To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

I think you should worry as 27 isn't exactly that young anymore plus I suspect her idea of occasional use is probably more regularly than she'd like to admit. I also feel that separating it from the societal problems that she and her friends' drug use fund is a very middle-class thing to do, out of sight out of mind. For her, it will just be a phase in her life something to chat about and say oh I was so wild when I was young, but for those caught up at the bottom of the chain, it's a living nightmare.

saltyskies
Please don’t call someone ‘laughably naive’ because their experience differs from yours. Your daughter appears to be a casual drug user who thinks this is OK and you are endorsing her view because she is telling you it is normal. Many other people’s children abhor drugs and the exploitation, addiction and destruction they can lead to.
Like others, I know 100% that my DC have never tried drugs. Like you and your DD, we have a close relationship and talk about lots of issues and there is zero doubt in my mind they are telling me the truth.
Not only do they think people taking drugs are fools and that drug dealers are the lowest of the low, they have also seen the impact that drug-induced psychosis had on one of their cousins, who went on to develop severe mental health problems and lives a reclusive life in a tent in his parents garden. Two other cousins started with coke in their late teens. One (city high flyer) still has a mild coke habit and a pretty shit life in her 40s, the other went on to develop a heroine addiction and threw herself off a bridge trying to commit suicide. So yes, I know 100% how my DC feel about drugs and, frankly, I think you are the one who is naive.

"3.4% of adults aged 16 to 59 years had taken a Class A drug in the last year"

Ons

Thank you @InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream

I settled down after having counselling and taking responsibility for what I done. I now have a 2 year old DS. Will never look back. ⭐️

At the 27 I was married with a mortgage and a second child on the way. I've never done cocaine, it just seems so scummy to me. If 1 of mine was doing cocaine I'd do anything to get them to stop.

@MiddleParking

I have one friend who was an exceptionally heavy coke user in his twenties and quit and is pretty open about the fact he thinks he has some form of brain damage, which I'd agree with - basically there's something v particular about the way he processes info, quick to anger, he has a number of traits I'd associate with other heavy coke users but he has definitely been clean for over a decade. However, he was literally working in the music industry and doing it daily.

I know a guy like this from the same industry. I do think you see more of that from heavy weed use though, especially in men - I know a few men who’ve gone permanently crackers from weed.

I agree with this - both drugs

And also industry - I’d say creative sector and City more rife (haven’t worked in latter so could be corrected)

@Bluntness100

It is a lot more normal than you think

It’s not. It’s no more normal than it ever was. For some groups of people it’s totally normal. They do drugs, for most other groups no it’s not normal. People need to be able to see outside their own social group,

It’s like saying playing role play at a weekend is totally normal and everyone does it. Well no, only those into it do it, that doesn’t mean everyone’s dressing up a a knight of the round table and recreating medieval battles on a Saturday afternoon.

People on this thread seem to think it is really a rare occurance. And I am just saying that it really isn't. I know people from lots of different walks of life that take coke on a semi regular basis. Some professionals, self employed, minimum wage jobs. People would just be surprised.

At age 26. Never taken drugs in my life. Never will. My body is a temple and I will
Nurture it and take care of it.

@hagtry

"3.4% of adults aged 16 to 59 years had taken a Class A drug in the last year"

Ons

Because everyone admits it don't they

Like others, I know 100% that my DC have never tried drugs.

My mother thinks this too!

@hagtry

"3.4% of adults aged 16 to 59 years had taken a Class A drug in the last year"

Ons

How trustworthy is this do you reckon? Is it just someone ticking yes to an illegal activity.

@bungaloid

I think it depends on your own experiences, but I'd say 20% in that sort of age group makes it fairly mainstream. I don't see a huge personal risk from taking MDMA or smoking weed, they are pretty "safe" drugs. But then I'm from a stable middle class background. Those from a working class background should steer well clear.

Are you serious?

It’s common, but not normal and yeah she’s a monumental tool for doing drugs like coke or mdma, but she’s approaching 30, what exactly can anyone do about it?

