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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give up my dream job for the sake of my son?

435 replies

ThornAmongstRoses · 26/05/2021 20:52

Last week my dream job was offered to me. I’ve still got to officially interview for it but I’ve pretty much been told it’s mine.

This job is something I’ve wanted for about 5 years, it’s something I’m so passionate about but I never thought it would be an option - but now it’s being given to me on a plate....it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

The only downside is that I would have to move closer to the job, it’s not far away at all but it’s enough to mean I’d have to move my 7 year old to a different school.

I feel heartbroken at the thought of doing that to him....but on the other hand, I want this job so, so much.

I just don’t know what to do.

My husband has said I have to take the job and although it may be difficult at first, our son will adapt to a different school, but I feel so incredibly selfish for even considering doing that to him to follow my dream.

I am so torn, conflicted, confused, sad....a whole range of emotions and I just don’t know what to do.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? Or could anyone just advise me? I feel like I can’t see the woods for the trees Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 05/06/2021 10:33

Well the photos of the playroom will give it away.....as will the photos of the children’s bedrooms Grin

OP posts:
Sometimesfraught82 · 05/06/2021 10:33

* think we should have it as a dining room as that will appeal to buyers,*

Dining rooms don’t appeal to most.
Often only used when guests over

Many have eat in kitchens are open plan kitchen and dining’s rooms.
And If they don’t, many eat in lounge.

Make as fourth bedroom or home office

Sometimesfraught82 · 05/06/2021 10:34

Children’s bedrooms absolutely fine!

Playroom... i would put in to storage as much as you can (but obviously leave out their favourites so they have things to play with!)

Blondeshavemorefun · 05/06/2021 10:41

@ThornAmongstRoses

Do not mention “play room”. People immediately think Oh the house has young kids. Probably lots of knocks and marks throughout

One of our rooms is already a playroom so there’s no escaping the fact children live here Grin

Do is one of the 3 bedroom a play room ?
Blondeshavemorefun · 05/06/2021 10:42

Is there a table in kitchen ? Or an eating area ?

Namechangedandoverwhelmed · 05/06/2021 10:43

Goodness - take the job and don’t look back! Your son will cope just fine.

Ellmau · 05/06/2021 10:50

Well done! Good luck with the house sale and move.

I don't thik how the room is presented is a massive deal, just make sure the agent says it is a flexible space that can be used for dining/office/bedroom/extra living (inc playroom) as buyer may wish.

Thecatsawinner · 05/06/2021 10:52

In my dd’s school there have been a few new kids start and they’ve all got best friends now. Same sort of age

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 05/06/2021 10:54

Yes, of the two bedrooms on the top floor, one is the bedroom (the boys wanted to share a room) and the other room is a playroom.

They have got so many toys and games (most of them shut away in drawers and cupboards) as well as some Marvel wallpaper on one of the walls that it isn’t feasible to try and pass it off as anything else.

To be fair though, it’s obviously a family home, the area we live in his amenities for children (we are right near a huge park and paying fields as well as a community children’s centre) and we are near two primary schools etc etc - so I imagine most people looking at houses in this area would be couples with children themselves.

OP posts:
cansu · 05/06/2021 11:44

I think it is a no brainer really. Move. Your ds will make new friends and adapt. Otherwise, learn to drive.

Birminghambloke · 05/06/2021 11:51

Hearing what you’ve shared about layout, I’d list as dining room/ home office/ additional bedroom. Maybe set it up as a dining room or a spare room, with a clear office space so obviously multi functional. Dressing table if bedroom; cute desk or pull down dresser desk thing if dining room. Sounds a lovely layout home! New builds like this have an all through kitchen and living space on the ground floor. This could be suggested for buyers to think to.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 05/06/2021 11:56

Congratulations on your job, and the house move.

I have only come on to say that I teach children of your son's age and we have new starters regularly joining throughout the year, every year. Within days they have friends and seem genuinely happy. Within weeks it is as if they have always been here. I have never known a child who didn't settle in and forget their old school very quickly. I hope it all works out for you.

