To give up my dream job for the sake of my son?

[ThornAmongstRoses]

Last week my dream job was offered to me. I’ve still got to officially interview for it but I’ve pretty much been told it’s mine.

This job is something I’ve wanted for about 5 years, it’s something I’m so passionate about but I never thought it would be an option - but now it’s being given to me on a plate....it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

The only downside is that I would have to move closer to the job, it’s not far away at all but it’s enough to mean I’d have to move my 7 year old to a different school.

I feel heartbroken at the thought of doing that to him....but on the other hand, I want this job so, so much.

I just don’t know what to do.

My husband has said I have to take the job and although it may be difficult at first, our son will adapt to a different school, but I feel so incredibly selfish for even considering doing that to him to follow my dream.

I am so torn, conflicted, confused, sad....a whole range of emotions and I just don’t know what to do.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? Or could anyone just advise me? I feel like I can’t see the woods for the trees

I feel different to some previous posters because I didn’t settle in a new primary school when moved. So I knew I wouldn’t move my own children.

Take the job. We were in a similar position to you a few years ago, we moved out of London to Yorkshire when my son was 7. My son was upset at leaving his old school friends but when we got here we signed him up to after school club and other clubs to make new friends and within a few months it was as though we had always lived here 😊 kids are resilient 😊

What is the job? It’s hard to tell quite how rare the opportunity is from the way you’re explaining it.

Everyone wants to be friends with the new kid, at 7 he'll be fine. They won't have seen each other for so long because of COVID that he'll slot right in.

Honestly take it, how is it selfish?

This is a good time for a child to move schools, your husband is with you. Your child will soon settle, and his mum will be the happiest mum on the planet by the sounds of things.
Go for it, and good luck

Kids move schools and fit in just fine. You just need to out the effort in for play dates and meeting parents.

Everyone wants to be friends with the new kid.

Take the job and move. Also move schools rather than leave him where he as so he has got local friends and friends when he moves up to senior.

My DC have moved schools a couple of times at various ages and been fine.

Also, don’t give him a say in this - he’s a young child and shouldn’t have. The burden of such a choice put on him.

In 4 years your child will be at secondary school and will probably have a completely new set of friends.
If you don't take the job, how will you feel in 4 years looking back.

Take the job, commute until secondary then look to move??

Take the job! My daughter is 7 and there has been a lot of movement in her class this year. By all accounts those that have started have all settled in very well. She came home yesterday telling me all about the new boy who had just started. She is also still in contact with some who have left.

We moved ours at 9 and 6, it was very difficult for the 9 year old I will admit (but he's settling in now) 6 year old was a breeze. KS2 is when it starts to get trickier I think, high school is when I'd advise against it if possible.

It sounds like a terrific opportunity for you, your DH is clearly very supportive, your 7 year old is young enough to adapt. I would take it.

Take the job, commute until secondary then look to move??

I can’t commute for 4 hours a day for the next four years. I just can’t. And I don’t want to be away from my children so much if I had to spend that much time travelling everyday.

Op, as someone who started their ‘dream job’ 2months ago and now regrets the change, I’d find a way to start the new job before moving house and school, by way of a trial. How would you feel if you all moved house/ school and then the job wasn’t what you’d hoped?

I’d take the job, especially as it’s your dream job!

DPs children moved schools a few years ago and although they didn’t want to they settled in well and have since made lots of new friends.

My parents also wanted to move when I was around the same age and I said I didn’t want to, cried etc so they didn’t. Looking back now it was a silly decision as I wasn’t even friends with the same group a few years later!

take the job! You have to take the job.

Whatever you do as a parent, the guilt is real. It's important to be fulfilled.

Just move OP. I moved to a different country when I was that age for my parents work.

PLEASE TAKE THE JOB.
Your son is only seven which is still an age where this change has minmum impact. IF YOU WAIT THE IMPACT TO YOUR SON WILL BE MUCH BIGGER.
So don't wait and lets not forget: Yes we all love our children but we as parents count to and our needs and aspirations are equally valid. Your live should not only be centred around your kids needs.
You are not being selfish at all and i actually think it is a good lesson for kids that sometimes they have to adjust to the parents' needs and live doesn't only centre around them.
TAKE THE JOB!

Thank you everyone for all your thoughts and lovely words of encouragement. I’m going to go and chat to my DH again about it and sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning.

This is a pretty nonsense reason to not take the job, so I’m thinking that you don’t really want it.

Sorry I don’t want to put a dampener but there’s just so many comments here saying ‘he’s a kid, he’ll be fine!’ They’re right, he will eventually be fine but I’ve been that 7 year old and it was really, really hard. Not helped by the fact I really didn’t like my new school and didn’t gel with anyone. I’m not saying don’t do it but if you are going to do it, try and make it exciting and get him on board. Good luck!

Take the job and do an intensive driving course. Moving house seems drastic for the sake if a 15 mile commute.

We moved when ds1 was 6, so just about to go into Y2. He moved from a smallish school with 1 class per year group, to 1 with 3 per year group.

I think it’s easier to move when they’re smaller. Give it a few weeks and I’m sure your ds will adapt and probably not even remember the old school.

Just make sure he feels included in the decision making - look at the positives.

But def go for it, how many people are offered exactly what they want?

We moved when our youngest DD was 7, and she said the same thing regarding leaving her friends behind. Looking back now, she’s happy that we did this as she now has a wide circle of new friends, and in moving left a couple of not so nice class bullies behind.

Maybe arrange a visit to the intended new School with your DS, if possible, ask them to introduce DS to a group of children likely to be in his class. Some schools do a Pupil to Pupil buddy scheme, where an established child befriends a new pupil for the first few days to help them settle in. I’m sure after the first few days and maybe a few after school clubs to join in with your DS will be fine.

Congratulations on the new job btw, l hope that it turns out to be every bit as good as you had dreamed it would be.

@partyatthepalace

Dear god woman - take the bloody job - and wind down the drama while you’re at it. Kids have to move schools for their parents’ work all the flipping time - and he’s 7, he’s not midway through GCSEs!

This. I moved every 2.5 years (military parents) and I wasn't traumatised, nor were the thousands of others I knew. Stop pandering to your kids, it does them no favours.

It’s not your dream job
On the grounds that it causes serious upheaval for your son

No brainer. I wouldn’t have even applied.