To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

@maybemu So sorry I didn't realised when people took a study it was conclusive. They can lie, they can not ask the people who take drugs. I am young and most people I have come across have either tried drugs or does them. It is much wider spread in young people now then people realise.

With the greatest of respect, this is a dumb response. Your personal take on “the people you have come across” is not a great counter argument to a properly conducted international study of drug use.

To be clear, I’m not trying to pretend that taking coke or ecstasy on a night out is at all rare or unusual, especially among particular demographics - and clearly like yours. But it’s just not something that most 20 year olds are doing.

It's very normal, more than you'd think but even occasional short term use fucked me up so I wouldn't recommend it. She could be fine or it could give her bad mental health issues, but also you can't stop her doing it so you just have to be there for her really, like you already are

It's definitely normal, unfortunately.

I have one friendship group that don't touch drugs ever. I have another couple of groups I know and I'm in the minority for not doing coke on a night out and some take MDMA. The second lot are all in law or finance. I think its incredibly common in high stress long hours well paid city type jobs. So for her, if that's what she does, it will be normalised. You'd find it hard to convince her of the dangers when she knows absolutely loads of people doing it with no (obvious, yet) ill effects. And yes it's illegal and although employers would take a dim view, I cant imagine the police would give a shit unless you were dealing.

[quote MasterBeth]**@maybemu* So sorry I didn't realised when people took a study it was conclusive. They can lie, they can not ask the people who take drugs. I am young and most people I have come across have either tried drugs or does them. It is much wider spread in young people now then people realise.*

With the greatest of respect, this is a dumb response. Your personal take on “the people you have come across” is not a great counter argument to a properly conducted international study of drug use.

To be clear, I’m not trying to pretend that taking coke or ecstasy on a night out is at all rare or unusual, especially among particular demographics - and clearly like yours. But it’s just not something that most 20 year olds are doing.[/quote]
What a laughable response. You are suggesting it's because of the people I know. The funny thing is I almost said something along the line of it's not the people I know in my original response. You are making many assumptions about me that are just not correct. I do not take drugs I don't hang out with people who do either. This is from my own 20 yrs experience since being a teenager.

People say that alcohol's a drug. It's not a drug, it's a drink!

Alcohol is as much of a drug as cocaine and heroin.

It may be in liquid form. It's still a drug.

I am your daughter's age and I can hand on heart tell you I've never touched a drug like that in my life. I enjoy a drink on a night out but do not take drugs.

It isn't 'normal' and I wouldn't be encouraging this.

[quote MasterBeth]**@maybemu* So sorry I didn't realised when people took a study it was conclusive. They can lie, they can not ask the people who take drugs. I am young and most people I have come across have either tried drugs or does them. It is much wider spread in young people now then people realise.*

With the greatest of respect, this is a dumb response. Your personal take on “the people you have come across” is not a great counter argument to a properly conducted international study of drug use.

To be clear, I’m not trying to pretend that taking coke or ecstasy on a night out is at all rare or unusual, especially among particular demographics - and clearly like yours. But it’s just not something that most 20 year olds are doing.[/quote]
Please can you tell me how old you are.

@CandyLeBonBon

Alcohol is far more of a problem than occasional drug usage imo

Alcohol is legal and in the UK doesn't usually involve children getting involved in stabbings. County lines is real. Children as young as 10 are having their lives ruined by drugs....or don't those children count because they are obviously from dysfunctional families and therefore just wastage?

Children as young as 10..... and just in case anyone condones illegal drugs I'm going to say it again...10 year olds are groomed, beaten, sexually abused and it's all condoned by the woke middle classes...just so some selfish fucker can get a fix.
Maybe op your daughter and her friends could do something useful and lobby the government to legalise drugs; then she can have her fix and no harm done, but until then anyone who takes illegal drugs has blood on their hands.

I used to take stuff recreationally im late teens and early twenties.
Mostly speed, E, acid... budget didn't run to much coke.
It was in the 90s in a city with a major trance scene so the norm in my social circle. Never knew anyone who ran into trouble with it or didn't mostly outgrow it.

[quote JustFedUpOfThis]@CandyLeBonBon

Human beings have always and will always seek out ways to manage their mental health difficulties. And drug habits that get out of control are a big part of that picture.

Peer-reviewed research specifically focused on cocaine usage please or what you’ve written is utter fuckshite.

Yes drugs are a way out for many in desperate circumstances, but cocaine is for wannabe fuckwits who have zero morals.

People boiled alive, children murdered, all happens to deliver these arseholes the magic powder.[/quote]
Why are you specifying cocaine? I made reference to several class A drugs.

I'll happily find you some information that backs up what I said, but I wasn't just referring to cocaine. It's a bit rude to refer to what I've said as 'utter fuckshite' but I'll do my best to supply you with info as so politely requested!

@WilyKatWilyKat
Breaking news - people who do something illegal often don’t admit it.

Breaking news - people who are involved in long-term European drug use research know more than you about running and interpreting anonymous survey data.

Problematic alcohol use does massive harms to children all over the UK and probably the world. There's a massive link to domestic abuse and mental health difficulties in children. Please don't try to minimise this because it's "legal". Incidents whilst drunk far outweigh those whilst under the influence of most drugs.

I know a few recovered alcohol use individuals who are v sanctimonious about the occasional use of drugs in their peer group. They seem to have forgotten the harms that happened when they were under the influence.

@saltyskies8
'I appreciate your views but can we honestly say that those in their 20s haven't used drugs? I don't think so. I suppose most wouldn't share that information with their parents though and I assume a lot of parents think their children would never do such a thing. I'd say these are the type of parents in the deluded category!'

