To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

[quote Shopliftersoftheworldunite]@Myothercarisalsoshit calm down love. May I suggest a chill pill? [/quote]
You're a moron to say this to a poster in her position. What's wrong with you?

I’ve never done cocaine. Is your daughter aware of the human cost to get hat white powder up her nose? The murders, rapes, blackmails, assaults, trafficking? It’s a chain of absolute misery.
Maybe researching that would be enough to get her to reconsider.

Doctors/ nurses etc who I've net have been the worst!

Well me, DS2 and DDIL must break the mould then! 🙄

I mean it's really none of your business. And, as a 26yo living in London it's shockingly common. I mean you can't stop her and, I agree, haven't met a person here who hasn't tried it.

@MasterBeth

FYI, most people in their 20s living in the city are not doing MDMA and cocaine, so some of the assumptions you have about the health or otherwise of this behaviour might also be wrong.

Lol yes they are

@lollyneenah did he take too much? How did he die of cocaine?

@Myothercarisalsoshit I really sympathise with your view - my son was sectioned and suffered hugely because of heavy cannabis/LSD use but not everyone will end up like this just because they dabble - just as not every social drinker will become an alcoholic - the personality and circumstances of the user are the deciding factor as to whether or not long term damage and/or addiction result.

@CorianderBee

I mean it's really none of your business. And, as a 26yo living in London it's shockingly common. I mean you can't stop her and, I agree, haven't met a person here who hasn't tried it.

Oh, have you met all of them then?

@CorianderBee how many BAME people do you know because amongst those communities drug usage is far lower for a number of reasons & its certainly not seen as normal. So I find it hard to believe someone who says everyone is doing it & its normal actually has any BAME people in their circle.

I can honestly say that those of you stating you'd never have anything to do with anyone who has/had taken drugs would probably never know if you passed a recreational drug user in the street.

Again, not condoning or recommending it, and for those who have lost loved ones to addiction, I'm sorry.

Human beings have always and will always seek out ways to manage their mental health difficulties. And drug habits that get out of control are a big part of that picture.

Drug habits, addictions and mental health difficulties are a complicated area and people understandably feel very strongly.

I had this conversation with my 19 year old this evening.

I hope he realises the potential negatives and will make good choices but I know that calling him scummy, telling him I'm ashamed of him/not proud of him etc is guaranteed to have the opposite effect.

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream obviously not but as someone in London and in their 20s literally every new group of people I've met through friends, on nights out, at uni, through work, friends of friends of boyfriends etc has done it a few times. Maybe confirmation bias but I think people are in denial about just how common it is.

Stop condoning it, for all the reasons that others have listed above. Your OH is right.

Sometimes we have to risk annoying our offspring on a matter of principle.

[quote bombg]@CorianderBee how many BAME people do you know because amongst those communities drug usage is far lower for a number of reasons & its certainly not seen as normal. So I find it hard to believe someone who says everyone is doing it & its normal actually has any BAME people in their circle. [/quote]
A good 50% of my circle are Pakistani Muslim and a few black Carribean.

@MasterBeth

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-54540863

“In 2019, there were 708 registered deaths involving cocaine - 148 women and 560 men.”

Not a massive risk, but not no risk.

I am pretty ambivalent to all this but I do find it strange how quickly people are to extrapolate their own experience to what ‘everyone’ is or isn’t doing. Most 20-somethings aren’t doing cocaine, even if significant numbers in particular social groups are.

And how many deaths involving alcohol?

Would this thread have such divergent opinions if the OP was saying her daughter likes to go out for drinks at the weekend?

Yes there are ethical issues and a very small risk of contamination/adverse reaction but statistically the drugs OP mentions are relatively safe.

I’ve never taken drugs (do drink alcohol sometimes, so maybe I’m a hypocrite). I saw a lot of it growing up and knew many people who were “totally in control and could completely handle it” until they weren’t and couldn’t. Their lives were a mess, their health was shot and it destroyed their families.
It’s not the norm and shouldn’t be considered as such. Please, don’t just go along with this.

All the posters bragging about their wild drug use in their twenties being smug suggesting other posters "just didn't get invited to the cool parties" sound really pathetic and sad tbh. Wow so cool

Also same posters conveniently ignoring the posters who's lives have been turned upside down by their DCs drug induced psychosis.

And drug use is considered normal amongst them? That's highly unusual imo

Who told you it was normal enough to overlook it? If it was your dd then that is your answer.

cocaine causes narrowing of the blood vessels and arteries and makes the heart beat harder and faster. Regular cocaine can also causes plaque buildup in blood vessels which starves the heart of oxygen, leading to a heart attack.
If you drink at well as taking cocaine say every weekend you are 40x more likely to die of a heart attack.
Ambulance facts for any interested parties

Deluded. I'm 30 and would never dream of doing Coke or MDMA yet im outgoing sociable, large group of mates etc, doesn't mean its normal to do drugs. They are illegal for a reason.

@Mischance

Stop condoning it, for all the reasons that others have listed above. Your OH is right.

Sometimes we have to risk annoying our offspring on a matter of principle.

How utterly ludicrous and simplistic - I don’t believe OP wants to ‘condone’ her daughter’s drug taking - it’s not healthy and potentially dangerous but do you not think it’s far better that this information is shared so if something does go wrong, her Mum has her back? FGS - having a zero tolerance attitude will just compound a shitty outcome and her grown up, fun loving, independent daughter will carry on regardless!

Well she is 27, not 17. So you have little say over what she does and doesn't do as it is. It is her life.

Im in my late 20s and have taken drugs 3 times in my 20s and smoked some weed before that. I have no regrets. I haven't told my parents - I will never tell dad because he would react the exact same way as your DH. My mother dabbled similar to what I have done.

If either of them had a word with me, I'd be telling them I'm an adult. If she's doing it frequently that isn't ideal though.

And in the rain incident his friend swore blind he had had 1.5 grams. Its always a bit more than what the friend admits to but there we are

@MyopiaUtopia

All the posters bragging about their wild drug use in their twenties being smug suggesting other posters "just didn't get invited to the cool parties" sound really pathetic and sad tbh. Wow so cool

Also same posters conveniently ignoring the posters who's lives have been turned upside down by their DCs drug induced psychosis.

I agree. I went to parties that were full of people passing around bags of coke or tablets, they were always the worst parties because people on coke, ketamine, ecstasy, Mcat (showing my age) etc are the worst company.

I don't think you are being unreasonable.

Your daughter is 27, and doing something that is common within her circle. She will continue to do it with or without your blessing.

I actually think it reflects what a good relationship she must have with you to be able to tell you what's she's doing and not fear being judged.

I agree with others on here who say that those claiming that their children would never take drugs are utterly deluded. When I was younger, all of my friends took drugs in some form. The majority had a good education and careers, and grew out of their habits in time. Most of their parents did not have a clue.

While I have a lot of empathy for people who have had terrible experiences as a result of drugs - the implications are as severe as anything that can become a risky behaviour or an addiction.