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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give up my dream job for the sake of my son?

435 replies

ThornAmongstRoses · 26/05/2021 20:52

Last week my dream job was offered to me. I’ve still got to officially interview for it but I’ve pretty much been told it’s mine.

This job is something I’ve wanted for about 5 years, it’s something I’m so passionate about but I never thought it would be an option - but now it’s being given to me on a plate....it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.

The only downside is that I would have to move closer to the job, it’s not far away at all but it’s enough to mean I’d have to move my 7 year old to a different school.

I feel heartbroken at the thought of doing that to him....but on the other hand, I want this job so, so much.

I just don’t know what to do.

My husband has said I have to take the job and although it may be difficult at first, our son will adapt to a different school, but I feel so incredibly selfish for even considering doing that to him to follow my dream.

I am so torn, conflicted, confused, sad....a whole range of emotions and I just don’t know what to do.

Has anyone else been in a similar position? Or could anyone just advise me? I feel like I can’t see the woods for the trees Sad

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 27/05/2021 14:03

'many people give their answer based on the initial post!!!'

Well they shouldn't. That's the point.

You don't need to read all the posts, but you do need to read the OP and the OP's other posts.

And if you choose not to and as a result your post is repetitive and pointless, you can't blame the OP for dripfeeding.

She said they had to move. She doesn't need to list all the reasons why.

TableFlowerss · 27/05/2021 14:12

@NuffSaidSam

'many people give their answer based on the initial post!!!'

Well they shouldn't. That's the point.

You don't need to read all the posts, but you do need to read the OP and the OP's other posts.

And if you choose not to and as a result your post is repetitive and pointless, you can't blame the OP for dripfeeding.

She said they had to move. She doesn't need to list all the reasons why.

Again, she did! (because not everyone has time to read it through)

Perhaps they should but if the main info is in the first post it saves all this

Grin
TableFlowerss · 27/05/2021 14:13

She should not ‘did’

Branleuse · 27/05/2021 14:33

at 7, they make and lose new friends all the time. Look at what 7 year olds are like at the park or on holiday. Its probably best age to move

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 27/05/2021 14:34

This has exploded a little.

Apologies for not mentioning I couldn’t drive in my OP, I didn’t really think it was relevant as I wasn’t asking people about how I could get to work, I was simply asking about the potential emotional impact of taking my 7 year old out of school.

I took it for granted that if I said it was only a 25 minute drive away but I that I would have to move house to take the job, people would realise I couldn’t drive otherwise why wouldn’t I just drive to my new job?! I assumed it wasn’t something I would have to clarify.

I guess I was wrong though Grin

OP posts:
TableFlowerss · 27/05/2021 15:02

@ThornAmongstRoses

This has exploded a little.

Apologies for not mentioning I couldn’t drive in my OP, I didn’t really think it was relevant as I wasn’t asking people about how I could get to work, I was simply asking about the potential emotional impact of taking my 7 year old out of school.

I took it for granted that if I said it was only a 25 minute drive away but I that I would have to move house to take the job, people would realise I couldn’t drive otherwise why wouldn’t I just drive to my new job?! I assumed it wasn’t something I would have to clarify.

I guess I was wrong though Grin

That’s fair enough OP, but it’s just that people would automatically think ‘how about driving lessons’, then it it would mean you’d have best of both worlds and not have to worry about changing schools and still get to take up your dream job...

It’s all cleared up now 😂 hope you’ve taken some reassurance from the thread and you take up your dream job. Good luck 🤞

iolaus · 27/05/2021 15:12

I would take the job - however if I could I would leave him in his school till the end of the term as it's not long to go - be that you doing the long commute short term (depends on when you have to start this job) or your husband amending his hours to drive him to school and moving now

riceuten · 27/05/2021 16:37

I'm still shaking my head about this - changing schools is not a reason not to move house/change careers at all.

Sometimesfraught82 · 27/05/2021 16:49

@riceuten

I'm still shaking my head about this - changing schools is not a reason not to move house/change careers at all.
Sure it is

Situation dependent

I’m a bit baffled that this is so difficult for you to grasp!

