Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you budget for this??

480 replies

goldenfoldies · 26/05/2021 23:17

Do/did/will you budget for helping out your parents in their old age/retirement?

If so how much?

I have name changed for this and am looking to settle an argument with someone. Won't say which side I'm on just yet. But just curious as to what others think/do?

OP posts:
benefitshelppls21 · 27/05/2021 07:47

My Dad passed away a few years ago, and my Mum is on her own. She never had anything to do with money and she is terrible with it now, she had a little part time job and that was her spending money, Dad took care of all the bills. They weren't loaded or anything but were comfortable. My Mum is still working in the part time job but is terrible with money so DH and I have been helping her out now and again, I imagine that will include giving her a couple of hundred pounds per month once she has retired.

I'm surprised how many people have said no.

reluctantbrit · 27/05/2021 07:48

No I don't. Both my mum and my PIL are financially quite comfortable and can afford either home care or a care home if necessary.

Both are determind to not rely on us anyway, my mum still remembers the 6 months my gran lived with us and the strains it took to care for her and having a family life as well.

NotQuiteUsual · 27/05/2021 07:51

We've moved to an area with cheap property mainly to get on the property ladder, but also keeping in mind it gives our parents the option to move nearby for support, while releasing equity to fund a nice retirement. I'm not in a position to offer more, but I've kept them in mind when making my decisions.

DistrictCommissioner · 27/05/2021 07:52

Interesting question. We don’t really expect to pay for our parents, but both sets have assets etc, good pensions, & can support themselves. We do consider it our duty to help them though, but financially isn’t relevant in their cases.

My dad did support my grandmother financially, so it’s not an alien concept to me.

TankFlyBoss · 27/05/2021 07:53

No. I would assume that my parent and step parent would sell their yacht

Motnight · 27/05/2021 07:53

No. My dad budgeted very well for his and my mother's old age. My MIL was unresponsible re finances. She chose not to work full time from her late 40s on. There's no way that I am going to finance her bad planning, although I have been asked to. Luckily dh agrees.

Feelinghothothottoday · 27/05/2021 07:55

No.

And I don’t expect my kids to save to fund my old age.

ifonly4 · 27/05/2021 07:55

No. We only have my Mum to think about, she has 3x more in the bank and a house value 40% more than ours. However, if she needed funds urgently and couldn't access funds immediately, we'd help her if we could.

I don't expect our DC do budget for us either. If we haven't made our own way in life and have funds behind us, that's our problem.

FoolsAssassin · 27/05/2021 07:57

I can’t be bothered to get riled by people who talk about binning or dumping people off in care homes as they are incredibly ignorant and not worth taking any notice off.

No I don’t save for my Dad. He has the option to live with us if he wants but I doubt he would want to and he is better off in the house he grew up in with his partner and I will do everything as possible to facilitate that to give him the best standard of care for his needs as we did for my Mum.

Ragwort · 27/05/2021 07:57

benefit - I said 'no' because my DPs don't need any financial help, my Dad is on a very good final salary pension and has been retired almost longer up than he was at work (now 90 & retired at 60). My DPs are very comfortably off and even if DF dies first DM will still receive a decent pension plus they have considerable savings (I am aware that care home fees may need to be considered of course).

So I don't need to 'budget' to help them financially but I do help them practically- they live nearby and I work part time partly so that I can spend more time with them (I am over 60 myself Grin) but my DPs are scrupulous about paying my petrol costs, reimbursing any shopping I get for them and even give me a modest amount of cash each month Blush in recognition of my time.

flippertygibbit · 27/05/2021 07:58

No. DM (81) has her state pension as income only which is £138 per week. Because this is her only income and she is single there's no council tax (just a small amount for water - Scotland). She has a 2 bedroom apartment after B&C insurance and utilities leave her just shy of £100 a week to buy food/toiletries/clothes etc. She saves up for decorators (although I would pay this quite happily) and anything she needs.

She's better off than she's ever been having worked all her life but not the age group to have a private pension.

Her GM lived with her till she died and DM says she would go into care before she came to live with any of us. At that point the state will pay her care.

Aunt on DF side side 2 years ago after spending over half a million on care home costs after the sale of her house, so I reckon one paid one won't, evens things out.

