DH and Laundry Accident

[TerribleCustomerCervix]

I feel very silly for being so upset about this.

DH pulls his weight round the house, but can be really careless and a bit of a Half a Job Bob at times.

I was emptying the dryer and found my favourite item of clothing in a crinkly ball amongst all the kids stuff.

A dusky pink pair of Lucy and Yak cord dungarees- I fucking love them. They make me feel cool and fashionable and I just feel great in them.

I tried them on once I’d managed to uncrinkle them and it was like trying to step into a condom. They’re out of stock so I can’t replace them.

I’m so (unreasonably?) upset at DH. He’s in a senior management position, smart and capable but somehow won’t or can’t follow washing instructions? He’s very apologetic but I’m fucking RAGING. I know it’s just “stuff” but it’s even the fact that the little 1950s housewife in the back of my brain is saying “Ah sure, at least he’s trying to help.”

RIP dungarees

@Thevoiceofreason2021

Shrink his favourite sweater. Put it back in the closet/ drawer - say nothing

Oh yes please do this.....

@AgentJohnson

I don’t read labels, I do not have the time and can’t be arsed. Everything is sorted by colour, delicates in a separate bag and that’s it. I don’t tumble dry my clothes because It knackers them quicker and makes them a bugger to iron. The dryer is exclusively for towels, face masks and ‘I’ve got PE in three hours and I need my...’ items.

I feel your pain, rage away and then let it go, it was an accident.

Totally my approach to washing!!!!

He made a genuine mistake, it’s a material possession, not worth arguing over.

I think you are justified in feeling really cross about this op. It's so hard finding pieces of clothing that you love and that make you feel good.

Everyone is saying this is an "accident" but a pair of adult female dungarees is quite different in size to a children's pair.

And you don't have to check every label, you just err on the side of caution if in doubt.

Men are given so much leeway and we have such a low bar in terms of what we expect them to do and how they do it. They have us over a barrel with it.

My DH, who has a very demanding professional job, is apparently incapable of putting any item of equipment, such as a hoover, floor cleaner, ladder, extension lead, away once he's used it. I have had stand offs with him for weeks with the floor cleaning machine in the middle of the sitting room. He still ruddy well does it though. And he responds with very negative body language and an eye roll if I say anything, like a sulky teenager saying "I've done the task badly what more do you want?

Op I'd be asking him to hand over the cost of "two* replacement pairs from eBay and a shopping trip to buy a new item that makes you feel equally good. Natural consequences!

He has apologised, so it's done now.Men are not usually bothered about the art of washing clothes, and the drying of them.

You can unshrink some materials, a dilute borax solution and some towels for stuffing will unshrink cashmere, cotton can generally be unshrunk by soaking in dilute fabric softener for an hour or so. I haven’t tried the cotton one but I can confirm the cashmere one works.

Far out! Filing this useful factoid away in my brain. Thank you, SimonJT!

My DH put all my bras on a hot wash and tumble dry. I was bloody annoyed but not as upset as him when I counted out the cost to him per bra. $50ea. I had put them in a bra bag as always but he just didn't magically know what that meant. Not that he bloody asked. Now he takes them out of the bra bag and reshapes and hangs them to dry. All he had to do was use his eyes or words.

I feel your pain, OP. My DH tumble dried my L&Y sunflower dungarees the other day. Fortunately, they were the ones without elastane, so they weren't too badly affected, but I have explicitly told him to just not wash my dungarees, ever, and I have no idea why he chose to ignore it, except for that I suspect it proves my theory that he bungs everything into the washing machine totally indiscriminately with no idea what he's picked up at all. I may not check every washing label, but I do tend to keep an eye on what's actually being put in the machine. I think he just inherently care about clothes, though, whereas I do, so it just doesn't occur to him that it would be anything more than a mild inconvenience if something gets ruined. It does explain why all our white towels and t-shirts are grey, though.

I generally use a separate laundry basket for things like my dungarees that I don't want him to ruin (obviously not a perfect system because the sunflowers did end up in front of the machine rather than in the basket!) it's frustrating that that's a measure we have to take, when I know on sight which of his things need careful washing, but it does save arguments in this house. Glad the fabric conditioner worked, anyway!

@1forAll74

He has apologised, so it's done now.Men are not usually bothered about the art of washing clothes, and the drying of them.

And yes that's partly because they don't have to , as their clothes are manufactured in decent, good quality, washable fabrics.

I didn't read all of the replies yet but just wanted to say it might help to realize that this is not necessarily because he's a man and therefore thinks all that is really your job and etc. I know plenty of women who are not very thorough or careful with laundry, cleaning, cooking, shopping and all the rest.

