To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

I think this is one of these very rare examples of where it may pay to be a tiny bit hypocritical.

I did quite a lot of these drugs in my 20s (and beyond). Never developed a problem and beyond a few bad hangovers it never caused a significant problem for me. I'm aware that I may have dodged a bullet and this behaviour isn't without risk. But the fact is a lot of young people do use recreational drugs without coming to any serious harm. And it is good that she feels able to be open with you.

That said, I think its useful to instil a bit of a boundary around this. It's important for her not to think you have given her complete carte blanche and for her to feel some self-preservation instinct around this.

The chances are she'll be fine and she sounds like she has a great relationship with you which is super helpful. But you don't want her to feel that its totally normalised and for her to lose her sense of risk.

get your drugs here!
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-sussex-57245599
😮

@Letsgetreadytocrumble

I have to be honest, I would be devastated if either of my kids started taking drugs like cocaine or MDMA when they are in their 20s. Largely because it's dangerous and stupid, but also the type of people who take these drugs are always bloody bellends, and I would hate for my kids to be in a 'circle' with those kinds of twats!

ha and do you really think your kids are going to tell you," Hey mam i took some MDMA at the weekend, we had great fun, was off my face"....., dont be so judgemental, my mam had a great saying and you should try think of it when you are quick to judge, "those that are rearing should be sparing"....

[quote hagtry]@LST of course they don't but do you think that would change the statistics dramatically? [/quote]
Yes I do

Normal among scummy people maybe. Certainly didn't happen in my circles and it's only five years since I left city life and had my DC so I'm hardly a dinosaur.

The odd joint I wouldn't be concerned about but turning a blind eye to your child's regular consumption of class A drugs is so very odd.

However, this is contingent on policy: the only reason drugs provide funding for organised criminal gangs is because gangs control the market for drugs, and they only control the market because policy has made drugs illegal so the government is unable to control the market.

Additionally, many of the described health risks associated with illegal drugs are actually a result of those same policies. No regulation means that drugs are cut with unsafe substances, no regulation means that shame and fear keep people from seeking help when needed
^this

By the way i never took drugs but drank a lot and was constantly plastered, Ive stopped since but alcohol can be just as damaging.

I agree it's totally normal. I'm in my 40s and it's still pretty normal.

Problem is no one knows if it's okay for them or not - some will do it for years with no addiction, problems with the law, or health issues. But that's just luck of the draw.

Id be concerned of it were my dd yes. And id encourage her to see the risks. Although she probably knows them already.

The fact you have such a good relationship means you'll spot of she's going down a bad road though so I think you're right not to come down to "holier than thou" on her

So I have just shown this thread to my 21 year old son and he said that it is very naive of people to think that the majority of young people have not taken drugs recreationally. Unfortunately it is far more common than people realise !
I certainly do not condone it but people need to wake up that it is common...more so than people think .

I’m the same age as your DD but not in London.

Most of my friends and people I knew socially did drugs on nights out around the ages of 17-21. I never did and I was never involved in that side of nights out.

I certainly don’t know anyone who does them now mid-late twenties. Everyone I know stopped around 21 or 22 when the novelty wore off.

@Turkishangora

I wouldn't ask on here, MN thinks any usage of drugs equates to a raging addict with no nostrils/veins left stealing from their relatives. The reality is there are all shapes and forms of drug users including doctors, nurses, lawyers, accountants etc etc. The majority are recreational, occasional and present far less risks to health than behaviours the rest of the population indulge in but that are deemed societally acceptable ie overeating, over consumption of meat and sedentary lifestyles.

Talk to her about doing it safety which is the approach a drugs service would take (harm reduction). You'll just get hysterical responses on here and cries of her needing some kind of formal intervention which really isn't what's needed. Or one off anecdotes about "someone they know" which somehow validates their point.

My someone I know is my son - I have lived the devastation that drugs bring to some unlucky people. Sectioned, dropped out of university and now on long term anti - psychotics. Sneer and excuse it all you like. The victims are real people with real lives that have been destroyed.

I certainly wouldn’t be relaxed about my child’s drug use even if they were adults.

As a parent, you always worry about them, you always want them to make good and healthy choices. At least you should.

@hagtry

To everyone blaming recreational drug users for the impact of racism and crime - these things are a direct impact of the war on drugs, which has failed. If you are so concerned about children being forced into drug trafficking then you should be lobbying for a change in government policy around drugs rather than blaming recreational users.

Why don't the recreational users do that or are they just not concerned about children?

Middle class recreational drug users in cities like London play a huge role in all the knife crime in murders in the city, which are often over the drug trade and territory. Another thing to bear in mind when you think snorting a line is harmless fun.

