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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mum doing adult son's washing- would this turn you off?

404 replies

Larkstongues · 27/05/2021 10:29

Few disclaimers- this assumes son is mentally and physically capable of doing laundry.
I specifically mean mother here- I'm not talking about a man who has a very hard job employing a maid because he can afford it or a laundry surface. Outsourcing it to the professionals is OK.
I mean his MUM.
I 'm also not talking about borrowing her machine if his is too small for, by way of example, a duvet. Fair enough.

I've met a guy: he seems OK, he works but the standard 40 hours a week and lives alone.

He takes his washing round to his mum's once a week.

I don't know but the thought of a grown man having his mum wash his dirty underwear turns me off. Turns me off to the point I 'm thinking of calling it a day.
Now I KNOW it's my right to call it a day for whatever reason but I'm interested if this would be a dealbreaker for you lot, too or AIBU?

OP posts:
imsanehonest · 28/05/2021 19:01

I was seeing someone whose mum let herself in whilst he was at work, took his dirty laundry and washed it, then let herself back in to return it and put it back in his drawers all neatly folded. He had a perfectly good washing machine, I showed him how to use it - he flooded his kitchen as the water pipe wasn't even connected. We didn't last long.

Middersweekly · 28/05/2021 19:01

Oh no, I’m sorry but a full grown man still hanging on to his Mumma’s apron strings getting his washing etc done by her would turn me straight off.

JackieTheFart · 28/05/2021 19:14

@Anordinarymum

There is a lot of intolerance on here for slobby men. This country was built on slobby men. They fought on the beaches etc etc...

Now they just let their mums wash their smalls..................................

They can't win. I mean look at Eurovision for GS.

I can 100% guarantee you not one person on this thread is the wife or the mother of someone who ‘fought on the beaches’ Hmm

Just because you’re happy to be married to a useless sack of shite doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t have standards.

Buzzer3555 · 28/05/2021 19:16

Ineedaholidaynow. My son is 24 and just moved to his own flat.

BillyTodd · 28/05/2021 19:20

Have a look at Female Dating Strategy (they're on reddit and have a podcast and probably a website too). Taking his washing to his mum's is what they would call Low Value Male behaviour.

Lovely13 · 28/05/2021 19:23

Years ago I was the only female in an office of single males. All, bar one, took their washing home to ma. They couldn’t understand my throwing hands up in horror to this. One said: ’But she likes doing it!’

ineedaholidaynow · 28/05/2021 19:29

Would you do the same for a daughter @Buzzer3555? Is there a reason your DS can’t do his own laundry?

Roxy69 · 28/05/2021 19:30

If you said 'don't take it, do it youself' what would his response be? That will tell you what you need to know.

Localocal · 28/05/2021 19:31

This wouldn't bother me at all. Maybe it's their way of keeping an everyday sort of connection each week. Does they have a little cuppa when he stops in? It's nice as long as she wants to do it and they both get something out of it.

I quite like doing laundry and can see the appeal of doing that little bit of nurturing when my nest is empty.
, plus having a reason to say hello every week. If she genuinely wants to do it and doesn't impose some other kind of obligation in return, I would put this in the category of "treats his mum with affection", which can only be a good thing in a potential mate.

Ikeatears · 28/05/2021 19:34

I have a friend who's Nan has always done his washing. He's been married 10 years and he still takes his work clothes to her. She would be soooo upset if he didn't! Both he and his wife are more than happy and capable of doing it all but his Nan insists. On the flip side, both he and his wife do lots for his Nan. They treat her regularly to meals out or at her house, they are there at the drop of a hat if needed. It's an arrangement that suits them all.

Buzzer3555 · 28/05/2021 19:34

Ineedaholdaynow. I would do my daughter's if she was living local. As it is my son does stuff for me and i do stuff for him.

TurquoiseDragon · 28/05/2021 19:34

Job this summer is to teach him basic ironing as his placement means smarter clothes. He’s left handed so this will be interesting

Get him to watch initially, standing on the other side of the ironing board. He'll then see your actions from the left handed POV. And when he's doing it himself, make sure you're also standing opposite him, so you see his left handed ironing from your POV. Miight make things easier.

Chickoletta · 28/05/2021 20:17

ICK.

shamelesschocaholic · 28/05/2021 20:24

I’m
Going against the grain here but I don’t see the problem, she probably likes helping her child. Frankly If someone wanted to do my washing I’d be more than happy to do it!

Leontine · 28/05/2021 20:36

I’d be a bit turned off by it but it’s not an absolute deal breaker for me. I’d be on the look out for other signs of being/expecting to be mollycoddled though.

grapefruitish · 28/05/2021 20:45

Nope. Bye boy.

caringdenise009 · 28/05/2021 21:04

@larkstongues this is such a hard no. I ignored what I now see as a warning in a 27 year old boyfriend, anyone who can't see to their own basic needs is a loser. Things went so wrong and that man is now over 50 and his own sons have been so let down by him. Do not go there.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 28/05/2021 21:09

@Everhopeful1

'run a mile' - haha what planet are some of the women on this thread from? must have taken you all ages to find the perfect man.
Nope. Having high standards just means you find a GOOD bloke, as opposed to shacking up with whichever one takes a fancy to you first.
Ninkanink · 28/05/2021 21:16

Exactly. It’s really not rocket science. If you sift out the shitty prospects you end up with great prospects right from the start.

I’ve never had a difficult time finding a man. I’ve also never ended up in a relationship with a shitty man.

However I really don’t think finding a man is the be all and end all, either.

I was single for 4 years between my last relationship and my current relationship and I was just fine. It wouldn’t have occurred to me to settle for some shitty, babied, entitled and selfish man child just in case it took me too long to find another, better one! What an odd and depressing view to hold.

But then it seems so many women really would rather have any man, no matter how shitty.

Goldenoodle · 28/05/2021 21:24

At least he doesn't live with his mum and his mum does all his washing.
🤮

OhRene · 28/05/2021 21:28

When I met my ex his mum had a key for his house. She would do his cleaning and wash his clothes when he went to work.

I'm glad that relationship ended. I did not want his mummy's role.

jwpetal · 28/05/2021 21:31

It would bother me. He will expect you to do it and it will cause issues down the line. Women baby their men too much. Find someone who is indepedent.

MummyMayo1988 · 28/05/2021 21:51

It wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me but I'd definitely have to question it.
I would however be a bit worried that he was a mummy boy. That is a major turn off for me.

waitingpatientlyforspring · 28/05/2021 22:37

If they still lived at home then ok, but id they live independently then is screams as someone who won't be a fair partner when we live together.

SherbrookeFosterer · 28/05/2021 22:42

Hmm... bear in mind he might be looking at you and pondering; "would you get my whites as white as my Mummy does?"