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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shaking?

333 replies

PiedPiper558 · 27/05/2021 10:53

We have had our nanny for a month. She waited a good few weeks to start as things were up in the air with us.
She has been very accommodating, kids love her and been flexible. However, now the eldest has got into another school and it makes more sense to put her in the breakfast club. If the other kids get into the same school, we will do the same and put them into the club. DP told the kids this with nanny present this morning. Apparently she pulled him to one side, told him how wrong it was that he effectively told her she was on borrowed time with this job and that he had dealt with this insensitively and then stormed out. She's meant to be back this afternoon. She knows we are speaking tomorrow so must have known this was coming. What am I meant to do now? I feel really shaken up.

OP posts:
LittleTiger007 · 27/05/2021 15:14

@roxyk0303

So basically you messed the nanny around for weeks at the start, then one month into her job she finds out via a conversation being had infront of her with a 3rd party that her hours are being cut, but you don't think there's anything wrong with that and don't think she's been treated badly? Wow
This.

Poor nanny

StopSayingDueDiligence · 27/05/2021 15:15

Imagine OPs reaction if her or her husband were treated this way!

imagine the shaking!! SO MUCH SHAKING!

StClairStreet · 27/05/2021 15:26

She has every right to be angry since she’s been badly messed around and now treated quite disrespectfully by your husband.

If you’re really struggling with the potential conflict then get your husband to deal with it since he was the one who screwed up, but you should try and talk to your nanny. She is owed an apology and some transparency.

therearenogoodusernamesleft · 27/05/2021 15:34

He didn't even tell HER in front of the children. He told the children and expected her to get the gist.

If it's a contractual change, you need to give plenty of notice and should be consulting with her. Rather than, say, your children.

Rude af.

Notcontent · 27/05/2021 15:47

Imagine this scenario. You apply for a job as a teacher, teaching maths. After a few weeks of doing your job, the head master tells the students at an assembly “From next month, we are no longer going to be teaching maths so Ms New Teacher is going to be leaving us.”

Babbly · 27/05/2021 15:49

@Notcontent

Imagine this scenario. You apply for a job as a teacher, teaching maths. After a few weeks of doing your job, the head master tells the students at an assembly “From next month, we are no longer going to be teaching maths so Ms New Teacher is going to be leaving us.”
I'm a teacher and I would absolutely LOVE to see this happen tbh.
PinkSatinMoon · 27/05/2021 15:55

@Timper

Hope she finds a family who appreciates her. Shaking - get over yourself.

yip 🌺🌷🌸

Howshouldibehave · 27/05/2021 16:01

I really hope this isn’t true-surely nobody could be that much of a vile employer?!

mumsie8 · 27/05/2021 16:08

@helpmechoosewheretolive

I'd pop to the Sistine Chapel on your way home, OP, just to get all your emotions out.
GrinGrinGrin
Brainwave89 · 27/05/2021 16:18

@PiedPiper558

We will still need her after school so not letting her go entirely. I am speaking with her tomorrow to tell her we can only offer limited hours now so I was going to communicate all this with her. I'm guessing she thought that we would just put the kids in after school club if we are already using the breakfast club. But we have one at a different school so this is not a definite. I don't think she has been poorly treated. We are meeting to discuss this do must have seen it coming anyway. She was really angry apparently which is why I am feeling shakey.
So you assume your Nanny can a) wait for the time to be right for you to take up the role b) cut her hours when it suits you and seemingly think this will be wholly acceptable to her c) explain this to your children in her earshot and think this is also wholly acceptable. OP you appear to have a massive sense of entitlement and to think the world revolves around you. The only concern you appear to have now is if this lets you down and proves to be an inconvenience. Please do not tell me that the breakfast club option was not in part under consideration when you hired her in the first place, as due to the timing it clearly would have been. Your whole attitude treats this poor employee as wholly disposable.
WellLarDeDar · 27/05/2021 16:20

Unbelievable. You should have had this discussion with the nanny first so she wasn't blindsided. Utterly appalling. Poor nanny.

KnackeredHag · 27/05/2021 16:24

Hey OP if you return the the thread I'd like to offer you a job. I'm not going to give you a start date, just vague idea of when it might begin. Then I'm going to dick you around for a few weeks, until you start. You're obviously good at your job so all the other people at the place of work are going to like and respect you. But I don't care about that, I'm then going to slash your full time hours down to about 15, but wait for you to overhear me talk about this with a colleague before I bother to speak to you.

This is what your husband has done so it shouldn't be a problem for you to accept these terms? Now excuse me, I'm off to shake.

hardboiledeggs · 27/05/2021 16:28

Every now and again I forget just how up their own arses people can be then boom, a thread like this shows up. You and you DH deserve nothing more from this woman.

Nicolastuffedone · 27/05/2021 16:34

Whole lotta shakin’ going on 🕺

SquirtleSquad · 27/05/2021 16:41

What a vile Man. I'd be shaking with embarrassment if I were you OP.

Moelwynbach · 27/05/2021 16:42

I think its your nanny that should be shaking with rage.
You treated her like shit.

Bananahana · 27/05/2021 16:45

Poor Nanny, imagine finding out significant news like that.

DioneTheDiabolist · 27/05/2021 16:51

She knows we are speaking tomorrow so must have known this was coming.
We are meeting to discuss this do must have seen it coming anyway.

Why would she @PiedPiper558?Confused

Atalantea · 27/05/2021 17:07

anyone got a clue why the OP is shaking??

Twatterati · 27/05/2021 17:10

Threads like this just show how completely out of touch some people are.

OP - I realise that you and your DP are probably very stressed and worried if your daughter (presumably the Children's mother) is ill, but please remember that your nanny has a life outside of your home. She has bills, commitments and expenses like everyone else and simply does not deserve to be messed around and humiliated like this. She may have passed up other, better, opportunities to accommodate your family.

Even if she doesn't have a written contract and even if she has been paid in cash (not suggesting you have done this, just pointing it out) she can take you to an employment tribunal for cutting her hours without her agreement as this is a breach of her contract, and not legal. You have an implied verbal contract at the very least by virtue of the fact that she has been in the nanny role for at least five weeks.

You and your DP have some very big bridges to mend, and some apologies to make.

blissfulllife · 27/05/2021 17:12

Champagne problems

edwinbear · 27/05/2021 17:12

I REALLY want to know how after school pick up went this afternoon Grin

chaosrabbitland · 27/05/2021 17:47

@edwinbear

I REALLY want to know how after school pick up went this afternoon Grin
the op picked up the kids via ambulence on the way to emergency to be treated for the shaking i should think
DrSbaitso · 27/05/2021 17:57

Shakin'....

To be shaking?
Blueskytoday06 · 27/05/2021 17:59

I'm with the Nanny on this one.

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