As someone in there 20 I can say I have never touched a drug. Lots of people do them but this isn't having the occasional toke on a spliff these are class a drugs. What worries me is you say your daughter is a professional. That's disgusting

[quote MasterBeth]@WilyKatWilyKat
Breaking news - people who do something illegal often don’t admit it.

Breaking news - people who are involved in long-term European drug use research know more than you about running and interpreting anonymous survey data.[/quote]
This, thank you.

I think people give statisticians and other scientists who work in this area way too little credit - do people really think people who work with data have never thought of people lying? There is writing on non-sampling errors and margins of error on the ONS website among many other places if people are actually interested.

Even if we gave the most generous margin seen as expected, it still wouldn't make users of the types of drugs discussed in the OP in the majority. Things can be normalized within a demographic without the majority of people doing something through many means, particular representations and wider use in specific communities being generalized to larger group. Things being normal doesn't actually mean it has to be common, it just has to socially be seen as normal.

Drug use has been going for ages, but most people at least start within a social setting. As pp said, those who do it likely know others who do, and those who don't won't know as many. I grew up in a community where the type of drug use described was very normal -- both my parents did it, so did many of their friends, the remarks about naive parents make me wonder if mine would fit into that category, but as normal as it was to the point I've seen 12-year-olds off their face and it being excused as 'just what kids do' and 'it's better for them to do it at home than in a park' like those are the only two options, but there were still a lot of people who didn't do drugs. It was just fewer of us could say we didn't know anyone who did, we all still knew people who didn't even if it pissed some people off.

OP I think you're kinda both unreasonable in that I'm not sure what he expects you to do with a 27 year old living elsewhere and you for thinking most people in the city do drugs. Maybe most people within your daughter's social circle, but there are many different groups of 20-somethings with a wide range of views on drug use and how it appeals to them.

I think it's very common and normal in SOME circles, also incredibly dangerous and stupid.

It was common in my circle. I no longer have a ‘circle’ as two of my favourite people have fatally ODed. Beautiful, kind souls who made mistakes that led to horrific outcomes. I’m not moralising here, just scared because I know how it feels to get a phone call that someone you love has gone in an instant.

Instead of attacking your daughter (she’ll shut you out) maybe continue to engage in non-judgemental dialogue, and encourage her to become aware of harm reduction practices so that she will be aware of the risks and might stand a chance of saving herself or her friends if something goes terribly wrong.

Most people in their 20's are NOT doing this,
If it's weed then maybe I'd be ok with it but anything else I'd be worried.

This is an anon forum, why would anyone lie here? I've never touched any drugs at all, neither has my husband.
Genuine truth.

https://scholar.google.co.uk/scholar?q=drug+use+self+medicating+mental+health+issue,+peer+reviewed&hl=en&assdt=0&assvis=1&oi=scholart#d=gsqabs&u=%23p%3DwPIoEvYaWpUJ

This response made me laugh - very daily Mail

I saw a bbc 3 documentary recently about a young lad who took mdma and died.
Cocaine use is also terrible for the heart.
So no I wouldn’t like it.
I also had a friend who got addicted to cocaine, after recreational use. Very Moreish.

I think it's very common based on my experiences and that of my friends (who don't have dependants). And we are successful professionals, educated, financially comfortable, healthy eaters and in to fitness and otherwise responsible. Recreational use at a weekend isn't seen as anything more of a big deal than drinking. I live in a city but I also have friends who live in smaller towns and it happens there too. There is literally no pressure to take any drugs though. Some people do, some don't but an eyebrow isn't raised either way amongst peers.

[quote RLOU30]@Beautiful3
That is lovely thank you x

@Standrewsschool
I was in the Legal Industry (I know). I started because my heart was broken, my family was broken, I was in an abusive relationship from the age of 15 for 10 years with an older man and once I was free I didn’t know what to do with my freedom. I was easily influenced but they were my decisions and I chose very badly. In the early days cocaine was like a massive hug and the confidence I had never had but it’s all fake, obviously.[/quote]
Thank you. Glad to hear you are clean now, and I hope you have turned your lupine around,

@maybemu Probably old enough to be your mum, so not frequenting bars, clubs and parties where you and your mates are doing coke.

But so what.

Just because you as a 20-something mix in circles where drug use is very common doesn’t mean that more than half of the people in their 20s are doing coke. You only know the people you know.

Our personal perspectives are always skewed by our personal experience. Look at the salary threads on Mumsnet. You will regularly see people who don’t know anyone earning less than £75k a year and other posters who think anyone on over £30k is rich.

I think its great that your daughter is able to have an open conversation with you about her life. Regardless of your own views on her drug taking you could have a chat about what she would consider 'red flags' that it is going too far. I don't imagine that lecturing on the dangers of drugs or their ethical implications would make any impact whatsoever on someone who is already taking them but I do think it is valuable to be able to recognise and act if the situation escalates.
The problem is that if you're in that 'scene' it all seems so normal, especially as everyone around you is doing the same thing, it's only really when you step outside that you notice the damage that it causes.
The best thing you can do is to keep an open dialogue, she's an adult at the end of the day.

@Lennon80

This response made me laugh - very daily Mail

I saw a bbc 3 documentary recently about a young lad who took mdma and died.
Cocaine use is also terrible for the heart.
So no I wouldn’t like it.
I also had a friend who got addicted to cocaine, after recreational use. Very Moreish.

I'm glad you find it funny. People on here have direct experience of when it goes wrong and how that can affect the individual, their families and friends. But you carry on chuckling. You're coming over as a bit arrogant and silly but each to their own eh?