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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give up my dream job for the sake of my son?

435 replies

ThornAmongstRoses · 26/05/2021 20:52

Last week my dream job was offered to me. I’ve still got to officially interview for it but I’ve pretty much been told it’s mine.

This job is something I’ve wanted for about 5 years, it’s something I’m so passionate about but I never thought it would be an option - but now it’s being given to me on a plate....it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

The only downside is that I would have to move closer to the job, it’s not far away at all but it’s enough to mean I’d have to move my 7 year old to a different school.

I feel heartbroken at the thought of doing that to him....but on the other hand, I want this job so, so much.

I just don’t know what to do.

My husband has said I have to take the job and although it may be difficult at first, our son will adapt to a different school, but I feel so incredibly selfish for even considering doing that to him to follow my dream.

I am so torn, conflicted, confused, sad....a whole range of emotions and I just don’t know what to do.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? Or could anyone just advise me? I feel like I can’t see the woods for the trees Sad

OP posts:
parietal · 26/05/2021 21:02

take the job. a 7 year old can easily adapt to a different school.

I moved cities for a job when DD was 6. she didn't like it for about 2 weeks and now (6 years on) is v glad that we moved.

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 26/05/2021 21:03

I had my license taken off me two years ago for medical reasons and I don’t think I will be getting it back anytime soon. And even if I did, I could lose it again just as easily.

I cannot put myself in a work situation where I am reliant on being able to drive Sad

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 26/05/2021 21:03

Take the job, learn to drive. Unless the mews a massive drip feed about health issues I really think this is the simplest solution.

MilduraS · 26/05/2021 21:03

I moved to England at the age of 7 and I loooved it. It was all so exciting. My teenage brother and sister... not such big fans. Younger children are much more resilient and open to change. It's more difficult when they're older and have established friendships.

Lavender201 · 26/05/2021 21:03

Moving schools for a child once aged 7 is nothing. Do it, don’t hesitate. Don’t lose a dream job over this.

However I’m really confused why you have to move if it’s 25 minutes away. Why??

Or even if you did move, could your son stay at the same school if it’s only 25 min drive?
Would your husband be driving in the same direction for work, and could drop him off?

CandyLeBonBon · 26/05/2021 21:04

Would those health issues affect the ability to do your job op?

FTEngineerM · 26/05/2021 21:04

He’d make new friends

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 26/05/2021 21:05

Would those health issues affect the ability to do your job op?

No, the person who offered me the job is fully aware of my health condition and it’s current status etc.

OP posts:
sbhydrogen · 26/05/2021 21:05

Can you ride a bike? 15 miles is about an hour, perfectly doable.

therocinante · 26/05/2021 21:06

I moved schools at 7, it was fine! Old enough to understand (i.e. not be upset and not getting where my friends were), plenty young enough to make new friends and be adaptable, way before SATs etc. If it's your dream job and it's not going to affect your husband's commute that much, do it.

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 26/05/2021 21:06

Can you ride a bike? 15 miles is about an hour, perfectly doable.

8 miles of the journey is down the motorway Grin

OP posts:
spotcheck · 26/05/2021 21:07

Move!!!

Seriously.

He's been Home schooling for ages- how attached can he BE to his friends ( said in best Chandler Bing voice)

sbhydrogen · 26/05/2021 21:07

Ah, sod it. Just move, it'll be easier for all involved. Your son will be fine. He's only seven!

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 26/05/2021 21:08

All I keep thinking is what if he’s really unhappy and it will be my fault. It’s a horrible feeling.

OP posts:
bitheby · 26/05/2021 21:08

Anyone work there that you can car share with? Local Facebook groups to find a lift?

Pebbledashery · 26/05/2021 21:08

Its not the same situation.. But I fled domestic abuse last year and relocated to a new area completely. Had to immediately pull my daughter out of her nursery. She learnt to adapt so quickly and just got on with it. She's 3 nearly. Appreciate it might be harder for your son as he's older but children are very resilient and you're not selfish for wanting to further your cere
career. Happy mum equals happy son. Go for it i say.

OverTheRubicon · 26/05/2021 21:09

Go for the job. Unless the schools nearby are awful, he'll be fine. If you were just choosing between 2 offers I'd probably say stay, but you've wanted it for 5 years. Your DH loves your son too - and he thinks it will be fine.

Alternatively, could you do a 2 week intensive driving course, drive more on weekends and start by driving there for a bit and you'll know whether it's a good enough job to relocate for.

Worst worst case, you can almost certainly move back. But your son is 7, he's a good age to do this, and you are important too.

Titofeline · 26/05/2021 21:09

If you've got to move now is the age to do it. He will make new friends. It may seem harsh but he will be fine and mummy will be happier and more fulfilled

Congrats on your new job

bitheby · 26/05/2021 21:09

I moved aged 10 and again at 13. Went to 4 different schools and adapted. But for the sake of 15 miles this might not be the only option.

cadburyegg · 26/05/2021 21:10

I have a 6 year old and I wouldn’t change schools unless I had absolutely no other choice (ie I lost my job so needed another one badly). But he has separation anxiety and struggles to settle in the new class every year... so.... only you know your child and how well he will settle I guess

LuvMyBubbles · 26/05/2021 21:11

You have to pursue this. Your son can change schools and it won't be a problem. You will regret not doing it.

GreenMeeple · 26/05/2021 21:11

I moved country when I was when I was 4 , 8 and 12, never really did me any harm. Yes is sad when you leave but then you get preoccupied with meeting new friends.

We usually moved during school holidays and my mother would try and set up playdates with girls that would be in my class. That way I would know some girls when starting the new school. I'm still friends with some of these girls today.

My husband moved counties when he was 5 and 7. It also never did him any real harm.

Take the job. Your son will be fine. If he really misses some of his friends he can still visit them during weekends or holidays.

Badgerstmary · 26/05/2021 21:11

Op I seriously wouldn’t worry about your son not making friends. Presumably he’ll still be able to see his current school friends during the holidays & at that age they make new school friends extremely quickly. I have witnessed it as a teacher many a time.

CandyLeBonBon · 26/05/2021 21:12

Op I moved my three when they were 11, 8 and 4 and my eldest is autistic and hates change. Smooth support and good transition support your son will be fine. He can still see his friends for play dates - it's not that far away. That's what I did and it seems to have worked because I didn't cut off their old life

MarshaBradyo · 26/05/2021 21:13

@ThornAmongstRoses

I had my license taken off me two years ago for medical reasons and I don’t think I will be getting it back anytime soon. And even if I did, I could lose it again just as easily.

I cannot put myself in a work situation where I am reliant on being able to drive Sad

Fair enough

Take the job. He will be fine