To think if there's something you don't want your kid to eat you say when asked not bitch about it later.

[BeansOnToast56]

So today I looked after my brothers girlfriends daughter for the day as she was working and her child care fell through. She is a relatively new girlfriend of about 9 months but due to covid I haven't really spent much time with her or her daughter but my brother is happy so that's ok with me. My dd is a year younger so it was no skin off my nose to have her here for the day, the girls played nicely and entertained each other. I asked her mum when she dropped her off if she had any allergies, things she didn't want her to have or things she didn't like, mum said she ate most things. She had lunch and dinner here so mum really should of said if there was things her daughter wasn't allowed to eat. The girls had bagels cream cheese, grapes, carrot sticks for lunch, crisps in the afternoon and chorizo pasta bake for dinner with peas and garlic bread with chocolate ice cream for pudding. Well my brother has rang kicking for because the child is vegetarian and her mum is very upset I didn't respect that, how the bloody hell am I suppose to know this? I asked mum and she didn't say her reply was she eats most things, no mention of her being a vegetarian at all. AIBU on to think this is mums fault and if she didn't say how was I suppose to know, her dd is 7 if that makes any difference and she didn't tell me herself.

She used the term "they are veggie." Does that imply her and the child or all three of them? Hopefully we can sort this out add I have a feeling she might be around a while, really don't want years and years of resentment because of this.

Even if the girlfriend was under the impression that your brother had told you, or she had previously told you, why the hell wouldn’t she reiterate it when specifically asked. If your dietary preferences are that important you would make this clear when directly asked, especially if it’s about your child who maybe wouldn’t speak up.

I forgot to mention it? ‘ is there anything your child doesn’t eat’ oh yeah, forgot to mention meat! I very much doubt it if it means that much to her!

At 7, the kid knew what they were eating
I thought so too. My dd absolutely refused to anything fishy or sea food, even fish fingers. If we passed the fish counter, she’d sprint away.

So I couldn’t believe when she spent the day at a friend around that age, the mum made a tuna bake and she Sadie my daughter had had two portions of it.

In the car, I asked my dd if she’d like the dish and she said she’d loved it! The face she made when I told her. She insisted it tasted nothing like fish.

Of course YANBU. You gave her the perfect opportunity to tell you but she didn’t. If vegetarianism was so important to her, she’d have made sure you knew. My eldest DC is vegetarian and I’d always tell someone that to make them aware, tbf he’d have told them himself at that age but perhaps her DD wasn’t aware because her Mum uses fake meat and she possibly figured it was that?

Anyway, you aren’t at fault.

YABU to ask if YABU 🙂
You generously provided free childcare and fed the child. Perhaps she didn't know what chorizo is but I'd say she's old enough to ask/say she doesn't eat meat.
I wouldn't offer again and agree they should apologise to you

And I'm going to try that recipe too.

Even if the girlfriend was under the impression that your brother had told you, or she had previously told you, why the hell wouldn’t she reiterate it when specifically asked
As said, she might have been embarrassed. She might have asked her boyfriend to call OP to clarify but he forgot and he’s decided to put the blame on OP rather than acknowledging it. It wouldn’t be first time a brother tries to pass the blame on his sister!

@waitingforthenextseason

A 7 year old is in Year 2 or 3 at school and will know fine well if they're vegetarian when ordering school dinners.

Entirely not your fault, OP.

Yes but she didn't order this. She was served it and it wasn't obviously meat. Children tend to trust adults they're left in the care of so would have assumed it was ok to eat. She might not have even known what chorizo was if she'd been told it was 'chorizo pasta' as it's not something she normally eats

This is 100% on her mum. She was given the promoted opportunity to say she was vegetarian and if she didn't think about it (I don't always as I've been veggie 30+ years it's just normal to me) then it's a mistake the mum made.

Not the child's fault & not the OP's fault.

@underneaththeash

1. Children should not be veggie - no matter what is fashionable, children cannot get 5 of their essential amino acids from a veggie diet and it's significantly less with a vegan one.

1. You were giving up your time for free! They have what you're alreays prepared for dinner, or they b ring something else.

Total crap

[quote underneaththeash]@cabingirl why would you do that - she had no idea and the mum is feeding her child nutritionally substandard food.[/quote]
Stop spouting such ignorant clap trap FGS

Agree with all the other posters, it's obviously the mum's mistake. She made an assumption and now she is blaming you for it, which is not fair at all.

Really if you care that much why would you not say, just to make doubly sure? Especially when directly asked if there are any dietary requirements It's totally not on that she is blaming you for it when she neglected to mention it.

@Maggiesfarm

You've done nothing wrong, on the contrary you did everything right! The child's mother should have told you and didn"t. Hardly your fault. It sounds as though she ate well.

Seven is a bit young to espouse vegetarianism, unless you are a Hindu or something.

(Please don't start threads with 'So', which means 'therefore'; you continued, "...should of said if there was things; the 'of' was repeated. You don't have to be highly educated to know that is wrong.)

You might want to learn some manners.

Well done for continuing the conversation OP. It would have been easier to disengage but much better not to.

