To think if there's something you don't want your kid to eat you say when asked not bitch about it later.

[BeansOnToast56]

So today I looked after my brothers girlfriends daughter for the day as she was working and her child care fell through. She is a relatively new girlfriend of about 9 months but due to covid I haven't really spent much time with her or her daughter but my brother is happy so that's ok with me. My dd is a year younger so it was no skin off my nose to have her here for the day, the girls played nicely and entertained each other. I asked her mum when she dropped her off if she had any allergies, things she didn't want her to have or things she didn't like, mum said she ate most things. She had lunch and dinner here so mum really should of said if there was things her daughter wasn't allowed to eat. The girls had bagels cream cheese, grapes, carrot sticks for lunch, crisps in the afternoon and chorizo pasta bake for dinner with peas and garlic bread with chocolate ice cream for pudding. Well my brother has rang kicking for because the child is vegetarian and her mum is very upset I didn't respect that, how the bloody hell am I suppose to know this? I asked mum and she didn't say her reply was she eats most things, no mention of her being a vegetarian at all. AIBU on to think this is mums fault and if she didn't say how was I suppose to know, her dd is 7 if that makes any difference and she didn't tell me herself.

So is your brother going to remind her that you did ask regarding what her DD can/can't eat and that she didn't tell you? I'd be tempted to do it myself otherwise.

Tell your brother you're angry he kicked off for no good reason and you expect both of them to apologise.

@underneaththeash

1. Children should not be veggie - no matter what is fashionable, children cannot get 5 of their essential amino acids from a veggie diet and it's significantly less with a vegan one.

1. You were giving up your time for free! They have what you're alreays prepared for dinner, or they b ring something else.

@underneaththeash

Please don't spread misinformation - your first point is quite simply untrue

vegsoc.org/info-hub/health-and-nutrition/protein/

No good deed goes unpunished. It's madness not to tell you you didn't eat meat when asked if there was anything she couldn't eat . I wouldn't apologise

Don't apologise, you need to be saying to your brother you are awaiting an apology. They didn't mention the child being vegetarian and have also failed to remember you were doing them a massive favour in the first place. Next time their childcare fell through I would not be offering to help. They are incredibly ungrateful.

If the mother forgot to mention she’s vegetarian, she’s not a vegetarian. Not known one that would forget to mention they don’t eat meat when talking about food.

She sounds bonkers and completely ungrateful for the free childcare you kindly provided. It was completely on her to tell you about the child being veggie.

I’m definitely going to try that recipe - my kids will love it.

You don't need to apologise to anyone. A bit of chorizo won't kill her. Maybe next time the gf needs emergency childcare she will remember to tell the unfortunate mug that her DD is veggie.

DH and I are veggie and plan to raise our DC that way until they are of an age to make an informed choice.

'She is veggie' is the first thing I would tell anyone looking after my young child if I was bothered enough to want them to not eat meat, which I assume the mother in question was, given her reaction.

Tbh at 7 the child is old enough to tell people herself. I went to primary school with kids with dietary requirements, halal, veggie, vegan and food allergies. By year 3 these kids were well versed in 'yes, I can eat that' and 'no thank-you, I can't eat that'. I joined the school in year 3 and had them all at a birthday party so saw it first hand.

You have done nothing wrong OP. If it was that important, the mother should have mentioned it. She didn't mention it, nor did the child, so you had no way of knowing. They should be thanking you for providing childcare at short notice.

Perfectly simple answer to this one.

Your tool of a brother does any last minute childcare from now on then there's no chance of getting it wrong.

The mother has decided for her daughter that she is vegetarian. The daughter is exercising some autonomy and eating how she wants to. We hear of children deciding to be vegetarian and this one has decided not to be. You are owed a grovelling apology and fulsome gratitude. And could we have the pasta recipe, please?!

You don't have to be highly educated to know that is wrong

Scarlet for you. It's perfectly acceptable to start a sentence with "so", and it doesn't mean therefore (at least, much of the time). Not very highly educated at all, clearly. Neither in grammar or etiquette....you probably bore people at parties at split infinitives as well (wrongly).

Don't apologise, you need to be saying to your brother you are awaiting an apology. They didn't mention the child being vegetarian and have also failed to remember you were doing them a massive favour in the first place. Next time their childcare fell through I would not be offering to help. They are incredibly ungrateful

Absolutely this.
You are owed an apology.
They did not tell you the child was vegetarian. They said the child will eat anything and no specific dietary requirements.

If the mother simply assumed that everyone knows they are vegetarian then she should learn from this and remind people beforehand.

But I am also interested to know, several people have asked, what did your brother say when you told him that his GF had not told you her daughter was vegetarian?
Or did you just let him have a go at you without responding to him?

The idea that a mum whose child is vegetarian and has an issue with her eating meat would not mention it of her own accord, let alone when asked if there’s anything the child shouldn’t eat is ludicrous.

Surely there’s been a misunderstanding. Maybe she mentioned it when you were out of earshot, or maybe she was embarrassed so asked your brother to call you to let you know and he forgot?