I won't expect DC to save up for my old age!

Comeinoutoftherain · 27/05/2021 08:00

We haven't formally planned to support but we could if needed.

We're lucky that all parents have private and state pensions and homes that are mortgage free.

We try to pay when we see them - take them for meals out and look after them, but we haven't needed to do more than that yet as they are all in good health.

bigbluebus · 27/05/2021 08:02

To give them financial support - no. Didn't ever really consider they'd need it. Although when DF died suddenly I had no idea whether DM would have enough income to live on until we sorted out the paperwork to find that she did and I don't think that we (me & 2 DBs would have let her go short if she'd needed anything).
It did, however, cost both me and DB 1 a substantial amount extra in petrol to visit her and ferry her to appointments on a weekly basis as it was 150 mile round trip for each of us (from different directions), which impacted on our own family finances.
I only know of 1 friend who has supported parents financially by taking out a mortgage to enable them to move into a bungalow (which cost more than the house they sold). She will however get this back once they sell up.

MrsMoastyToasty · 27/05/2021 08:02

No . I have a teenager to fund!

FortunesFave · 27/05/2021 08:02

My God no! That's not my job.

If I were a high earning professional and they were dirt poor then I would.

As it is, my FIL is a millionaire and my own Mum is fine. Not rich and not poor. But not in need of financial help.

OccaChocca · 27/05/2021 08:04

No, my parents are much better off than us.

UthredofBattenberg · 27/05/2021 08:05

No, my parents are financially much better off than I am or likely to ever be.

It's not my responsibility to financially plan for their old age. Just as its isnt my childrens responsibility to plan for mine.

If they wanted to club together for a "granny flat" option, then yes. But beyond that, no .

OrangePowder · 27/05/2021 08:07

No,my parents have budgeted for that. I don't expect to inherit anything because it may all go on care but the care is covered.

fruityorange · 27/05/2021 08:07

No, but we did help out my FIL. He had saved a lot of money, but it all ran out. We topped up his carer hours so he was having more than 4 x 15-minute visits a day.
Someone mentions selling the house, FIL was very elderly and a house move would have killed him. What he considered was an equity release which would have cost him a lot of money.
We will do the same for my parents if needed although I doubt they will live as long as FIL.

Seymour5 · 27/05/2021 08:08

@SpiderinaWingMirror

No need here. But I do have friends who help their parents 1 pays her mums council tax, her brother pays her utilities. But that's the reality of living on a state pension.
If all she has is the state pension, then she should claim Pension Credit, and council tax benefit. We're well over state pension age, and at the moment require no support. That of course could change.

Our DC don't live near us, we have discussed looking for somewhere near one of them in the future, but neither of us wish to live with our DC, or for them to be financially responsible for us.

BarbarianMum · 27/05/2021 08:09

Not with money but with time absolutely. And we would help w money if we had it and they didnt. Cant see us sitting on a pile of cash if they were struggling to heat the house.

WTFisNext · 27/05/2021 08:09

No. My family aren't wealthy, but neither am I.

I give all the practical support I can because they're my parents and I love them but there's no financial support to offer.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 27/05/2021 08:11

No

fruityorange · 27/05/2021 08:11

I am surprised how few people seem to be willing on this thread to help their parents out. Obviously different if they do not need it and have large private pensions. But our experience is that if someone lives long enough, any lump sum of savings will run out. My FIL said he did not expect to live as long as he had. He had saved money for his old age. But he only had a state pension.

HeronLanyon · 27/05/2021 08:14

No but when my ma who lived on her own got to late 70s I noticed she wasn’t buying small ‘treats’, became very reluctant to get eg taxis when it would have been sensible etc - things to make her life easier. I used to buy her things/necessaries a bit on weekly visits and suggested a small monthly ‘mad money’ (family phrase apologies if inappropriate) transfer to her and she agreed. Lasted around 5 years when she then said she didn’t really need it. We later had a sit down finances chat and I discovered she was on v healthy monthly pensions etc income.
On her death she had a very surprising amount of cash in accounts. Think she simply became overly careful with money ‘for our inheritance’ and this isn’t unusual.
I also think when I made those transfers she probably thought ‘let Heron have her way, easier to agree and I’ll save it all’. 🤨