To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

Alcohol has a far more serious and damaging effect on our neurotransmitters than any of the class A drugs that are considered highly problematic. Sudden Withdrawal from alcohol, as an addict can kill you. No other drug is as toxic to the body as alcohol.

The reason wars are caught and people are trafficked for heroin and cocaine is because they are now illegal.

I'm not advocating drug use by the way. I'm saying that people do not realise just how toxic alcohol is by comparison, because it's legal and therefore people discount it.

Alcohol is actually the biggest gateway drug out there.

@JemimaJoy

In my experience, as someone in that age group, it IS very normal and for those of you saying it isn't, I'd suggest you simply don't know about it.

Agree. But they won't be told.

So how would you feel about your DC buying them for a group of friends, those who think it's normal?

@Ginger1982

Wow, you're clearly trying so hard to be a 'cool mum' it's laughable!

There's a difference between thinking your kid might try drugs and being unconcerned about her being a user. I think it'll be a different story if she gets done for possession, or worse, which may potentially affect her dreams, ambitions and future. Then you're desperate for someone like me to make it go away.

The fact you see this as entirely normal is a bit pathetic.

Exactly. And all those casual middle class users should have a think about the lives of vulnerable adults and children who get caught up in the dealing of coke. Their lives, hopes and dreams are destroyed too. Way before any middle class 'successful' person living a 'good life'.

Common maybe. Normal, no I wouldn't say so. However much people would like to normalise and trivialise it there are terrible risks to those who are unlucky enough to react badly. Say what you want, do what you like but there can be serious consequences for yourself and others.

I think there are a lot of naive Mumsnet posters. If IS totally normal. I am mid 30's and did it in my 20's every weekend and all the younger mid 20's middle class professionals I work with do it. Most of my peer group have gone on to be managers, lecturers, social workers, lawyers, midwives, teachers, an MP etc. Nothing to be deeply concerned about. People generally grow out of it when they become parents and don't if they don't!

This is such a tough one as I did drugs recreationally in my 20s when single with no kids and I never let it impact my career etc..but I was sometimes irresponsible and took way too much on a night out. I now have a 17 month old so don’t do any drugs or alcohol but I have considered what I might say / think when she’s older if she does this!

It scares me the thought of her doing it even though I know I’d be a hypocrite! Mdma not so much but coke can be risky and easier to overdose on and it’s especially harmful with mixed with alcohol which pretty much everyone does. I’d probably encourage my daughter to try psychedelics like lsd or magic mushrooms as these have no physical health issues and they changed my life (for the better!). But honestly I’d still be terrified of that if my daughter was doing it...

I think it’s great that she confides in you though at least you know what’s going on. She should hopefully also feel she could tell you if she did get herself into trouble with it and needed help.

Far more people develop alcohol problems though so not sure why some people get so angry about (other) drugs...

Agree. But they won't be told.

Who won't be? Loads have disagreed that it is normal. I'm BAME & a 2nd gen immigrant & it's really not the norm in my circle. I've seen it but would say those who partake tend to be quite a narrow demographic, particularly as you get older. Oh & we are all professionals & all born & raised in London.

It's sad. But it is normal.
My peers did it.
I hope my kids don't.

I am in my 50’s and back in my late teens early 20’s I knew two people who died from casual drug use.
One died after getting high and then on his bike home he hit a lamppost. Dead before 20.
The other his casual drug use didn’t remain casual. One night he took to much and choked to death on his own vomit. Dead at 24.

@Bea8809 what have you planned to say to your kids?

@CandyLeBonBon

Alcohol has a far more serious and damaging effect on our neurotransmitters than any of the class A drugs that are considered highly problematic. Sudden Withdrawal from alcohol, as an addict can kill you. No other drug is as toxic to the body as alcohol.

The reason wars are caught and people are trafficked for heroin and cocaine is because they are now illegal.

I'm not advocating drug use by the way. I'm saying that people do not realise just how toxic alcohol is by comparison, because it's legal and therefore people discount it.

Alcohol is actually the biggest gateway drug out there.

Nope. Depends what you're measuring. Alcohol in excess will have a lasting effect on your organs but smoking skunk everyday is linked to psychosis and the development of schizophrenia. Horses for courses.

@Shopliftersoftheworldunite

You’re going to get a load of bores giving you a lecture about how it’s not ok or normal and that she’ll definitely be taking more than she’s letting on. They have no idea and they just weren’t invited to any good parties.

