To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

@Walkaround

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Why do people try to argue for the legalisation of illegal drugs on the basis that alcohol is legal and phenomenally harmful?

Because Alcohol is such an awful drug. And some illegal drugs are fantastic and extremely helpful it terms of physical and mental health. Alcohol helps no one's mental or physical health.

Legal or illegal, you could argue it isn’t desirable to view recreational drug taking as a socially acceptable norm, if humanity’s experience with alcohol is anything to go by.

As if anyone’s middle aged mother would write that opening post

Still lolling at this @EYProvider. Do you seriously think that no "middle aged mother" has ever done drugs I am 54 now. Drugs did exist in the eighties and nineties, you know

[quote Walkaround]@Serpenta - and alcohol being legal has solved what?[/quote]
Nothing that's why it needs to be monitored a lot more closely. Impossible to make it illegal now. But it needs to be monitored more closely.

You’ve come to the wrong place I’m afraid. This forum is full of judgemental pricks. You are not unreasonable, you crack on.

It’s normal. I did it when I was her age; I wouldn’t like my DD doing it, but I would accept it and I would be grateful we had such a close relationship that she felt she could tell me without judgement.

@Walkaround

Legal or illegal, you could argue it isn’t desirable to view recreational drug taking as a socially acceptable norm, if humanity’s experience with alcohol is anything to go by.

Used in a healthy and responsible way it can be a life changer. MDMA that is. That's what I'm routing cor

[quote Walkaround]@Serpenta - and alcohol being legal has solved what?[/quote]
alcohol being legal = health issues and social issues that alcohol abuse causes

drugs being illegal = health issues and social issues that drug addiction causes PLUS global drugs cartels and gangsters in every single country in the world. A massive multi billion illegal industry that causes misery and destruction

It's a no-brainer. Drugs being illegal does not in any way deter people from taking drugs. it just rewards drug dealers. How did American prohibition work out?

It's common - that's very different to normal. " But everybody does it" is the oldest line in the book, and you've fallen for it. The people using drugs fall for it too, justifying their behaviour. It's a slippery slope for some. Dad seems to have his head screwed on right.

@JungleIsMassive - do you think self-prescribed drug use is something to be encouraged as part of a party scene/casual social experience?

I'm 26 and me and my friends certainly don't partake in drugs... years ago I've tried cannabis a number of times but that is it. My partner who is 27 tried cocaine once when he was about 18. I don't think it is the norm to be doing drugs like cocaine and MDMA on a regular basis like that. I don't understand why it would be naive to think someone around our age isn't doing drugs. I'd hate to think that people would assume I'm most likely taking cocaine and MDMA at the weekends or even at all due to my age!

[quote Walkaround]@JungleIsMassive - do you think self-prescribed drug use is something to be encouraged as part of a party scene/casual social experience?[/quote]
Alcohol is a self-prescribed drug.

@Freecuthbert

I'm 26 and me and my friends certainly don't partake in drugs... years ago I've tried cannabis a number of times but that is it. My partner who is 27 tried cocaine once when he was about 18. I don't think it is the norm to be doing drugs like cocaine and MDMA on a regular basis like that. I don't understand why it would be naive to think someone around our age isn't doing drugs. I'd hate to think that people would assume I'm most likely taking cocaine and MDMA at the weekends or even at all due to my age!

Do you live in a city?

@ThursdayWeld
I live close to the city, and my friend group are mostly from the city as is my partner

@saltyskies8

I have a dd in her early 20s and I'm 100% sure she doesn't take drugs. I doubt her friends do either

Oh dear, this is laughably naive, I don't think any parent can be 100% sure as to what their adult children are or aren't doing, lets be honest!

The same way you cannot actually know how much is your DD using. Your Dh is the only one with some sense.

Late 20's and I've never touched drugs. Neither has DH, or any of my friends, or DH's friends. So I wouldn't say it's normal. I wouldn't particularly want to hang round with people that did either.

@ThursdayWeld, I’m sure you did and how big are you. It’s a shame those drugs have impaired your ability to read.

I said no mother would write that post, not no mother would take drugs. It is completely abnormal for any mother to not give a shit that their child might die from a drug overdose, which is what most people would worry about.

I don’t believe that post was written by anyone’s mother. I couldn’t care less how old you are, how wonderful you are or how many drugs you have taken. It’s not about you.

