To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

You’re going to get a load of bores giving you a lecture about how it’s not ok or normal and that she’ll definitely be taking more than she’s letting on. They have no idea and they just weren’t invited to any good parties.

I live in London and in my 20s almost everyone (all middle class, highly educated, well travelled, intelligent, professional kind and wonderful people) around me did coke and mdma in varying amounts. It was a bit astonishing, really, how prevalent it was in all the different circles I mixed in. Mostly, everyone grew out of it and nothing terrible ever happened. Now everyone around me is running marathons or baking banana bread and we’re all proper adults. Just keep an eye on her (mental health, career, personality etc).

@ShoutingBirb speak for yourself. I've never done anything more adventurous than getting extremely drunk.

Personally I would be extremely worried about my adult child using illegal drugs, especially class A. Partly because of the health implications and the addictive nature which can end up ruining lives. And partly because I know how hard the courts come down on drugs offences and using it at a party can easily turn into buying a bit extra for a friend which can suddenly get into prison sentence territory.

As others have said I would also worry about work implications especially if prosecuted.

Whether you're right or your DH is right is irrelevant really. Your DD is a grown adult, and not one just out of her teens either. It's up to her to choose what she does.

MN is not the ideal place to talk about drugs - everyone is either a reformed caner or never touched drugs in their life and disapprove of a single joint.

Is you want more unbiased information you could contact one of the local substance use services- most have a family service. Most local services advise on harm minimisation as well as abstinence so if your DD ever wanted advice on safety they would provide this.

@Shopliftersoftheworldunite

You’re going to get a load of bores giving you a lecture about how it’s not ok or normal and that she’ll definitely be taking more than she’s letting on. They have no idea and they just weren’t invited to any good parties.

I live in London and in my 20s almost everyone (all middle class, highly educated, well travelled, intelligent, professional kind and wonderful people) around me did coke and mdma in varying amounts. It was a bit astonishing, really, how prevalent it was in all the different circles I mixed in. Mostly, everyone grew out of it and nothing terrible ever happened. Now everyone around me is running marathons or baking banana bread and we’re all proper adults. Just keep an eye on her (mental health, career, personality etc).

FFS. How old are you? 13?

I always find these threads so odd! In my (mainly professional, middle class) circles it's normal to have the odd spliff or pill. I know my teenage son smokes pot on occasion and will go mushroom hunting. I suspect he has taken or will take pills.

I worry more about him climbing mountains, which he does frequently, than his occasional and limited drug use.

No one I know would answer honestly even if asked and I know a fair amount of people who do take coke on the occasion.

That's a shame as you are not going to go to jail for admitting to illegal drug use when taking part in the CSEW. The data is used directly to influence policies so honesty is the best policy in this case.

I've never done anything more adventurous than getting extremely drunk
urgghh sooo bad for your health, I would never resort to alcohol use, it does such damage to your body.

@Beautiful3
That is lovely thank you x

@Standrewsschool
I was in the Legal Industry (I know). I started because my heart was broken, my family was broken, I was in an abusive relationship from the age of 15 for 10 years with an older man and once I was free I didn’t know what to do with my freedom. I was easily influenced but they were my decisions and I chose very badly. In the early days cocaine was like a massive hug and the confidence I had never had but it’s all fake, obviously.

@Shopliftersoftheworldunite

You’re going to get a load of bores giving you a lecture about how it’s not ok or normal and that she’ll definitely be taking more than she’s letting on. They have no idea and they just weren’t invited to any good parties.

I live in London and in my 20s almost everyone (all middle class, highly educated, well travelled, intelligent, professional kind and wonderful people) around me did coke and mdma in varying amounts. It was a bit astonishing, really, how prevalent it was in all the different circles I mixed in. Mostly, everyone grew out of it and nothing terrible ever happened. Now everyone around me is running marathons or baking banana bread and we’re all proper adults. Just keep an eye on her (mental health, career, personality etc).

This is completely my experience in the city I live in. The small deprived town where I come from has more entrenched drug problems fuelled by poverty, disadvantage and lack of decent opportunities.

@Bluntness100

I’d say it is... One in 10 teens in UK has tried hard drugs apparently, so I’d argue it is very much becoming more normal these days.
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-56001234.amp

@saltyskies8

Well I'm only just 30 and I never have. Neither has my sister and neither have any of my friends. I have cousins in early 20s and they've never touched drugs either.

I think you're deluded and your DD is clearly in bad company. Considering that she was brought up by a mother who doesn't care about her daughter being on drugs, I can see why...

