DH and Laundry Accident

[TerribleCustomerCervix]

I feel very silly for being so upset about this.

DH pulls his weight round the house, but can be really careless and a bit of a Half a Job Bob at times.

I was emptying the dryer and found my favourite item of clothing in a crinkly ball amongst all the kids stuff.

A dusky pink pair of Lucy and Yak cord dungarees- I fucking love them. They make me feel cool and fashionable and I just feel great in them.

I tried them on once I’d managed to uncrinkle them and it was like trying to step into a condom. They’re out of stock so I can’t replace them.

I’m so (unreasonably?) upset at DH. He’s in a senior management position, smart and capable but somehow won’t or can’t follow washing instructions? He’s very apologetic but I’m fucking RAGING. I know it’s just “stuff” but it’s even the fact that the little 1950s housewife in the back of my brain is saying “Ah sure, at least he’s trying to help.”

RIP dungarees

Does he wash his own clothes in this cack-handed way? Or is it just yours he doesn't care enough about?

STBXH used to do this. Then “but I was trying to help”. No you fucking weren’t. You’ve never shrunk / ruined any of your own stuff.

Sorry. Not helpful. Do you have enough family money spare to be able to replace them? (Not with the out of stock item, but with something else that will make you feel good?)

I've managed to do that with some of my clothes. If it doesn't happen very often there's really no point in getting angry. He's apologised. What more do you want?

Oh, op. I’m sorry..

I lost a gorgeous lavender wool sweater in almost the same manner. It was so small it would not have fit my 10 yo. I asked him not to put it in the wash before he started the laundry. He forgot. I think what he really meant was “ I can’t be arsed to sift through the laundry for your special things”.

We made a trade. I take care of the laundry and he loads and empties the dishwasher. At least he can’t shrink cutlery or glass.

Has he offered to help you track some down? Second hand, stock surplus etc? A completely different but similar pair? Getting a pair made by someone for you?

My DH did something similar many moons ago. He was apologetic. I asked him how he managed to do it. He got angry becasue I was asking him something he couln't answer. I explained that if I knew what he had been thinking, what he had and had not considered I could at least explain to him why it went wrong. After a lot of shouting he did eventually say that he hadn't been thinking anything other than "bunch of clothes --> machine"

His solution was that he would never wash anything of mine again.

My solution was that he washed EVERYTHING of mine and god help him if he ruined anything else.

He has never made either mistake again - not thinking or ruining my clothes!

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

Does he wash his own clothes in this cack-handed way? Or is it just yours he doesn't care enough about?

It’s his own as well- but his working from home wardrobe can all be tumble dried, and even if he wrecked something it wouldn’t be the end of the world as it would be from Primark, Gap etc and could be easily replaced.

He’s very apologetic but said that he just didn’t know they couldn’t be put in the drier. It took all my might not to bellow “READ THE FUCKING INSTRUCTIONS ON THE TAG THEN!!!!”, as if by virtue of me having a vagina means I just magically sense what can and can’t be tumble dried.

That is such a shame! Very sorry for your dungaree loss!

Depends how often this kind of thing happens. Is he generally a can't-be-arsed person, or does he try to get things right? We all have bad days, and I accidentally shrunk my own trousers once. Not because I didn't care about them, just because I made a stupid mistake / was distracted etc.
If he's apologised, you absolutely need to forgive him for this particular incident. Then, if it's symbolic of a bigger problem, tackle that.

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

Does he wash his own clothes in this cack-handed way? Or is it just yours he doesn't care enough about?

And I suppose you've never had a washing accident?

I sympathise with you OP, I have lost several items the same way, even when I've put hand wash items out of the way he somehow finds them and chucks them in willy nilly😫.

I do think your DH should at least offer to replace them with something similar of your choosing. That's what I'd do if I ruined something belonging to someone else, accident or not.

And I suppose you've never had a washing accident? My DH asked me this. And I can honestly say no. I never have. And I started washing clothes when I was about 12 or 13.

I have never shrunk, stained, dyed pink, wrecked or in any way ruined any clothing in a washing machine or tumble dryer.

I put dh jumpers on the 40 degree wool wash last week. They shrank a bit. I don t think I would have made that mistake with mine. In my defence they had been in the laundry basket for about a month and he CBA to do them himself.

YANBU, I'd be extremely pissed off, too.

DP is also a very intelligent man and pulls his weight around the house but laundry is one thing he doesn't do terribly well.

We went through a phase when DS was born where he'd throw white baby clothes in with his dark jeans, jumpers etc. All of his clothes were turning grey! He said what's the problem, they're clean?! 😱

So now it's an unwritten rule that I do the laundry. I saw him emptying the laundry basket into the washing machine yesterday and eyed him. A few minutes later, he said do you want to check the laundry So check the laundry, I did!

