To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

I'm 31 and have never so much as smoked more than a puff on a normal cigarette. It really wasn't normal in any of my groups of friends.

I'm 100% same. I'm 39 never had a cigarette or drug in my life. I drink a little alcohol socially and with my husband for full disclose.

None of my university friends did drugs. A couple smoked cigarettes on nights out.

Drug use is not normal or ok.

I guess with alcohol is you know what you're getting & the strength, when you open the bottle. Unless you're drinking moonshine, it's all there on the label!
With cocaine or pills, you have no idea what the drug has been cut with or how strong it is.
That was what always worried me which is why I will have a drink on a night out & nothing more.

Is a different class OK? Binge drinking and sleeping off a hangover? What is an acceptable reason.

I just feel that "It's sad that your kid is babysat so you can take drugs" could have been said without using words such as "abandonment" and "getting someone else to do your job" when they could easily be applied to mothers who go to nightclubs drinking too. Is it abandonment when they do it, or only when they take drugs in the night out too? It's the language that is off.

Those other cases are irrelevant. We are not talking about them. I was responding to that particular poster about her particular case. There is no need for the "but whataboutery". And as I said, the most important point I was making was the fact that she has a child, but is willing to take drugs that she knows makes some other child miserable for her own pleasure. And when it comes to the misery of those poor children, and probably her own later when he realises that his mother would prefer to take drugs than be with him, then no, there is no language that is "off". Any parent who incapacitates themselves to the point of needing to sleep somewhere else is inexcusable. When you have children, your life becomes different and you need to grow up and not be so selfish. I'm sorry you feel aggrieved on behalf of the other poster but having seen first hand the devastation of making excuses about drug taking, I cannot, in all honesty, not be angry. I actually did not use the language I would have really liked to have used, which would have been offensive.

@Ostagazuzulum

I cannot fathom anyone having a blasé attitude towards recreational drug taking, especially a parent. You need to do some research and know what it is you turn a blind eye to and listen to DH

Parent of a 27 year old adult! Who makes their own choices.

What do you propose OP does exactly?

I was responding to that particular poster about her particular case.

I don't feel you can call one case of being babysat abandonment and another case not abandonment based on what the mother did when she was out, as long as the child is being looked after it's not abandonment.

I never took drugs when I was younger but I had lots of friends who did. Some are OK, others are now life long serious druggies needing rehab, others the drug use has destroyed their relationships and family life. The thing worth asking her does she imagine taking it for the rest of her life? Its worth her considering whether in her sub consious she has a age she thinks she would have stopped by so that when she gets to that age she can challenge herself if she hasn't.

Any parent who incapacitates themselves to the point of needing to sleep somewhere else is inexcusable

I strongly disagree. As long as the child is safe and happy with another family member, I don't see the issue. I had social services involved due to a domestic abuse situation, and my ex (abuser) accused me of leaving him with our child while I went out drinking with friends where I would then stay at my Nan's house with a hangover (incapacitated) and come back home on the sunday. I said yes, that is true, but it's not a habit, just a few times a year. They said all parents are allowed a break and as long as the child is safe it doesn't matter if you've got a hangover or spent the night getting drunk, so my ex got nowhere with that one. The issue is when you do it around the child, make a habit of it, or don't ensure they are well looked after while you are unable to.
Drugs would be different, of course, but you used "incapacitated they need to sleep elsewhere" which applies to booze too.

@Owlina

I genuinely don't know how parents can be so sure their kids have never taken drugs. Most of my friends would never dream of telling their parent and would just lie about it. My mum would swear blind to people I don't do any drugs, because that's the image I portray to her.

Well I know now, don't I

Has anyone watched DrugsLab on YouTube? They teach responsible recreational drug use. They procure and test various drugs, and then take it and detail how it feels, mentally and physiologically. They measure heart-rate etc. It's quite interesting.

I used to take cocaine and occasionally other stuff in my 20s and my Dad was pretty chill about it. He'd have preferred I didn't do it but appreciated my honesty. My Mum was less pleased but knew lecturing me was pointless. I think it is very common for this age group to take recreational drugs.

You can't be a responsible drug user....how do you know what's in the shit a dealer sells you.

It bothers me that the OP doesn't want to touch on the ethical reasons and I think the OP is unreasonable for that alone. I work with victims of county lines and it's heartbreaking.

Mumsnet Drugs Thread Bingo:

1. Poster calls all users of drugs stupid.

1. Poster suggests people who use/condone drug use are doing so to be cool.

1. Poster suggests drug users are mentally weak 'sheeple' unable to 'think for themselves'.

1. Poster suggests drug users are boring or they wouldn't 'need to take drugs'.

1. Poster suggests drug users aren't aware of the risks.

1. Poster doesn't understand recreational drug use and thinks a person who uses drugs once immediately becomes an addict.

