To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

@User135644
Alcohol hasn't fueled organised crime for the last 50 years.

Let's not forget that it once did, and the change in policy that stopped it doing so.

I share your views on the whole, OP, but I took the trouble to advise my DC (as DF did me) that cocaine is far from harmless. It's a nasty drug. It's highly addictive and can cause sudden death in seemingly healthy young adults. Too many young people class it with weed or MDMA, although MDMA is much safer. If you're going to class cocaine with another drug then comparing it to heroin is more appropriate.

I made sure my young adult DC looked up any drug they planned to take, just as my dad - a GP - urged me. I was pleased that the school taught my DC that alcohol was one of the most dangerous mood altering substances.

@SprayedWithDettol

So any drug user on here is happy that they are supporting prostitution, slavery, gangs, criminality etc? Well, being so cool is really worth the human cost. I know what I think of you and I don’t care if you think I’m unreasonable.

I haven’t ever taken recreational drugs and never will.

Do you buy fast fashion? Ever shopped at Primark or Zara?

Ever bought a mobile phone produced in China?

@CandyLeBonBon

Alcohol has a far more serious and damaging effect on our neurotransmitters than any of the class A drugs that are considered highly problematic. Sudden Withdrawal from alcohol, as an addict can kill you. No other drug is as toxic to the body as alcohol.

The reason wars are caught and people are trafficked for heroin and cocaine is because they are now illegal.

I'm not advocating drug use by the way. I'm saying that people do not realise just how toxic alcohol is by comparison, because it's legal and therefore people discount it.

Alcohol is actually the biggest gateway drug out there.

@CandyLeBonBon - as I already pointed out, wtf does being able to kill yourself with a legal substance have to do with taking illegal drugs? One in no way justifies the other. You can, however, take legal alcohol in moderation and know what is in it, therefore knowing exactly what your risks are, therefore being able to do it relatively “safely” in comparison to spurious attempts to purchase and consume illegal substances “safely.” Your lectures on irresponsible use of alcohol therefore entirely miss the point. The law does not prohibit all irresponsible behaviour, nor does it prohibit all potentially dangerous substances. It does prohibit some, though. It’s not hard to spot the difference - most people know cocaine is illegal and alcohol isn’t.

@SmiledWithTheRisingSun Ah I don’t blame you, I think when they’re that little I’d definitely lie! I’d wait till they’re a bit older and can understand if I was to tell them. God I remember the grief I gave my mum about smoking when I was a kid and then I did it through half my 20s 😱

@Elsiebear90

Alcohol causes far more problems for society than illegal drugs do. It amazes me that people who confess to regularly drinking to excess get on their high horse about recreational drug use.

I, for one, do not condone alcohol use either. My son was always using this argument on me until finally I drummed it into him that I felt no differently about alcohol! Drugs and alcohol can be incredibly harmful. They aren't always-lots of people get away with it-and lots don't.

@Walkaround I'm not lecturing anyone. I'm offering some information

I think it is pretty common for her peer group and I don't think there is much you can do to stop her so I think you are right in not making a big issue of it. I think she will feel she can approach you with any concerns and not just be secretive.

One thing you could do is get her a drug testing kit so that she can test that the substances that she is taking are what she thinks they are to minimise risk. If she were a bit younger you could lecture her about how to take drugs safely but I think that ship has sailed!

I swear I've read this exact OP before?

How about folk just educate their kids from an early age that using illegal drugs is wrong rather than then going through the whole 'oh you can't kick off, it'll just make them lie to you' later in life.

I was a young professional 20-something once and was offered drugs. I said no because I knew it was wrong and illegal and my career would have been fucked if I'd been arrested.

But I guess I'm just a bore. It's really sad if you need to boast about how many drugs you took and how they didn't affect you 🙄

I think drug use in young people is going down not up.

RE: long-term effects, from the people at university I knew that were drug users, I know no one that has died due to taking drugs.

I know a few that have "got away with it", reforming in mid to late 20s then going on to have family and good career.

However I can think of 3 cases in particular and a few more not that were not quite so extreme, where drugs have massively caused the person to undershoot their potential.

