To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

People who take drugs should really be testing them thought. You can order dug reagent tests online. Obviously you shouldn't be taking drugs randomly while out.

Yes but at the time it happened her story was what was shown in schools alongside warnings of addiction and stuff and it was enough to scare me off drugs

They showed that when I went to school too. All it did was make me more aware that I shouldn't be drinking lots of water on MDMA.

Does your daughter give a fuck about the damage the drug industry causes? Stupid question, actually. Of course she doesn't.

Does your daughter give a fuck about the damage the drug industry causes?

This is just a point in favour for why it should be legalised.

I’d go bananas. I don’t think it’s the norm. I’m from a middle class background. Yes there was coke and ketamine around. I went to party where they did ketamine and they threw up everywhere in that house. Down the back of the sofa. I remember thinking ewww why?!?

So my uncle was in the drug squad. Knowing what he found. I’d never want my kids taking drugs. Not sure of nowadays. But they used to cut it with some horrible stuff

I still think it’s frightening. I wouldn’t be pleased end I’d worry I’d get a phone call to tell me my child was eithe dead or on life support. I could not rest easy. Just because it’s available. Doesn’t mean you do it every. Especially not most weekends.

@Shelovesamystery 'Druggies are druggies, if you don't want to be a druggie then don't take drugs 🤷‍♀️'

Are you an Alkie then, if you enjoy occasional glass of wine or two?

Are you an Alkie then, if you enjoy occasional glass of wine or two?"

Also, prohibition never stopped people drinking booze. It just became a black market. I don't believe for one second to hat every mumsnetter would stop drinking alcohol if it was made an illegal drug tomorrow. They might find themselves more willing to break the law for a sneaky drink than they realise.

I did it in my youth and turned out fine. If I had kids I'd likely feel uncomfortable about them doing it (like my parents did with me) but hindsight is a wonderful thing. The people I know who have problems in their 30s are almost all relating to alcohol, and I'm talking people in well paid jobs who 'need' a bottle of wine to relax. Smoking is also likely a much worse thing to do than popping a few pills in your 20s because most people outgrow the latter but often continue smoking.

There have been many middle aged professionals dying in my area due to prolonged cocaine use and the effect it has on the heart.

So sad and so avoidable, often leaving devastated families behind. They usually started in their twenties and never stopped.

@saltyskies8 I have used (and very much enjoyed) recreational drugs. I'm 33F, very close to my parents. May use class A drugs twice/three times a year. I'm a single professional, with a son who is adored, lovely house, well kept and loved pets etc etc

But there's always a bit of me that wants to go back to my parents' after a night of class A's (we are open and understanding about this and OBVIOUSLY this would NEVER happen if my DS is there)

So... that's what I do. Inevitably, if I'm close to 'home' and have taken class As I'll go to my room in my parents' house... I've had a great night, I know that I'm 100% safe if at home with them. They seem to enjoy knowing that I'm always welcome there and I always know I have somewhere to rest my head and feel safe.

My parents spoke very openly and honestly with me about the dangers of drugs throughout my teenage years and I think that's made me so conscious of being 'home' in my safe space (even though I have my own lovely home 🙄)

@TheVoiceInMyHead

I did it in my youth and turned out fine. If I had kids I'd likely feel uncomfortable about them doing it (like my parents did with me) but hindsight is a wonderful thing. The people I know who have problems in their 30s are almost all relating to alcohol, and I'm talking people in well paid jobs who 'need' a bottle of wine to relax. Smoking is also likely a much worse thing to do than popping a few pills in your 20s because most people outgrow the latter but often continue smoking.

Agree with all of this ^

Its usually something people just 'grow out of' when people get lumbered with the responsibilities of adult life.

If it becomes an issue then I hope you'll be able to spot it. And the only way you'll be able to spot it is by having open dialogue with your DD.

If something is common, it doesn't mean is normal. I'd be very concerned.

Oh my goodness, you are absolutely NOT deluded, it is very common for young people in their twenties to take recreational drugs!

Yes, of course there is an element of risk, but same goes for alcohol and it’s totally acceptable to go out for an evening with the intention of having a decent number of drinks.

You sound perfectly reasonable to me.

I never took any drugs in my teens and early 20s apart from the very occasional shared joint. I was super po faced about it and very, very 'drugs are bad m'kay.' In fact I'd often go a year or two without drinking because I have a very take it or leave it attitude to alcohol and I'd find people wouldn't leave me alone about not drinking on a night out unless I would say I was specifically a non-drinker.

In my mid-20s I moved away for work, got a new group of friends, all super respectable people, most from much wealthier backgrounds than me. And they all took class A drugs. I was initially shocked, then curious as everything I thought I knew from my 'just say no' pov wasn't stacking up. I decided to try some too and spent a very enjoyable few years taking a number of recreational drugs on occasion. Pure MDMA is a fucking lovely drug. Especially compared to alcohol. You don't have this rotten balance between getting just pleasantly mellow into unpleasantly dizzy and stupid. You just feel really, really, really happy and energetic. You don't get blurred vision, you don't stumble about, you don't feel sick or have a hangover the next day. Music sounds better, dancing feel amazing. You love everyone. The one and only downside to a drug like that, and it is a fucking big one, is that it's illegal so there are no safety checks on what you are taking. It's why as a parent I'll never take it but 100% it should be legal.

