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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

999 replies

saltyskies8 · 25/05/2021 16:18

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

OP posts:
SuperCaliFragalistic · 25/05/2021 21:51

I experimented with these sorts of drugs at uni and in my 20s. I didn't much like them and it was short lived but I'm glad I did, just like travelling the world or going to a festival or having an unsuitable boyfriend, we chalk it up to experience. Loads of people do and almost always move on to stable lives with marriage, kids, career, house etc. An educated woman in her 20s with a supportive family is unlikely to end up dead or in a crack house. Lots of people on MN watch too many docu dramas if they think the risks are that high.

I wont encourage my kids to take drugs, of course not, they're expensive, addictive, illegal and come with some health risks but I wont get upset if they choose to enjoy themselves in this way from time to time. They always know they can ask for help if they need it and they won't be in trouble for trying something out.

I didn't feel the need to tell my mum about my recreational drug use and she's probably quite glad of that as it may have caused her some unnecessary worry.

Wondergirl100 · 25/05/2021 21:53

It was very normal among people I knew at this age (I'm 43!) . The fact is this is a ludicrous thread - people judging it as 'abnormal' and 'dangerous' when they know nothing about drug taking in real life.

blackcurrantjam · 25/05/2021 21:53

@saltyskies8

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

Yanbu. Plenty of drugs in the city. I did it sometimes. Don't anymore. Grew out of it I think. As you get older it just makes you feel crap. Cocaine tho... I did do it. But I could see that it was a dead end street as over the course of the evening you just want more. You don't want the party to stop. It's also really quite toxic. Not like weed, say. It'd also a bad idea if there are relationships around that encourage more use or underlying reasons for using it like social anxiety, this can become more problematic. It's good that she's told you I think. Family member knowing can be a protective factor.
Ginger1982 · 25/05/2021 21:56

"I wont encourage my kids to take drugs, of course not, they're expensive, addictive, illegal and come with some health risks but I wont get upset if they choose to enjoy themselves in this way from time to time."

Fuck me.

JungleIsMassive · 25/05/2021 21:58

MDMA cured my depression. Its a wonderful drug that should be explored more.
Alcohol is awful. It could never be used as an antidepressant. And it's bloody legal.

maybemu · 25/05/2021 21:59

[quote MasterBeth]@maybemu Probably old enough to be your mum, so not frequenting bars, clubs and parties where you and your mates are doing coke.

But so what.

Just because you as a 20-something mix in circles where drug use is very common doesn’t mean that more than half of the people in their 20s are doing coke. You only know the people you know.

Our personal perspectives are always skewed by our personal experience. Look at the salary threads on Mumsnet. You will regularly see people who don’t know anyone earning less than £75k a year and other posters who think anyone on over £30k is rich.[/quote]
As I have already said I don't do drugs. Also this isn't just from my perspective. I don't think you realise how disgusting what you are staying is. You are making many assumptions about me that you just have no idea about. This is from speaking to people my own age, watching what people do and just generally living. I know people who earn over 75k and I know people who earn much less. Just because you only mix with one group of people doesn't mean I do. I am good friends with a lawyer, doctor and a part time worker in a shop. Jobs do not define people. Or how much they earn. And I'll tell you now some of the people earning more are worse then people I'm sure you would assume take drugs. None of them are better than others. I don't live my life the same way you do clearly. I think you are showing yourself up here not me. As part of my job I see this every day and you would be shocked by the people who do.

ThursdayWeld · 25/05/2021 22:01

@JungleIsMassive

MDMA cured my depression. Its a wonderful drug that should be explored more. Alcohol is awful. It could never be used as an antidepressant. And it's bloody legal.
MDMA is amazing. It was invented to be a therapeutic drug. It's not Ecstasy, which is cut with other stuff.

MDMA is currently being explored much more as a treatment for mental health.

DH and I did MDMA one night and had some great breakthroughs.

SuperCaliFragalistic · 25/05/2021 22:02

What's your problem @Ginger1982?

EYProvider · 25/05/2021 22:03

No @ThursdayWeld, society is on its way to collapse because this bullshit thread is designed to influence the useful idiots who will believe anything they read on the internet and make them think that drug use is (1) normal and (2) desirable.

And it will work because plenty of people really are daft enough to believe anything. Worse, they can be influenced to do anything. In a society where people believe they are doing their 8 year old kids a favour by allowing them to change gender, it is quite obvious that anything is possible.

As if anyone’s middle aged mother would write that opening post.

