To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

For the purpose of the thread, doing coke and MDMA regularly can have a life limiting ability on a person's health and mental well-being.
As a wider issue, drugs are by far and a way the largest contributer to criminality, at a low and high level. Tbh it would be better if they were legalised and taxed.

Let's just normalise drug use shall we... hell no, I'd not be happy with my Son or daughters drug use ...

@Takeitonthechin

Let's just normalise drug use shall we... hell no, I'd not be happy with my Son or daughters drug use ...

We don’t have to normalise it. It’s already normal.

@ElevenSmiles

My moral outrage is just fine...thanks......I'm in favour of legalisation ? what shit are you on Serpenta ?

In the midst of your tantrum you unwittingly make an argument for legalisation.

'You can't be a responsible drug user....how do you know what's in the shit a dealer sells you.'

I think it's normal at her age too. It was when I was in my 20's. And some of my friends even in my 40's still use cocaine on a weekend.

[quote Freecuthbert]@greatauntfanny

Are you saying I called drug users selfish because of the trade or was this aimed at someone else? [/quote]
Please be reassured that I don't know who you are, what you've posted or why you think I am addressing you specifically.

How so....I stated a fact...People are willing to take risks, their choice.

Although I would say its normal for her age group to experiment, I'd be concerned she is doing drugs no matter how often it is tbh. Each time she does it, well she could die so how can you not worry? My brother lost a friend to mdma and my friend nearly died after taking ecstasy so there's no way I'd not be concerned if ds done occasional drugs

@greatauntfanny

Mumsnet Drugs Thread Bingo:

1. Poster calls all users of drugs stupid.

1. Poster suggests people who use/condone drug use are doing so to be cool.

1. Poster suggests drug users are mentally weak 'sheeple' unable to 'think for themselves'.

1. Poster suggests drug users are boring or they wouldn't 'need to take drugs'.

1. Poster suggests drug users aren't aware of the risks.

1. Poster doesn't understand recreational drug use and thinks a person who uses drugs once immediately becomes an addict.

1. Poster calls drug users selfish because of the trade.

1. Poster references person they know who died/became ill/ruined their life after taking drugs.

1. Poster uses alcohol.

Bingo!!!

1. Many drug users are in high flying careers/top universities. But of course that's not what you mean by stupid is it, you mean the other kind of stupid (the 'does not agree with me' kind).

1. Rather than to be 'cool,' most people use drugs because the feeling can be absolutely incredible. When I first took MDMA I felt so connected and loving towards everyone around me. I was depressed at the time, undergoing three find few weeks of a largely unsuccessful round of CBT and mindfulness therapy and it kind of knocked my depression sideways. I had forgotten that it was possible to view the world from such a calm and loving place. Even knowing that feeling is out there and exists helps me when I feel down occasionally. Also, I'm cool. But that's unrelated to my drug use 😎

1. Weak argument, little substance. Someone cheekier than me might suggest the counter argument is that those who have been convinced by the 'just say no' movement to think all drugs (apart from alcohol, naturally) are deadly in compete rejection of the science are arguablely the ones who struggle to think for themselves.

1. As above. Misunderstanding of what drugs do. Also out of touch with the reality and suggestive of a very limited mindset ('I don't find it interesting and as my worldview is the correct one, those who do find it interesting are wrong and must be boring/have bad taste').

1. The risks are well known. It's a risky activity. Ironically, the thing that makes it the most risky is the illegality. If drug production was regulated, you wouldn't get criminals cutting it with dangerous substances or risk of... dubious... methods of transport. You'd get information on the packet of how much to take, and how, and what not to mix it with, and how much water to drink. As it stands, you've got none of that. Almost all deaths due to ecstacy/MDMA are due to poor quality or a misinformed (usually young) user rolling it with something else or not taking note of their hydration, because they didn't know they needed to. All in all, it's usually a considered risk. There are things you can do to lessen the risk.

1. It's perfectly possibly to use (certain) drugs recreationally without becoming addicted. Again, education is key. There's a scale. Don't start shooting heroin or taking crystal meth. But a tab or LSD or a pill? You're not going to turn into an addict overnight. Same with cocaine, although it's easier to develop a dependency if you take it frequently, so higher risk. Watch your intake, if you find yourself wanting to take it to improve your performance in work, you're in the danger zone.

1. The trade is terrible, the solution is to legalise. But this argument is a bit daft. Who made your smartphone, your shoes, your engagement ring? If you're going to use this argument, I hope you apply it to every aspect of your life. My guess is that you don't, and if you looked into how your Western lifestyle is funded you would be horrified.

1. Sorry for your loss. The person you knew was either an addict or unlucky. Drug addiction can be absolutely devastating. But the answer is not pushing 'just say no' campaigns, because people are not going to stop. It's legalising drugs to remove the risk of contamination, lack of guidance around intake and criminality. Not for all drugs. As I've said, there's a scale, they need to be discussed individually. Liken it to extreme sports. The risk of LSD (if regulated) would be like playing a game of snooker. Your unlikely to get hurt, but might get jabbed in the eye with someone's cue if you're unlucky. Crystal meth is more like cliff diving into waters known for strong currents. And rocks. And sharks. You might be fine, but you are also likely to end up getting hurt. So don't do it.

1. Hahahahaha.

Excellent post Fanny! I wish you'd been my great aunt.

