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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you budget for this??

480 replies

goldenfoldies · 26/05/2021 23:17

Do/did/will you budget for helping out your parents in their old age/retirement?

If so how much?

I have name changed for this and am looking to settle an argument with someone. Won't say which side I'm on just yet. But just curious as to what others think/do?

OP posts:
Rillington · 26/05/2021 23:43

No, they own a property so I assume it will be sold for their care should they need it.

Ravenspeckingearly · 26/05/2021 23:44

Not financially. I expect to help her stay in her home as long as possible, but that’s my time, not my money.

OppsUpsSide · 26/05/2021 23:47

Fuck me these responses are harsh, hope these same people aren’t expecting an inheritance.
In honesty, no I haven’t, cos they’re loaded. But if something happened I would absolutely move hell and earth to see them right and they will never be binned off in a home.
I wonder what sort of relationship and expectations pp’s have of their own kids.

Lemonlemon88 · 26/05/2021 23:49

My mother will perfectly fine in old age if she downsizes. None of the siblings will give her any money until she does that as we dont want her to stay in a big house she cant manage.

Thislittlefinger123 · 26/05/2021 23:55

I definitely not

Thislittlefinger123 · 26/05/2021 23:56

*I'm

ComtesseDeSpair · 27/05/2021 00:07

they will never be binned off in a home.

Recognising that there may come a time where you physically cannot provide, for example, round the clock care for a parent with dementia; or simply aren’t able to be a full time carer because the bills need paying and you still have young children to raise isn’t “binning them off.”

My parents have good pensions to see them right and I’m working on the basis that I’ll have no inheritance as if my parents need care they’ll need to sell their properties and use their savings.

Thistles24 · 27/05/2021 00:10

No, but if they need me I’d be willing to give up work to care for them. They’ve done so much for me, I wouldn’t hesitate to give back.

abstractprojection · 27/05/2021 00:10

We don’t budget per say or expect major costs but we both cover things as needed or if there is something that’ll make life more comfortable or nicer for them.

Last year we bought his parents a dishwasher and washing machine, and mine a tablet and a dog

gwenneh · 27/05/2021 00:11

Not in terms of ready cash, but in terms of housing we've made sure we have room for one, or both, to live with us as needed.

JaceLancs · 27/05/2021 00:13

I didn’t plan it
But ended up paying DF 3rd party top ups
Because it was the best place for him
Also saved me time and fuel costs
I could visit every day on my way home from work
The bit I didn’t understand is that DF could afford to pay himself the top up but wasn’t allowed to - it had to come from a relative
I think there is a lot of misunderstandings in real life re care fees and options - also a lot of misinformation on here and net in general about such matters

Shergill15 · 27/05/2021 00:20

It's not something I budget for as I'm not in a position to do so. In purely financial terms my parents are considerably better off than me. However, I am completely prepared to help in any other ways I might be needed - practically, emotionally etc

SanFrancisco49er · 27/05/2021 00:21

No, my dad has made sure he and my mum are well provided for in every eventuality. He would be horrified at the thought of anyone else having to provide for them - he doesn't even let me buy him a cup of coffee. I can't bear the thought of either of them in a home but having seen my Gran go into one as she needed proper care, know it can happen.
My MIL is on her own now but is very well off. However she is much more likely to want to live with her children than my parents and has already hinted towards it at some stage.

TheRebelle · 27/05/2021 00:27

No, they’ve got good pensions, a house that can be sold and they’ve had a couple of decent inheritances so they’re in a good financial position, all my money is for my children.

Wineat5isfine · 27/05/2021 00:28

No, we haven’t. But sadly I fear we may be supporting my parents in their older years. DH parents are very well off and won’t need support.

But my parents made some bad investment decisions and are living somewhat frugally now.

We do all we can to help them, but I’m pretty sure they will both be living with us sometime soon.

Hurr8cane84 · 27/05/2021 00:30

Yes. I've done well professionally (not rich by any means but comfortable in the middle class earning bracket) but my parents are quite poor and from a country with terrible healthcare. I've achieved so much and it was due to their support throughout my life. My education always came first for them. Always. And I used that to climb out of poverty and I will definitely pay for anything they need, as much as I can.

pigeonpocket · 27/05/2021 00:34

Not at that stage yet, but I will. My mum has very little, doesn't own a house and will be living off state pension when she retires so I'll help her as much as I can. It's not her fault she ended up with nothing.

MiddlesexGirl · 27/05/2021 00:37

I wouldn't budget for it but if when the time comes I have spare and can see that it would be used well then I would help out financially.

Etulosba · 27/05/2021 00:38

I would, but there is no need.

Blossomtoes · 27/05/2021 00:43

I would absolutely move hell and earth to see them right and they will never be binned off in a home

I said that. The time came when I was on my knees and even moving heaven and earth wasn’t enough and the best thing I could do for them was find the best care home available. It’s so easy to say, doing is something else.

Nohugstoday25 · 27/05/2021 00:51

It depends. My parents are extremely well off so I haven’t however i am well off ( not to their level ) so if they wasn’t I would 100 percent.
However if I was barely surviving my self I would not.

I do however have separate savings to provide care I may need and budget this,

KeyboardWorriers · 27/05/2021 00:53

Exactly @Blossomtoes. We kept my grandparents at home as long as we possibly could but eventually both ended up needing to be in a nursing home due to degenerative conditions which required very specialist care.

I'm not saving for my parents because they are wealthy. But I hope that they will spend as much of their money as they need and want to having an enjoyable and comfortable old age. And if DH,'s parents, who are far less wealthy, needed our help them we would absolutely give it.

Proudboomer · 27/05/2021 00:59

My parent came to live with me and my family over 10 years ago when she was widowed. I was caring for her before this as she is disabled but was needing more and more care and once widowed she wouldn’t have been able to cope on her own.
She is now in a her 80’s and completely housebound. She does contribute to the household from her pension but I pay for the bulk of household stuff. Last year I bought her a new electric wheelchair at just under £2k. I have also paid for stuff like widening the doors, a disabled shower and electric armchair.
I also pay for all the household maintance so far this year I have paid for a new boiler, new door, some roofing, decorating, carpets and new none slip flooring in her bathroom and hallway,

Rmka · 27/05/2021 03:23

No, because they own a property have a lot of savings. We have mortgage, kids etc.
If they were struggling then we would help.
And happy to help in other ways.

StClairStreet · 27/05/2021 03:50

No. My parents are wealthy with significant assets.,I might feel differently if they weren’t, however.