@Serpenta - as I have already pointed out, it is well nigh impossible to make something that has become a socially acceptable norm illegal if it is currently legal. The whole premise of this thread is the claim that social drug taking in your 20s is normal and socially acceptable. Tell me how society will control other drugs better than alcohol is controlled if that is actually the case, if you legalise them?! If it isn’t the case, then the OP should get her head out of her arse and stop pretending taking a smorgasbord of drugs every week is normal and nothing to worry about. Risky behaviour is risky behaviour.

I'm only a few years older older OP's daughter. Lived in London for a while, now in a different city... it's normal insofar as every circle I have been vaguely connected to - city types, charity workers, hippy meditation teachers, school friends with husbands and dogs, work friends, whatever - there is some drug use, regardless of the 'type' of person. So I really don't think OP's daughter is that unusual.

Some of my friends were as sensible as you can be in the circumstances and tested their MDMA, only rolled twice a year, vitamins for recovery etc and others would have taken a mystery key off anyone they met in the toilets. So there are degrees of concerned I'd be as a parent. If she's telling you about it I'd be less worried and chances are, like quite a few of the people I know, once you settle down and stop living in a houseshare and move to a suburb you stop the big nights out and get steaming off 2 wines.

How normal something is doesn't mean something is safer. Your DH and you are discussing two mostly separate issues.

As has already been mentioned a lot of this thread, alcohol is far more normal and commonly used than these drugs. My concerns about drinking would depend on factors like frequency, strength, how they're feeling during and afterwards, do they feel pressured to do more due to social influences, are they with or at a place where they feel they could help if there was an emergency and many other things.

To move away from drugs - driving has a lot of risks and a lot of people do it. I might have concerns if someone was suddenly driving a lot more or in a country they're not used to or discussed driving in a reckless way. Driving has benefits, but also has risks and responsibilities and ethical issues. We all have to balance those.

I'm not sure I could do much with a 27 year old, but discussing it as normal wouldn't change whether or not the activity was risky.

The amount of people out on a weekend it's not the the ones on MDMA I would worry about. It's the ones who are drunk I would worry about. But being drunk is fine. It's legal. What could go wrong?

For me, it's when people combine alcohol with some of these that I worry most. Some of the worst things I've seen were because people treated alcohol as an enhancer for other drugs or people thinking they could 'stay under the limit' but also used drugs on top and couldn't grasp that made a difference.

[quote Freecuthbert]@ThursdayWeld
I live close to the city, and my friend group are mostly from the city as is my partner [/quote]
I'm probably judging it more by my day. Me being a middle aged mother

They do say that young people are drinking less, maybe they are doing fewer drugs as well? All to the good, I'm sure.

@Lennon80 you laughed about a young boy dying of drug use? What a twisted sense of humour you have.

@ThursdayWeld - yes, alcohol is a dangerous, self-prescribed drug that has ruined countless lives. Your point is?

[quote Walkaround]@JungleIsMassive - do you think self-prescribed drug use is something to be encouraged as part of a party scene/casual social experience?[/quote]
Are we talking about alcohol? A self prescribed drug used for a party scene/casual social experience/watching Netflix on a Tuesday night/at lunch with grandma/at a works pub meeting.

Or are you talking about illegal drugs being used to dance the night away with friends?

[quote EYProvider]@ThursdayWeld, I’m sure you did and how big are you. It’s a shame those drugs have impaired your ability to read.

I said no mother would write that post, not no mother would take drugs. It is completely abnormal for any mother to not give a shit that their child might die from a drug overdose, which is what most people would worry about.

I don’t believe that post was written by anyone’s mother. I couldn’t care less how old you are, how wonderful you are or how many drugs you have taken. It’s not about you.[/quote]
I would write that post. So you are wrong, my dear

[quote Walkaround]@Serpenta - as I have already pointed out, it is well nigh impossible to make something that has become a socially acceptable norm illegal if it is currently legal. The whole premise of this thread is the claim that social drug taking in your 20s is normal and socially acceptable. Tell me how society will control other drugs better than alcohol is controlled if that is actually the case, if you legalise them?! If it isn’t the case, then the OP should get her head out of her arse and stop pretending taking a smorgasbord of drugs every week is normal and nothing to worry about. Risky behaviour is risky behaviour.[/quote]
The OP may have her head in her arse but your is firmly stuck in the sand. The point is that drugs being illegal hasn't hindered their consumption in any way. If they're legalised the drug gangs are instantly neutered and people won't find themselves taking rat poison masquerading as something else. You see this as a moral issue whereas I think it should be seen as a public health issue.