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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if there's something you don't want your kid to eat you say when asked not bitch about it later.

356 replies

BeansOnToast56 · 23/05/2021 19:34

So today I looked after my brothers girlfriends daughter for the day as she was working and her child care fell through. She is a relatively new girlfriend of about 9 months but due to covid I haven't really spent much time with her or her daughter but my brother is happy so that's ok with me. My dd is a year younger so it was no skin off my nose to have her here for the day, the girls played nicely and entertained each other. I asked her mum when she dropped her off if she had any allergies, things she didn't want her to have or things she didn't like, mum said she ate most things. She had lunch and dinner here so mum really should of said if there was things her daughter wasn't allowed to eat. The girls had bagels cream cheese, grapes, carrot sticks for lunch, crisps in the afternoon and chorizo pasta bake for dinner with peas and garlic bread with chocolate ice cream for pudding. Well my brother has rang kicking for because the child is vegetarian and her mum is very upset I didn't respect that, how the bloody hell am I suppose to know this? I asked mum and she didn't say her reply was she eats most things, no mention of her being a vegetarian at all. AIBU on to think this is mums fault and if she didn't say how was I suppose to know, her dd is 7 if that makes any difference and she didn't tell me herself.

OP posts:
KaleSlayer · 24/05/2021 10:15

I asked how on earth I was meant to of known this when I have met her twice and her daughter once before yesterday.

And what was the their answer?

SunnydaleClassProtector99 · 24/05/2021 10:16

I don't disagree. I am super careful to remind people I don't eat meat or dairy.

It doesn't stop them offering though.

And it does result in "they'll tell you" type jokes.

My point is if you expect people to tell you each time to check don't take the piss because they then do so.

melj1213 · 24/05/2021 10:20

My DD has a couple of minor food intolerances - no allergies or life threatening consequences, just things that don't agree with her and make her mildly unwell - and I always make sure to let people know.

My cousin is vegan and so are her children, she makes sure to let people know ahead of time if someone is hosting/looking after her children and she always offers to send them with vegan food/snacks as she knows that not everyone has cupboards full of vegan stuff and some people may not be confident in preparing totally vegan meals because they don't realise what is/isn't vegan. The children also know to tell people if they are offered a snack/meal, especially if they think it contains something non-vegan (eg a "cheese" sandwich that is made with vegan bread, vegan spread, vegan mayo and vegan cheese can look the same as a regular cheese sandwich made with regular bread, dairy spread and cheese and mayo with eggs) to confirm it is vegan.

Howshouldibehave · 24/05/2021 10:21

He asked her if this was true she admitted she never mentioned it as she thought I was already aware

Right, and when you pointed out that you weren’t aware-how the conversation go then? I’m astonished they didn’t say, ‘oh shit, sorry-there’s been a big misunderstanding-we are so sorry!’

Triffid1 · 24/05/2021 10:21

I don't think the DD wants to be veggie! Sort of like DD's best friend who announced he was allergic to cheese once... turns out he just doesn't like cheese but his mum isn't that sympathetic! Grin

AncoraAmarena · 24/05/2021 10:26

@AMillionMilesAway

(Please don't start threads with 'So', which means 'therefore'; you continued, "...should of said if there was things; the 'of' was repeated. You don't have to be highly educated to know that is wrong.)

Well done, you win the grammar prize.
Honestly what do people get out of posts like this?

They honestly don't win the grammar prize with their 'should of'....

SHOULD HAVE. If you're going to be a dick correcting grammar @AMillionMilesAway then get your own grammar right Hmm

AncoraAmarena · 24/05/2021 10:27

@KaleSlayer

I asked how on earth I was meant to of known this when I have met her twice and her daughter once before yesterday.

And what was the their answer?

Yes, I am curious about this too.

You've gone straight into 'I won't be so helpful in the future' without saying what the response to your question was.

saraclara · 24/05/2021 10:28

Just text her and say "I had no idea that you and your DD are vegetarian. It's never been mentioned to me. Of course I wouldn't have dreamed of giving her meat, had I known. I'm very respectful of people's dietary requirements, which is why I always ask before catering for someone, as I did when you dropped her off.
The girls had a lovely time together, and your DD was a pleasure and a credit to you. I hope you're able to put this behind you"

But DON'T say sorry.

AncoraAmarena · 24/05/2021 10:30

@mogsrus

I wonder if the parents scrutinise the ingredients in the child's sweets,assuming she eats them
I expect they do. Most vegetarian or vegan parents are used to checking things like that. Or are you insinuating that she's not a 'proper' vegetarian?
Original poster
BeansOnToast56 · 24/05/2021 10:32

@littlepattilou no this was last night when I rang my brother to confront him. After he asked her if I had asked what the child can and can't eat and she had confirmed I had and that she hadn't mentioned it as I knew THEY were veggie. Sorry if that wasn't clear, bit flustered about the whole situation.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 24/05/2021 10:33

@DeltaFlyer

I would love to know the mindset of the people who voted yabu Hmm The brother and gf are wrong, she could have said something about being vegetarian when you asked. If she thought you already knew then a simple "don't forget - no meat"

At a nursery I worked in it wasnt until the child had been there for 7 months that the mum said no pork products for religious reasons, she was irate. It was dad (not the religious one) that filled out the paperwork so didn't write it down and had put ham sandwich down as a favourite food.

