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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give up my dream job for the sake of my son?

435 replies

ThornAmongstRoses · 26/05/2021 20:52

Last week my dream job was offered to me. I’ve still got to officially interview for it but I’ve pretty much been told it’s mine.

This job is something I’ve wanted for about 5 years, it’s something I’m so passionate about but I never thought it would be an option - but now it’s being given to me on a plate....it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

The only downside is that I would have to move closer to the job, it’s not far away at all but it’s enough to mean I’d have to move my 7 year old to a different school.

I feel heartbroken at the thought of doing that to him....but on the other hand, I want this job so, so much.

I just don’t know what to do.

My husband has said I have to take the job and although it may be difficult at first, our son will adapt to a different school, but I feel so incredibly selfish for even considering doing that to him to follow my dream.

I am so torn, conflicted, confused, sad....a whole range of emotions and I just don’t know what to do.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? Or could anyone just advise me? I feel like I can’t see the woods for the trees Sad

OP posts:
TableFlowerss · 27/05/2021 09:37

@HerMammy

Starlight39 · 27/05/2021 09:38

Definitely take the job and move your son. He sounds as equipped as any kid could be to deal with it. My son ends up (partly) changing the people he's in a class with every year as they have split year groups and this year has been in a class with none of his friends and not able to play with them at play time either due to bubbles. I know it's not the same as a whole school move but he quickly made new friends. The school make a positive out of it saying it encourages resilience and building new friendships. Your son can still see his old friends at weekends and holidays as you won't too far away.

NuffSaidSam · 27/05/2021 09:48

'It’s not the other posters job to make sure that OP hasn’t missed a vital piece of info in their initial post.... drip feeding is not ideal'

She hasn't dripfed. It says in the OP 'I would have to move'. It's not the OP's fault that people can't accept that she HAS to move and want to quiz her on why. The question was re. moving the DC school given that to take this job she HAS to move. The information is in the OP, you just have to read and believe it!

Branleuse · 27/05/2021 09:51

also saying "learn to drive" is kinda pointless. Its hardly something cheap or easy to do, but its also something most people would have considered learning anyway and if someone hasnt learned to drive as an adult, theres probably a reason for that

Twinkled · 27/05/2021 09:54

Learn to drive in an automatic . Aim to complete /pass the theory ASAP and book lessons .

MrsMaizel · 27/05/2021 09:57

You cannot spend the whole of your life based around keeping a child in one school !

OldTinHat · 27/05/2021 10:01

Definitely take the job. My parents took me 300 miles away for a new job when I was about to turn 11. In flipping June! (I'm an August baby!)

Ragwort · 27/05/2021 10:02

I wish people would read the thread properly - THE OP CANNOT DRIVE FOR MEDICAL REASONS - SHE HAS PASSED HER DRIVING TEST BUT HER LICENSE HAS BEEN REMOVED DUE TO A MEDICAL CONDITION..

LadyEuphemia · 27/05/2021 10:06

Take the job and move. I turned down my dream job when DD was 6 for the exact same reason - it was a 1.5hr drive each way, no way I could do it and get her to school where we lived. She’s 18 now and doesn’t even remember the people she went to school with when she was 6. I really, really regret not going for it.

Dozycuntlaters · 27/05/2021 10:10

Take the job. If I were you I would put up with the commute to start with and see how you go. If you love the job and it's working out well then move closer, just take it slow. Do not turn the job down.

Jocasta2018 · 27/05/2021 10:14

Take the job & see how it goes. If it's everything you hope it is THEN move!

Talk to your doctors about getting your driving licence back.
What's the reason you have problems?
Is it acute eg seizures which come & go or a more chronic condition ie the condition is now under control & stable.

ruby29 · 27/05/2021 10:17

I think take the job. Your career is important and it sounds like an ideal time for you to move. When you move , if there’s any choice ( realise there may not be) consider somewhere with better access to public transport.

I also can’t drive due to medical reasons and it’s hard at times as kids get older and I’ve got excellent public transport on hand ( London)

HerMammy · 27/05/2021 10:17

@TableFlowerss
14 pages in things might have moved along, always helpful to press ALL

Hopeisnotastrategy · 27/05/2021 10:21

As somebody older than you who gave up her high level, successful career for her family, please Do Not give up your dream job.

