To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

I have 2 DC in their late 20s living in a big city.
It is not normal recreational behaviour for them or their peers. In their early 20s , post university there was quite some dabbling among the friends but it has largely stopped now they are older and drug use is very much outlier behaviour.
I cannot understand why she told you. You have been left with all the worry and it has created conflict for you.

@EYProvider

I really hope you don’t have a role which involves any decision making. You sound as thick as mince.

Its only the educated ones of course, no thickos allowed !!

🙄

I’ve loved in London since my mid 20s. Moved to London to train at a law firm, where I’ve stayed since so plenty of all-expenses paid evenings out, events, parties and the like.

I’ve never taken any illegal drugs. Neither has anyone in my friendship circle (save for a bit of weed in late teens), and we are a pretty diverse bunch of people within the realms of law and accountancy (though I accept this is not a typical representation of London twentysomethings in many, many ways ).

She, by a long shot, isn’t the only one doing this. But it’s absolutely not standard.

@Lennon80 - No, that’s you if you think that your children aren’t affected by your drug use.

I work with kids. I see the effects of chaotic parenting on them.

My ds and friends all did coke at uni, i was shocked when he told me but said it was only at parties, obv i didnt want him to but its normal i think,.....

People aren’t talking about current drug use they are talking pre children

[quote EYProvider]@Lennon80 - No, that’s you if you think that your children aren’t affected by your drug use.

I work with kids. I see the effects of chaotic parenting on them.[/quote]
Who here is taking drugs? Which one of us is using drugs? And using them enough to be chaotic and traumatising?

[quote Walkaround]@Serpenta - the point is that drugs being illegal has made them socially unacceptable to a lot of people and alcohol being legal makes it socially acceptable to a massively greater number of people. I think your head is in the sand if you think illegality has no effect whatsoever on attitude and that societal norms are not the biggest influence of all, regardless. Hence, legal or illegal, the biggest problem to society is people like the OP normalising dangerous behaviours, just as society has done with alcohol, despite the obvious harms and countless education programmes trying to convince people that it is a dangerous substance. Our society has abjectly failed to keep control of alcohol use by legalising it.[/quote]
Your argument isn’t very logical and I think you’ve missed the point. The impact of legalising alcohol as was done in the US in 1930s was to take power away from the criminal gangs who controlled supply, and make alcohol safer because it was regulated like other beverages. It was clear people were drinking alcohol despite it being illegal.

Making certain drugs legal would do the same thing, take the power away from gangs and make the substances regulated and safer, you might buy a pill from a shop/be prescribed it, with a clear % of MDMA or whatever and a guarantee that it is safe and “fair-trade”.

You seem to say that the biggest danger to society is “normalising dangerous behaviours” when I would argue the biggest danger to society is criminal gangs and teenagers being sold pills that are laced with rat poison, rather than normalising taking a good quality dose of molly at a festival....

By the way, @Lennon80, your namesake was absolutely destroyed by drugs. He destroyed himself, and in the process, he destroyed everyone he loved.

Unbelievably tragic and so, so stupid.

@JungleIsMassive - Oh, OK.

You’ve changed your tune now someone’s pointed out the obvious.

@Serpenta

Drinking is an issue, but a completely different one. Alcohol can kill you in the long term but it's not the Russian roulette of one bad dose giving you a heart attack. Nobody risks their life to bring craft beer into the country. Waitrose's wine specialist is safer company than the local crack dealer.

Most cocaine deaths aren't from a bad one off batch. It's due to a habit, like alcoholism.

Most cocaine deaths are in the supply chain.

@ThursdayWeld - Which bit don’t you understand?

In plain English, people who take drugs damage their children.

[quote EYProvider]@ThursdayWeld - Which bit don’t you understand?

In plain English, people who take drugs damage their children.[/quote]
Who's taking drugs?

Everyone in their 20s according to some 😆

These drug threads really do bring out some utterly sanctimonious incoherent drivel.

user1471457751

You and your daughter might like to ignore the ethical issues but that doesn't mean your daughter isn't contributing to gang violence, women being raped etc

I sometimes think casual users like your daughter are worse than addicts. They have the knowledge to know the wider societal damage but they just don't give a shit.

I don't understand how the societal damage can be ignored by so many. You just need to read and watch films and documentaries like the recent 'County Lines' film and the Channel 4 'Britain's Child Drug Runners' to see the harm caused. Maybe programmes such as these should be part of the university courses for the sorts of professions for which drug taking seems to be normalised.

These drug threads really do bring out some utterly sanctimonious incoherent drivel.

Don't forget the racism!

@ThursdayWeld - I thought you said you were one of many 55 year old drug users?

[quote EYProvider]@JungleIsMassive - Oh, OK.

You’ve changed your tune now someone’s pointed out the obvious.[/quote]
Changed my tune on what? All I asked was who are you talking about. Which Mumsnetters here are on drugs.

I will always stand by MDMA being a wonderful drug for depression. And fun on a night out.

I have never stated other drugs are appropriate or great for parenting.

@TheGumption

I'll be really disappointed and ashamed if any of my kids think drugs are acceptable and normal when they're older. Drug use contributes to a horrendous industry that exploits and endangers so many people. You sound sort of proud of it, like you think its a bit cool.

I agree. I wouldn't be as worried about her health as I would be worried about her complete disregard to the fact that she is supporting the drug trade. She obviously doesn't give a shit about all the people who's lives are ruined by it.

Is your daughter really that stupid that she is unaware of why drugs are bad for
Society. I'm not disputing that drugs are fun but surely these days people are educated enough to know that only people with no morals take them.

BTW my Dad dealt drugs.

@Rockpipit the logical reason is racism & classism. Because those kids are seen as less then by so many unfortunately.

YABU unreasonable to not try to instil better ethics in your DD or want her to take less risks with her health.

It is common in UK cities (as witnessed by sewage surveys, London usually topping the chart for Europe) but it is not something to be happy about or condone from an ethical standpoint and even these days some still get a record when caught. The risk to themselves is high too, even if they are lucky enough to have a body not susceptible to lasting effects to the heart and brain, the comedowns from a mix of alcohol and cocaine are brutal and implicated in suicide attempts. As a parent you'd be better to remind her that we can feel invincible when young but we are not, and to enquire if she is really happy about using or if she would like some help to learn to say no.