To not be concerned about DDs occasional drug use?

[saltyskies8]

DD is 27, living in the city as a single professional and has a fantastic social life (in normal times!). We are very close and have the sort of relationship where she feels able to tell me about most things I'd say. Since moving to the city for work a couple of years ago, she's openly told me that her and her friends will occasionally use cocaine or MDMA on nights out or in and that it's very much normal amongst everyone she knows there. DD is otherwise very fit and healthy and personally, I see her drug use as entirely normal for someone of her age group who is young, single and enjoying life in the city.

DH and I got talking last night after watching a series on bbc3 about drug use and I mentioned DDs recreational drug use, which he was not previously aware of. DH is highly concerned and has accused me of being irresponsible for not being concerned about her health and advising she seeks help. I explained my view that most people in their 20s living in the city are doing this and he believes I'm completely deluded and DD has a problem.

I'm genuinely interested to know others thoughts on this? AIBU in not being worried about drug use at this stage in DDs life?

FYI I completely appreciate there are ethical issues in terms of gang crime, county lines etc. but DD and her friends are already well aware of this and I'd rather focus on the health aspect of this for the purpose of this thread :)

@hagtry

This is almost a case study in confirmation bias! "OK, the stats may be dodgy, but they are clearly right because they say what I thought all along"

How have you reached that conclusion? I think more than 4% use class A drugs, I don't think it's 90% though. If you do then you're entitled to your opinion.

Sorry Hagtry, I misunderstood you. I do agree that between 4% and 90% take class As

20s, never taken drugs nor have most of my social circle.

But I do have quite a few acquaintances who do coke. Pisses me off how they all seem to be the ones who go on about saving the planet and campaigning about various human rights issues at the same time. If you take drugs you're just contributing to a global industry that is responsible for deaths and absolute misery of men, women and children all through the supply chain.Stop kidding yourself. And stop enabling your kids by pretending its normal and okay.

@MasterBeth

FYI, most people in their 20s living in the city are not doing MDMA and cocaine, so some of the assumptions you have about the health or otherwise of this behaviour might also be wrong.

Totally agree with this. Both my young adult DC live and work in London and scoff at the losers who take coke/ket/MDMA.

It really isn't the norm.

I would be extremely concerned.

She's breaking the law. I'd threaten to call the police, otherwise you're aiding and abetting.

Let’s hope she doesn’t get sucked into the addiction. Coke heads can nasty people.

@RLOU30 please don't hate yourself. We all make mistakes. You have done so well to have turned your life around. You should feel proud of yourself. Be kind and forgive yourself.

I'd threaten to call the police, otherwise you're aiding and abetting.
😂 I’d love to hear how that call would go.

@JellyTumble

YABU and yes, you’re deluded.

I never took drugs in my 20s nor did anyone I associated with It’s not normal at all; your kid is fobbing you off and hanging out with a bad crowd.

She's a 27 year old woman not a kid ! She's got a good job and what she does at the weekend is her business. I very much doubt she would be able to hold Down her job if she had a drug problem. Recreational drugs are literally everywhere these days

@19lottie82

I'd threaten to call the police, otherwise you're aiding and abetting. 😂 I’d love to hear how that call would go.

That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever read on here

but I would say that the police are interested in dealers not recreational users who are otherwise model citizens

No one who is buying into the misery of the drugs chain is a model citizen, they are selfish, naive arseholes.

[quote QioiioiioQ]drugs are good for you
www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/mdma-depression
www.nature.com/articles/d41586-021-00187-9[/quote]
The whole subject of microdosing psychedelics to treat depression is very interesting. Seems to be mostly anecdotal evidence at the moment but I may be wrong.

she has wide groups of friends in various different circles, yet she tells me all of them have previously or do currently use drugs on occasion

Does that not strike you as a little concerning OP?

All of your daughters friends are/have been drug users? Now that is unusual. Perhaps that’s what they all have in common, rather than real friendships?

They will normalise it and enable each other.

Some will grow out of it, others may develop dependencies/ end up in dangerous situations. Despite the best of intentions, it can be hard for some people to abstain from drugs on a night out when their friends are taking them. Groups like this care more about having a good time getting high, than they do each other.

