoulders which is annoying me. Every time I ask him to do something or help he just says he’s too busy and doesn’t have time. I know this makes him sound like a knob but he is ensuring at least one of our teens has a bright future which is really important.

He also suffers terribly from sleep deprivation due to fibromyalgia and to be fair he copes really well. He can come across as a little controlling but I just tell him to sod off. I think he just does it to provoke a reaction as when I tell him off he really likes it, he says I love it when you turn all school teacher on me. Obviously you can’t really have a sensible conversation with someone who acts about 12.

I think maybe a compromise is in order. Maybe I do another 3 hours and he cooks once a week and does some laundry

@MariaMackee What does your DH plan to do if he retires early? Maybe it would be better if he got help for the business or worked fewer hours now so that he could also get a better work/life balance.

@MariaMackee what pension provisions do you both have ? I'm hoping the plan isn't to get income from the business once DS is running it as that has many potential pitfalls.

@Blankspace101

You seem to be making a big palaver over 5 hours.

^ It's an hour a day.

Just sink the extra into your pension fund.