To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

This OP, and the ambivalence with which some posters talk about their own drug use, reeks of white privilege.
Make of that what you will.

I think OP will be blown away by the debate her post has generated - maybe she should show her daughter - it’s a real 360 thread on the subject of recreational drug use

@user1471457751

You and your daughter might like to ignore the ethical issues but that doesn't mean your daughter isn't contributing to gang violence, women being raped etc

I sometimes think casual users like your daughter are worse than addicts. They have the knowledge to know the wider societal damage but they just don't give a shit.

Beautifully put. It’s all so true. Yuppie drug takers with not a care in the world irritate me. Also, i’ve worked with so many lovely people whose only crime was to dabble occasionally in the drugs offered to them at a young age or vulnerable time in their life - Heroin. Soon their life descended into misery, losing their children, homes, you name it & often receiving little sympathy. Why would society view drug use so differently depending on there ‘clientele’? I hate the sanitising of certain drugs that are deemed safe or clean or normal. They aren’t. I know people who’ve had awful experiences taking the ‘acceptable’ drugs. Just because something might be in common use it doesn’t make it safe or right or ‘acceptable’.

And @ThursdayWeld, I was not implying she is a drug addict, I was clearly saying she may be telling her mother that drug taking is normal because she wants her mother to confirm that, so she can feel OK about breaking the law. It’s irrelevant whether she is addicted or will ever be addicted, it’s all about wanting to normalise illegal activity.

This is old, but still stands - it's a chart of the harm to yourself and others of alcohol compared to a variety of drugs. Ecstasy near the bottom, alcohol far and away at the top.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-11660210

MDMA and magic mushrooms and advanced in clinical trials for PTSD and depression respectively.

Just to give balance to those posters who are lumping all drugs together. It really is the illegality of drugs that are the problem, not drugs per se.

I have noticed though, if you're middle class then regular coke use seems to not be looked down upon and people say it's letting off steam after a stressful week at work. If you're working class, also with an incredibly stressful job, you're called filthy, junkie, and a chav. A pp sort of hinted that her stable middle class back ground made it less risky and working class people should avoid. If a working class person in a stressful job can afford their weekly drugs without it affecting their working life then why is that any worse than a banker in London abusing drugs regularly?

Exactly

Also for a site that seems to on the left side of politics and who go on about the tories not giving a fuck about disadvantage and vulnerable people, I'm surprised how many people are ok with their money contributing to the harm of vulnerable people in the production of their precious cocaine.

Indeed.

This is bullshit.

It’s dangerous propaganda designed to normalise drug use to the brain dead masses brought up on a steady diet of junk food and crap TV who will believe any old rubbish they read on here.

I don’t know who benefits when society completely collapses but evidently there are people desperate for it to happen. And Mumsnet is giving them a platform.

Nail on the head from @AndroidsAliensAndWizards

OP I'm with you that it is really common and people that think it's not are the kind of people who just aren't as likely to go to the kind of parties/clubs/raves/bars where it's being commonly taken, or rather they are not hanging out with the people who are taking them so don't know.

You can know people take drugs but not partake yourself & know not everyone does.
I'm was a 90s tween/teen in London when the clubbing & rave scene was huge so of course drugs were present didn't mean I or my friends were interested.
Same for my professional job in a creative industry.
Do young people even club or rave anymore? I thought that scene was dying.

@EYProvider

This is bullshit.

It’s dangerous propaganda designed to normalise drug use to the brain dead masses brought up on a steady diet of junk food and crap TV who will believe any old rubbish they read on here.

I don’t know who benefits when society completely collapses but evidently there are people desperate for it to happen. And Mumsnet is giving them a platform.

So society is on its way to completely collapsing because some middle class mid-twenties do some coke?

Blimey, what have you been smoking?

@Reloxa

This is old, but still stands - it's a chart of the harm to yourself and others of alcohol compared to a variety of drugs. Ecstasy near the bottom, alcohol far and away at the top.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-11660210

MDMA and magic mushrooms and advanced in clinical trials for PTSD and depression respectively.

Just to give balance to those posters who are lumping all drugs together. It really is the illegality of drugs that are the problem, not drugs per se.

Yes agree, lumping “drugs” together isn’t very useful as they really are all quite different and certain psychedelics are now being shown to have positive impacts on depression and PTSD in a scientific setting - so they shouldn’t really be thought as a homogenous lump of similar substances.

The debate on this thread has been really interesting, there are clearly some significant regional/socio-economic/racial differences in cultural norms around substance use, common and accepted in some circles and derided in others.

