To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

Not normal at all. Illegal and potentially serious risks.

I don’t know any young people that do this. Mine are in same age bracket, have seemingly good social lives, good jobs but have never taken drugs. They would risk their careers, their relationships and their lives.

Completely normal in my city. Don't worry about it.

I'm 31 and have never so much as smoked more than a puff on a normal cigarette. It really wasn't normal in any of my groups of friends. I've worked in pubs for years and you can spot the drug users a mile off and they are honestly all absolute idiots who behave like bellends and bore the pants off of everyone.

I did at that age and although not everyone does in their 20s, at that age I reckon it’s certainly not unusual to take stuff recreationally on nights out.

I think something like coke can be insidiously harmful though – firstly it is very damaging to the body when combined with alcohol, and secondly it is really addictive when you can afford to buy it regularly enough. In my early 20s I had a boyfriend who could afford to buy it every weekend, and at some point the week days started to feel really grim and colourless and the only time I felt good was at the weekend when we could take coke. I was basically on a low level come down throughout the week but as it was so regular (every week), feeling vaguely shit during the week started to just feel like the nature of ‘real life’ when not out socialising and taking coke etc. ‘Luckily’ we broke up, as in hindsight it was the gentle shift from ‘fun’ into addiction.

I also drank loads in my 20s and to be honest is be more concerned about excessive drinking (alcohol likewise is SO addictive) than taking mdma on a night out with friends.

It’s good she can talk to you openly and I agree many people use drugs recreationally without it being indicative of a ‘problem’. However there are risks (and normalising drug and alcohol use definitely contributes to the risk of developing into addictive patterns).

I’d keep a close eye out for how she’s doing and emphasise just being sensible, having weeks off, ensuring she has a repertoire of healthy coping strategies for stress (and isn’t tempted to rely on drugs, alcohol and hedonism), cultivating a wide range of interests and leisure pursuits.

I say all that as someone who enjoyed recreational drug use in my 20s and not from any place of judgement!

@edenhills

Completely normal in my city. Don't worry about it.

You only know the people you know in your city, you don't know the vast majority. It's not normal in your city, just in your circles. OP should worry about it and so should you.

All those saying it is no worse than alcohol and should be legalized etc are missing the point. It is illegal and if you are caught and prosecuted and convicted there are serious life long implications. This is not the case if you are buying a bottle of gin or vodka. Probably more harmful, certainly in the long run, but that is the reality and what ever you think, it won't be changing whilst our children are in this age group.

It's not normal by any definition, but illegal drug takers do stick together so it might look like it is wide spread if you are in the group.

It is illegal, even if it shouldn't be, it is.

You might trivalise the consequences of being caught but maybe research how many people are prosecuted each year and then what that means to them.

I know people who can not work in USA on a dream job because of a possession charge 15 years ago, can not work in a healthcare position, lost a health sponsorship at university, lost a job in the legal profession. Of course plenty never get caught, as is the way with all illegal activities. But some do.

To people saying it is no worse than alcohol I don’t see anyone one on the yabu side saying tell her to stop the drugs and become a pisshead instead.

41000 people prosecuted for possession of illegal drugs 2019/20 England and Wales and this figure is rising. The police don't ignore this crime.

The health risks and comparisons between other drugs is a completely separate issue. Nobody is saying to stop cocaine and become alcohol dependent. It is the illegality of class A drug use that has a significant consequence that I would be concerned about most at her age.

I genuinely don't know how parents can be so sure their kids have never taken drugs. Most of my friends would never dream of telling their parent and would just lie about it. My mum would swear blind to people I don't do any drugs, because that's the image I portray to her.

If anyone ever didn’t understand the problem with white, middle-class England and their blinkered privilege, this is the thread to read.

Legalising drugs does not solve the problem of human beings normalising unhealthy, idiotic behaviour.

At least decrim models make people more likely to seek help for drug abuse problems, lowers teenage drug taking etc. Criminalisation and the war on drugs is simply ineffectual.

[quote Meggymoo777]@saltyskies8 I have used (and very much enjoyed) recreational drugs. I'm 33F, very close to my parents. May use class A drugs twice/three times a year. I'm a single professional, with a son who is adored, lovely house, well kept and loved pets etc etc

But there's always a bit of me that wants to go back to my parents' after a night of class A's (we are open and understanding about this and OBVIOUSLY this would NEVER happen if my DS is there)

So... that's what I do. Inevitably, if I'm close to 'home' and have taken class As I'll go to my room in my parents' house... I've had a great night, I know that I'm 100% safe if at home with them. They seem to enjoy knowing that I'm always welcome there and I always know I have somewhere to rest my head and feel safe.

My parents spoke very openly and honestly with me about the dangers of drugs throughout my teenage years and I think that's made me so conscious of being 'home' in my safe space (even though I have my own lovely home 🙄)
[/quote]
This has made me so sad. You have a child, but are happy to continue to take drugs. I assume whilst you are safe and sleeping it off at your parent's house, someone gets the job of actually doing your job and looking after your son in your lovely house with his lovely pets? And if you are one of the unlucky ones and take something from a bad batch, that person will also get to tell your son that his mother is dead? And all for what? A quick, selfish high?

And what's possibly even worse is, you are clearly educated, so know how your "great night", came to be, on the back of someone else's misery... Maybe one day, that will be your son who is running someone else's "great night" around the streets. And don't think it couldn't happen, kids from normal, middle class families get dragged into the drugs mess.

So, please, continue enjoying your great nights and sleeping it off whilst abandoning your child to be someone else's problem. (Do you tell him why mummy is sleeping somewhere else?) And I genuinely hope for your sake that you don't buy that one bad batch and leave your child motherless or that your own son doesn't become caught up in supplying someone else fun.