You'd be surprised how many people on here haven't heard of CL when the demographic tends to be parents.

The women in question is 27 then, she can't have slept through BLM.

Alcohol is far more of a problem than occasional drug usage imo

MN is not the place to ask most people I find on here just see the entire spectrum of ‘drugs’ as one thing. And they don’t like it. I’ve never taken MDMA so I can’t comment but Cocaine is 100% commonly used most weekends and by any age. It’s more common than you would ever imagine. I carry out drug and alcohol tests at work and men in their 50’s and 60’s often fail on cocaine. 95% of my friends use cocaine at weekends and I have friends who are school teachers, police officers, social workers and NHS staff. Your daughter is perfectly normal and as long as this is recreational I don’t believe you have anything to worry about

@Checkingout811

Normal for 27 year olds in “my world” is home ownership, marriage, 1st or maybe 2nd DC. It’s not sitting inside a house / flat with a group of mates taking drugs.

I have all of those at 27. Taking coke occasionally really isn’t a barrier to any of those!

One pill can kill. Simple.

You must be pretty naive if you think ecstasy is more dangerous than alcohol.

I knew many people in that group because my XH was one of them. It was just for fun, blowing off steam, something “everybody did” (even though it wasn’t). A couple of people left their social circle because they decided to get sober and get their lives in order and it just wasn’t possible when part of that crowd. Without fail, every single one who stayed, their life blew up in some way. No marriage or long-term relationship survived. There were significant career losses. It caught up with each and every one of them eventually.

I thought my son was a 'dabbler' as well. He had a wide group of friends who all seemed very nice, they all seemed very close - went on holidays together and lots of festivals during the Summer months. My boy went to university and a big gang of mates went to the same one. We thought it was nice that they wanted to be together. My son dropped out at the beginning of his second year and we have since had nearly three years of self harming, friends dealing to him (which was what was going on all the time of course but he obviously didn't need to buy), him stealing from us, paranoia, aggression ... he was sectioned last Christmas and not released until April. He suffered a complete psychotic break and is now likely to be on anti - psychotic drugs (injection once a fortnight) for the next year at least. He is broken. So yeah ... drugs. There is always a reason to try something new or up the intake - a big night out, a birthday, a festival ... my son was using skunk, cocaine, ecstasy, ketamine, xanax ... you name it. It's never that casual.

@StrongbutTired00

MN is not the place to ask most people I find on here just see the entire spectrum of ‘drugs’ as one thing. And they don’t like it. I’ve never taken MDMA so I can’t comment but Cocaine is 100% commonly used most weekends and by any age. It’s more common than you would ever imagine. I carry out drug and alcohol tests at work and men in their 50’s and 60’s often fail on cocaine. 95% of my friends use cocaine at weekends and I have friends who are school teachers, police officers, social workers and NHS staff. Your daughter is perfectly normal and as long as this is recreational I don’t believe you have anything to worry about

This is my experience.

@hagtry

Yes it’s illegal but I would say that the police are interested in dealers not recreational users who are otherwise model citizens.

I think there should be much harsher treatment of those model citizens.

And it's the model citizens who are driving the demand that the dealers are filling

@MiddleParking

Another great point. Brain damage. I’m now on tablets for the most crippling anxiety and extreme Paranoia/overthinking which at first I thought was brought on by lying to everyone but now I’m almost sure it’s down to the coke (granted excessive) use.
And we all know the damage it does to the heart too :(

OP at 27 this isn’t experimenting this is your daughters new way of life and if I were her mother, knowing what I know, I would be making steps to help her address this issue ASAP.

@user1471457751

You and your daughter might like to ignore the ethical issues but that doesn't mean your daughter isn't contributing to gang violence, women being raped etc

I sometimes think casual users like your daughter are worse than addicts. They have the knowledge to know the wider societal damage but they just don't give a shit.

Exactly this!

A lot of people may do it, doesn't make it right.

Quite a few parents use drugs and think nothing of it.

I'm pretty sure many don't use drugs at all. Some don't drink either.

I'd be concerned but it's not like you can do anything about it as she's an adult.