You and your husband can make it work, and children quickly grow older.

I also think, given how much more flexibility there is now with WFH etc (never an option for me) , there's even less reason to sacrifice this golden opportunity. Please don't.

LindaEllen · 27/05/2021 10:24

@CandyLeBonBon

Take the job, learn to drive. Unless the mews a massive drip feed about health issues I really think this is the simplest solution.
There's ALWAYS a drip feed about health issues when someone says they can't drive - I think sometimes they just say that to shut people up, when in fact they just don't WANT to drive.
littlecottonbud · 27/05/2021 10:25

Go for it - or you will always wonder what might have been

MummyR2017 · 27/05/2021 10:28

Hello, when I was a kid I moved schools in year 5. At first it was slightly awkward as everyone else had been together all those years but after a couple of weeks I couldn't care less. To be honest I can't even remember most of the names of the kids in my first primary school, it really didn't effect me greatly In life. Plus when I went on to secondary school only about two kids I knew came with me and we all ended up in different friendship groups anyway.

The best thing for kids is a happy family- if mum and dad are happy they will be too, you should definitely do what you love. School is such a minor thing in the grand scheme of life and young children are so adaptable.

NuffSaidSam · 27/05/2021 10:28

'There's ALWAYS a drip feed about health issues when someone says they can't drive'

Yeah! The cheek of it. Not wanting to share your medical diagnoses with Mumsnet. Outrageous.

'I think sometimes they just say that to shut people up, when in fact they just don't WANT to'

Absolutely true. Disability actually doesn't exist. It's a myth created by the anti-car lobby. Greta Thunberg's idea according to sources.

Watchingstars88 · 27/05/2021 10:39

Take the job. Your son will be absolutely fine. You can still keep in touch with old friends, my son moved schools in Year 1 and we still have contact with his friends from there and meet at the park etc. He has a lovely wide range of friends now and settled in perfectly at his new school, within a month it was as if he'd always been there.

aSofaNearYou · 27/05/2021 10:41

At 7 I would definitely move and take the job. The vast majority of his school and friend making time is still ahead of him, of course he's going to say he will miss his friends but in reality they are unlikely to be friends for life. This is the end of the good time to move him.

Cowbells · 27/05/2021 10:44

He can move schools. He's only 7! Children move schools for parents' work all the time.

My only concern would be the way you are dramatising everything : dream job, massive heart-wrenching ordeal to move a few miles away etc. Will the job in reality be what you have glorified it to be?

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 27/05/2021 10:48

Prior to losing my licence I was driving for 9 years and the impact it’s had in my life has been awful. I had previously been seizure free for 13 years and then I had a seizure completely out the blue and it’s all gone downhill from there. I’ve had a really rough few years trying to adapt to life with epilepsy again, I had forgotten what it was like to have the condition always hanging over me and having so much control over my life.

This job means everything to me - if feels like after two really, really shitty years, this is my chance to be happy again.

OP posts:
spiderlight · 27/05/2021 10:48

Kids move schools all the time. My son's best friend landed at his school in Year 6, they clicked straight away, they're still inseperable in Year 9 and I can't imagine a time when he wasn't around! At 7, your son will easily adapt, and you're still close enough that he can visit his old friends in the holidays. Take the job - you'll regret it otherwise and he might pick up on that.

Emmacb82 · 27/05/2021 10:49

I think there are certain decisions in life that you have to make without thinking about the emotional impact on your child. Like many others have said, he is 7. Kids are extremely adaptable and he will be fine moving schools. They make and fall out with friends on a daily basis at this age, and you are not moving to the other end of the country so he can still have play dates with his old friends.
Is it really the dream job you’ve always wanted? Because you seem to be putting obstacles in the way. If it truly is, and this opportunity won’t come again, then you have to go for it. Don’t live with regret. You have a supporting husband which is great too.

Ellie56 · 27/05/2021 10:50

We moved our eldest son to a different school when he was 6. He settled straight away and we still kept in touch with the friends from his old school.

Do the same and your son will be fine too.

Take the job OP.