I would love to know the mindset of the people who voted yabu Hmm

Because it's a ridiculously pointless question perhaps?

OhRene · 24/05/2021 10:34

[quote BeansOnToast56]@littlepattilou no this was last night when I rang my brother to confront him. After he asked her if I had asked what the child can and can't eat and she had confirmed I had and that she hadn't mentioned it as I knew THEY were veggie. Sorry if that wasn't clear, bit flustered about the whole situation.[/quote]
So did he apologise then?

Original poster
BeansOnToast56 · 24/05/2021 10:34

There was no apology from her at all she just insisted that I knew THEY were veggie already. I am really at a loss to why she would actually think this tho.

OP posts:
AncoraAmarena · 24/05/2021 10:35

@underneaththeash

1. Children should not be veggie - no matter what is fashionable, children cannot get 5 of their essential amino acids from a veggie diet and it's significantly less with a vegan one.
  1. You were giving up your time for free! They have what you're alreays prepared for dinner, or they b ring something else.
What a complete load of fucking bollocks.

Don't pacify any guilt you feel by eating animals by sharing untrue information. Just own your choice.

toocold54 · 24/05/2021 10:35

I’m glad to got in contact to put your side across properly as you are 100% in the right and it’s not fair they are acting like you’ve purposely have fed her meat.
You seem like a really nice person OP.

KaleSlayer · 24/05/2021 10:36

I expect they do. Most vegetarian or vegan parents are used to checking things like that. Or are you insinuating that she's not a 'proper' vegetarian?

Yes, vegetarians check ingredients, it takes seconds, you don’t need to ‘scrutinise’.
Theres a very negative tone from some posters who clearly have an issue with vegetarians. Some sound almost delighted this has happened. 🙄

toocold54 · 24/05/2021 10:37

Because it's a ridiculously pointless question perhaps?

How does that make OP unreasonable?

SunnydaleClassProtector99 · 24/05/2021 10:37

Every time I sit down to a meal people always insist that the topic of conversation is my vegan diet.

That's the reason I would be surprised if someone claimed that they didn't know.

But it doesn't sound like that could be the case here.

steppemum · 24/05/2021 10:37

@Bibidy

I'd probably just text her and say "Bro has told me you're upset about the dinner I gave your DD the other day, I'm really sorry but I genuinely had no idea she was vegetarian as he hadn't told me and you didn't mention anything when I asked if there was anything she wasn't allowed to eat. I wouldn't have given it to her had I known. Anyway, I am sorry for the mistake and hope to see you all soon."

Breaks the ice but also blames her LOL.

Hmm, that pretty much says it is OPs fault though?
KaleSlayer · 24/05/2021 10:38

There was no apology from her at all she just insisted that I knew THEY were veggie already. I am really at a loss to why she would actually think this tho.

But when you asked ‘how on earth was I meant to know?’..what did they say?

ilovemydogandMrObama · 24/05/2021 10:38

DD1 once invited a boy from her class over - think they were in Y4?

The mum said he was vegetarian, so I got veggie burgers for him and made sure all the other food was vegetarian.

So, he gets here and said he wanted a burger! Grin.

Tried calling the mum and there was no answer.

When his dad picked him up, he couldn't wait to tell him that he had a beef burger...

Now that I think about it, DD1 never got an invite to theirs Grin

WorraLiberty · 24/05/2021 10:40

@toocold54

Because it's a ridiculously pointless question perhaps?

How does that make OP unreasonable?

I'm guessing some people just roll their eyes and click YABU for the sake of it? Just as some OP's start threads asking if they're BU for the sake of it?

I don't know but it seems more likely than them seriously thinking she's being unreasonable?

KaleSlayer · 24/05/2021 10:41

ilovemydogandMrObama

Do you mean you fed a child meat, when they were vegetarian? Or he thought the vege burger was beef burger?

bloodyhell19 · 24/05/2021 10:43

@BeansOnToast56

There was no apology from her at all she just insisted that I knew THEY were veggie already. I am really at a loss to why she would actually think this tho.
Because I'd place money on your brother being a vegetarian around her. And now he has to come clean...
HeadNorth · 24/05/2021 10:45

This is turning into a 'ho ho ho, let's laugh at the funny vegetarians raising veggie children, what a hoot to undermine them' thread. Which I suspect may have been the OPs intention.

It is perfectly reasonable for children to be vegetarian and that should be respected. If the OP was not informed the child was vegetarian, then she did nothing wrong. But the predictable decline into all the time posters have hilariously fed a veggie child meat/why raising child vegetarian is wrong is depressing and rendering this thread unreasonable.