Some can bounce back fine, but sustained drug use, even if it’s ‘only’ on nights out can have a negative effect on people’s lives.

At 27, a person should know better.

The fact that you say they know about the ethical issues around taking drugs, yet do it anyway suggest they have a problem.

Actually, it's the current system that makes recreational drugs illegal while alcohol, which arguably causes as much health damage and more violence than many drugs including coke and MDMA, that is responsible for all the misery and death, not people who snort a bit of cocaine.

These things should be regulated and safe, and generating a tax income for the government to support people who become addicted - just like alcohol.

Who is the government and industry lobby groups (alcohol, big pharma) to say that we can become a zombies on prescription drugs, or alcoholics, but it's unethical and a crime that we should be punished if we want to have a trip on magic mushrooms and ease our depression (proven science!), or take MDMA and feel bursting platonic love for humanity and experience music in an amazing way?

It's simply not logical and it is the prohibition of recreational drugs that causes the massive criminal economy and tragedies like trafficking and deaths from fake drugs in an unregulated market.

You may well be right, but we are not talking about alcohol here. I am pretty sure though that drugs mule who trafficked that MDMA in his stomach / up his bum / her vagina is very happy that the person taking it has bursting platonic love for humanity and experience music in an amazing way . Meanwhile, they are quite possibly just bursting.

And every single person who "snorts a bit of cocaine" has to take responsibility for the destruction of lives, many of which are children. If educated adults didn't do drugs there would be no drug industry, fake or otherwise. You cannot try to divert attention or assuage guilt by saying it's the governments fault or that alcohol is as bad. We're talking about drugs and the current situation with the supply of those drugs. By all means, lobby and argue for things to change, but right now, anyone that takes drugs take their share of responsibility and must do so in the full knowledge of the misery and suffering that their fun comes at the cost of.

The meaning we ascribe to ‘drug’ in the illegal sense encompasses a vast range of substances with different properties that have as much in common with legal drugs as they do with each other. As with anything, I would advise moderation and it sounds like your daughter is being moderate and occasional and is otherwise health and happy.

To everyone blaming recreational drug users for the impact of racism and crime - these things are a direct impact of the war on drugs, which has failed. If you are so concerned about children being forced into drug trafficking then you should be lobbying for a change in government policy around drugs rather than blaming recreational users.

The suggestion being made by posters is that buying illegal drugs is morally wrong because it provides funding to criminal organisations thereby facilitating other criminal activities that cause harm.

However, this is contingent on policy: the only reason drugs provide funding for organised criminal gangs is because gangs control the market for drugs, and they only control the market because policy has made drugs illegal so the government is unable to control the market.

Additionally, many of the described health risks associated with illegal drugs are actually a result of those same policies. No regulation means that drugs are cut with unsafe substances, no regulation means that shame and fear keep people from seeking help when needed.

Yes there are very tragic one-off cases that could very well still occur even if the war on drugs was ended, a family member of mine went through this - however I still believe that the war on drugs is a colossal waste of time, resources and human lives.

I think it's not uncommon, but not the norm, either.

None of my friendship circles do drugs, and I've only seen it in one bar in 10 years of living here.

It doesn't mean she has a problem, but I wouldn't dismiss or normalise it, either.

Very normal in my social circle in my twenties. I think about 80% of my colleagues were at it.
I think it's great that she is honest with you so I would carry on acting relaxed about it to ensure she doesn't start lying to you.
However, I would be very concerned. Of all my colleagues that regularly used it, many of them became addicted. Cocaine wrecks lives. Once the glory years are over some people are able to stop doing it and move on but many aren't. I've known people die from cocaine, I've known marriages fail due to cocaine, I've seen people spiral into debt, lose friends and lose jobs. I've seen nice people turn into coke obsessed, selfish twats. I also think it robs people of the ability to have a night out without having it.
Most people I know who stopped doing it, were only able to do so if they stopped going out completely as the desire to order some was so strong.
I don't know how I'll handle these conversations when I have teens but I really really hope they don't go down that road.