Since he does seem to care that you're unhappy about this, maybe he'll pay more attention in the future. Or maybe you could have some "laundry lessons," doing a few loads with him and talking him through it. After all, we all had to learn all those little details somewhere. Sorry your great pair of pants got ruined. :(

OP, I'm glad you saved them.
I agree that as a society we seem to have lower standards for men in terms of housework.
Having said that, I probably would put dungarees in the dryer as I wouldn't have thought they can be a delicate item. I don't know much about fashion so that's probably why. So on this occasion I'd cut him some slack.
Anyway now the problem is solved and hopefully he'll read labels in the future

@unwuthering

You can unshrink some materials, a dilute borax solution and some towels for stuffing will unshrink cashmere, cotton can generally be unshrunk by soaking in dilute fabric softener for an hour or so. I haven’t tried the cotton one but I can confirm the cashmere one works.

Far out! Filing this useful factoid away in my brain. Thank you, SimonJT!

You’re welcome, I’m very rarely useful to anyone 😂

I’m really glad you’ve unshrunk your dungarees.

All those people who don’t have time or can’t be bothered to read laundry labels - doesn’t it take you more time to replace the stuff that you wreck when you don’t? It’s possible that people who don’t read labels only wear casual things that can be washed on a hot wash and tumble dried I suppose - but presumably they have some smart stuff.

If you washed a nice wool jumper, a couple of work dresses and some trousers on a hot wash, you’d end up ruining £200 or £300 worth of clothes. It’s the financial equivalent of randomly reversing your car into lampposts.

A few years ago a poster came on to say that she had some nice underwear but her husband always wrecked it by washing it hot. It was in a separate bag / box but he would dig it out. I was quite surprised at how many people said she was unreasonable for having nice underwear and should have bought knickers in a multipack so it wouldn’t matter.

I think I’m rubbish with laundry because I put pretty much everything in the dryer and my Lucy Yak’s always go in, I’ve never thought twice about it. I have a cord pinafore dress from them and it’s fine after the dryer.

Not the point here I know ,but what about trying Ebay? They often have things that are out of stock new ,or sometimes used .Maybe do anything special separately in future .

I'd be annoyed too but I think keeping clothes separate is a good idea. They're so personal and the other person can't always be expected to know exactly what to do with other people's clothes. Not just a man thing - my husband has had a go at me for tumble drying clothes of his that he doesn't want tumble dried even though technically the label says they can be. We do laundry separately now and I think that's the best way. I do mine and the DCs and he sorts his and no arguments and no annoying questions about "where's my " "have you seen" etc.

My DH did this. Over and over again. He also tries on the gormless 'I was trying to help'... no fucking excuse. It's written on the clothes in plain bloody English and if you have a damn you would have read the label.

The first few times I was nice about it, but as it went on it I was angry at the disrespect he was showing my belongings. I don't have a lot of nice clothes, those that I have are important to me and I don't want to lose them.

Strategic incompetence.

Eventually, as he planned, I banned him from the laundry entirely.

However, as he failed to plan, I said in exchange for me doing all the laundry- from now on he would be solely responsible for cleaning the kitchen every night.

@FortunesFave

See, even the Googling of "How to unshrink clothes" would make me enraged. It's something a 9 year old would Google. Surely he must know that can't be done!?

I shrunk a dress once and managed to unshrink it by rewashing it and pulling it slightly into the size it should be.

@DifferentHair

My DH did this. Over and over again. He also tries on the gormless 'I was trying to help'... no fucking excuse. It's written on the clothes in plain bloody English and if you have a damn you would have read the label.

The first few times I was nice about it, but as it went on it I was angry at the disrespect he was showing my belongings. I don't have a lot of nice clothes, those that I have are important to me and I don't want to lose them.

Strategic incompetence.

Eventually, as he planned, I banned him from the laundry entirely.

However, as he failed to plan, I said in exchange for me doing all the laundry- from now on he would be solely responsible for cleaning the kitchen every night.

You see, once would be forgivable but over and over again is ridiculous. Did you actually add up how much money he had wasted in wrecking clothes?

Does he actually clean the kitchen or is that also a poorly done job?

@TerribleCustomerCervix

Hurrah for the reprieve to your dungarees!!

I'm an average woman. I've made loads of washing errors.
My mums shrunk some of my nicer things before as well, I don't think its because he's a man this happened.
These things happen🤷🏻‍♀️yes, it was avoidable but most accidents are