Branleuse · 05/06/2021 12:16

This is great news OP.
Can I just say though that its really annoying when looking for houses online for people to advertise houses as more bedrooms than they actually have by saying that a reception room is a bedroom, so id definitely keep it as a dining room if its next to the kitchen

quizqueen · 11/06/2021 02:29

Could I ask, please, about your previous difficulty concerning your father in law wanting to sell his house to go and live in a cabin in his daughter's garden? I sometimes think about that situation and how it panned out.

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 11/06/2021 06:50

quizqueen

Funnily enough someone privately
messaged me about this last night.

Basically - he’s not here as he pulled out about 5-6 days before the completion date. He spoke to them about his concerns around all the practices and whether the house/cabin was actually going to materialise and they admitted to him that they just didn’t feel like it was something they could commit to. The shit well and truly hit the fan. FIL was livid that he’d been strung along and whilst they were dragging their feet he’d sold his house and most of his furniture. It’s a total mess.

So yes, it’s a very fractured family situation at the moment Sad

OP posts:
paniniswapx3 · 11/06/2021 08:34

I didn't realise you were the same Op as in that situation - what a nightmare. Hope you're all ok. Did his house sale go through or is he back in his own house?

Pinkylemons · 11/06/2021 08:42

Move him, he’ll be absolutely fine. Kids change schools all the time. It would be stupid if this were the reason you turned down the job.

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 11/06/2021 08:46

I didn't realise you were the same Op as in that situation - what a nightmare. Hope you're all ok. Did his house sale go through or is he back in his own house?

He is in his original house - a very empty house.

He doesn’t seem happy about the fact we are moving away. It’s a bit awkward actually. It feels like he’s mad with us about it. It’s really odd.

OP posts:
paniniswapx3 · 11/06/2021 09:05

He's probably mad at himself and his own stupidity but taking it out on you guys. If anything though, surely his actions have shown you that you need to put your own family needs first as you're the only one that will (you and your DH, I mean).

Sad situation really but you need to focus on yourselves.

LadyPenelope68 · 11/06/2021 09:13

Take the job!
He’s 7 years old, he’s plenty time to settle into a new school and make new friends, they’re totally adaptable at that age. Don’t let it out you off your dream job.

MrsJuliaGulia · 11/06/2021 10:06

Do it. Children adapt. Nothing selfish about it. Your husband is supportive. Do it, do it, do it.

Soverymuchfruit · 11/06/2021 12:34

He's probably a bit mad at you for having been right. Natural if a bit silly. But wasn't the plan that he move nearer to you, anyway? So your move is actually great timing as he hasn't found a place near your old place and can explore your new turf with you instead.

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 11/06/2021 12:43

But wasn't the plan that he move nearer to you, anyway? So your move is actually great timing as he hasn't found a place near your old place and can explore your new turf with you instead.

No, he was planning on moving to Skegness (we are near the midlands) - it’s just he’d been pretending to us he was looking to stay nearby when really he was all plotting and planning the Skegness move behind our backs.

My DH was really hurt by the whole debacle and deception so I think that’s why he’s excited for a fresh start too. I think FIL thinks we moving house out of spite because he was planning on moving away from us which obviously isn’t the case at all - but I’m pretty sure the thought has crossed his mind.

OP posts:
quizqueen · 11/06/2021 14:08

Well, your father in law can't expect you to consider his feelings too much, in retrospect. If he had gone ahead with his original move, then it wouldn't have mattered that you moved out of area too. I suppose he could also now resell and move closer to your new job and help with childcare like he did before, as it sounds like he needs to downsize anyway. That's if you would welcome him to do so after all the trouble!!

Anyway, good luck with your move and new job. I'm sure your son will settle into his new school quickly; children are usually very adaptable especially if the family home is stable and happy. I had to temporarily relocate between two other countries over a three year period and my children survived their new schools.

Mumnets · 11/06/2021 14:15

Learn to drive. It’s a much more practical solution than moving house and shifting schools