@HemanOrSheRa

24GinDrinkingOnceTheKidsInBed *Oh, so happy to hear all your INTELLIGENT, MIDDLE CLASS, KIND, PROFESSIONAL druggie friends were FINE, after years of drug taking! That's ok then! I guess the rest of us BORES are all wrong about about OUR teenagers being addicted and sectioned and committing suicide and dying after taking those same drugs. I guess they weren't kind, clever or intelligent enough to be doing drugs. Silly us.*

I'm so sorry . We have a young family member, who got caught up in the other side very briefly. Imagine - a good looking middle class white boy being trafficked to deal coke?! That would never happen, obviously. It happens to 'others'.

Absolutely ... I've heard it all. My son would sneer and tell me that it wouldn't happen to him because he was so smart and he knew what he was doing. Even in the depths of his psychosis he would never ever admit that it was linked to the drugs he had taken. Some of the posters on this thread are making very similar points. Lovely, middle class white boy, child of teachers, happy childhood then BOOM.

People saying it's not a big deal don't know any addicts and haven't seen first hand what is does to individuals
And families, and it shows!

Perfectly normal.

Yep, it’s normal. I worked in the city of London in my 20s and I and everyone I knew took drugs occasionally. I think it would be stranger to find someone who didn’t dabble in their 20s. Your husband is being melodramatic and naive.

I find your view very worrying as a parent.

And yes I can hand on heart say I have never taken drugs even in my 20’s...and I wasn’t no goody too shoes either before you say that. Drugs are dangerous end off.

If my partner said he was ok with our children doing drugs i would also see him in a different light too.

[quote Shopliftersoftheworldunite]@Myothercarisalsoshit calm down love. May I suggest a chill pill? [/quote]
You can suggest it, chicken but i'm not due either of my anti depressants until later.

Cocaine is totally normal round my neck of the woods tbh. I know loads of people who take it socially.

Oh dear, this is laughably naive, I don't think any parent can be 100% sure as to what their adult children are or aren't doing, lets be honest!

I can hand on heart say that neither of my two adult children have ever tried drugs. That’s not laughably naive, that’s fact.

DS1 (26) is a soldier, and a bloody good one, who is flying in his career. He would get kicked straight out of the army if he did drugs. He’s never smoked, has given up drinking (although he wasn’t a big drinker to begin with) and is very careful about what he eats. He takes a very dim view about drug taking.

DS2 (24)is a Critical Care Outreach Charge Nurse. He’s just done 2.5yrs in A&E. He’s seen the reality of what drugs do. He’s got absolutely zero interest in wasting his money on stuff like that either, he’s too busy renovating his house.

A girl they went to school with lost her life in her university halls after taking an ecstasy tablet. It’s just not worth it.

[quote Shopliftersoftheworldunite]@Myothercarisalsoshit calm down love. May I suggest a chill pill? [/quote]
How dare you? Have you actually read what drugs have done to her son?

I'd be really worried if my DS was taking illicit drugs. He doesn't because his job drug and alcohol tests him regularly and a positive result would mean dismissal, but I don't see it as a normal part of life in your 20s. I never did it and my friends didn't openly take drugs - they may have taken them privately but it was never mentioned. Maybe I'm out of touch but I'm with your DH on this.

@TheFairyCaravan

Oh dear, this is laughably naive, I don't think any parent can be 100% sure as to what their adult children are or aren't doing, lets be honest!

I can hand on heart say that neither of my two adult children have ever tried drugs. That’s not laughably naive, that’s fact.

DS1 (26) is a soldier, and a bloody good one, who is flying in his career. He would get kicked straight out of the army if he did drugs. He’s never smoked, has given up drinking (although he wasn’t a big drinker to begin with) and is very careful about what he eats. He takes a very dim view about drug taking.

DS2 (24)is a Critical Care Outreach Charge Nurse. He’s just done 2.5yrs in A&E. He’s seen the reality of what drugs do. He’s got absolutely zero interest in wasting his money on stuff like that either, he’s too busy renovating his house.

A girl they went to school with lost her life in her university halls after taking an ecstasy tablet. It’s just not worth it.

Doctors/ nurses etc who I've net have been the worst!

Oh god this is one of my biggest fears. I've had two 30 year old men literally die at my feet due to cocaine cardiac arrests this year already.
One I'll never forget, it was pouring with rain and the sound of his best friend sobbing behind me and the young man's death rattle as he passed away. Just brutal, and I thought about his poor mum for a long time.

Your dd needs to grow up and cut it out