Warning - links are graphic.

www.theguardian.com/world/2014/oct/12/colombia-violence-torture-gangs-buenaventura

eu.usatoday.com/story/news/world/2015/03/06/globalpost-colombia-drug-gangs/24491811/

impakter.com/cocaine-hidden-cost/

Drug use pays for terrorism. Children are forced into working for the cartels, & are then butchered if they are seen to have put a foot wrong. People, including innocent children, disappear if they are merely near suspicious activity.

And if that's not enough, it's mixed with all kinds of shit during the processing.

www.businessinsider.com/how-cocaine-is-made-2017-10?r=US&IR=T#edgar-mixes-liquid-coca-paste-with-a-mask-on-because-it-can-be-hard-to-breathe-amid-the-noxious-fumes-that-emanate-from-various-buckets-marinating-the-huge-mix-of-leaves-10

There seems to be some increasing belief that taking class A drugs is without consequence and everyone does it.

Well there are very real potential health consequences, real consequences of producing and distribution and associated crime. Despite what you might think about it being part of a night out for 20s and normal, there are significant legal consequences if caught in possession and convicted. No work in the Criminal justice system, no work in most healthcare professions and no work visa to numerous countries, impacts if she ever wants to adopt, have any power of attorney, etc etc

So you might think it us normal but it really isn't. 95 perc of 15 to 34 year olds do not take class A drugs. It's not normal and it really does have potential serious consequences of doing it.

I live in London and in my 20s almost everyone (all middle class, highly educated, well travelled, intelligent, professional kind and wonderful people) around me did coke and mdma in varying amounts.

See I don't think it's unusual in those circles but it's unusual particularly in London to not be exposed to much diversity.

Err.. if she is taking drugs on a regular basis rather than just a one off to try ONCE it's definitely dangerous anf cocaine is highly addictive!

One of my DC has been sectioned 3 times, having experienced drug induced psychosis. His brain is fried basically. 4yrs down the line and the boy we loved and brought up is gone. We deal with a medicated stranger who believes the TV sends him messages from Aliens.

His siblings are very clear that they will never touch drugs. His close friends have stopped using.

No one thinks it will happen to them

Drug use pays for terrorism
because it is illegal, prohibition is counter productive

So she and her mates give zero fucks about fuelling crime and violence , as do many on this thread.

That makes them scum. If only the saddo pills were more lethal. If you can't have fun without drugs you are a bit of jerk.

[quote Sunnydayspol]@Bluntness100

I’d say it is... One in 10 teens in UK has tried hard drugs apparently, so I’d argue it is very much becoming more normal these days.
www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-56001234.amp[/quote]
So that's 90 percent who haven't. That's the norm then.

I don’t know a single person who didn’t take drugs in their 20s - rave scene was the best thing I ever did. Don’t make a deal of it, she trusts you are liberal enough to not be ‘drugs are bad m’kay’ and that she is sensible enough to keep it recreational.

@XelaM

Err.. if she is taking drugs on a regular basis rather than just a one off to try ONCE it's definitely dangerous anf cocaine is highly addictive!

Cocaine is habit forming for some people. It's not highly addictive for the majority who can take it or leave it. I know numerous people who've occasionally taken cocaine. I don't know a single "addict". I do however know a fair few people addicted to cannabis, food and alcohol.

That makes them scum. If only the saddo pills were more lethal. If you can't have fun without drugs you are a bit of jerk.

The outrage bot has been activated. Wishing people dead.

Get a grip on yourself.

@ohyesiknowwhatyoumean

One of my DC has been sectioned 3 times, having experienced drug induced psychosis. His brain is fried basically. 4yrs down the line and the boy we loved and brought up is gone. We deal with a medicated stranger who believes the TV sends him messages from Aliens.

His siblings are very clear that they will never touch drugs. His close friends have stopped using.

No one thinks it will happen to them

So sorry to hear this. It's heartbreaking. We've had the messages through the TV too ...

@GalesThisMorning

I always find these threads so odd! In my (mainly professional, middle class) circles it's normal to have the odd spliff or pill. I know my teenage son smokes pot on occasion and will go mushroom hunting. I suspect he has taken or will take pills.

I worry more about him climbing mountains, which he does frequently, than his occasional and limited drug use.

Mountain climbing is good for him, drugs could kill him. You are honestly happy that your teenage son spends money on drugs and funds abuse and coercion of children his age or younger? Would you be saying that if he was a County Lines victim? Or is it okay because he's lucky enough to be wealthy enough to be a buyer rather than a victim of his supply chain. That's something I find not only "odd", but saddening and quite honestly appalling!