Mum doing adult son's washing- would this turn you off?

[Larkstongues]

Few disclaimers- this assumes son is mentally and physically capable of doing laundry.
I specifically mean mother here- I'm not talking about a man who has a very hard job employing a maid because he can afford it or a laundry surface. Outsourcing it to the professionals is OK.
I mean his MUM.
I 'm also not talking about borrowing her machine if his is too small for, by way of example, a duvet. Fair enough.

I've met a guy: he seems OK, he works but the standard 40 hours a week and lives alone.

He takes his washing round to his mum's once a week.

I don't know but the thought of a grown man having his mum wash his dirty underwear turns me off. Turns me off to the point I 'm thinking of calling it a day.
Now I KNOW it's my right to call it a day for whatever reason but I'm interested if this would be a dealbreaker for you lot, too or AIBU?

It depends.

Wouldn't worry me. Some mums like helping out their kids and some kids like helping out their mums. Best not to make a judgement on something so trivial. I have helped mine out occasionally with household tasks and some decorating. Likewise they have been helpful to us when needed.

Are you dating my ex?! Such a turnoff. She used to make him Sunday dinners too and he'd go pick them up from her house. If you are, don't panic about the bed sheets...he'll go off sex pretty soon, once you're installed as mummy figure mark 2. I got out of there fast! One of the biggest turnons of my now DP is that he's so bloody capable! Much more on it with housework/admin/life than I am, to impressive standards, whilst also somehow being really laid back?! Its a mystery to me how he achieves it! I'd never date a wet mummy's boy again.

I'd probably ask him to take my washing too ( I wouldn't really) Yes I'd be put off.

My husband’s mother ironed his shirts after she discovered that I sent them to the dry cleaners 😆 I wasn’t offended.
Pants -yes, weird.

If Mum had a washing line and the son didn't and a dryer didn't have to be used, then the environment would be pleased.

@JMR185

Wouldn't worry me. Some mums like helping out their kids and some kids like helping out their mums. Best not to make a judgement on something so trivial. I have helped mine out occasionally with household tasks and some decorating. Likewise they have been helpful to us when needed.

A man's attitude to housework is a million miles from being 'trivial' when it comes to what I look for in a partner.

Sounds like my ex. His mum did all his cleaning and washing. He would get antsy about the bed sheets when she was due to come get them. He wouldn't even take them off the bed for her. She turned to me once and said she wouldn't retire from being his mummy until he married. Well we all knew that would never happen. I dumped him nearly 10 years ago and he's still single and struggles to find dates.

Wouldn't bother me at all.

So dumped, so fast.

When I met my DH his parents used to drive an hour to pick up his washing, take it away and bring it back clean the next day. Once a week. As we stayed together more sometimes they would take my washing too. That horrified me and I told him it had to stop. I think his parents were a bit put out but they did stop.

Looking back now with 15+ years of wisdom and marriage to the man I should have needed that and other housework red flags but I was young, naïve and in love.

Nowadays if I met a man incapable of doing basic housework I would run a mile, very quickly.

My children will be taught how to do housework regardless of their sex (and my DH is on board with that)

*heeded

I think a mother occasionally doing a student child's washing rather than them going to a laundrette is fine, but I would expect the student to learn to use the machine early on as part of "learning how to use a common household appliance" and "not seeing your mother as your servant".
An adult with his own washing machine never bothering to use it seems lazy and odd. Taking shirts round for ironing I'd understand more, although doing it every week and never learning to do it would put me off. Young women don't treat their mothers like this. He should be going round and doing jobs for his mum.
The weekly routine would put me off as routines are hard to break once established.

A man's attitude to housework is a million miles from being 'trivial' when it comes to what I look for in a partner

This. If you do move in together he’s not suddenly going to start pitching in with the laundry, and probably not other household jobs either. He’ll be “working man” who comes in to dinner on the table, and you’ll be left with all the wifework.

Not just men though. Dh has a friend who’s sister hasn’t owned a washing machine since hers broke 20 years ago. She or one of her two adult sons are still taking their washing round to her mums and picking it up washed, dried and ironed the same day (hate to see the electricity bills). The mum also goes round once a week, strips the beds, brings them home, washes, dries, irons and takes them back to remake the beds.

She’s nearly 60 now, and he 80 year old mum is still doing it. I visited pre lockdown and the 22 year old son came in with a basket of washing, dumped it and left!

Surely it’s more hassle to be dragging your laundry to someone elses house when you can just shove it in a washing machine?!

I had a rule where I would never date someone in a different stage of life than me. It just doesn't work. Too much friction, different expectations and motivations.

You're in independent adult mode, and he's not there yet.

Sounds pathetic to be honest, massive turn off for me.

Yep. This will be the same bloke who never helps with the family stuff aside from putting the bins out.

Ex did this and it basically said to me that i was crap at doing it. He also had a very unhealthy relationship with his mum. The sort that made you feel like you needed to bleach your eyes eyes and brain after they had been around eachother.

Neighbours son also does it - he's married, still brings the laundry round for his sick elderly mother to do (she doesnt want to do it either!).

It's weird and honestly - i would avoid someone like that having had experience with that sort.

Agree, I think there's something icky about a woman washing her grown up sons grundies

Yup, it’s really unattractive that a grown man isn’t independent and capable of doing his own laundry

I lived in a studio flat with no washing machine, and used to go to my mums for sunday lunch. Whilst there the washing went on, and in the dryer.

From memory (decades..) I would have loaded the machine.

Once I had a house, a washing machine was the first thing I bought.

My mum helps with mine occasionally, 99% of the time in the winter when I just can't get anything dry and our flat is so tiny I can't fit a dryer but as a standard, routine arrangement? That's weird, it would alarm me I would become his mother

You are doing the right thing OP. My friends’ fiancé and later husband had his mum do his washing well into their marriage. They are divorced now, obviously. Manchild.

Yes!

BBC2 traffic reporter Richie Anderson jokes with Ken Bruce about doing this. I've just googled him and he seems amazingly shy about his date of birth ... it seems to be a state secret?

Anyway, he's in his 30s so should know better.

Red flag for sure. Pathetic.