I live in London and in my 20s almost everyone (all middle class, highly educated, well travelled, intelligent, professional kind and wonderful people) around me did coke and mdma in varying amounts. It was a bit astonishing, really, how prevalent it was in all the different circles I mixed in. Mostly, everyone grew out of it and nothing terrible ever happened. Now everyone around me is running marathons or baking banana bread and we’re all proper adults. Just keep an eye on her (mental health, career, personality etc).

Oh, so happy to hear all your INTELLIGENT, MIDDLE CLASS, KIND, PROFESSIONAL druggie friends were FINE, after years of drug taking! That's ok then! I guess the rest of us BORES are all wrong about about OUR teenagers being addicted and sectioned and committing suicide and dying after taking those same drugs. I guess they weren't kind, clever or intelligent enough to be doing drugs. Silly us.

Oh, so happy to hear all your INTELLIGENT, MIDDLE CLASS, KIND, PROFESSIONAL druggie friends were FINE, after years of drug taking!
That's ok then! I guess the rest of us BORES are all wrong about about OUR teenagers being addicted and sectioned and committing suicide and dying after taking those same drugs.
I guess they weren't kind, clever or intelligent enough to be doing drugs. Silly us.
Our kids were probably a whole other species.

I’m 24, have been through the stage in my life where I’ve been unable to stand drunk every weekend and some weekdays and can happily admit I’ve never once touched any drug except normal tobacco. I’ve never felt the need to use those sorts of drugs, and will never understand why people do. No one in this state and she thinks it’s big and clever to be a druggy surely?

I'm 31 and tried a spiff when I was about 15/16...and that is the extent of my drug use, so I am proof that not all single professionals are using drugs or have used drugs . I know a lot of the early 20 year olds take it in our rural town now though.

Fuck me. Ok, perhaps it IS 'normal' in some places among some demographics. Fine. But all these people saying it's totally fine, you shouldn't be concerned if your kids are snorting it every weekend and not being worried about the consequences that might come from it, I just find unbelievable.

Forget the health risks, the number of well heeled clients I had shitting themselves over the possibility of a Class A conviction...the numbers of pleas in mitigation I had to give about their good upbringings, their prospects, how sorry they were, how it was going to affect their futures blah blah blah 😑

Plus, does no one remember Daniella Westbrook's nose??

@SmiledWithTheRisingSun I’m honestly not sure yet. I could lie and say I never did drugs / drugs are bad but my mum did this to me and it didn’t stop me. I’d probably be honest (if asked) and educate her as much as possible on safe use, tell her to call me if ever in trouble or etc. My husband also did drugs and he actually taught me to be less reckless with them when we met...he would set timers on his phone to remind him not to take more pills / lines too early! We used to wind him up about it but he was totally right

@user64325

I think there are a lot of naive Mumsnet posters. If IS totally normal. I am mid 30's and did it in my 20's every weekend and all the younger mid 20's middle class professionals I work with do it. Most of my peer group have gone on to be managers, lecturers, social workers, lawyers, midwives, teachers, an MP etc. Nothing to be deeply concerned about. People generally grow out of it when they become parents and don't if they don't!

And the kids that end up sectioned, unable to work and medicated? What about them? It really does just come down to luck and genetics.

You’re daughter sounds like someone I wouldn’t want to be friends with, wouldn’t want around my family, wouldn’t be proud of and certainly wouldn’t employ..

But we make our own life choices.

Personally from a mother’s point of view, I wouldn’t be so blasé about her doing drugs, because I would only blame myself when she homeless, or worse yet.. dead, and I did nothing to help.

Drugs are addictive and everyone that starts coke starts it as a ‘social’ thing.

@MasterBeth

FYI, most people in their 20s living in the city are not doing MDMA and cocaine, so some of the assumptions you have about the health or otherwise of this behaviour might also be wrong.

FYI you wrong

Your daughter* god I need a nap

@omgthepain

I'm shocked you think this is ok

Think about the bigger picture

The dealers
Crime
Modern slavery
Violence

Your daughter must be mixing with some very unsavoury characters I'd report her to the police and shock her into normality

How do you know they are unsavoury that is so judgmental and ignorant. She's out with her friends who are all working and making a contribution to society I bet they are all nice women with good jobs etc. you just have a stereotype and it's just not the case for most people.

@24GinDrinkingOnceTheKidsInBed

I’m 24, have been through the stage in my life where I’ve been unable to stand drunk every weekend and some weekdays and can happily admit I’ve never once touched any drug except normal tobacco. I’ve never felt the need to use those sorts of drugs, and will never understand why people do. No one in this state and she thinks it’s big and clever to be a druggy surely?

I'm not sure this is the brag you think it is coming from someone who had a period in their life where they were so drunk every weekend that they were unable to stand?