1. Poster calls drug users selfish because of the trade.

1. Poster references person they know who died/became ill/ruined their life after taking drugs.

1. Poster uses alcohol.

Bingo!!!

1. Many drug users are in high flying careers/top universities. But of course that's not what you mean by stupid is it, you mean the other kind of stupid (the 'does not agree with me' kind).

1. Rather than to be 'cool,' most people use drugs because the feeling can be absolutely incredible. When I first took MDMA I felt so connected and loving towards everyone around me. I was depressed at the time, undergoing three find few weeks of a largely unsuccessful round of CBT and mindfulness therapy and it kind of knocked my depression sideways. I had forgotten that it was possible to view the world from such a calm and loving place. Even knowing that feeling is out there and exists helps me when I feel down occasionally. Also, I'm cool. But that's unrelated to my drug use 😎

1. Weak argument, little substance. Someone cheekier than me might suggest the counter argument is that those who have been convinced by the 'just say no' movement to think all drugs (apart from alcohol, naturally) are deadly in compete rejection of the science are arguablely the ones who struggle to think for themselves.

1. As above. Misunderstanding of what drugs do. Also out of touch with the reality and suggestive of a very limited mindset ('I don't find it interesting and as my worldview is the correct one, those who do find it interesting are wrong and must be boring/have bad taste').

1. The risks are well known. It's a risky activity. Ironically, the thing that makes it the most risky is the illegality. If drug production was regulated, you wouldn't get criminals cutting it with dangerous substances or risk of... dubious... methods of transport. You'd get information on the packet of how much to take, and how, and what not to mix it with, and how much water to drink. As it stands, you've got none of that. Almost all deaths due to ecstacy/MDMA are due to poor quality or a misinformed (usually young) user rolling it with something else or not taking note of their hydration, because they didn't know they needed to. All in all, it's usually a considered risk. There are things you can do to lessen the risk.

1. It's perfectly possibly to use (certain) drugs recreationally without becoming addicted. Again, education is key. There's a scale. Don't start shooting heroin or taking crystal meth. But a tab or LSD or a pill? You're not going to turn into an addict overnight. Same with cocaine, although it's easier to develop a dependency if you take it frequently, so higher risk. Watch your intake, if you find yourself wanting to take it to improve your performance in work, you're in the danger zone.

1. The trade is terrible, the solution is to legalise. But this argument is a bit daft. Who made your smartphone, your shoes, your engagement ring? If you're going to use this argument, I hope you apply it to every aspect of your life. My guess is that you don't, and if you looked into how your Western lifestyle is funded you would be horrified.

1. Sorry for your loss. The person you knew was either an addict or unlucky. Drug addiction can be absolutely devastating. But the answer is not pushing 'just say no' campaigns, because people are not going to stop. It's legalising drugs to remove the risk of contamination, lack of guidance around intake and criminality. Not for all drugs. As I've said, there's a scale, they need to be discussed individually. Liken it to extreme sports. The risk of LSD (if regulated) would be like playing a game of snooker. Your unlikely to get hurt, but might get jabbed in the eye with someone's cue if you're unlucky. Crystal meth is more like cliff diving into waters known for strong currents. And rocks. And sharks. You might be fine, but you are also likely to end up getting hurt. So don't do it.

1. Hahahahaha.

Yes, you need to stop her now. Dob her in if possible. Good job your DH is sensible.

@greatauntfanny I agree with all you have written, brava!

Yep...Lets legalise drugs...more addicts, more deaths, more misery some people are off their fucking heads.

@greatauntfanny

Are you saying I called drug users selfish because of the trade or was this aimed at someone else?

@ElevenSmiles check this charity out, I agree legalisation seems insane but data does support it in some instances. anyoneschild.org/

That's because it is insane...will it stop what I said in my post ?

@ElevenSmiles

Yep...Lets legalise drugs...more addicts, more deaths, more misery some people are off their fucking heads.

because drugs being illegal has worked and continues to work SO well

put your moral outrage aside and think rationally

@ElevenSmiles

You can't be a responsible drug user....how do you know what's in the shit a dealer sells you.

See? You are in favour of legalisation

It’s clear drugs policy isn’t working but it’s impossible to have a sensible debate about it and it’s too controversial for most politicians to want to even touch. The whole thing needs root and branch reform and there is a middle way between and out-and-out free for all and pearl-clutching hysteria and prohibition on the other.

@WilyKitWilyKat

It’s clear drugs policy isn’t working but it’s impossible to have a sensible debate about it and it’s too controversial for most politicians to want to even touch. The whole thing needs root and branch reform and there is a middle way between and out-and-out free for all and pearl-clutching hysteria and prohibition on the other.

I couldn't agree more!

Yeah, I can't see it being much of a vote winner sadly.

My moral outrage is just fine...thanks......I'm in favour of legalisation ? what shit are you on Serpenta ?