I wouldn't ask on here, MN thinks any usage of drugs equates to a raging addict with no nostrils/veins left stealing from their relatives. The reality is there are all shapes and forms of drug users including doctors, nurses, lawyers, accountants etc etc. The majority are recreational, occasional and present far less risks to health than behaviours the rest of the population indulge in but that are deemed societally acceptable ie overeating, over consumption of meat and sedentary lifestyles.

Talk to her about doing it safety which is the approach a drugs service would take (harm reduction). You'll just get hysterical responses on here and cries of her needing some kind of formal intervention which really isn't what's needed. Or one off anecdotes about "someone they know" which somehow validates their point.

Not normal. I’m only a year older than her and I’ve never taken drugs. Appreciate I live a different life but I did go to uni and still never felt the need to snort Coke as a student. She’s in her late 20s now so should be moving past the crazy party lifestyle really... I’d be concerned if it were my child.

the war on drugs is a colossal waste of time, resources and human lives.

Firm agree to this.

For anyone curious about my previous comments regarding the effect of drugs on middle class people vs those from less stable backgrounds, this is broadly paraphrased from a Channel 4 documentary on drugs, called Brass Eye. I'd check that episode out, it's probably on YouTube.

To everyone blaming recreational drug users for the impact of racism and crime - these things are a direct impact of the war on drugs, which has failed. If you are so concerned about children being forced into drug trafficking then you should be lobbying for a change in government policy around drugs rather than blaming recreational users.

Why don't the recreational users do that or are they just not concerned about children?

@bungaloid I got what you meant.

@RLOU30

I started taking cocaine whilst I was working in the City aged 26, had never touched drugs before. 3 hectic years later I was jobless, homeless and had hurt everyone I knew. It’s a dangerous dark place to go to and I honestly don’t know how I survived it. I started taking it on nights out just like your daughter but it almost always escalates. Also I will tell you now it’s very easy to hide. I was working under the influence most of them time by the end and seeing mum for lunch. I still hate myself. Am clean 4 years.

Can I ask, what made you start, and what profession were you in?

the drugs industry is a colossal waste of time, resources and human lives

Fixed that for you.

@PricklesAndSpikes

Actually, it's the current system that makes recreational drugs illegal while alcohol, which arguably causes as much health damage and more violence than many drugs including coke and MDMA, that is responsible for all the misery and death, not people who snort a bit of cocaine.

These things should be regulated and safe, and generating a tax income for the government to support people who become addicted - just like alcohol.

Who is the government and industry lobby groups (alcohol, big pharma) to say that we can become a zombies on prescription drugs, or alcoholics, but it's unethical and a crime that we should be punished if we want to have a trip on magic mushrooms and ease our depression (proven science!), or take MDMA and feel bursting platonic love for humanity and experience music in an amazing way?

It's simply not logical and it is the prohibition of recreational drugs that causes the massive criminal economy and tragedies like trafficking and deaths from fake drugs in an unregulated market.

You may well be right, but we are not talking about alcohol here. I am pretty sure though that drugs mule who trafficked that MDMA in his stomach / up his bum / her vagina is very happy that the person taking it has bursting platonic love for humanity and experience music in an amazing way . Meanwhile, they are quite possibly just bursting.

And every single person who "snorts a bit of cocaine" has to take responsibility for the destruction of lives, many of which are children. If educated adults didn't do drugs there would be no drug industry, fake or otherwise. You cannot try to divert attention or assuage guilt by saying it's the governments fault or that alcohol is as bad. We're talking about drugs and the current situation with the supply of those drugs. By all means, lobby and argue for things to change, but right now, anyone that takes drugs take their share of responsibility and must do so in the full knowledge of the misery and suffering that their fun comes at the cost of.

Yes you're right that if every person didn't do drugs there would be no market - however policy has tried to criminalise certain substances for how long? The market is bigger than ever.

The war on drugs is clearly not working, just like prohibition of alcohol didn't work in the 1920s in the US - however it sure helped drive organised crime and the resulting increase in homicides, robberies and speakeasies!