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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give up my dream job for the sake of my son?

435 replies

ThornAmongstRoses · 26/05/2021 20:52

Last week my dream job was offered to me. I’ve still got to officially interview for it but I’ve pretty much been told it’s mine.

This job is something I’ve wanted for about 5 years, it’s something I’m so passionate about but I never thought it would be an option - but now it’s being given to me on a plate....it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

The only downside is that I would have to move closer to the job, it’s not far away at all but it’s enough to mean I’d have to move my 7 year old to a different school.

I feel heartbroken at the thought of doing that to him....but on the other hand, I want this job so, so much.

I just don’t know what to do.

My husband has said I have to take the job and although it may be difficult at first, our son will adapt to a different school, but I feel so incredibly selfish for even considering doing that to him to follow my dream.

I am so torn, conflicted, confused, sad....a whole range of emotions and I just don’t know what to do.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? Or could anyone just advise me? I feel like I can’t see the woods for the trees Sad

OP posts:
feelingfree17 · 26/05/2021 21:59

Children are very adaptable. He would soon make new friends and settle.

Stichintime · 26/05/2021 22:00

He could fall out with those friends tomorrow! Take the job. Most children settle very quickly into a new class and school.

JingsMahBucket · 26/05/2021 22:00

@SeaShoreGalore

This is a pretty nonsense reason to not take the job, so I’m thinking that you don’t really want it.
I was thinking similarly. Don’t sabotage yourself and your success @ThornAmongstRoses. Don’t be a martyr and just the dang job before they hangs their minds.
Zippy1510 · 26/05/2021 22:00

My parents moved me when I was 7 due to a change in job. I remember them telling me and bursting into tears at the thought of leaving my friends. Then literally from the first day at the new school I wasn’t bothered, made lots of new friends some of which I’m still friends with now 27 years later! He will be at school for another 3-4 years. Your job will last a lot longer than that.

Clymene · 26/05/2021 22:01

I think you're being a bit melodramatic to be honest.

eekbumbler · 26/05/2021 22:02

My daughter had to start a new school aged 7 after we'd been homeless for 9 months. Best thing that ever happened to her. Go for it.

titchy · 26/05/2021 22:02

Move! You're thinking about the now (he loves his friends) and the worse possible future (what if he hates his new school?). Both are extremely poor things to base a decision on - it's not logical or well reasoned.

The most likely future is what you base the decision on. And the most likely future is that he'll settle very quickly, make lots of new friends and you'll all be very happy.

So move!

notacooldad · 26/05/2021 22:03

Take the job but don't move him
What is op supposed to do?

bitheby · 26/05/2021 22:03

I think the county thing is a total irrelevance. My nephew is in a school in a different county because my sibling lives near the boundary. Where I Iive there are people with children in schools in a different country as I live near a country border in the UK.

Can you ask around about lifts before you make a big decision. There must be other commuters from where you live to where the job is.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 26/05/2021 22:04

He'll be fine! Yes he might miss his friends
but he will make new ones. They move on quickly at this age!!

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 26/05/2021 22:05

I 100% want the job - I can’t explain how much the opportunity means to me, but my son’s happiness will always matter the most to me. And I’m just so scared of jeopardising it.

I have another son who is coming up 4 - and my 7 year old says his brother is his best friend anyway, and that he loves his brother more than he loves any of his friends at school.

Me and DH are both key workers so he still went to school 3-4 days a week (shift dependent) so he hasn’t really been separated from them all as such.

He’s a really happy, socialable boy so I would love to think he wouldn’t be affected by a school move, but there’s just this niggling feeling of “what if it does affect him?” and then I have that burden on my shoulders.

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 26/05/2021 22:06

He’ll be fine changing schools, he is only 7, children are very adaptable at that age.

My DS is 17 now and can’t remember a single kid he was friends with at 7!

Don’t turn down the opportunity.

SoLongSister · 26/05/2021 22:06

My DC are still very good friends with children they went to primary school with but they went do different secondaries (because we moved area). It's so much easier for kids to keep in touch with their friends these days.

I'd move.

mermaidsariel · 26/05/2021 22:06

Of course you should take the job. Children move schools all the time. He can still see his friends. It’s a no brainer.

candle18 · 26/05/2021 22:06

Totally understand why you feel bad, I would be the same but your son will be fine. It would be different if he was in secondary school but they make friends quickly at that age.

qualitygirl · 26/05/2021 22:12

I attended 3 primary schools and 2 secondary schools with all of the moving my family did OP (country and county) and to be honest I just got on with it. As will your son.

Take the job. Could you not just move somewhere half way. So your commute is easier and he can attend the same school? Who will do school drop offs?

PongoPongo · 26/05/2021 22:13

Children do adapt. I moved mine when he was 7. He was terribly sad for a while (hid in a tree in the playground for weeks) but in the end he made two of the best friends he ever had and he's glad he moved. Children are resilient, even though it makes our hearts ache to see them sad.

Trytothinkofaname · 26/05/2021 22:14

He''ll be fine. Seriously.

I changed school at 7 - was fine. Barely remember (or care) about anyone from my first school - very quickly settled into new school...less than a term

My DD moved at 7 - ditto. DS was 5 - ditto. Within a few weeks totally settled.

My DSis though moved at 10 - that was trickier. But she still was fine.

qualitygirl · 26/05/2021 22:15

With all due respect OP it WILL affect him...there's no doubt about that! But why are you assuming it will be in a negative way?? He could end up happier, he could thrive more in the new school, he could meet someone that could be his best friend for life!

Change for kids doesn't always mean a bad thing!

Wineandrun · 26/05/2021 22:16

My daughter is 8 and at her 4th primary school. She’s fine. Your son will be fine.

Inastatus · 26/05/2021 22:17

I’d definitely do it with a child that age. Good luck.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 26/05/2021 22:18

If it was his last year of primary or exam years at secondary you may have a point but he’s 7, take the job. Also don’t ask him, what kid his age can see the bigger picture- of course he will miss his friends but give it 6 months he won’t remember their names.

ArnoldBee · 26/05/2021 22:18

I've skipped 4 pages but...

Have you looked into Access to Work funding? Also do you claim PIP? And I presume you have a free bus pass?

BrownEyedGirl80 · 26/05/2021 22:18

I hate change and disruption and even I would move op

steff13 · 26/05/2021 22:19

Take the job. It's better for you and your family in the long run. He might be sad for a little while, but he'll make new friends and he can still see his old friends on the weekends and holidays.

I don't mean to be rude, but you seem very dramatic about this; lots of kids have to move when they're young, and they get through it fine. Is it possible that you're scared of taking a new opportunity and you're using your son as an excuse to maybe not take it?