In fairness to him, we both have strengths and weaknesses. I'm bloody terrible at getting grease from food off the Tupperware boxes and he does a much better job at cleaning the bathroom than I do, so I'm happy to have our "own" jobs.

@CuriousaboutSamphire

And I suppose you've never had a washing accident? My DH asked me this. And I can honestly say no. I never have. And I started washing clothes when I was about 12 or 13.

I have never shrunk, stained, dyed pink, wrecked or in any way ruined any clothing in a washing machine or tumble dryer.

Same. I've never knackered anything up in the wash, either.

Now I bet I'll shrink something next week!

I seem to be in the minority, but I don't think it is reasonable to assume that every clothing label will be read before washing and drying.

In my house we share the washing responsibility and have a rule of if it's in the laundry basket there is no special care required, if it is not in the laundry basket then we deal with those items separately as they need treatment. We don't pick up random items off the floor as we assume they have not been put into the main basket for a reason. This works for us.

Of course you will be gutted you have lost an item of clothing you love, but unless you specifically told him to take care with it which he ignored, or he has form for being careless which you have pulled him up on it a lot then I think you would be unfair to take it out on him. Mistakes happen and we have all messed up at some point.

Shrink his favourite sweater. Put it back in the closet/ drawer - say nothing

@SilverOtter

I sympathise with you OP, I have lost several items the same way, even when I've put hand wash items out of the way he somehow finds them and chucks them in willy nilly😫.

I do think your DH should at least offer to replace them with something similar of your choosing. That's what I'd do if I ruined something belonging to someone else, accident or not.

In fairness to him, he absolutely will try and rectify it if he can. He’s upstairs googling “how to unshrink clothes” as I mope.

It’s just the carelessness and the “ah sure it’ll grand” element of it- if it was an actual accident I could be more pragmatic but the fact it’s so avoidable makes me really frustrated.

Are they actually cord or do they just look like cord, as cord doesn’t shrink at high temperatures/in the tumbler. Proper cord should be treated as proper denim, can handle hot washed and tumbling.

I've often knackered things in the wash. It's not a man thing.

unless you specifically told him to take care with it

Does the average woman have to be told to take care of certain items of clothing when they do a wash? Not in my experience. When I put a wash on, I check the care labels myself. That's what adults do.

The standards we set for men are shockingly low if we think they can't be expected to do basic tasks without detailed instructions and supervision.

Have you looked on ebay? Not sure what size you need but there are some pink ones on there and lots of other colours too. Maybe DH can buy you two pairs to make up foe the shock

@SummaLuvin

I seem to be in the minority, but I don't think it is reasonable to assume that every clothing label will be read before washing and drying.

In my house we share the washing responsibility and have a rule of if it's in the laundry basket there is no special care required, if it is not in the laundry basket then we deal with those items separately as they need treatment. We don't pick up random items off the floor as we assume they have not been put into the main basket for a reason. This works for us.

Of course you will be gutted you have lost an item of clothing you love, but unless you specifically told him to take care with it which he ignored, or he has form for being careless which you have pulled him up on it a lot then I think you would be unfair to take it out on him. Mistakes happen and we have all messed up at some point.

So you do read the bales just do it beforehand and make the decision prior to popping clothes into the washing basket!

Like everyone else you will only look once, the first time a garment needs to be washed!

If you read labels though you'll see that there are loads of items that shouldn't go in a tumble dryer but are put in regularly.

I'm sorry. I hope you can find a replacement somehow.

@BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand

unless you specifically told him to take care with it

Does the average woman have to be told to take care of certain items of clothing when they do a wash? Not in my experience. When I put a wash on, I check the care labels myself. That's what adults do.

The standards we set for men are shockingly low if we think they can't be expected to do basic tasks without detailed instructions and supervision.

You’ve just summed up why I’m so annoyed.

Similar to other posters, I’ve never had a laundry disaster.

It’s the double standard- if I didn’t know how to wash something, I’d read the label or err on the side of caution and put in on a delicate cycle or dry it on the radiator.

I wouldn’t play Russian roulette, although an exceptionally low stakes version, by bucking it in with the normal stuff and hoping for the best.

I doubt if its these as they don't look especially adorable to my fashion-blind eye, but he could also start scouring ebay? www.ebay.co.uk/itm/303998377265?chn=ps&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=7101533165274578&mkcid=2&itemid=303998377265&targetid=4585169652812019&device=m&mktype=&googleloc=&poi=&campaignid=412354547&mkgroupid=1305120599331881&rlsatarget=pla-4585169652812019&abcId=9300541&merchantid=87779&msclkid=07ee9b89617611cdaa2cfb22a7eeb18b

DH turned my best-fitting white t-shirt grey recently. I forgave him when two new ones arrived in the post for me - right shape, right size, right fit