At 7, the kid knew what they were eating. 4 year olds with intolerances and allergies tend to be worded up and ask questions. My nephew at 7, with a veto single mother who doesn’t feed him meat (but doesn’t mind if other people do) has more knowledge of and opinions on meat than most 7 year olds I know. Mum may want her to be veggie but she isn’t.

Also if you wanted to keep the peace I suppose you could offer a non-apology “I’m sorry you were upset you forgot to mention not to feed her meat. It won’t happen again (because I won’t be babysitting again you crazy lady)

The idea that a mum whose child is vegetarian and has an issue with her eating meat would not mention it of her own accord, let alone when asked if there’s anything the child shouldn’t eat is ludicrous.

Yep. Something weird about this thread. 🤔

Even if she has told the Op-why assume the Op has remembered?

Did the little girl know what was in the pasta bake before she ate it?

If the mum thought Op knew then the little girl might have thought that she didn't have to ask about everything?

Of course the little girl might not be bothered either way.

Perhaps your brother is vegetarian when with his gf Op?

Either way if it is so important either to the mother or the little girl I think it should have been mentioned.

There was also of course no need for your brother to ring "kicking".

I knew as I read it what it would be... my child is also vegetrian.

A 7 year old should be old enough to mention it themselves though, I dont bother mentioning allergies though as its a protien most people have never even heard of and being vegetarian fixes 99% of the risk.

That said the amount of people that still dont understand the term vegetarian is obnoxiously high.

When I was looking at wedding venues I even had one argue with me that vegetarians eat fish and wouldnt accept they where wrong (they had no veggie option) and there have been times I have been very clear on being vegetarian only to then be serve chicken or ham etc... because 'well I heard (insert meat/animal) doesnt count right?' (of course it bloody does).

The girlfriend forgot to mention it and is now covering her arse. Your brother got caught out looking like an idiot for defending her when she hadn't told you, and is covering his arse to avoid losing face.
They're both tits.
Like fuck should you apologise. Ask him to explain how you were expected to know she was vegetarian.

To those on this thread correcting grammar, please try not to detail the thread. It's irrelevant. The OP is clearly upset about this and you aren't helping. If it bothers you so much that she used a "so" why not get yourself a job as an English teacher in RL. Move on

She's a vegetarian @ 7 so guessing that's been foisted on her by the parent,doubt if that's her own doing, they should have made you aware at the time,it's their responsibility,not yours. Betting she ate everything ? Did she come to any harm?next time,tell them to stuff it

@Splann

My brother is not veggie, he had a bacon sandwich here last week on his way home after a night shift

Do you think his GF perhaps thinks otherwise? Which might explain why she didn’t mention being vegetarian as surely you would know, with your brother being such a devout veggie

Agreed. I would make sure to drop my brother right in the shit by mentioning your brother's love of bacon, evidenced by him wolfing down a bacon butty as recently as last week.

Morning all, quick update now I have dropped the kids at school and have 2 minutes spare.

I spoke to my brother again last night as I really wasn't happy with how he treated me for something that wasn't even my fault. I explained that I asked his girlfriend was there anything the child doesn't eat etc etc and that was the perfect opportunity to say she was veggie, she didn't use this opportunity so in my eyes the blame pay a firmly at her door. He asked her if this was true she admitted she never mentioned it as she thought I was already aware they were veggies. I asked how on earth I was meant to of known this when I have met her twice and her daughter once before yesterday. First time just her briefly for less than 5 minutes exchanging Xmas gifts with my brother on the door step and then 2 weeks ago we met all 3 of them for just over an hour at the park. At no point during these meet ups did we eat anything or discuss or diets, I am not a mind reader or a spiteful person that would give a child something they weren't allowed to eat for the sake of doing it. So god knows how or why she would think I knew this info unless my brother claims to be veggie when with her but really eats meat? I am 100% not going to appologise and I won't be rushing to help them out again in a hurry, which is a shame as the kids had a great day yesterday.

Yanbu

I wonder if your brother is supposed to be following a veggie diet too and that she thought you'd know that their household was veggie.

The mum and him should have told you (I'm surprised that the girl did not but she doesn't know you or your dd well so might not have had the confidence or known what chorizo was)

It’s not you fault at all, OP. To me, it sounds like a breakdown in communications. I’d assume that the girlfriend thought your brother had told you, and that your questions about food likes/dislikes, intolerances, etc, were being asked on top of your knowledge from your brother that the child was vegetarian.

Love the silly little digs here at veggies though 🙄 And no, not all children of that age would realise chorizo was a dead pig. They’d either assume it was a veggie version or not even connect the two things: chorizo and pig. When my DD was 6 and veggie, a school friend of hers said to me incredulously “Do you know some people eat animals ?” I was a bit surprised at this because I knew the child wasn’t vegetarian, but her mum said the little girl simply didn’t connect meat with animals, and had said a similar thing to her one day when she was stuffing a chicken for lunch!!