ThursdayWeld · 25/05/2021 22:06

@EYProvider

No *@ThursdayWeld*, society is on its way to collapse because this bullshit thread is designed to influence the useful idiots who will believe anything they read on the internet and make them think that drug use is (1) normal and (2) desirable.

And it will work because plenty of people really are daft enough to believe anything. Worse, they can be influenced to do anything. In a society where people believe they are doing their 8 year old kids a favour by allowing them to change gender, it is quite obvious that anything is possible.

As if anyone’s middle aged mother would write that opening post.

Ha ha ha. I am a middle aged mother. I did coke and MDMA back in the day. Society has not yet collapsed, as far as I can see.
CassandrasCastle · 25/05/2021 22:08

Mmm, MDMA - fab stuff!

JungleIsMassive · 25/05/2021 22:10

When they ban alcohol and legalise MDMA the world will be a happier place!!

Pregnantabroad · 25/05/2021 22:12

IMO the worrying bit is that the drug use is "on nights out or in". which means that it's probably pretty regular. Yes drug use can be argued to be "normal" in your twenties but I would say it's normal to experiment a little at a big party or festival, rather than be using it on a weekly, even monthly basis.
In my group of friends of 10, only about 3 have tried drugs, myself included. But I only dabbled. I would say her habits sound worrying.

MasterBeth · 25/05/2021 22:13

@maybemu I apologise. I missed the part where you said you don’t do drugs. I’m happy to take that back.

Although if you read through what I’ve written, you’ll find I’ve not made any assertions about people who take drugs, what jobs they do or what they earn.

All I’m saying is that most 20-somethings in UK cities don’t do cocaine. That’s what the evidence says (did you know they even do sewage surveys to discover how much coke is excreted into the sewage system?!).

The fact you know a lawyer and a shop assistant doesn’t make your anecdotal evidence true. (Guess what? I know a lawyer and a shop assistant too!)

ThursdayWeld · 25/05/2021 22:14

@CassandrasCastle

Mmm, MDMA - fab stuff!
Isn't it, though!
PetuniaPot · 25/05/2021 22:14

Yes @BringBackDoves you have been very blessed indeed.

Weirdly many other people's lives have been ruined by this crap. Who'd a thunk it eh?Hmm

ThursdayWeld · 25/05/2021 22:14

@JungleIsMassive

When they ban alcohol and legalise MDMA the world will be a happier place!!
Cannot disagree!

You just need to have a good supply. And be prepared for the come down.

ayegazumba · 25/05/2021 22:15

It was completely normal in many circles throughout my twenties. From uni to my first job to general socialising and meeting people out. Some like me would take it about once a month or so on a big night out, others more often and others less. Either way out of all those people I knew taking those types of drugs recreationally, never did I hear a bad story. What I'm trying
To saying is of course there's risks but the truth is the risks aren't what they're made out to be. Millions of people dabble in drugs and get on with their everyday lives. Obviously keep an eye on it, talk to her regularly and make sure shes aware of keeping herself safe but likelihood she's never going have anything problems from taking drugs recreationally very so often.

Viviennemary · 25/05/2021 22:15

It certainly is not entirely normal. Its illegal for a start. She could end up with a criminal record.

Walkaround · 25/05/2021 22:16

@JungleIsMassive - the Prohibition Era in America indicates otherwise. It’s much more difficult to make socially accepted, “normal,” dangerous drugs illegal than it would be to make illegal drugs legal. The problem lies with the people who go out of their way to justify and normalise risky behaviours.

JungleIsMassive · 25/05/2021 22:18

The amount of people out on a weekend it's not the the ones on MDMA I would worry about. It's the ones who are drunk I would worry about. But being drunk is fine. It's legal. What could go wrong?

Cocaine and Ket are horrible drugs though. I've done both and they are nothing but dirty.

Walkaround · 25/05/2021 22:21

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Why do people try to argue for the legalisation of illegal drugs on the basis that alcohol is legal and phenomenally harmful?

Serpenta · 25/05/2021 22:22

@Walkaround

Two wrongs don’t make a right. Why do people try to argue for the legalisation of illegal drugs on the basis that alcohol is legal and phenomenally harmful?
Because drugs being illegal hasn't solved a thing.
Walkaround · 25/05/2021 22:23

@Serpenta - and alcohol being legal has solved what?

leeds2glasgow · 25/05/2021 22:24

That was exactly what I was doing that age. You grow out of it 🤷‍♀️