I'm someone who drinks alcohol 2 or 3 times a year. I find it to be a largely very, very unpleasant drug. Maybe especially because my body has so little tolerance for it as I'm not used to drinking much. I'd happily take a little MDMA on a big night out if it was legal and I knew that's what I was getting. I'd way, way rather that really fucking wonderful sensation to the balancing act of drinking just the right amount of alcohol that even if you get totally right, still doesn't compare in terms of how nice it feels.

It was pretty common in my circle of friends but we were younger - late teens, early 20s. By our late 20s we had all grown up and moved on from that 'scene' and would have thought anyone still using at the age was a bit, I dunno, immature and sad?

@Einszwei

There have been many middle aged professionals dying in my area due to prolonged cocaine use and the effect it has on the heart.

So sad and so avoidable, often leaving devastated families behind. They usually started in their twenties and never stopped.

And how many died from alcohol abuse? Alcohol is the world's biggest killer drug. Far more people die from alcohol abuse than any other drug. More people die from other people's alcohol abuse than from other people's cocaine use. I was married to an alcoholic. I really have no time for any argument about the awful addictiveness of drugs when the most addictive drug of all can be bought in deadly quantities alongside your petrol and off you can drive, slugging it back before you're even off the forecourt.

It is normal in the sense that a lot of young people do it. The vast majority grow out of it when they get older or have families etc. I think you're being perfectly proportionate abs reasonable by not getting over excited by this. Your husband is the one who is naive by thinking it's not normal. I hope my daughter can speak to me in the way yours does when she is older. You clearly have a very good relationship.

I lived in London for many years in my 20s and early 30s. I lived in party houses and had a good social life. Lots of people around me did coke on nights out. Probably other stuff and went to raves and took pills

I think it's very common although I never did it myself and my close circle of friends didn't either. But lots of good friends did

I do think drug users are on another wavelength. I went to a festival once with a big group and everyone but me took drugs
I see how people get sucked in because you can feel isolated if you don't join in. They were all buzzing and i just wanted to have a few drinks and a few hours sleep over night

The hangover/come down always looked awful to me

Personally, I believe that habitual drug use can have adverse effects. Apathy, paranoia. Depression. It seems very consuming to me

I grew up in small town. All my friends were into drugs at school. From about age 14 to 20

I moved away then and never returned so no idea if they're all still using as I felt i had nothing in common with them

It was rife. If he worried for my kids if I lived there now

@Dogoodfeelgood - “ Your argument isn’t very logical and I think you’ve missed the point. The impact of legalising alcohol as was done in the US in 1930s was to take power away from the criminal gangs who controlled supply, and make alcohol safer because it was regulated like other beverages. It was clear people were drinking alcohol despite it being illegal.

Making certain drugs legal would do the same thing, take the power away from gangs and make the substances regulated and safer, you might buy a pill from a shop/be prescribed it, with a clear % of MDMA or whatever and a guarantee that it is safe and “fair-trade”.

You seem to say that the biggest danger to society is “normalising dangerous behaviours” when I would argue the biggest danger to society is criminal gangs and teenagers being sold pills that are laced with rat poison, rather than normalising taking a good quality dose of molly at a festival....”

Your argument fails to get my point. I am not saying that making alcohol illegal would or could ever help anyone, nor that legalising illegal drugs would not improve the crime situation. I am saying it’s pathetic to argue that because alcohol is legal and more harmful than some illegal drugs, that justifies the use of illegal drugs. It doesn’t. They are illegal. You are the cause of crime if you ignore that fact and seek out criminals - you are part of the problem. You don’t have to cause crime by seeking out drugs you are not supposed to take in the first place. Even if you legalise the drugs, you’re still part of the problem if you go around normalising drug use - you only have to look at the massive health, domestic violence and poverty problems caused by the likes of alcohol to see that. Legalising drugs does not solve the problem of human beings normalising unhealthy, idiotic behaviour. Also, criminals exploit weakness - they will still get their claws into the pathetic, indebted addict who can no longer afford to get their legal fix.

You do know that you will also be buying things that aren't completely ethical? It's not just drugs?

I just love the hypocrisy of people who say this and then go to Primark.

Drugs are everywhere. Cocaine used recreationally and bought from a dealer you know carries very little risk. But by all means scaremonger away.

I just see recreational drug use as a bit ewww personally. It makes me wonder what’s so great about having a good job in the city earning good money when you need drugs to have a good time? I think of the health implications and the risk the habit could get worse, at what stage does the dependency become too great, when is it too much?

She’s an adult though and capable of making her own decisions whether right or wrong.

Cocaine used recreationally and bought from a dealer you know carries very little risk. But by all means scaremonger away.

What a load of rubbish, and a pathetic attempt to normalise cocaine use.

@WentAboutMyDay

A hangover is a million times worse

Indeed. The medical term for a hangover is alcohol withdrawal.

I'm 28 and horrified by this.

My mother was a drug addict, my aunt died after snorting coke and it caused her a massive heart attack. She died on the floor with blood pouring out of her mouth and nose.

I don't get how people are so blasé about cocaine use.