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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

999 replies

saltyskies8 · 25/05/2021 16:18

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

OP posts:
ThursdayWeld · 25/05/2021 22:57

Let's head over to the SEN section and let them know what @EYProvider thinks of them.

ThursdayWeld · 25/05/2021 22:58

@EYProvider

Course I’m for real. I’ve seen the effects on kids of living with druggie parents and it’s not pretty.

I’ve pretty obviously struck a nerve though. I wonder how many of the posters on here bragging about their own drug use have kids with SEN or behavioural problems.

I bet it’s more than 50%.

I don't think that we're the one with the problem, here...
Serpenta · 25/05/2021 22:58

@EYProvider

Course I’m for real. I’ve seen the effects on kids of living with druggie parents and it’s not pretty.

I’ve pretty obviously struck a nerve though. I wonder how many of the posters on here bragging about their own drug use have kids with SEN or behavioural problems.

I bet it’s more than 50%.

Are you a doctor, or an expert in child development?
ThursdayWeld · 25/05/2021 22:59

I'm a bit puzzled @EYProvider. Some of us have shared that we did drugs back in the day, maybe in our twenties. Not one person has said that they do them now. Are you saying that doing drugs a decade before having children, causes children to have SEN?

Lennon80 · 25/05/2021 23:00

@EYProvider

Think you may have missed the bit about ‘recreational’ - you think the educated women here who dabbled in their teens and 20s then take drugs through pregnancy?

Again in terms of harm alcohol and FAS are far bigger issues! But keep reading the tabloids and moralising about things you clearly don’t really understand.

bombg · 25/05/2021 23:00

Course I’m for real. I’ve seen the effects on kids of living with druggie parents and it’s not pretty.

Are you talking about drug use during pregnancy because that obviously can cause problems?

JungleIsMassive · 25/05/2021 23:01

@EYProvider

Course I’m for real. I’ve seen the effects on kids of living with druggie parents and it’s not pretty.

I’ve pretty obviously struck a nerve though. I wonder how many of the posters on here bragging about their own drug use have kids with SEN or behavioural problems.

I bet it’s more than 50%.

Well pregnant women addicted to drugs may have problems with their child.

But the mums of mums net are now all druggie mums with SEN kids? Christ. Your obviously projecting something here.

Yellowcrockpot · 25/05/2021 23:01

Not read the whole thread, but have read ops replies.

I know plenty of professional people (teachers, NHS managers etc) who regularly recreational take cociane. You would be surprised.

YANBU, and better you know what your DD does, than not know at all.

Many, many of these professional people's family's don't know about thier casual use, and it would shock many people.

It's more prevalent than most people realise. If you are someone who would be shocked and outraged at drug use, you're likely never to find out that the person is a user.

Many casual drug takers are very discrete.

Coldwine75 · 25/05/2021 23:01

Drug use inc alcohol prior or during pregnancy can cause issues such as development or behavioural of course.

bombg · 25/05/2021 23:02

Think you may have missed the bit about ‘recreational’ - you think the educated women here who dabbled in their teens and 20s then take drugs through pregnancy?

Do they educated ones never become addicted? Is that just reserved for the uneducated?

Thisseatisnotavailable · 25/05/2021 23:02

Whilst it is wide spread, it's by no means 'most people in their 20's'.

I'm in hospitality and have been running pubs & bars in London for over 20 years, you can always tell someone on coke, because they're a total dickhead.

Shelovesamystery · 25/05/2021 23:02

A few of my colleagues used to do cocaine every now and again on a night out..... Their lives now revolve around it, they are in mountains of debt and hanging on to some sort of version of normality by a shoe string. They can barely function without it but are in complete denial about how serious their addiction is. These are people from good, stable families with good, stable jobs. A couple of them have spouses and young kids. Drugs really are evil, cocaine is very easy to get addicted to and these class A drugs ruin lives.

EYProvider · 25/05/2021 23:02

@ThursdayWeld - Why, are the parents on the SEN board showing off about taking drugs?

Lennon80 · 25/05/2021 23:04

@bombg

Yes educated ones become addicted

Not the point of what I said and you know it. I’m saying people who dabbled who are well informed enough to full understand the risks Of teratogens to their u born child.

Twocanplay · 25/05/2021 23:04

Its good that your daughter is open and honest with you. Surely your DH understands that he can't tell an adult what they can/can't do, you can advise against something but its up to them if they listened.

Although... personally, I would be horrified if my daughter told me that she did this.

Coldwine75 · 25/05/2021 23:04

@Shelovesamystery

A few of my colleagues used to do cocaine every now and again on a night out..... Their lives now revolve around it, they are in mountains of debt and hanging on to some sort of version of normality by a shoe string. They can barely function without it but are in complete denial about how serious their addiction is. These are people from good, stable families with good, stable jobs. A couple of them have spouses and young kids. Drugs really are evil, cocaine is very easy to get addicted to and these class A drugs ruin lives.
Disagree, many use coke occasionally socially and are not addicted and ruining their lives!
JustFedUpOfThis · 25/05/2021 23:04

@EYProvider

You should seriously drag your knuckles away from this thread. Attempting to extrapolate your individual experience across a whole population is ridiculous. I’m extremely against drugs and think this thread is full of cool-kids who condone the use of the white stuff, but your comments are breathtakingly naive.

Coldwine75 · 25/05/2021 23:05

@bombg

Think you may have missed the bit about ‘recreational’ - you think the educated women here who dabbled in their teens and 20s then take drugs through pregnancy?

Do they educated ones never become addicted? Is that just reserved for the uneducated?

Its only the educated ones of course, no thickos allowed !!
Nannyamc · 25/05/2021 23:07

Drug use is a web of deceit. Please don't generalise its use. I have seen the harm and believe you me.its hard.
The ribble effect on any family is huge. Until an addict reaches rock bottom you can only hope for reform. My Ds had to go to rehab.to get.sorted. His choice had to do it for his son.15 months on its all remarkable. No drugs or alcohol at all is the only answer.

EYProvider · 25/05/2021 23:07

@bombg - Of course it’s not just drug use during pregnancy that causes children to have problems.

Most people who take drugs are terrible parents. They have chaotic lives and make bad decisions. Their children suffer trauma and it affects their behaviour and their learning.

Obviously, everyone on here who takes drugs will say that doesn’t apply to them. They take drugs but are wonderful parents. But they are deluded.

bombg · 25/05/2021 23:07

@Lennon80 I think the vast majority understand the damage to their unborn child but unfortunately for some the addiction is too much.

bombg · 25/05/2021 23:08

@EYProvider tbf I wasn't thinking about the chaotic & neglect element.

JungleIsMassive · 25/05/2021 23:08

[quote EYProvider]@ThursdayWeld - Why, are the parents on the SEN board showing off about taking drugs?[/quote]
I think you need to leave it there now. You're either stupid, on one for a laugh or a down right bitch.

I'd name change as this will follow you around now.

BringBackDoves · 25/05/2021 23:08

@CrazyNeighbour

reasoned discussion about the morality,

Let’s talk about the ethics and morality of the cocaine supply chain. Do you think it is possible to ethically source Charlie?

As it happens, no I don’t. I have a particular dislike for cocaine and how it is sourced.

I don’t think most people’s objections to drugs are down to the ethics of the supply chain though (only on Mumsnet perhaps).

Drugs are here, they’ve been part of human society for thousands of years and they aren’t going anywhere.

I still maintain it’s far better to have an evidence based, reasonable discussion than resort to dramatising and demonising, as some posters seem to be doing.

EYProvider · 25/05/2021 23:09

Sorry - that last comment was in response to @JungleIsMassive.