And, yes, drug prohibition has played a big part too. It should be legal and regulated, to get it out of organised crime.

Are you happy that your daughter is an immoral, selfish idiot who is causing abject misery to so many of the poorest and most vulnerable in society?

Have a read of this. She should be ashamed and so should you. www.theguardian.com/environment/georgemonbiot/2009/jul/23/cocaine

the article is from 2009 amd things have only got worse since then.

A quite from the article

The cocaine business as currently constituted is the most immoral trade on Earth. By participating in it, you directly commission murder, torture, displacement and deforestation. According to the Colombian government (not, admittedly, the most trustworthy source on such matters) every gram of cocaine you take destroys four square metres of rainforest

the drugs industry is a colossal waste of •
time, resources and human lives

Fixed that for you.

I guess you must apply that same philosophy to alcohol too?

@19lottie82

the drugs industry is a colossal waste of • time, resources and human lives

Fixed that for you.

I guess you must apply that same philosophy to alcohol too?

Alcohol hasn't fueled organised crime for the last 50 years.

There's no doubt it escalates for some people, I remember a few from growing up who 'graduated' to heroin for want of better terminology and very sadly some of them died. Ive also witnessed cannabis psychosis first hand and I do get quite frustrated about the minimisation of cannabis harm compared to other drugs. In my experience it's as addictive and harmful as some "harder" drugs in terms of the effects on functioning and mental state. No one really knows why some people develop difficulties and others don't, it's good to have an awareness of your triggers. However teaching safe drug use over demonising all drugs is surely going to be more helpful. Ive been honest with DD that I don't think weed would be a good idea for her, she overthinks and there's a history of depression and anxiety in the family. And in my immediate social circle weed is far far more habit forming than cocaine/MDMA.

* @LST* of course they don't but do you think that would change the statistics dramatically?
Yes I do

Fair enough, I personally think when you look at other data eg recorded offences, the crime survey, etc the data doesn't show everyone is doing it even when allowing for under representation.

Yes you're right that if every person didn't do drugs there would be no market - however policy has tried to criminalise certain substances for how long? The market is bigger than ever.

The war on drugs is clearly not working, just like prohibition of alcohol didn't work in the 1920s in the US - however it sure helped drive organised crime and the resulting increase in homicides, robberies and speakeasies!

Again, you are right. I even agree that some drugs may well have their place if they are regulated, legal and manufactured in a safe and open environment. However, I reiterate that as of right now, they are not and with all the information that is known about how drugs come to be, that anyone that takes any illegal drug knows they have been trafficked and are responsible for death and misery and should face up to that and not class it as "harmless".

I'm late twenties- I have friends in London from uni and now live in the north west and have friends here (most of whom grew up here.) My London friends are much much more commonly drug users. It was rife at my oxbridge college and they now all work in careers like banking, law and PR where a hit of mdma is as common as the Friday drinks trolley.

My NW friends would be appalled and aside from the odd spliff as teenagers would never do anything beyond drinking or smoking cigarettes.

Personally I've never touched any drug. My mum who I am incredibly close to told me when I was 13 that she'd bet the house I'd never do drugs... how could I ever let her down after that? Savvy parenting.

However, I reiterate that as of right now, they are not and with all the information that is known about how drugs come to be, that anyone that takes any illegal drug knows they have been trafficked and are responsible for death and misery and should face up to that and not class it as "harmless".

True dat.

Alcohol hasn't fueled organised crime for the last 50 years.

and that's why the quote that the pp claimed to have 'fixed' originally said that the 'war on drugs is a colossal waste of time, resources and human lives.' Which is absolutely correct. Legalise drugs and organised crime will no longer be able to profit from it.

@hagtry

* @LST* of course they don't but do you think that would change the statistics dramatically? Yes I do

Fair enough, I personally think when you look at other data eg recorded offences, the crime survey, etc the data doesn't show everyone is doing it even when allowing for under representation.

@hagtry No one I know would answer honestly even if asked and I know a fair amount of people who do take coke on the occasion.

Ive never taken a drug in my life and I don't (knowingly) mix with people who do. DH did recreational drugs in his teens/20s (I met him when he was mid 30s) and he mixed with people that did. We both lived and worked in London.

Our sons (19 & 22) and their friends don't do drugs, they think it's stupid. None of them smoke either and drink (reasonably) sensibly.
They obviously know people who do though. I think teenagers are far more clean living now than they were when I was their age.

I don't preach to my sons, I simply tell them that they will never know before using drugs if they will be that one person who gets addicted and/or dies after a single use and to think about that before making their decision.

Alcohol hasn't fueled organised crime for the last 50 years
hehe way to beg the question...
that'll be because it's not illegal
when it was in the US it DID fuel organised crime