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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give up my dream job for the sake of my son?

435 replies

ThornAmongstRoses · 26/05/2021 20:52

Last week my dream job was offered to me. I’ve still got to officially interview for it but I’ve pretty much been told it’s mine.

This job is something I’ve wanted for about 5 years, it’s something I’m so passionate about but I never thought it would be an option - but now it’s being given to me on a plate....it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

The only downside is that I would have to move closer to the job, it’s not far away at all but it’s enough to mean I’d have to move my 7 year old to a different school.

I feel heartbroken at the thought of doing that to him....but on the other hand, I want this job so, so much.

I just don’t know what to do.

My husband has said I have to take the job and although it may be difficult at first, our son will adapt to a different school, but I feel so incredibly selfish for even considering doing that to him to follow my dream.

I am so torn, conflicted, confused, sad....a whole range of emotions and I just don’t know what to do.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? Or could anyone just advise me? I feel like I can’t see the woods for the trees Sad

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 26/05/2021 21:43

No I wouldn't.

Homehaircuts · 26/05/2021 21:44

Take the job! I was moved around 2 schools and didn't love it (not at first at least) but I wouldn't want my mum not to take a job she loves. I don't think I would of like to move secondary schools unless I really wanted to, but 7 is definitely young enough to make new friends more easily. I really think you regret it if you don't.

exLtEveDallas · 26/05/2021 21:44

Take the job. My DD lived in 4 houses in 3 countries abs had been to 2 schools by the time she was 5! We moved again across this country when she was 9 (so 3 primaries in total)

She made friends in each school and is still in touch with kids from each. She went to secondary with friends from her final primary but within 6 weeks was in another whole new friendship group (and again in Year 9 but the less said about that the better!)

She goes into 6th form this year without any of her current friends, so she’ll be starting again, again (and then again I expect if/when she goes to uni). Kids are resilient, and even more so at age 7.

Take the job.

AMillionMilesAway · 26/05/2021 21:44

I'd move.
At 7, he will make new friends pretty easily (and, in most of the schools around here, would be changing buildings to move to juniors if Y2 anyway).

Sometimesfraught82 · 26/05/2021 21:45

Sorry if I missed but what would your other children do?

randomkey123 · 26/05/2021 21:45

I wouldn't pull a kid out of a good school that they are happy and thriving in, not for my own needs.

paniniswapx3 · 26/05/2021 21:45

Seriously Op, take the job and move him schools. He's very young and totally adaptable and will make new friends. This would be a complete no-brainer for me so I'd question if it really is your dream job as it sounds like you're making excuses not to take it. (Congrats on the offer by the way!)

TatianaBis · 26/05/2021 21:45

He’s 7. He will be fine.

HiGunny · 26/05/2021 21:46

I moved schools (and county) when I was 8, 10 and 14. I was fine at 8 and 10, settled in really quickly. 14 was a bit harder but I settled in eventually and made some lifelong friends.

My son is 7 and has had 4 new pupils in his class this year, one that left last year and one that left after Christmas. So kids change schools all the time. Of course he'll be sad but he'll move on very quickly.

Lurcherloves · 26/05/2021 21:48

Changing school is not always a bad thing. My DD changed school in year 5 and I thought it may be a mistake but she’s been so much happier.
I think you should take the opportunity, unfortunately there are always some sacrifices

TableFlowerss · 26/05/2021 21:48

The reason some people are saying take the job etc and leave him in current school and commute, is that your post was a bit of a drip feed.

You didn’t mention initially, that you can’t just drive him 25 mins back and forth because you longer have a licence.

Given that it would take you 2 hours on public transport then obviously that’s not an option.

It’s a tough decision but if you’re going to do it, 7 is a pretty good age. The older he is, the more difficult it will be

Ginger1982 · 26/05/2021 21:48

Is it a job you could do from home?

NameChange74567 · 26/05/2021 21:48

Take the job and move. Dd1 moved school when she was 6, I was a nervous wreck and over thinking everything. Dd was absolutely fine and excited to make new friends. Kids settle so much easier at that age.

kayakingmum · 26/05/2021 21:49

Definitely take the job.

IlonaRN · 26/05/2021 21:49

Your son will get used to the new school very quickly. At 7, there's plenty of time for him.
Perhaps you could keep him where he is until the end of the school year? Would that make it easier?

Toolateplanting · 26/05/2021 21:51

Definitely look at access to work. And see if there is some way to trial the job before moving schools? Could dh do compressed hours for a couple of months so he could do school run? So annoying that there isn’t decent public transport!
But if you are sure this is going to be the right move job-wise then do it and make a clean one-step move.

notacooldad · 26/05/2021 21:51

It may have already been said but I haven't gone back.
Is your son likely to get in as good if a school as he is in now. I know a lot can change but what about the high schools in the new area?

IslandLulu · 26/05/2021 21:52

When my DCs were younger then your DS we decided to move them to a better school. It was 15 miles away and the drive took 30 - 40 minutes each way.

They listened to stories in the car and chatted about their day. It never seemed like a tedious journey.

SengaMac · 26/05/2021 21:53

@ThornAmongstRoses

Have you asked your son how he feels about a school move? He may be fine with it

I asked him earlier and he said he’d be really sad because he’d miss his friends Sad

Your son can't really envisage what it might be like and how he'll adapt.

Fwiw, I think you're not unreasonable to be thinking about this but you would be unreasonable to pass up the job.

Sciurus83 · 26/05/2021 21:55

Take the job son will be fine

bumblebee1980a · 26/05/2021 21:55

Take the job but don't move him.

Duploisthebest · 26/05/2021 21:56

Take the job. This opportunity might never come up again. Your son is very young, it's not long until the summer holidays so he can start the new school after the break and will have a whole new friendship group within weeks.

ComingOutOfMyCave · 26/05/2021 21:56

Some people on here are so dramatic!!

Take the job! It’s your dream job your son will be fine. Do not consider spending 4 hours a day you could be with your son sat on a bus

This is an amazing opportunity something you’ve worked so hard to achieve and it sounds like you have the support of your DH too.

Faevern · 26/05/2021 21:57

I moved house when my DD was age 8 and did the commute, I wish I had changed her school at the same time. It was hard for her to make friends locally when she went to school elsewhere. We did play dates but it wasn’t the same. I moved her school when she was 9 and she made friends, but she was lonely that first year.

How did he keep in touch with friends during lockdown? My DGS is 8 and kept in touch with friends as the parents arranged face time and they played games. He has also kept in touch with a good friend who moved to another country when they were six.

startingover44 · 26/05/2021 21:59

take the job :-)