I strongly disagree. As long as the child is safe and happy with another family member, I don't see the issue. I had social services involved due to a domestic abuse situation, and my ex (abuser) accused me of leaving him with our child while I went out drinking with friends where I would then stay at my Nan's house with a hangover (incapacitated) and come back home on the sunday. I said yes, that is true, but it's not a habit, just a few times a year. They said all parents are allowed a break and as long as the child is safe it doesn't matter if you've got a hangover or spent the night getting drunk, so my ex got nowhere with that one. The issue is when you do it around the child, make a habit of it, or don't ensure they are well looked after while you are unable to.
Drugs would be different, of course, but you used "incapacitated they need to sleep elsewhere" which applies to booze too.

And once again, I am only commenting on one particular scenario from one particular poster. I did not feel the need to clarify that I meant drugs and not alcohol as that what not what I was talking about. I am sorry you had problems in the past with your abusive ex, I hope you are now free and safe, but you are extrapolating inference from what I was saying to justify your side of the story which does not require any justification as I was clearly talking about this scenario which involves drugs and NOT alcohol. And as you said yourself, drugs are different. For any future attack on my clumsy wording, I am only commenting on one scenario that involves drug use. I am not talking about alcohol or anything else for that matter. Hope that helps in your interpretation!

greatauntfanny

Sterling work there, absolutely spot on. The pearly clutching hysteria is ridiculous on here when it comes to drugs.

I've lived in drug gang areas, have extended family members deeply enmeshed, no pearl clutching or "hysteria" ( wowser) required thanks.

Again. All the elucant arguments for or against the regulation and decriminalization of class A drugs are not the point. The OP says she is fine with the recreational use of a Class A drug because she thinks it is normal for that age group, the other parent does not.
It is not normal. 90 percent of people never take a Class A drug.

It is illegal with potential serious life changing consequences if she gets caught.
As a parent you should be saying that. You can not force an adult child to do anything but you can offer advice and opinion. If she respects you she might listen, if not she won't or she might think the risk is worth it.
That is up to her. But as a parent you should be saying this.
Again, all the well reasoned arguments around decriminalising the use of class A drugs will not be a defense if she gets caught or if she has a conviction and wants to work in USA or Australia or even possibly an EU Country. Or in any of our legal system or heal are system or plenty more. This is very real. About 400000 people are excluded from certain work and travel at any time in England because of illegal drug use. Do you want her to be one of them?
The max sentence for possession of Cocaine is 7 years in prison. Not often, if ever, given but that shows that this is a serious offence and your record would show this as a serious offence.
Just because there is prevalence in some social groups does not make it normal or any less illegal.

Ask Leah Betts’ mum what she thinks.

And if she buys a round of drinks and her friend slips on the stairs and falls and dies she will not be prosecuted, but if she is the one who gets the deal for her and friends and something happens she could he spending the next 5 years in prison.

You see, it is not pearl clutching, moral outrage or deluded thinking.

It is the difference between doing something illegal and something that isn't. Whether you think it should be illegal is a whole different issue.

Perfectly normal, I don't know many people who didn't experiment a bit.

I'd keep an eye on it though, as there are always a few in any friendship group that go too far.

Reasons against using drugs
1 damage to brain which isnt fully developed til mid 20s
2 harm to body crom drug itself
3 harm from impurities
4 harm to oneself while high
5 illegality
6 effect on dbs/employability
7risk of addiction/gateway to harder stuff
8 affecting people around you negatively

@greatauntfanny spot on!

@CaptainCabinets

Ask Leah Betts’ mum what she thinks.

You’re not going to get objective evidence driven advice from her, are you? I doubt if most of MN even know who she is/was.

Druggies are terrible parents and that includes occasional drug users.

Ask any adult whose parent took drugs what it is like being the child of a druggie.

Of course, the OP’s daughter is an adult and can do what she likes. Who cares if she takes drugs? Evidently not her own mother, which is very sad. But if she has children of her own, neither she nor her mother should kid themselves that those children will be unaffected. Children of drug users - like all traumatised children - have behavioural problems, and those problems present as SEN.

I don’t have to argue about that on here - I know it to be a fact.

@EYProvider

Druggies are terrible parents and that includes occasional drug users.

Ask any adult whose parent took drugs what it is like being the child of a druggie.

Of course, the OP’s daughter is an adult and can do what she likes. Who cares if she takes drugs? Evidently not her own mother, which is very sad. But if she has children of her own, neither she nor her mother should kid themselves that those children will be unaffected. Children of drug users - like all traumatised children - have behavioural problems, and those problems present as SEN.

I don’t have to argue about that on here - I know it to be a fact.

Bit OTT. I am the child of a drug user and while it wasn't great, I do not have SEN or behaviour problems. Blanket statements aren't helpful and I actually find your post offensive.

@Waxonwaxoff0 - Lucky you, you weren’t born in the last 10 years.

[quote EYProvider]@Waxonwaxoff0 - Lucky you, you weren’t born in the last 10 years.[/quote]
Were you?

[quote EYProvider]@Waxonwaxoff0 - Lucky you, you weren’t born in the last 10 years.[/quote]
What difference does that make? Do you know every single child of parents who take drugs to back up your blanket statements?

Does the truth hurt, @Blossomtoes?