Next time you take your Class A drug, think of the misery of the child that suffers for your great night whilst your own son is tucked up safe and sound in his lovely house! But it's okay isn't it because it's someone else's child?!

You really need to educate yourself on the risks of taking class A drugs.You are her mum not her best friend and you need to step up.You and your dd are being extremely irresponsible.You both should grow up.

i assume whilst you are safe and sleeping it off at your parent's house, someone gets the job of actually doing your job and looking after your son in your lovely house with his lovely pets?

Parents don't have to be the ones at home with their kid 24/7.

The rest stands. People really should be testing all their drugs and throwing them away if impure.

The risks will always be higher with some drugs than others. Things like magic mushrooms are a pretty safe bet.

[quote Meggymoo777]@saltyskies8 I have used (and very much enjoyed) recreational drugs. I'm 33F, very close to my parents. May use class A drugs twice/three times a year. I'm a single professional, with a son who is adored, lovely house, well kept and loved pets etc etc

But there's always a bit of me that wants to go back to my parents' after a night of class A's (we are open and understanding about this and OBVIOUSLY this would NEVER happen if my DS is there)

So... that's what I do. Inevitably, if I'm close to 'home' and have taken class As I'll go to my room in my parents' house... I've had a great night, I know that I'm 100% safe if at home with them. They seem to enjoy knowing that I'm always welcome there and I always know I have somewhere to rest my head and feel safe.

My parents spoke very openly and honestly with me about the dangers of drugs throughout my teenage years and I think that's made me so conscious of being 'home' in my safe space (even though I have my own lovely home 🙄)
[/quote]
Wow.

'Hello Mrs Moo, I see Meggy's staying over tonight?'
'Yeah, she always does after taking some Class A.'

🙄

So, please, continue enjoying your great nights and sleeping it off whilst abandoning your child to be someone else's problem.

If you have an issue with the drugs, keep it about that?? The way you're talking about having a child babysat of a night, it's as if you think a parent should spend the whole 18 years without ever having a night out. Would you take the same tone ("abandonment" "doing your job") it she went out with her friends to a nightclub and just had a good time drinking? I doubt it.

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

If anyone ever didn’t understand the problem with white, middle-class England and their blinkered privilege, this is the thread to read.

Isn't it just?

Please please try and encourage her to stop.
I had a family member who started off like this, progressed to heroin, ended up in the street and then in prison because basically drugs fried his brain.
He’s now a shell of a man in his 40’s; no home no family no job.
Yes this might be a rare example and unlikely to happen but do you want her to take the risk?

I appreciate your views but can we honestly say that those in their 20s haven't used drugs? I don't think so. I suppose most wouldn't share that information with their parents though and I assume a lot of parents think their children would never do such a thing. I'd say these are the type of parents in the deluded category!

I see. So your refusal to accept that people who take drugs are in the minority means, in your head, that all the youngsters are doing it and it’s we poor deluded fools who don’t know much and who have children who don’t confide in us are the ones with a problem.

You just keep on comforting yourself they way you are doing. It’s not the rest of us who are deluded.

The time about abandoning kids to have s fun night out is the tone I see people taking about Sasha Johnson, who was caught in the crossfire of a shooting at a birthday party, at a house party at 3AM.
Lots of "she's a mother of two young kids, what was she doing out partying at 3AM? Who was looking after her kids?"

@AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken

If anyone ever didn’t understand the problem with white, middle-class England and their blinkered privilege, this is the thread to read.

Absolutely this.

It's one thing to be young and naive to the 'ethical issues' (aka human suffering) that the drugs trade causes but to be fully aware of it (as you admit your DD is in your opening post) and yet carry on anyway is utterly shocking IMO.

@Proudboomer

To people saying it is no worse than alcohol I don’t see anyone one on the yabu side saying tell her to stop the drugs and become a pisshead instead.

Your post illustrates a point that often runs through these threads. Even those finger-waggers who reluctantly accept that alcohol is as much a psychoactive drug as cocaine equate occasional cocaine use with being a "pisshead". Both of them are addictive and potentially dangerous substances (against which many people have ethical objections). But it's possible to use both in moderation, and nearly all users do.

Parents don't have to be the ones at home with their kid 24/7.

Correct, I'll be the first to admit in normal times I did leave my daughter with my husband, or even a grandparent or on a sleepover with a friend in order to be somewhere else. However, not being there because you are taking Class A drugs is not an acceptable reason.

However, not being there because you are taking Class A drugs is not an acceptable reason.

Is a different class OK? Binge drinking and sleeping off a hangover? What is an acceptable reason.

I just feel that "It's sad that your kid is babysat so you can take drugs" could have been said without using words such as "abandonment" and "getting someone else to do your job" when they could easily be applied to mothers who go to nightclubs drinking too. Is it abandonment when they do it, or only when they take drugs in the night out too? It's the language that is off.

Trigger warning....,,drugs death.....

Never used drugs and I worked in city, none of my friends did and the odd colleague did.....until one colleague died of accidental overdose in a nightclub. As his family lives so far away, another colleague had to go identify body formally and collect clothes every. Which were in horrific street. Pretty sure seeing a colleague/friend see their mate collapsed in a pile of rubbish bags outside a club in london nipped casual recreational drug taking.

They might take it now and then recreationally, but it just takes one bad reaction or someone buying something with a cutting agent that's bad (recently high levels of fentynl but drugs dealers will do anything to boost volumes and profits) and then the worst can (and does) happen.

I cannot fathom anyone having a blasé attitude towards recreational drug taking, especially a parent. You need to do some research and know what it is you turn a blind eye to and listen to DH