27 is quite old to still be doing drugs I think. When I was in my teens my friends and I would take them on nights out I admit but I think we were naive that the only risks were to ourselves. Now I'm an adult only a bit older than your DD I'm horrified at the human suffering caused by the illegal drugs trade and I'm surprised at people who can dismiss it so easily. Thats why I would be concerned, rather than the risks to her health (which are her own to take and are small). I'd try and educate her on this assuming she doesnt know, but if she carries on anyway I would think her quite callous and be concerned.

@ThursdayWeld

So society is on its way to completely collapsing because some middle class mid-twenties do some coke?

Fortunately not our society - only in marine amd South America. But they made their choices to grow the drug, didn’t they. Reap what you sow......

Cocaine users are immoral selfish twats. Stop normalising this shite.

I appreciate your views but can we honestly say that those in their 20s haven't used drugs? I don't think so. I suppose most wouldn't share that information with their parents though and I assume a lot of parents think their children would never do such a thing. I'd say these are the type of parents in the deluded category!

I know it's 21 pages in, but I didn't use drugs in my 20's, and I was a wild child that drank almost every night through my teens.

as I already pointed out, wtf does being able to kill yourself with a legal substance have to do with taking illegal drugs? One in no way justifies the other. You can, however, take legal alcohol in moderation and know what is in it, therefore knowing exactly what your risks are, therefore being able to do it relatively “safely” in comparison to spurious attempts to purchase and consume illegal substances “safely.” Your lectures on irresponsible use of alcohol therefore entirely miss the point. The law does not prohibit all irresponsible behaviour, nor does it prohibit all potentially dangerous substances. It does prohibit some, though. It’s not hard to spot the difference - most people know cocaine is illegal and alcohol isn’t.

People say that alcohol's a drug. It's not a drug, it's a drink!

I think having a reasoned discussion about the morality, societal impact and personal health risks of taking drugs is far more helpful than some pearl -clutching moralising and reactionary dismissal of drug users as “stupid” or “brain dead”.

Far better she knows she can talk to you, and that you can make sure she knows how to take drugs safely if that is her choice as a grown adult.

I know many people who have taken drugs. Different ages, backgrounds, jobs etc. All with no ill effects on their health or their lives in general. Perhaps they have all been incredibly lucky. I tend to find people don’t always disclose they’ve taken drugs unless they know they’re in company who will understand and not judge, so I truly believe that many more people have taken drugs in the past than you might think.

And for what it’s worth, I agree that the war on drugs has been a catastrophic failure and a system of decriminalisation, taking the power away from criminals and dealers, and introducing more effective health measures to minimise risk as far as possible would be far better.

I saw a bbc 3 documentary recently about a young lad who took mdma and died.
Cocaine use is also terrible for the heart.
So no I wouldn’t like it.
I also had a friend who got addicted to cocaine, after recreational use. Very Moreish.

@BringBackDoves

I think having a reasoned discussion about the morality, societal impact and personal health risks of taking drugs is far more helpful than some pearl -clutching moralising and reactionary dismissal of drug users as “stupid” or “brain dead”.

Far better she knows she can talk to you, and that you can make sure she knows how to take drugs safely if that is her choice as a grown adult.

I know many people who have taken drugs. Different ages, backgrounds, jobs etc. All with no ill effects on their health or their lives in general. Perhaps they have all been incredibly lucky. I tend to find people don’t always disclose they’ve taken drugs unless they know they’re in company who will understand and not judge, so I truly believe that many more people have taken drugs in the past than you might think.

And for what it’s worth, I agree that the war on drugs has been a catastrophic failure and a system of decriminalisation, taking the power away from criminals and dealers, and introducing more effective health measures to minimise risk as far as possible would be far better.

Fantastic post. Very articulate.

You would feel so foolish if anything happened to her, and you husband would never forgive you.

It wouldn't make much difference if the OP was condoning or condemning her daughter's behaviour. Her daughter is an adult who makes her own decisions. Not within the control of her mother.

Couldn’t he get himself a little outhouse built on his slightly smaller patch of land to house his scooter and leave you guys out of it?

Oh and loads of people around me were doing drugs. Neither did my dp and his whole family did drugs so it was very normalised in his upbringing.

@BringBackDoves - “ And for what it’s worth, I agree that the war on drugs has been a catastrophic failure and a system of decriminalisation, taking the power away from criminals and dealers, and introducing more effective health measures to minimise risk as far as possible would be far better.” And how has that worked with alcohol?!