Diamondnights · 27/05/2021 16:52

For goodness sake, he will be fine moving school at that age. In the nicest way, you are being a tad over dramatic...

Branleuse · 27/05/2021 17:12

Well tbf lots of people overthink stuff like this. Women especially. Your professional fulfillment is important OP x

CandyLeBonBon · 27/05/2021 18:34

@riceuten

I'm still shaking my head about this - changing schools is not a reason not to move house/change careers at all.
I had to change schools when I was 8. It was handled very badly - my mum didn't even bother getting me new school uniform before I joined the new school and my old uniform was the same colour as the senior school uniform close to my new school.

They all thought I'd been sent back a year because I was stupid. It was horrible and has led to me always having an underlying feeling of being an outsider.

If it's handled sensitively and good transition support is in place, it will be fine.

Unlike my situation!

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 05/06/2021 08:41

As an update:

We have two estate agents coming over on two weeks to value the house!!

In the meantime we are sprucing up ours (turning everything magnolia) ready for photos!

I have discussed it with my eldest son and taken the advice to make it sound like a whole new adventure for us and he’s now really excited.

We are off to view our first house this afternoon!

OP posts:
MMMarmite · 05/06/2021 08:50

That's brilliant OP, how exciting for all of you!

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 05/06/2021 09:00

I know!!

Our current argument is regarding a spare room we have on the lower ground floor (we live in a 3 storey) because I think we should have it as a dining room as that will appeal to buyers, but my husband wants to do it up as another bedroom because he thinks that will appeal to buyers more Grin

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 05/06/2021 09:05

As a teacher we often have new children joining the school and they settle in fine. Before long it's like they have always been there.

Birminghambloke · 05/06/2021 09:27

@ThornAmongstRoses

I know!!

Our current argument is regarding a spare room we have on the lower ground floor (we live in a 3 storey) because I think we should have it as a dining room as that will appeal to buyers, but my husband wants to do it up as another bedroom because he thinks that will appeal to buyers more Grin

That’s brilliant news. Glad you’re going for it. Exciting times for you all. My friend had this. She kept as a dining room but the agents advertised it as an extra bedroom. I think just paint it nicely and leave it nice and clear so the space can be seen. Different prospective buyers will have different thoughts! Good luck!
Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 05/06/2021 10:07

The set up is:

Ground floor: kitchen, toilet and the empty room. It’s because it’s near the kitchen I thought it would make more sense as a dining room.

Middle floor: Main bedroom with en-suite and the living room.

Top floor: Two bedrooms and family bathroom.

OP posts:
Disfordarkchocolate · 05/06/2021 10:17

How about setting it up as a home office with a safa bed?

I think it depends on if the living room or kitchen has enough space for a good size table.

Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 05/06/2021 10:20

It’s a good sized room - we used to have it as a dining room and it easily fitted a dining table that seats 6 people as well as us having other furniture pieces in there too.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 05/06/2021 10:21

I wouid list is as Dining room/playroom/4th bedroom

Your layout sounds like my friends

Her Kitchen doesn’t have room for a table so she uses as dining room with sofa other side

Sometimesfraught82 · 05/06/2021 10:26

@Blondeshavemorefun

I wouid list is as Dining room/playroom/4th bedroom

Your layout sounds like my friends

Her Kitchen doesn’t have room for a table so she uses as dining room with sofa other side

Do not mention “play room” People immediately think Oh the house has young kids. Probably lots of knocks and marks throughout
Original poster
ThornAmongstRoses · 05/06/2021 10:29

Do not mention “play room”. People immediately think Oh the house has young kids. Probably lots of knocks and marks throughout

One of our rooms is already a playroom so there’s no escaping the fact children live here Grin

OP posts:
Sometimesfraught82 · 05/06/2021 10:29

Absolutely set up as a home office
That is what so many are looking for
In fact why they are house hunting atm

Sometimesfraught82 · 05/06/2021 10:29

@ThornAmongstRoses

Do not mention “play room”. People immediately think Oh the house has young kids. Probably lots of knocks and marks throughout

One of our rooms is already a playroom so there’s no escaping the fact children live here Grin

But doesn’t needed to be listed as such!
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