I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unreasonable

[DoolallyBinzes]

There is so much to this story but the bare bones of it are that when I was with my ex we borrowed money from my Mum to pay our rent. We had only paid a small amount of it back when he left me. I had no money, no job, nowhere to live and 3 children to look after.
10 years later, Mum has died and my brother says I have to pay all the money back. I’m happy to pay half but I don’t see why I should pay for my ex’s share especially when he now has plenty of money.

@SpiderinaWingMirror

I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like this. My mum has " lent" money to my dbro. In reality she doesn't expect it back. Her will stipulates whatever she has gets left split between us. There is nothing about loans or gifts. So that is what will happen. During her life she is free to give what she wants to anyone.

Nope. The estate can go after the loan to your brother. Doesn't matter that her will doesn't mention it. Debts don't die with the lender, they become owing to the lender's estate.

But legally your brother doesn’t have a leg to stand in unless it was written in the will

No, legally OP's brother has an excellent case, because the debt is evidenced in writing. Why on earth would anyone list debts in their will?

Too late to pay back the lender, she's dead. Who does your brother think should get it?

@2bazookas

Too late to pay back the lender, she's dead. Who does your brother think should get it?

The estate!!! People needs to stop saying the debt dies with the lender. It doesn't.

For the hundredth time, if a lender dies, a legitimate debt does not disappear. It is owed to the estate. This brother is making a claim in the name of his mother's estate. And, if the mother had died in debt, the mother's lenders would have every right to pursue the OP for the money.

I feel like shouting too moynmore. This has to one of the most frustrating threads on mn. If you don't have a clue about debt or wills or probate or being an executor you are NOT helping the op. You're opinions are meaningless and a good percentage are just plain wrong.

@2bazookas

Too late to pay back the lender, she's dead. Who does your brother think should get it?

It's not too late, and the brother presumably thinks, correctly, that the money should go into into the estate.

All these people who think a debt dies with the lender: to repeat the example I gave above, suppose you died with three months' salary and a hefty bonus unpaid, would you think your employer should regard that as a windfall, or should he pay the money to your estate so that it could be distributed in accordance with your will?

Or say you were given 3 months to live. Do some people really think that you can spend recklessly, get thousands into debt and it just disappears into a puff of smoke on your death? Do you honestly think that would be allowed

The debts go both ways, both those you owe and those you are owed.

@knittingaddict

Or say you were given 3 months to live. Do some people really think that you can spend recklessly, get thousands into debt and it just disappears into a puff of smoke on your death? Do you honestly think that would be allowed

But, in this case, it sort of does go away. The estate is responsible, but, if there is no money in the estate, there is no money to repay the debt.

So OP borrowed £6000 for rent money.

So she morally (not legally) ',owes' her brothers £4000.

Is a good relationship w brothers going forward worth £4000? That's the bottom line.....personally, I would payol it for family harmony

I agree it should be paid back to the estate but I absolutely this ex should pay his share. The 'estate' - whether that's you as executor or otherwise - needs to go after him as well, especially if it's in writing that he lent half of that money.

Think, even.

Depending on the wording of the loan agreement, assuming the OP and ex were are jointly and severally liable, the estate should go after the "low hanging fruit" - the OP in this case. Then the OP should sue her ex. The lender should not have to chase for half from each unless the loan agreement stipulated that each was responsible for only half. They are both separately responsible for the full amount and the one who pays can sue the other for half.

@CareBear50

So OP borrowed £6000 for rent money.

So she morally (not legally) ',owes' her brothers £4000.

Is a good relationship w brothers going forward worth £4000? That's the bottom line.....personally, I would payol it for family harmony

There's documentation of the debt, so they have a pretty strong case.

I have said in an earlier post that I’m going to pay the £6,000 to the estate then split it 3 ways once the house is sold

I agree that paying it back's the right thing to do, but wouldn't it make sense to wait until the house is sold and then simply adjust your own inheritance?

That way it's still resolved, but at least you wouldn't have to find the money if you're struggling right now

But, in this case, it sort of does go away. The estate is responsible, but, if there is no money in the estate, there is no money to repay the debt.

You're right of course. I knew as soon as I had written it that it was wrong, but my point about debts to the estate still stand.

I suppose the mirror of my example was that you could borrow money from a dying friend or relative and never have to pay it back.

So she morally (not legally) ',owes' her brothers £4000

No, she legally owes the estate £6K.

It should be taken out of your share of the estate op so your brothers should get more.

Pay your debts!

Its sad seeing all the posts about people falling out over money when a parent dies, this too has happened in my extended family and its incredibly sad and pointless. If my parents lent my sister money I would not be tallying it up, especially if she was worse off than me. My relationship with her is much more important to me than any sum of money. I do think op was right to pay back her brothers though if that was her mother's wishes (from the letter).

OK, speak with a solicitor there. HERE (USA), unless there were a signed acknowledgement/repayment plan, you legally owe nothing, and are entitled to your full share of the estate, whatever that might be.

I cant say whats right but I can say that I borrowed some money from my parents and my father has now passed away. This money was to pay my mortgage during the time of my 1st marriage which dissolved almost 20 years ago. I have agreed with my sister that when our mum goes the payments will be adjusted in terms of what we will get. For me, its simply about what I think is fair and I cant see how your brother should cop for any of it, nor should he have to chase your ex for part of his inheritance. If YOU want to go after your ex to get back the share of the money that can be attributed to him thats a matter for you, but in any event its not fair that your brother should be disadvantaged by it.

Your brother sounds like he's being an arse and at such a horrible time, sorry for your loss OP. I agree with a lot of the women above - you may have to write off the half your ex owes you and cover it yourself, and give your brothers the amount split between them from the will. That seems fair. I don't know why they'd argue with that?

No, she legally owes the estate £6K

So she will inherit 1/3 of 6k. So @CareBear50 is right.

OP It would depend how much money you are likely to inherit. If you owe 6k then 6k split 3 ways is 2k each. So you'd only have to pay back 4K into the estate to cover your brothers inheritance.