I'm so enjoying the grammar discussion - brilliant posts from @pallisers , @SoupDragon and others. Surely @Maggiesfarm 's post was tongue in cheek though. Come on, being that condescending about grammar and write "should of" in the same sentence... it's got to be a joke.

@ResIpsaLoquiturInterAlia

In this scenario the child’s mother is at fault especially as you proactively asked her in advance. Arguably a seven year old may be mature enough to had said something but as she did not and importantly enjoyed non vegetarian food, may suggest she is in fact more flexible when faced with foods including meat. I would imagine a true vegetarian may not have happily eaten meat or at least question something different even at seven. In any case it is also arguably astonishing why a child is necessarily vegetarian if no allergies as who decided initially? Can a child be born to be selective or dismiss certain food groups? Surely one should be open to trying all foods and then delete those with allergies and at a later stage when independent decide what you consume unless it is one of those strict religious requirements with no choice. If the latter then again the mother has omitted to appropriately confirm when asked.

We ALL choose the food we want to feed our children. We don't need 'religion' to give us permission. My choice not to feed dead animals is no less valid than yours to feed your children dead animals.

I wonder if the parents scrutinise the ingredients in the child's sweets,assuming she eats them

Children should not be veggie - no matter what is fashionable, children cannot get 5 of their essential amino acids from a veggie diet and it's significantly less with a vegan one

@underneaththeash I don't know where you got this information but it's utter nonsense. Children can get everything they need from a vegetarian diet.

I probably wouldn't feed a child a vegetarian diet, I would give them a range of everything and let them make up their mind when they got older.

However, that's purely a personal choice, and not because they wouldn't get what they need from a vegetarian diet. It's actually a very healthy, and more environmentally friendly, lifestyle choice.

I'd probably just text her and say "Bro has told me you're upset about the dinner I gave your DD the other day, I'm really sorry but I genuinely had no idea she was vegetarian as he hadn't told me and you didn't mention anything when I asked if there was anything she wasn't allowed to eat. I wouldn't have given it to her had I known. Anyway, I am sorry for the mistake and hope to see you all soon."

Breaks the ice but also blames her LOL.

Oooh I could eat some chorizo pasta bake about now OP.

She is bonkers. As you were.

@BeansOnToast56

She used the term "they are veggie." Does that imply her and the child or all three of them? Hopefully we can sort this out add I have a feeling she might be around a while, really don't want years and years of resentment because of this.

Well it can be sorted out if and when she and your brother apologise to you. Otherwise I wouldnt be in a hurry to see her again. If you do have her number I'd send a text asking her how on earth she could have assumed you knew her child was vegetarian, especially after you specifically asked if there were things she didn't eat. That was the point she should have said 'meat'. I just wouldn't want your brother to relay messages from you in case he's not relaying the truth. Maybe he was supposed to tell you at some point and he's just laying the blame at your door.

@BeansOnToast56

She used the term "they are veggie." Does that imply her and the child or all three of them? Hopefully we can sort this out add I have a feeling she might be around a while, really don't want years and years of resentment because of this.

@BeansOnToast56 Wait, she said they are veggie when dropping the child off?

Have you messaged your brother to say I think you owe me an apology? Having not only done you a favour but been yelled at for no good reason, I am starting to strongly regret ever doing you a favour and decide never to do again?

For all the people saying Mum should have reminded people she thought knew she and little one were veggie again.

That's fine.

But please remember that next time you make a 'How do you know someone's vegan/veggie- they'll tell you' type joke.

Because otherwise we can't win.

For the record my other half always has to remind me chorizo is meat. I've never had it and sometimes think it's a chilli or something.

@Ohpulltheotherone

Sorry OP but this has made me laugh.

I’m vegetarian and so are my kids but she’s been ridiculous.

She didn’t tell you when you specifically asked so she is 100% to blame. Absolutely 100%.

I would leave it for a while then ask DB for your apology.

Absolutely cheeky bint.

So funny that the girl had 2nd helping too.

God a bit of chorizo once in her life isn’t going to do any damage.

I was veggie for years before my dad admitted that Scotch eggs had sausage in them - we always had them in our Sunday supper.

Scotch eggs fooled me too! School dinners, the veggie option was "salad bar". It was lettuce and tomato, nothing of any substance aside from the scotch eggs. As salad bar was listed as the veggie option, I assumed everything there would be veggie. A simple mistake made more embarrassing by the fact that lower down the school we had made scotch eggs from scratch so I should have known they were sausage meat!

@SunnydaleClassProtector99

For all the people saying Mum should have reminded people she thought knew she and little one were veggie again.

That's fine.

But please remember that next time you make a 'How do you know someone's vegan/veggie- they'll tell you' type joke.

Because otherwise we can't win.

For the record my other half always has to remind me chorizo is meat. I've never had it and sometimes think it's a chilli or something.

In fairness though she has only met OP twice and never eaten with her so why would she think that OP already knew?

If someone's looking after your child for the first time ever and you're specifically asked about their diet, you'd at least say "apart from being veggie, she eats most things".

What a silly bitch - imagine!

Has she actually complained though or has she told your brother horrified that DD ate meat and she assumed you knew and your brother has called you without her knowledge? If she’s anyway half normal she will be mortified when she finds out.